I Am Overpowered And A Comedian In Another World

Chapter 196: No Weapon? No Problem. Just Squeeze.


Not only me.

Everyone else was out cold too — humans, aliens, the guy in the corner who looked like someone glued a cactus to his face. I was the first one to blink back into the world, which is suspicious because usually I prefer dramatic comas.

I looked at Stronges. "Did you say the easy mode of Nano Bites? That was their easy mode?"

"Yes."

"Then are they god in hard mode?"

"No. They are God in impossible mode."

"There is an impossible mode too? That's not a video game, madam."

"No jokes. You couldn't even handle the easy mode. You have no right to comment about their impossible mode yet."

She was right. My moral authority was revoked by a foot-sized toaster.

I still couldn't believe a tin can hit me and I fainted like a melodramatic plant. I shook my head, stood up, and announced the cardinal law of existence: "I don't know what time it is but I'm hungry."

"Then go outside and hunt."

"I know. Will I get a weapon or something? I can't hunt with bare hands now, can I?" I said. And it was a normal thing to say as well.

But Stronges stared at me with no expression.

"Surely, you don't want me to go outside without any weapons, right?" I tried again. I was bargaining because my stomach had started composing sad poetry..

She kept her stare.

"There are guards outside, woman. They will fuck me up if they saw me. And not to mention the beasts I will encounter in the forest. I need a weapon!"

"You will get a weapon tailor made for you but only after five years. Not yet. Someone who can't fight with their hands is a pussy."

"I am not a pussy. I am a dick!"

"That's not any better."

I clenched my hair. "So I won't get a weapon?"

"No."

"Then how will I kill the animal for my food?"

"Use your hands and brain. You will learn something anyway. Also, getting the food is the last part of your training of the day. What you did today, you have to do it for five years straight. Get used to it."

Shit.

So the quest will only be completed after I gather my food.

The first quest of the system was to complete the training of Stronges daily and as a reward I will get a Skill.

And training will only be completed after getting my food. That's bad. Also, my allies should also complete their training as if even one of them gave up, the quest will result in failure.

This is the worst.

Moreover, there was the second quest too. I have to kill one guard of Malthus daily. No matter what. Even one day of failure is not pardonable.

Angh. I am hungry as well. The training increased my appetite.

"Fine. I am going. And you should know, I have to kill one guard of Malthus daily otherwise I will die. This is the quest of my System. So if I happened to be late, don't assume I am dead.

Also, the prisoners should also get their food. If they don't, then I will die. My system said so. I am getting Skills from the System daily and when the time comes I will distribute the Skills to my Allies. That's why, make sure they don't slack off."

"You don't need to tell me that. I am sending them out as well. Good luck with your quests." Stronges said and I was surprised that she wished me luck. It seems her anger is only for lazy and weak people.

Anyway, I have to go.

———

Five minutes later.

I was outside the house.

I had come out of the backdoor of the house and in front of me, was a dark forest.

The laughter of guards came from the front side of the house and silence came from the forest.

Not even crickets chirp and no leaves rustled.

As far I saw it was darkness and like that, I was already scared.

[ Use your skill, dip shit. ]

The system chimed in and I had to think for a while.

'Which one?'

[ The horny one. ]

'That's not a skill. That's just who I am.'

[ You fucker. The Skill. Horny Eyes. The one you got for making allies! ]

'Oh yes. Right. That one. Use it.'

[ Horny Eyes Activated! ]

A warm, illegal sensation crawled across my eyeballs.

The darkness reframed itself in a suspiciously pink hue, like someone put Instagram filters over reality and forgot to charge the app. I could suddenly see through the trees, which is awesome if you need to spy on mating rituals or spot edible things that aren't trying to murder you.

My eyes itched like cheap contact lenses, and the effect was temporary — because everything worth abusing is time-limited — but I was hungry, and hunger is the purest form of focus.

First, I will hunt for food, then kill a guard. I won't be able to do it on an empty stomach.

Nevertheless, now I could see so I stepped forward, surveying everything.

Soon enough I saw skeletons: two close together, grinding back and forth like they'd signed up for a romance novel by accident. I didn't bother them. At least someone out here was scoring; I nodded in respectful envy.

Also, their skeletons looked big and thick so it wasn't a good choice to hunt them.

I looked for someone else and on my left, I finally saw a small skeleton running.

It had thin bones and it wasn't running that fast either.

Moreover, when I looked closely it was coming towards me.

I stayed still, not moving one inch, letting the skeleton come.

I didn't know what animal was as I saw no face, only bones but I let it come to me anyway. Hunger knows nothing.

In no time, the bones came to me and it stopped just at my feet.

I don't know why that happened and I won't waste this chance.

I slowly bent my knees, not making the creature vigilant.

My hands came from both his sides and when I was finally ready…

PUCK!

I grabbed the creature.

It had furs and it screeched in a low volume. I hope it wasn't a mouse. But even if it was, I couldn't do anything but eat it.

But should I eat it right now? I mean, raw? There is no fire here. Stronges gave me nothing for help. Bitch.

But before all that, I needed to kill it first. It shouldn't make noise.

So I squeezed. The way I crushed it was gentle in intention and apocalyptic in force — like giving a hug to a garlic clove until it agreed to stop being a clove. I squeezed until movement stopped. It probably felt pain. Maybe it will get a better afterlife. Maybe it'll meet the skeleton couple and start a band.

Anyway, like that…

I got my food.

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