I could have sobbed. Truth be told, I did sob, just a little.

It was worth it. Maybe not from a moralistic point of view or whatever, but it was worth it to me.

Adrian Flinn

Strength: 2 (-3)

Reflexes: 6 (-14)

Acuity: 20

Physique: 4 (-1)

Recovery: 3

Stamina: 3 (-2)

Soul: 10 → 15

Adaptability: 10 → 15

Tolerance: 10 → 15

Cognition: 10 → 15

Essence: 10 → 16 (+25)

Mind Synchronicity: Reluctant Symphony

Body Synchronicity: Blooming Acceptance → Sharpening Harmony

Shadow Runner Package:

Clairvoyance 2 (99/100)

Programming 1 (99/100)

Movement 2 (0/100)

Quickhacks 1 (67/100) → Quickhacks 1 (69/100)

Assault 2 (21/100) → Assault 2 (24/100)

Tongue of The Ravening Observer

Unseen Stalker Package:

Stealth 1 (84/100)

Tracking 2 (62/100)

Focus 0 (28/100) → Focus 1 (58/100)

Grace 2 (12/100)

Faultline 0 (31/100) → Faultline 0 (42/100)

My Essence had climbed higher. Considerably. Sure, I'd apparently used up nine or even all ten of my original Essence points to transform Oliwia into a failed shadow before having my snack. But my total had now risen well beyond what I could have achieved with the exercises, even if I'd managed to get them to work.

Besides, now that I was focusing on my body, I could feel it.

There was a gentle trickle of Essence seeping in through my skin, rolling through me and pooling within that spot close to my navel. If I really paid attention, I could even feel the Essence drifting through the world around me.

It was… both warm and cold. Oppressive and coddling. Maddening and calming. I couldn't properly put it into words, but I was undeniably aware of it.

This gave me hope that I could, eventually, figure out how to draw it in without having to resort to murder!

The smile on my face was a fragile, unhinged thing, but it was there. At least, it was until I remembered how soggy and uneasy I felt.

Not a single bit of me was fully dry except my hands. And my mask, which I stubbornly refused to remove yet. I would once I was out of sight and had Rafe's motorcycle in hand, but not a second sooner. I felt… safe, behind the mask. Less vulnerable to the eyes around me.

Then a spasm of irritation squeezed through my mind, and I found it remarkably easy to shrug off the majority of that unease. Oh, I still felt the eyes on me, but they didn't feel crippling anymore.

"I-I think it worked." Wonder threaded into even my mental voice. "My mental stats have gone up, along with Essence. And it's already easier to deal with the Stalker instincts."

"Fuuuu…" Amelia gave a weary chuckle. "That's good. That's really good! Wonder how much easier it's made it for you to stand me. Since, you know, I'm part eldritch mess as well."

The smile on my lips felt like it was becoming a permanent feature, and I couldn't have held back the startled laugh if I tried. Which I didn't. Soggy or not, I was starting to feel much, much better.

I practically skipped into the smaller alley where I'd hidden Rafe's motorcycle, then started messing around with the chips I'd taken from the man's port.

There were several. And while I could easily set aside the credit chips, the others were a little less distinctive.

Some of my newfound joy died when I realized I'd either have to try them out one by one on myself, or wait until I got back home to test them through my shadow-infested scroll.

Then I had a funny moment of mental whiplash when I realized how truly the word 'home' applied to Amelia's apartment.

I felt safe there. Wanted and liked, even. That wasn't something I'd experienced much since my mother disappeared. The Kittens were torn away from me way too quickly for the HQ to become 'home.'

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Sure, I hadn't known Amelia for very long either, but necessity and shared trauma did wonders.

I pushed all the chips back into my pocket with a sigh. "Distract me? I'm gonna need to push this stupid hunk of metal all the way back to the apartment, and I don't want to be alone with my thoughts for that long."

I made the request sound playful, though the words rang all too true. The images of Rafe and Oliwia were still infesting my head.

Even harder to ignore was the cloying sense of guilt over the murder of a 'fellow' shadow. Which… yeah, was infuriating. Whether I was only one-third human now or not, I still identified as a human! The fact that a shadow's death weighed much more heavily on my conscience pissed me the fuck off.

Or was that all sorts of messed up in itself? Feeling angry over not feeling horrified?

I discovered the unexpected curse of higher mental stats as my inner monologue stretched on and on, far longer than it should have, before Amelia's voice cut into it.

"Of course! What else am I here for, if not distraction?" She was being snarky, but my flagging smile got a second wind just hearing her talk. "Anyway, remember that show we were watching the other day?"

"The one with mercs who are absolutely going to get themselves killed if they keep pushing for 'fame, sex and fortune'?"

"Yep yep, that one. So, I know we didn't finish the show, but apparently they just announced a sequel? Don't know how that's going to work when, uhhh… I mean, spoilers! Anyway, not sure how good it'll be. But if we rest and binge the show for a while, we'll be able to keep up with it from the start? That way we can snark on the episodes as they come out!"

"Sure, that sounds great. I'll need a couple of days to just relax after this shitshow anyway. I want to see if I can start gathering Essence the way you've been doing, too."

"You should. Much safer, and better for my blood pressure. But anyway, yeah. And then there's…"

She kept talking, drawing me into the conversation as she rehashed inane things we'd done or planned to do. It felt better than just nice. It was that mundane element of humanity that I'd found myself missing so much recently.

It did nothing to dull the pain pulsing through my body, though.

I was forcing myself to function in spite of it, sure. But the general violence of my encounter with the lovers had made my right shoulder flare up something fierce. That was to say nothing about the additional damage I'd done to myself during the brief fight.

Most of my back was a mass of pain. My right arm was really more ornamental than functional. I couldn't properly squeeze my hand at all. The throbbing pain had transitioned into an odd kind of numbness halfway down my arm that left my fingers uncomfortably tingly and without feeling.

Honestly, I had to keep glancing at my hand just to confirm it was still attached to me. Using it to grab or touch things without looking directly at it was literally hit-and-miss.

"You know how to access the garage attached to our megabuilding, right?" Amelia suddenly asked.

I had to stop and look around to confirm I was almost back home.

"Hmmm? Yeeees… how hard could it be?"

"Urgh, idiot… I'm coming down. I'll wait for you by the front entrance, okay?"

She cut off the call, and I was left blinking owlishly at the sudden sense of loneliness. It was hilariously sad and pathetic. But without her there chattering away in my head, it became so much harder to continue pushing the motorcycle along.

Seriously! I get that they'd made it sleek and all, but to neglect putting any handles on the fucking thing? I had my left hand awkwardly shoved halfway into the control port and my right 'bracing' the whole motorcycle. It was so profoundly uncomfortable, it almost outdid my busted back.

"There you are!" Amelia exclaimed somewhat loudly when I came into view.

Suddenly, she was rushing at me. I barely had enough time to panic before her arms closed around me.

It was a gentle embrace, though. Like she was afraid I'd shatter if she squeezed too hard. When she pulled back and I gave her a confused look, she just smirked at me.

"I'm a ripper, dummy. I know you've been hurt. I know it's pretty bad. You were glancing at your hands a lot, and I can tell your right one isn't working. No way am I gonna do something stupid like diving at ya for a hug and hurting you worse. Now, hand over that beauty, and let's get to our parking spot. It came with the apartment."

"Thanks. Really. Just… thanks," I muttered quietly.

She stunned me with both a sunny smile and a quick peck on my cheek, suspiciously close to my lips.

That did a lot to motivate me to keep moving. I trailed after her like a lost duckling from those old Terra cartoons while she led us off to the side of the main entrance and down an incline, which eventually ended in a massive underground garage.

Our 'parking space' turned out to be more of a private garage section, complete with large, retractable doors for privacy. It was big enough to fit three cars comfortably, making the motorcycle look kind of pathetic all on its own.

As soon as we had it stashed, Amelia grabbed my left hand and started dragging.

"There's elevators this way. Let's get back to the apartment quickly so I can start fixing you."

"Fixing me? I mean… I know you're a great ripper, but we don't exactly have a lot of stuff back home."

Seriously, the smile she shot me was blinding. "Why thank you, I know I'm great. And while our home doesn't have a ton of stuff, I did get some supplies from Yuri. Besides, I have these amazing hands you helped me unlock."

She lifted her free hand and did a few very subtle shifts with her fingers.

"Y-Yeah, okay… I trust you."

I did. I really did. I just didn't love the idea of what she might be doing to me soon with those hands of hers.

Amelia wasn't one to be easily deterred, though. Much sooner than I would have liked, I found myself trying to position myself comfortably inside the massive bathtub in her bathroom.

"Um… what's going to happen to me now?"

"Now? I'm pulling data from your diagnostic software. And seriously, what the fuck did you do to yourself?! Just look at your stats! Almost all your physical stats are down due to injuries. Seriously, I'm never taking my fucking eyes off you again."

"You had eyes on me."

"I was seeing through your eyes, which are apparently content to overlook horrific injuries. Ugh, why am I even arguing with an idiot? Just… relax. This is going to pinch a little, and then you'll feel a lot better. Relax, you fuck!"

Obviously, I tensed at the warning. That meant the 'pinch' felt more like a brief stab when she jammed something into my shoulder. Still, not even a minute later, relief began to radiate through me as the painkillers did their job.

"Good, good, finally unclenching. Not that I'm judging. You know, I'm way more used to my patients being out cold, even for 'simple' procedures like this. That was sarcasm, by the way. This shit you did to yourself ain't minor."

"Sorry?"

"You will be. Now, since I don't have anything to tie you down, and I don't want to put your lights out for this 'cause I don't have advanced sensors and need your reactions to gauge a few things… uhhh, just stay still?"

"Amelia… you just said a bunch of alarming stuff."

"And you're a reckless idiot. Relax, okay? Trust me!"

I did. Thankfully, when I felt something bite into my shoulder and start slicing me open, the sensations were all muted and largely pain-free.

It was still eerie. At one point, I swear I felt her fingers lengthen and start digging into me. She was also grumbling a lot about idiots and 'torn up muscles' while she worked, and it did take her an hour and a half and two more doses of pain killers to finish. But, eventually, she wrapped up my shoulder and a couple spots on my back, then pulled away with a sigh.

"Okay… I've done all I could. I did a fucking good job, in fact! I'm good enough to get around insufficient equipment with these hands of mine. And you never started going into shock or shit like that. So… yay? You're good as long as you rest?"

I very gingerly turned around. Her smile was warm, yes, but brittle.

"I really am sorry. I'll be much more careful in the future."

"Yes, you will be. I'll make sure of it. It was also a mistake to let you go before your new skeletal system and muscles arrived. We'll both work on our recklessness. For now… let's get you into bed."

To my mild shock, she led me out of the bathroom and directly into her own bed. When I quirked my brow at her, she just flushed and muttered something about her patient needing immediate rest.

As I lay down, though, I used my mostly okay left hand to tug her down onto the bed with me. Very gently, of course. If she'd resisted, I'd have been in a world of pain.

She didn't. She just stared at me, her eyes warm and worried. I couldn't help sighing as I pulled her closer into a kiss.

When she looked at me like that, how in the world was I supposed to avoid drowning in those green orbs?

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