Dear Diary,

"There are good and bad reasons, Choose because you feel it's right, Not 'cause someone told you so." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency

In Verse eight of the Book of Agency, Tabitha reminds us once again that we ought to examine the reasons behind our choices. She openly states that some reasons are good, and some are bad. As she's made clear in earlier verses, our choices and the intent behind them matters, which means that while there are good intents, there are bad ones as well. She goes on to reiterate that we are to make those choices based on what we, personally, believe to be right or wrong. She trusts us, trusts our best judgement, enough to not just allow us that freedom, but to encourage it, to command us even, to choose for ourselves what is right and what is wrong. She also makes it clear that we ought not be following the dictates of others. So while you may read my words, the words of our Goddess' wife, lover, and confidant, to help you interpret the words of Tabitha, do not mistake my words for Doctrine, or insist that something is moral because I ordered it. If Tabitha herself does not dictate such things, who am I to do so? If you choose to follow, to obey, this does not remove your responsibility for your choices. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Yeah, this one floored me when I read it. I mean, yeah, I kinda remember writing that bit, tryna make it clear that while I wasn't gonna make a list of right and wrong, that some things are right, and others are wrong, and everybody ought to be at least putting some minimal effort into making that judgement call on their own. Saffron nailed that one, an absolute home run of knowing what I meant. Ten out of ten, no comments, would reward my High Priestess with unlimited sweets and carnal satisfaction again.

But that last bit. That just kinda blew me away, that she's straight up say something so close to 'don't listen to me'. or, really, 'don't obey me'. My Kitten, she a bit of a control freak. I know it doesn't seem like it, what with the whole 'tied up, beaten, positioned like a doll, and ordered to service Ice Pop', but here's the thing; every moment of that encounter, Marie and I were in control. Absolute, unflinching control of every motion on her part. Which is not exactly normal for a control freak, yeah, but she's not a control freak because she needs to be the one in charge. She's a control freak because she needs to know, with no uncertainty, that someone is.

I'm still kinda shocked, in a happy, even giddy way, that she trusts me enough to let me be that person. I mean, yeah, she does the same thing with Marie sometimes, but that's just rational thinking there. Having the opportunity to hand yourself to Marie and say, "Fuck me up, Dopamine Druid," and have her bring her terrifying A game and not, y'know, doing exactly that is a special level of stupid that I think Saffron would be very upset with herself if she achieved it. Which means she'd probably insist on some kind of Penance night. Which kinda makes me want to nudge her into doing just that.

Should you want that, you need only tell me so, Goddess.

Yeah, uh, but you haven't done anything wrong?

I am certain I could come up with something, but wouldn't you rather just do it knowing I found release and pleasure beyond anything I thought possible by surrendering my Agency to you utterly and completely?

Yeah, my Kitten does not do things by halves. You sure you're good with people disobeying you because their conscience says you're wrong?

Of course. I might have them removed if they stand in the way of the survival or prosperity of the Alliance, of our people, but it would be a practical thing, not a moral one.

That stuck in my craw a little. You'd kill somebody for disagreeing with you?

Perhaps I ought do Penance for making you think so little of me. No, love. I said 'remove' and I meant 'remove'. Such as 'remove them from their position of power where they can obstruct our progress'.

Oh. So, like, firing them 'removed'.

I got the sense of a shrug. Or reassigning them. Or, perhaps, convincing them to retire, or resign, or take a leave of absence. Maybe even go on a religious retreat, if they think they can convince my superior to countermand me on something.

I had to think about that for an embarrassingly long time. You mean me?

I mean you, love. Now, should I ask Marie to make sure the bindings in the Bedroom are in good order?

Yeah, she does not do things by halves, or let things go easy. Uh, let's hold off on that. If you want to as a celebration after your new Inspect goes live or something? I don't want to mess that up.

Oh, but you want to mess me up.

Yeah, I do. Oh, shit, did I think that out loud?

Yeah, my Kitten is good at getting me to let go of my inhibitions. Maybe too good. I gotta remember to never take her physically to the Maw, because I'm certain that woman would not stop prodding at me until she wound up et. Which, to be perfectly clear, I do not want to do. If I really think about it, I want my Kitten to be my personal, melt into each other reward for doing my best job judging shit at the end of time. I dunno why, but something Grandma said about what happens to Deities also happening to Mortals stuck with me, and... I dunno, if the lights are all gonna go off, and there won't be any more Time to be together in, and I can't cobble something out of whatever's left, I think I'd be okay with the two of us melting into one another as one last huzzah, as a metaphoric way of singing the universe to sleep.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

Now I'm all melancholy. Fuck.

At any rate, yesterday went by pretty much like the past few. 'Bodyguarding' Tallulah, overseeing the Infirmary, taking the girls to the stables to care for the Nightmares and Baby, holding Siobhan's hair back and feeding her spoonsful of pate on hardtack. Also playing seat cushion for Saffron all day long, except lunch, when I played pit crew. Okay, I still wound up sitting on her chair through all of that, but her butt wasn't really on my lap. More suspended in the air with hands and tentacles, her head on my shoulder, her mouth next to my ear. Gotta listen to the Kitten purring to make sure her engine is being properly maintained, right?

Anyway, hit Compton as well, convinced Rabbit to help me steal a bag of cocoa beans. I say 'steal', but we left some gumbo from Jack in its place, because I also swung past his place for some really good hot peppers. After dinner, after Bath, after the kids were snoring in an adorable pile, I stepped the ladies down to the Kitchen and gave them all Marie and my take on Rich Man's Port Hot Cocoa. Just as gooey thick and sweet, but with the tiniest bit of heat in it. Siobhan had like a teaspoonful, said she loved the taste, but that her stomach's reaction did not bode well for trying any more than that. Marie and I made that shit, so we both liked it. Saffron and Tallulah both sipped, savored, then claimed that they couldn't tell if they liked it more than the original recipe or not, and needed more cups to taste. And more. We ran out after Tallulah downed three, Saffron had four because she Co-Located and stole another, and then they wound up sharing the final cup by decree of the Goddess who wanted to see their reaction when I told them about the whole 'indirect kiss' thing after they'd done that.

At which point Tallulah blushed a little. That made Saffron chuckle, then climb onto Tallulah's lap and make that kiss not-indirect. Then again, by that point Tallulah's mouth must have been fiery chocolate flavored. When Saffron licked her lips clean, and by 'her' I mean Tallulah's, they sparkled red like she'd put lip gloss on.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "It tingles. I'm still not certain if I like it or not."

"I'll make it again then. Maybe hit your kitchen in the Keep for some original recipe."

"That would be a good way to compare them."

At that point Saffron said, "I'm still licking all of you clean."

I shook my head. "If Tallulah winds up with burned lips, I'm gonna think of something appropriately inappropriate to balance those scales."

My Sidhe lady just looked at me, confused. "The chocolate isn't that hot."

Silly Sidhe, not knowing what chemical burns were. Especially after Saffron did her hot pepper thing before. At that point Siobhan yawned, and that set all of us off, and we retired to the bedroom to sleep.

Mimic dreamt of Karen hosing all the ladies down with Fireball before booting them into my Maw. Spicy spicy goodness for me.

Today was proof positive that when I love everything in a routine, I can actually maintain it for more than one day in a row. Infirmary. Kids taking the Nightmares out for a quick ride. Siobhan napping most of the day away, waking just long enough to be fed, watered, and rocked gently back to sleep. Maid service. Which included some Kitten servicing at lunch. Oddly most fun of all, playing seat cushion for my Kitten as she did her code review on her New Inspect. Okay, given the nature of her midday pit stop for refueling and destressing, really not odd that I enjoy that one so much.

"So, how's it coming?" I asked as I tipped her back to her upright locked position afterward, collapsing all but the maid me who brought lunch back into me, then sashaying away, enjoying how Saffron's head turned to watch me.

"Repeatedly, as you very well know, my beloved Goof," she purred, smiling as she waved her coding windows back into existence once I closed the door behind myself. "I must admit to a tiny bit of curiosity though."

"Hey, ask away. Don't want idle bits of non-Shaping thought clogging up that high performance thinking machine between your ears."

She snorted out a laugh. "It's about you, love."

"Oh, yeah. That shit'll clog up your thinky brain something fierce. All paradox and stupidity and general Goofiness. Gotta get that out before things spin up to the speed where it'll burn and leave black gunk all over your brain."

She shuddered a little at that. "Somehow I think what I just thought of would leave our Darling Siobhan breathless." She shot a picture into my brain, and I found myself blinking my brain clear, because my tentacles aren't that shape, nor do they produce black gunk. Stupidly large volumes of it. Before I could complain about that, she threw my derailed train of thought into Tokyo Harbor by saying, "why do you Co-Locate more of you in here at lunch?"

"You no like?"

She giggled and jiggled enough to answer without words, but confirmed it by saying, "oh, I adore it. But," she wriggled a bit more against the tentacles that held her in place, constantly massaging her in ways that kept her loose and comfortable without requiring more destressing. "why not just use these. Or more."

"I thought you liked hands. And mouths. And, y'know, the concentrated attention of multiple me on your adorable person."

She might have tensed up a little as I described that, but then she chuckled and said, "oh, I do. I definitely do. But doesn't the feedback...?"

I shrugged, enjoying how the motion jiggled her just the tiniest bit. "Fuck it. Kitten like, kitten get. Kitten like more, Kitten get more. Simple as."

"But I..."

"Simple. As." When she seemed ready to argue more, I said, "Priestess, do you enjoy it more that way?"

"Yes, Goddess."

"Then accept it. You deserve it."

She sighed, tensing a little. "As you command me. Let it be so. But... I still feel guilt, Goddess."

I smiled, leaned my mouth near her ear. "Do you want me to purge all that guilt?"

She shuddered, her eyes slipping closed, her hands going still. "Yes, Goddess."

I nipped at her ear. "Better get your Inspect done then."

She twitched, then snarled out, "how am I supposed to concentrate after that?"

So I demonstrated that I can, just as she surmised, destress her without Co-Locating. Or, y'know, even letting her loose from the slightly squishy steel grip of my tentacles. "Better?"

She took a deep breath, let out a satisfied sigh. "Oh, yes. Very much. Thank you, love."

"You're very welcome any time, Kitten."

Can't wait to see how much cocoa she and Tallulah put away tonight.

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