Dear Diary,

On the one hand, I get that eventually, if we all keep having kids, and none of us are ever gonna age out, there won't be enough days in the year for everybody to have their own multi-day celebration of their entry into the world. Shit, that ship has not just sailed, but been launched by one of those fancy Red Bull catapults, what with Marie popping out eight rug rats over the course of two days. No way to handle that without making somebody feel some kinda way except just making sure everybody gets something special from the day. A present, a treat, a memory that they're loved for themselves, not as some kind of interchangeable part.

Yeah, I think I might have some issues regarding this, some leftover trauma from back in the day, but fuck it all, turning trauma around and using it to be a better parent, that's how you break generational trauma. At least I can't think of any other way to do it. Maybe somebody who's a better person than me altogether might be able to, but I sure as fuck can't. Being nice just to be nice isn't part and parcel of who I am. I don't think so, anyhow. I gotta be trying to make something right, make something better. Making the world a better place, so maybe the kids growing up in it will be better people. Smart like Saffron, Thoughtful like Tallulah, Makers like Marie, Sweet like Siobhan. Not fuckups like me.

Hell, maybe I can even give the little hellions in my horde like Isnomi, Alex, and Anise an example of how to use those chaotic gremlin impulses for good. Wouldn't that be a trip, getting the next generation of shit stirrers and rabble rousers making the world a better place rather than just a more chaotic one.

But to do that, I gotta give each and every one of them the best childhood I can. Not because 'I didn't get one'. But because that's what parents are supposed to do, and if I'm gonna bitch about what my mom did and how she did it, I better fuckin' do a better job at it.

Kinda funny; at dinner yesterday Marie showed up with a whole assed selection of cupcakes. Lemon, chocolate, carrot, cornbread, a couple more that I didn't even get to taste, because she didn't want the kids filling up on cake entirely, so there weren't enough for every person to get every kind of cake. Honestly, I shared most of mine, because honestly when I'm not pushing my Divine power or getting myself torn apart, one to two nights of concentrated Worship a night keep me going pretty well. Like Dad said, Worship is the food of the Gods.

I did indeed, and if you are getting rest and not otherwise overexerting or harming yourself, it ought be enough to keep you healthy all on its own.

But I like how food tastes, I whined.

Did you notice how I abstained from the cupcakes?

Uh, no. I remember you sneaking like three of the lemon ones.

Exactly.

Yeah, it took me a minute to catch on. Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

I know.

At any rate, my Murder Mittens was absolutely at her sneaky best with that. Turns out that while the rest of us were entertaining kids and making sure they all ate something other than just dessert, she watched our belated birthday girl and discovered that although she enjoyed the lemon and carrot cakes, she secretly stole like three of the cornbread cupcakes when nobody was looking.

After a night watching my ladies plan out David's party while floating around my Maw, totally adored Darling explaining to two Heads of State that not every party needs to be a major social event. While I had every intention of letting my girls have as much attention as they wanted, I kinda got that. I maybe even might have thought a little about how next year my birthday could be less 'nationwide event' and more 'family fun time'.

In the morning, which started way fuckin' early because Murder Mittens rolled all us adults out of bed and gave us our marching orders, I found myself in the kitchen, baking. I very much surprised myself by making a whole assed multi-tier cake from scratch. Icing, too. Cornbread cake, which really seemed like just fluffy, sweeter cornbread, and salted honey butter icing. Yeah, when Marie told me, I may have given her all the mental side eye. But I stayed the course and followed her instructions. I mean, what instructions she gave me, which were mostly ingredients and general things like, 'whip', 'stir', 'grease', and, like, timing.

I baked a fuckin' multi-tier birthday cake! Me! I mean, I made a bunch of other stuff like fried rice and salad and paninis and pizza too, but I'd done all that before. I baked a cake, and not only scored five candles, because that's Marie's best guess at how old David is, but spent a little time with a knife while stuff was in the oven cooking and made them look all cool and fancy.

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Tallulah and Saffron spent the day managing the kids playing kid games. Mostly little kid games, because while the bigger girls are bigger, 'bigger' is still under ten. Okay, Ria's older than that, but she's also Sidhe, which means she's aging at like half speed or some shit like that, which puts her right around Maze's maturity level. At any rate, none of the girls were too old to get upset at little kid party games.

Just before I showed up at lunchtime, Conrad arrived. Apparently Saffron had shanghaied him into making more chairs for the family table, not to mention an extension for that same table. Okay, I say shanghaied, but I saw no real evidence she coerced him. Cutest thing had to be when David realized what Conrad brought, she walked up real shy like and said, "Conrad?"

"Yes, dear sister David?"

"Will you please stay for my party?"

I swear, the thing that impressed me most was how he in no way looked like he'd been roped into compliance by threat of time space wedgie. "I would enjoy that very much." He pursed his lips. "Although, there are a few things I'd been working on which need to be attended to."

David's face fell. "I understand."

"I don't think you do." When David looked up, Conrad laid one hand on her head. "I simply need to attend to them and make sure they won't suffer from my absence. After which I will return to celebrate your birthday with you." He paused, as if in thought, like anything he did wasn't always planned to a fare thee well. "I think I could bring back something you and your sisters might enjoy playing with, if you like?"

David nodded. "I would like that very much, brother Conrad!"

Conrad nodded in reply. "Then I shall be off, and will see you upon my return."

I watched all that while I stood there, Blended, carrying the non-cake lunch stuff. One big platter at a time I laid it all down. As I stepped away from each one, the smells stretched out across the cave and drew the kids in. When they'd all gotten at least a little real food in them, and everybody had a seat at the table, David in the pride of place opposite Loki, I hoisted the cake and the trays of cupcakes and stepped from kitchen to cave. "Happy Birthday, David!"

Everybody else cheered out the same, and Tallulah gave David her present to the girl of the day, a short knife that looked unpleasantly like one of those pearlescent Mana Blades I'd seen the Crows use. Fortunately after dealing with Nightmares and Baby and all the crazy bullshit all my girls had dealt with over the past two years, she did not even try to do anything stupid like touching the blade. She pulled it out of its sheathe, used it to slice the cake, which it did without a single bit of cake or icing sticking to it, then sheathed it, and asked me to put it away. Good kid. I hopped back to her room and hid it in her armoire.

Yeah, I think Marie arranged for that. Definitely one of the Academy's, all heavy indestructible wood. Also needed, because while the rest of us handled food and entertainment, Marie had been at work. She arrived right after the cake delivery, while everyone ate, and one daughter at a time slipped little cloaks on our girls, in colors and patterns that matched their onesies. She even made little ones for the kits, and although Anise and Felicia might have shrugged theirs off if they'd been alone, they were not immune to peer pressure, and seeing fourteen siblings with cloaks on convinced them to leave them on.

Fourteen siblings, because Marie brought one for Conrad, too. I think she might have broken him with that, because he just sat there for most of the rest of the party with his left hand on the collar, almost like he was petting it.

At any rate, that was almost literally just the wrapping on David's present. After she finished her cake, Marie stood her up and had her unfold the rest. Half a dozen dresses, and if the color selection was a little weird, she squealed at each one and demanded to try it on, followed by runway strutting back and forth and around the table for everyone to ooh and aah. The somber black one seemed kind of a weird choice, but I figured everybody needed at least one 'solemn occasion' dress, and it wasn't like, too somber for weddings or anything. The gray one was kinda lowkey a corpo power dress. Again, weird for a kid, but she made her way around the table again, working it, looking all haughty and shit. Then she got to the red one, which got me giving Marie all the side eye, but it's not like it was skimpy or anything. Just a pretty red floor length dress. I realized right about then that our household kinda maybe sorta had some 'house colors', and they were also 'Academy Colors', because that's what the adults in the house wore.

Then she got to the white dress, and my brain slid sideways when David ran up to me and said, "look, Mama! I look like Marie at her wedding!" Which she absolutely didn't, not really, because it was just a white pinafore with a white long sleeved sheathe dress under it. But holy crap did she grin ear to ear at the idea of her having a dress anything at all like Marie's. Fortunately, before kid conversation could turn to anything so likely to make me have an aneurysm as David's potential 'groom', Marie brought out the next dress, another pinafore and sheathe combination, this one in a shade of pink that was almost high-vis. Eye searing. Day-glo.

She loved it. So much that she almost didn't want to look at the next one, and definitely wound up taking some time to decide which she wanted to spend the rest of her birthday in. i very carefully did not think about or mention how with everybody in the room being family, she could change back and forth as often as she wanted and nobody would give a shit. I even more carefully tried to steer conversation away from that idea, because I remembered that not only did Loki himself teach me that insta-change trick, the Menace had managed to pull it off at least once.

I really wasn't sure what to think when Conrad brought out his 'party game'. Okay, not so much 'game' as 'toys'. Because while I'd remembered Loki and Menace could both do the insta-change thing?

I'd completely forgotten my sociopathic son had developed belt fed nerf guns.

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