Chapter 785 Some Nights

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After spending their new year together, Li Shanshan and Fernando immediately went home on the second of January as they still needed to finish a lot of things for their dream 'house'. With their busy schedule, spending a lot of time would be impossible as everyone has businesses to attend to. However, the two promised once again that they will visit her once she is already in Europe.

After the couple left, Lily and Zhou Jingren continued preparing for their trip to Luxembourg. To their surprise, before Lily and Qin Yuanfeng could leave, the twins receive a very special guest. Their father. 

"I was not expecting that you would agree to see me," Qin Chuan said. Lily did not miss the gloom in the man's eyes. "You look really good." He added.

"Thank you," Lily responded as she eyed the large droplets of the rain that tapped against the window of the living room. Slowly, her eyes darted towards her father. Pursing her lips, Lily decided not to break the thick silence that stood in between them.

"What brings you here?" It was Qin Yuanfeng. His face was stern, almost as if he wasn't talking to the man who he called father for more than twenty years. 

"Holidays." Qin Chuan gave a sad smile. "I was not big on holidays. In fact, I don't— I never celebrated it." But being alone on Christmas and New Year made him miss his children. It made him realize how short this life is. He could not afford to waste months or years being estranged with the two of them. "I understood the anger. I understood everything." He met his son's eyes before meeting Lily's indifferent gaze. "I am sorry."

Another silence followed.

"I know… I know I don't deserve a second chance. I know— I am not… I don't even want to call myself your father. I am not that. I am well aware that I have never been a father to you and… Yuanfeng. I also know that I don't deserve anything from you. Not pity, not sympathy, and not the father and children relationship that I already ruined before it even started." Qin Chuan continued. "But I am here… I am here because I would like to let both of you know that I am waiting. I will be waiting for the day when… when both of you would be proud to call me, father." He gulped as his eyes darted towards his children, his twins. He fought the tears that threatened to pool on his eyes. 

"I'm sorry." He added.

For a few seconds, Lily stared at him. A few gray hairs caught her attention. The lines on the man's forehead seemed to multiply. He was getting old. 

Her memories took him back on the days that she had longed for Qin Mo, the man whom she thought was her father, to love her. The days when she wished for him to at least attend an event in the school for her. The days when she cried as she did not understand why Qin Fei was more loved, more pampered, and more cared than her. She remembered blaming Qin Mo for everything, her mother's death, the unfortunate accident that almost made her lose her mind. It was all Qin Mo's fault.

Then the truth hit her. After all much deliberation, she realized that the one at fault was Qin Chuan, her real father. The cowardly man who let everything happen just because he wasn't man enough to say no to his father. She gated him. Yet… she knew that some parts of her wanted to know him. She was crazy and greedy for love, for the attention that she never had while growing up.

And some nights, when she was awake, when her tired body would stop her from sleeping, she would think about all this. She wished that maybe not knowing Qin Chuan, not knowing the truth would have been better for her mental and emotional health. Some nights she would wonder what would have happened if Qin Chuan never agreed to marry his wife and married Bec instead. Maybe… Maybe Lily and Qin Yuanfeng would not have been as damaged as they were. Maybe… Maybe she and her brother would not have been as afraid as they were now. 

Lily turned her head away. She watched as the rain outside of the mansion drummed wildly against the window. The silence was soon interrupted by a loud thunder as the rain continued to intensify.

Just like her emotions.

Lily was human— a weak one. Lily could not deny that despite hating Qin Chuan, she also used to hope that maybe one day, she would be able to think of him as her father. Was that stupid? Absolutely. Was that being weak? Maybe. 

She let out a sigh as she brought her gaze back at her father. "I'm sorry." Her voice shook. "I could not — I — " She lowered her gaze, avoiding the man's pitiful gaze.

'Humans make mistakes.' Lilian's voice echoed inside her. These were the first words that she saw Lily. Human's just like Lily make mistakes. We are not perfect and no matter how much we pretend that we are, no matter how much we show the world that we are kind and pure and generous, each of us has our own flaws that make us imperfect. Flaws that make us unique. Flaws that make us who we are.

The edge of Lily's lips turned downwards as she stood from her seat. She lifted her head only to see Zhou Jingren standing by the stairs, staring straight at her. His gentle gaze instantly made Lily feel a little bitter, a little lighter. "You can stay for the night." She said. "The rain is pretty hard outside. You won't be able to see the road." She added as she turned her back against her father. Lily looked into Zhou Jingren's eyes as a single tear fell from her eyes, trailing down her cheek. "Let's have dinner." She said before she took her step towards her husband. "Together."

Lily maintained a stern expression. Despite the tears that followed her words, her serious face never broke. She felt her lips quiver as she took another step towards Zhou Jingren. Then another and another… until she reached his arms.

He then wrapped his arms around her, carrying her upstairs towards their room as the rain confidently cascaded the sky outside of the mansion.

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