As far as completing any of her goals went, 5803 was shaping up to be the worst year of her life.

So far!

Malwine tried not to think too much about the harvestables she still had—in passing, she'd had the misfortune of seeing a book claim that revealing too many too quickly could worsen the quality of the reveals. It didn't specify what 'too many' stood for, or even the timeframe in question, but Malwine was nothing if not prone to growing paranoid about something like this.

And Veit wasn't around for her to get any clarification on this. While she'd accompanied Adelheid and Franziska on their first harvest with the latter girl's mother, none other than the forester knew she could outright reveal harvestables, and not many ideas came to mind as to how to bring this up to anyone else. Not so long after the fact.

Perhaps it was time for 'Kunegunda' to go off on another quest… if only she could weigh the options more properly. The time she spent on that would be time she didn't spent using [Remote Reading] to look for clues, and she couldn't try without answers, not if she didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. How many harvestables would be wasted this time—revealed as Common consumables—if she pushed forward until she got herself a token again?

With her indecision, time flew—and she wasn't exactly having fun.

Had it not been for how all-encompassing her search for ways to safely evolve [Meditation] had become, this The Forgetting would have been the perfect time for another census.

While she'd never recorded exact ages to begin with, so many of her relatives' ages were currently round years, with no extra months tacked on—Bernie, Thekla, Alaric, and Adelheid. And Beryl, wherever she is.

That last thought was what sealed it for Malwine. There would be no census in 5803 as a whole. It should be once a decade, anyway, she told herself. A decision born from practicality, and certainly not from how limited her time has grown.

…Nevermind that with both of her teachers hellbent on ignoring her and the sudden emptiness of her schedule, that point had become moot. Even then, browsing the library for at least half the day had become the daily ritual.

Malwine tried not to think about how she could have reached this point faster if she'd taken less breaks—she knew herself well enough to understand that if she allowed herself to burn out, she'd start avoiding [Meditation] harder than Veit avoided her.

By when The Snow came, she had what felt like a good working list, nonetheless.

That only made her disappointment worse.

For her efforts, she'd gotten herself six mentions of meditation—two of which weren't even Skills, just mundane methods for meditation. And that pair barely fit the bill, in any case.

Given how they weren't particularly fresh in her memory—and the fact that she'd resigned herself to the likelihood that these would be all she'd find—Malwine took the time to go over her list, still clinging to the distant hope that she might yet squeeze something helpful out of them.

The first instance came from a book that was clearly unsure about whether it wanted to be a travel journal or weaving guide, which spoke of the unnamed author's experiences upon visiting the capital—if tangentially so.

I met him near the castle, where people gathered to listen to his tales. Many things he'd witnessed, and many things he'd share, so I even spared some coin for his hat before I returned to the store.

He stopped me, and I waited for him to speak, despite how urgently I needed that extra string. He had an odd look in his eye when he was looking at me, like I must have been insane.

"Don't waste your time with breathing techniques," he told me. "Just do what it is you do."

I didn't understand it, then, but I'd gotten the answer I needed that day. The capital being too noisy for me to meditate stopped being a problem once I put it to the test.

I got lost in my work. I wove and wove, and my mind was calmer. Time hardly felt like it passed, though the hourglass would tell me otherwise. It's so liberating, this meditation thing. I'd heard of it before, but I thought it was all fake, since nothing had ever worked before.

Okay… Even knowing that specific book was composed almost entirely of non-sequiturs, Malwine still had to fight off the urge to glare at her transcription of it. The author had admitted to repeatedly dismissing other pieces of advice related to meditation—and didn't even deign to say what they'd been!

Though if they made even less sense than this… Perhaps their omission had been for the best.

Still, Malwine had been so desperate for information on meditation that even this had made the cut. It helped that her first finds had been the least… Skill-like, between whatever that was and the one labeled as a visualization technique for mortals seeking peace of mind.

On hindsight, she felt terrible for looking down on that manuscript about the seafarer tongue she'd found back home—this must have been what scrapping the bottom of the barrel truly looked like.

As for the visualization technique, it was certainly something, but given its theme, she doubted the booklet it was from got much use.

You are a wave in your own ocean

Born of ripples, shaken earth

Rise from the depths, to quiver and wander

Cross the sea, across the surface

Looming highs and tranquil lows

Reach the coast, graze the sands

Start anew, now that you are gone

You are a wave in your own ocean…

The repetition beyond that seemed excessive, when it was always the exact same thing. Maybe whoever made this was practicing it by writing it…

Malwine had failed to find any identifying details on the thing, so for all she knew, this might have been someone's random notebook that got mixed up with the books. Devils knew that library was impossible enough to navigate as it was.

She wouldn't deny there was probably some value to the mantra. Maybe it was [Depicture] at play, but it was easy enough to imagine. At least for someone without an intrinsic fear of the concept of oceans. Good enough as a visualization, but whether it was useful for actual meditation remained to be seen.

Now, actual Skills… Those were few and far between despite the time she'd poured into this. The next section she'd transcribed came from something that actually appeared typewritten, and given the context, Malwine thought she had a general idea as to why.

An otherworlder I interviewed for the last festival that year told me they used to write with devices that reminded him of the ones we use for periodicals, back in the world that was once his home. Their people would make pseudo-Skills out of anything, as systemless mortals often do, but what caught my attention was his emphasis on how people sought to learn to write without looking at the keys they were pressing. I draft by hand, but that is not unlike how my own assistants work, with how many Skills exist to either directly allow for the user to divert their attention without interfering with their writing so long as their hands are free, or cover that as part of other functions.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

At the time, I was seeking to evolve my Common [Meditation], and while I could not tell which part of that piqued my interest, the pieces simply fell into place. I needed something that would serve me well without interfering with my work, and the [Meditation] Skill had so far clashed with the rest. A columnist never sleeps if they want to get the scoop, or so they say—and for better or worse, [Meditation] might as well have been the same. It was time with my eyes closed, that did nothing to advance my work.

So why not seek to make it something I could do without having to focus on it?

We already don't have to focus on things like breathing and blinking. Our bodies handle all of that for us. While circulating mana may not be a vital function, it still permeates everything. We meditate because it speeds up the rate at which the mana that lingers in our body after use is released, to lower [Toll], and that act by itself, relaxes our bodies and improves our current condition, helping restore [Toll].

The snippet she'd transcribed went on for longer, but Malwine took a moment to copy that part to another panel, before she forgot. This was arguably one of the clearest references she'd gotten as to how [Integrity] and [Toll] worked, even if this was within the context of how meditation-type Skills lowered those.

So what did I want out of an evolved [Meditation]? The very same. I wanted something that would keep me from needing to pause my work to keep using the Skills that cost me either resource to use. A passive Skill of sorts, to lower accrued [Toll] and fix my [Integrity] up without forcing me to sit down, doing nothing, for hours at a time.

Naturally, I did have to give some effectiveness up, and it took months for it to evolve, but I succeeded.

Predictably, the author did not explain just how they got the evolution to happen. And while the insights provided felt far more useful than the odd mantra, Malwine couldn't really ignore one detail—this was seemingly written from the perspective of a mortal.

At least, I think it was. There were no mentions of core visualization anywhere, and while Malwine suspected anyone could do that, she did sort of rely on [Meditation] for it.

Squinting, she brought her own Skill's description up again.

[Meditation] It's about pondering, not finding new and exciting ways to fall asleep. Dwell upon a something to slowly lower accrued [Toll] and increase the current value of [Integrity], as well as maybe learn something. Effectiveness of restoration varies depending on your ability to remain focused on the subject of your meditation. Choosing scalable values as subject carries a small chance of increasing them. Trait: None Aspect: [Depicture]. All abilities that rely on visualization have their effectiveness slightly improved. This effect is greater for Skills within the category.

Malwine blinked. Right. I don't actually need [Meditation] for that part. It had simply felt natural in a sense, to work on her core when she meditated. That made the unnamed columnist's version slightly better in her eyes, beyond her initial impression of it.

But this entire exercise, ultimately, was about seeing what was out there, even if her sample size was mediocre at best. She had to work on getting this evolution if she didn't want <Body> and <Word> to keep paying the price of her imbalance.

My Skill requires focus, she conceded, comparing it to what the entry described. It was awfully tempting to go for something like this—her quavering attention span would certainly be better off with something passive.

Giving effectiveness up sounded concerning, though.

I know not, what it is with the youth these days and martial Skills. Meditation exists so that we may ease our nerves, steel our resolve. Who in their right mind works towards getting a meditation Skill and thinks, 'yes, something I can do while running in battle, that's exactly what I need!'? That defeats the purpose!

As with most others, it was an anecdotal mention.

Malwine exhaled. She'd been dealing with this for months and… well, the truth was, she was starting to tire of it. As much as she tried to manage her time properly, with such a single-minded focus on this, she'd considered taking a break and looking at it later, with fresh eyes.

Unfortunately, the sunk cost fallacy of it all hounded her. I'm almost done reviewing them, anyway…

To improve the [Meditation] Skill, imagine nothing, if you can. Your goal is not a black void, or an empty room. Your goal is to close your eyes and reopen them to find your [Integrity] and [Toll] restored to optimal levels. It should be no different than dreamless sleep, save for how smooth the shift between it and awareness should be.

Boring. Just boring. It wasn't as she truly had any strong opinions against that type of thing, but… She had gotten used to at least being somewhat productive when she meditated.

The final technique just reminded Malwine of the type thing she could have sworn the widow heard in her past life.

We are human, we are fallible. It's natural for us to struggle to remain focused when we use [Meditation] Skills unsuited for the task. Nonetheless, we can work with what we have. You should be the master of your own thoughts. You will never truly be able to control them, but you should be able to accept them. Be at peace with them. You must master yourself. If you cannot sit idly while your values restore themselves, then you are not yet in control of your own mind, and that will hinder you down the line.

Ignoring the mantra and whatever the one about avoiding breathing techniques was trying to get at, that left her with four she could try and compare.

— Passive meditation with reduced benefits — Meditation that works in combat (potentially similar to the above) — Meditating by blanking out (?) — …Fantasy mindfulness???

It was not a great list to work with. Not in the slightest.

None of the described Skills provided her with hard numbers for the accrued [Toll] reduction or [Integrity] restoration they'd bring, let alone detailed the necessary time for that to work, but that was just fine with her—the effects of Malwine's own [Meditation] had never been clear to her, either. Still, this did represent a problem when trying to understand which method was the most effective, especially when all but one of the four seemed to be touted as optimal. And one of these is not like the others…

That wave mantra had taken up residence in Malwine's head and refused to offer recompense for its stay. If she'd known what the Grēdôcavan word for an earworm in written form was, she would have chosen to use it liberally at this time.

The truth was, Malwine did not find any option to be particularly promising. None were irredeemable, and her own Skill's promise of potential for stat growth had yet to deliver, but they didn't really seem… right.

Oh, wave take me. Please tell me I didn't just… go through all this effort… Malwine rubbed her temples and didn't bother suppressing her groan. She went over her list again, but couldn't really deny it—she really did have almost nothing to show for it.

Literal months spent on this, and she wasn't satisfied in the slightest with the results. She might have been better off trying to locate Widuzhain—not that she hadn't kept an eye out—than going out of her way to find this many vague references to [Meditation].

I hate my life right now.

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