Chapter 93
How miserable it is to have to live a lifetime on a memory of a single moment.
That was the fate of a mermaid.
It was like a disease one was born with.
The most intense emotion engraved on the soul left a mark so severe that it could not be overturned no matter the circumstances.
For Iseur, that mark was the human named Giovanni.
“Good night.”
“…You too, teacher….”
This place is peaceful.
“Have a peaceful night.”
It is comfortable to the point of being chilling.
It’s an unbelievable sensation. It was not a sensation that a mermaid, that Iseur, could permit.
Even the quietly blowing spring breeze and the rustling murmur of the forest approach with a charm that cannot be shaken off.
Iseur was given a bedroom in Jio’s cabin.
“……”
The floor his bare feet were treading on was made of wood.
From the glossy floor, walls and ceiling of the cabin, a bittersweet scent that made one’s mind drowsy emanated.
The large window of the terrace was wide open, full of the forest air, and the moderately sized bed, neither too big nor too small, felt softly warm.
“……”
When he lay down on that texture.
“…Is this….”
Iseur couldn’t hold back and spoke.
“Does this make sense?”
In this peace, Iseur felt a terrible void and loss.
“Where am I right now…?”
In the mermaid’s memory, Giovanni was dead. He had died a terrible death.
Bearing wounds unbelievable to have been inflicted by the children of the sun who embraced warmth, seeing that rotting skin and the festered stems that flowed between the empty eye sockets, what had Iseur thought?
‘…Even though I was high on drugs, that doesn't mean I don't have the memory of that time.’
Rather, the situation at that time was all too vivid.
No one would know what thoughts had driven him to eat him.
At that time, our peace met its death.
The dead should not return, so what in the world is this comfortable space?
Where am I feeling this tranquility right now?
“…It’s frightening….”
It felt as if his once-full stomach had suddenly become empty.
“……”
It would be filled with rotten flesh instead.
“…I feel nauseous.”
He didn’t feel well.
He felt like he was getting sick. He felt a sensation of his brain shaking.
His vision was blurry yet clear and the voice of the silent forest grew louder.
The mermaid’s memory was frozen at Giovanni’s death and the sun’s ruin, so there was no way this tranquility wouldn't be unsettling.
Iseur had become more accustomed to blood and screams.
“Ah….”
That was Iseur’s fate.
“……”
The mermaid lived in a sea of blood.
To be given such an unbelievable gift now, he had become a pathetic adult who felt fear first.
“……”
It was a long time later that the mermaid spoke.
“…I think I’m going to have a bad dream.”
I didn’t know the place I lived in was a nightmare.
Lying here like a corpse, I finally realize it’s hell.
***
“……”
A strange sensation woke Jio from his bed.
“…Hmm….”
The feeling of wanting to take a walk.
‘Should I go out?’
Jio was not one to think deeply about the source of his desires.
He left the sleeping Honey and came out of the room.
As he stepped on the soft-textured wooden stairs and came down to the living room, for some reason, he could see the teddy bear lying on the living room sofa and the cat, Dana, beside it.
The two looked up at Jio, emitting a faint light as if they would soon go out.
“I’m going for a walk.”
“……”
“Dana, want to come with me?”
Dana, who had been staring at the black-haired Jio, soon stood by his side.
Her footsteps were silent, as if she were a ghost.
The teddy bear did not stop the two as they left the cabin and simply watched.
Wearing his usual black cape, Jio walked the path without any particular meaning.
He had come out barefoot, but the rustling grass was soft, so it didn't hurt.
Anywhere he stepped in this place felt good to the touch.
It seemed that was why he walked around without shoes even more.
The joy of taking a walk was great.
“The forest is quiet.”
The forest at this time always maintained a strange silence as if it were asleep.
“Dana, do you like the forest?”
“……”
“How about the trees? The scent of the flowers?”
“……”
“The weather is really nice.”
Rustle, rustle….
The sound of soft grasses swaying.
“The moon is shining brightly.”
There is a sun and a moon here.
But they were clearly different from those of Earth or other planets.
They boasted a color like transparent jewels and did not shine so painfully that it seemed one’s eyes would go blind just by looking at them.
It just felt like looking at a brightly drawn picture….
“Look.”
Above their heads floated a jewel-like moon with a light as cold as a glacier.
“It resembles you.”
“Meow.”
“That’s a different cry from usual.”
It was a cry that seemed to be imitating a cat.
“You are a cat, but….”
He was about to say something but didn't want to ponder it any further and turned his gaze away.
It resembled that cold moon floating in the night sky.
“It’s shining.”
“Meow.”
“Thanks to it, it’s not dark.”
The round moon was large, and like the swarm of jellyfish he had seen in the deep sea, a milky way was draped across this sky.
They maintained the stillness with a dry sparkle that felt devoid of any life force.
The moon cast down its light.
The milky way formed a curtain.
A cold cat stood at his feet and the forest that should have been dark became secretly bright, making the only shadow here Jio himself.
He was the only black person here.
“Even though the scent of the trees is so strong….”
His steps soon came to a halt before a radiant spring.
“There is the scent of the sea within it.”
“……”
“Aria.”
He saw his student, her pale bare feet dipped in the collected spring water.
“Can’t you sleep?”
Looking at the black cape in the shadows, whose face was completely hidden, the mermaid showed her usual experienced smile.
“How could I fall asleep in a place like this?”
“Did you not like the bed?”
“Everything was so much to my liking it was chilling.”
“But you do not run away.”
“Because I hope that one day you will accept us.”
The pearl-colored eyes took in the black cape.
“If I take responsibility, will you forgive me too? Will you love me like you did back then?”
“You do not need my forgiveness. It is not my place to resent and hate you.”
“…We have so much time.”
Aria’s voice was as clear and calm as usual.
“I never thought it would come to be felt as such great terror.”
She asked Jio.
“Do you know what this spring is?”
“There is no reason to know, so I did not try to find out.”
“Do you know what this forest means to you?”
The mermaid continued to ask.
“Why you were placed in this situation, why you were revived in a grotesque form that is neither resurrection nor anything else, with what intention and context the world is flowing this way….”
“I’m not curious.”
“An answer befitting you, teacher.”
The mermaid’s voice had a smoothness like a pearl.
“Benevolent and indifferent.”
That was why it also had a rough side.
“Are you aware that this place is inside your belly?”
“This place is a painting I drew.”
“It doesn’t seem all that different.”
“If you say it is a part of me, then perhaps so.”
Jio was the one who created this place, and at the same time, he was a portrait.
“I was aware that this forest reflects my mindscape.”
“Still, can you be called human?”
“I have never once deviated from being human.”
“……”
“I was always human.”
It was a matter of course, without any need for deliberation.
“It seems like a good night for a conversation. Is there anything you wish to ask this teacher?”
“……”
At the voice that had changed its tone in an instant, Aria fixed her eyes on the jet-black cape.
“…I can’t see your face….”
The inside of the cape was completely invisible.
“Do you even exist?”
“I have never disappeared, Aria.”
“What do you look like right now?”
“I haven’t looked in a mirror, so I wouldn’t know.”
“But I can’t see you either.”
If that’s the case.
“How can you prove that you exist?”
How could one distinguish whether there was a human, the God of the Sun, a painting, life, or death inside that jet-black shadow?
If it was a shadow whose appearance was unknown until someone defined it.
“I have something I’m curious about, teacher.”
“I promise to give you the best answer I can.”
“How can I be certain that you will not disappear?”
“Nothing is eternal. Both the living and the dead are bound to change continuously.”
“It’s true I haven’t seen the limits of humans. The humans I know constantly grew stronger, evolved, and sometimes became gods or nature itself.”
But.
“You are of a different grain than them.”
A jet-black canvas that could become anything.
“…If I were to feel fear and loss from that, would you understand?”
“I think it’s natural to feel a sense of distance as much as I have changed.”
“Distance? That’s not what I was trying to say. It’s completely different.”
As long as he was ‘Giovanni’, she had no intention of growing distant.
“Why would I try to distance myself from you? I already had to feel that emptiness for long ages, staring only at a void sea that was neither a coffin nor a grave. Now that I know this isn't some absurd nightmare or miracle that came upon me in an instant, I don't feel any trivial sense of distance.”
Therefore, the emotion Aria was feeling right now.
“I….”
“……”
“…Teacher.”
It was closer to misery or desperation.
“Why are you always at the center of fate?”
It’s terrible.
“Wouldn't it have been fine if you were just an insignificant person passing by? To be born into an ordinary family, live an ordinary life, and die an ordinary death. Who else could suit such a place as well as you, teacher? Among the tens of thousands, and even more humans I have seen, why is it that you are not included… is what I wonder.”
One can tell by looking at this forest. No.
“I can tell just by looking at you.”
To not know even after seeing those eyes was no different from being unable to see the world.
“It wouldn't have mattered if you had died, teacher. It was an expected situation. I would have been satisfied even if it wasn't a very peaceful and tranquil death.”
“……”
“If only you had been just a little more ordinary, common enough for everyone in the world to just pass by, if only you had died just like that, how wonderful it would have been.”
From beneath the jet-black hood, within the deep shadow where nothing could be seen, a voice flowed out.
“You wished for my happiness.”
That was clearly the voice of ‘Giovanni’.
“Is it difficult because the person that is I am too special, too much to handle?”
“I want to think it’s an excess of self-consciousness, but it certainly seems that way.”
“And you don’t think it’s a very cute complaint?”
“……”
Just how many voices could flow out from within that shadow?
“…Unfortunately, it’s not such a cute situation, is it….”
It would have been very nice if she could have laughed it off.
“…Since when were you a portrait?”
“I’m not sure myself.”
“What do you think of yourself as?”
“I am Jio.”
“Your happiness is no longer what’s important.”
Giovanni did not meet an unhappy death.
“I know it was a death that was to your liking.”
So what was important was the fear and loss of those around him, of the mermaids, of Aria.
Because no matter what moment came, Jio would make the happiest choice for himself.
“You will live a life to your liking. No matter what becomes of your surroundings later, you will take the best possible action you can at that time. Don’t you think that’s terrible for being so idealistic?”
“It seems Aria thinks it’s terrible.”
“That’s right, it’s terrible. Because I know it is the best, and I know it is the ideal. Having respected that aspect, I can't now tell you to fix it. Because I have already lived too deeply immersed in it….”
What is the essence of this portrait?
Its name is ‘Jio’s Portrait’.
It is a person and a painting at the same time.
It is only a painting, but it is also a painter.
He was the master of his fate who painted his own life and he was like a great nature that would come to embrace many more fates.
Was it because he was a portrait from the beginning that he came to repeat the name ‘Jio’ endlessly?
Or was it that at some point, because he was Jio, he became a portrait and came to embrace countless ‘Jios’?
“Right.”
Aria finally defined why she was so anxious.
In the very distant past, in the future, and even at this very moment….
“…Teacher, you will be special for your entire life.”
This person could not be ordinary.
Not even once, had he ever been.
“……”
“……”
Now, what should she look at and condemn as cruel?
“…Teacher, do you believe in humans?”
“There is happiness that can only be obtained by believing.”
“You have no intention of giving up.”
“Just as you, Aria, have not given up on your anger.”
“Yes, then….”
Aria smiled with a drained face she had never shown before.
“I’ll take care of my own share.”
Among the shadows beneath that jet-black cape, how much can I have?
She only prayed that she wouldn't have to let it flow into the sea once more.
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