Everything had been perfect until Fetti-Gami decided to fly over my tea party.

"What's wrong, lassy? It's just a little paper." Bruce asked instead of helping me clean up the messy confetti.

I made a mean face at him. "It's the wrong color! Stupid dragon. I even invited it and it just comes and makes a mess."

It had gotten in the cups. It had gotten on the plates. Two red pieces were stuck in Bruce's blue feathers. As fast as I could, I picked them all up and squished them in my hands.

"What do I do now?" I asked Bruce and held the ball of crushed confetti towards him.

I could have made it go away with my puddles, but then I would be sad. I didn't want to be sad at my own party, especially that day.

Bruce flapped his wings and held his claws up. "These are for clutching flesh and bone, lassy. Not paper."

Something tapped me on my back and I turned around to see a big arm reaching out from behind a tree.

"Give Taloo." Taloo said.

I pushed his arm back and went around the tree. "Stop it! You have to hide until they get here."

"Taloo help. Give paper." The familiar said again.

I sighed. "Fine. But don't get dirty. You have to look perfect."

I handed him the paper and had to get up on my tip toes to fix his hat and cape.

He was the surprise. It had been very hard to get him all dressed in blue. I had done it and I would be very mad if he messed it up.

Taloo ate the ball of paper. "See. Taloo help."

"Ewww, Taloo! The dragon threw that up." I said as I went back to the table.

"Taloo know. Taloo help anyways." The familiar said again.

Bruce helped push one of the tea cups back in place with his beak. "Pay him no mind. He's a thick walloper, but he's gotta good heart."

I made everything perfect again and made sure Fetti-Gami wasn't in the sky anymore. My ribbons were still in my hair. My dress didn't have any dirt on it.

All I had to do was wait.

I was not very good at waiting.

"Master Bruce, will you fly up and see where she is?" I asked after not very long at all.

Before he could answer, something came crawling out of the grass at my feet and coiled up my leg as it spoke. "That isss not necesssesssey. He isss here."

I picked up the little snake and pulled the blue sock I had cut a hole in back up her body. She slithered through my fingers and wrapped herself around the base of the teapot.

"You need to eat more, Issi. This was my smallest sock." I said as she stuck her head through the handle and looked back up at me.

"I do not eat. You know thisss." The little snake hissed.

"Well maybe you should. You can't just be okay with being little. If I-" I started, but the sound of footsteps made me stop.

"Everybody be quiet! They are almost here."

Bruce ruffled his feathers and turned his beak up to the sky. "Tell it to yourself, Lassy. You're the only one with your mouth open."

"Shhh!" I shushed the big blue bird and made sure my hair was still right.

Everybody listened, and I kept listening to the footseps until I saw someone at the bottom of the hill.

"Daddy!" I said and smiled as bit as I could.

He stretched his arms out wide and clapped his hands. "Well, look at all this! You set this up all by yourself? You've got tea, cookies, Bruce and Issi are here, and look how nice you look! With your ribbons and your dress. What's all this for, Puddles?"

I sat up and poured tea into his cup. "For you and Momma! I have a surprise when she gets here. I put a bunch of sugar in, so it is really sweet."

"It'll rot your teeth, warden." Bruce said as he clinked the beak against the steaming cup.

"Oh," Daddy said and frowned. "That's actually what I was coming to tell you. Your Mother isn't going to make it today. There was a problem on her trip, she's not gonna be able to come and stay until after the semester is over."

"Thats-but-you said!" I yelled.

"I know, I know. I'm sad too, I just found out myself," He walked over to me and put his hand on my back. "We are going to see her soon. But let's not let this ruin all the hard work you did! We can still have your tea party. Here, let me sit down."

"No!" I jerked away from him. My chair fell back as I stood up and turned away from the stupid table.

"I don't even like tea parties! I did this because you said that mommy was coming home, and she likes tea parties!" I shouted.

I was going to cry.

I didn't want to cry.

"I know, Spring. I know. I'm sorry," Daddy said as he squatted down and hugged me. "Your mother is very important. If she could have come, she would have, but there are people that need her. The things-"

"I need her! We need her! I don't care about other people." I yelled and hit him as I cried.

Taloo waddled out from behind the tree, his paws never touching the ground and saying the words that I had spent all morning trying to get him to sing. "Am Taloo. Am blue. For you. For you."

I squirmed out of Daddy's arms and tried to push the familiar back behind the tree. "No! Stop it. She isn't here. Go away!"

"Am Taloo? Am blue? For you? For you?" The stupid bear repeated.

"Ughhh. This is so stupid." I yelled when he didn't move at all.

Daddy shook his head. "No it's not. Look, this tea is delicious."

He drank his whole cup and filled it back up. "See! I could drink the whole pot. It's good, not stupid. And Taloo! How you managed to get that hat on him, you've got to show me. I haven't been able to get him out of his burrow for weeks. This is a wonderful thing you have done, Spring. It not going the way you wanted it to doesn't take away from that."

I rubbed my tears off on my sleeve and crossed my arms. "You aren't even wearing a shirt. You can't be at a tea party without a shirt. Go away."

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He leaned down into his knee and put his hands on my shoulder. "Listen, Spring. You need to know this. Your mother would have loved this if she were here, but she's not."

I rolled my eyes. "I know."

"But, and this is the key, you don't need her to be here to be proud of what you've done. Getting Taloo here, having Bruce be so calm, Issi is wearing a sock, you might be the next warden if you keep this up. Do you understand?" He asked.

I didn't. I had gotten up while it was still dark to make the party for mommy and she wasn't there. Everything else didn't matter. I had done it for nothing.

But I hated it when daddy got serious, so I lied. "Yes, Daddy."

"Do you want a hug?" He asked and waited for me to answer.

I did, so I leaned into his arms and he squeezed me until I groaned. "And just so you know, I'm not wearing a shirt because I thought we would go swimming with Nessa. She's been asking-"

"Really!" I shouted over him.

"Of course. She asked if you could just last night." He laughed.

I loved Daddy's laugh. It felt good to hear and better when it was because of me.

I ran around to his back and climbed up onto his shoulders.

"Alright, here we go," He grunted as he stood up and made me taller than Taloo. "Shouldn't we clean all this up first?"

"Warden, go. Puddles, go. Taloo clean." The familiar said as he pulled the little blue hat from his head.

Daddy laughed harder. "I'm pretty sure that means you are going to eat all the cookies, doesn't it?"

"I don't care. He can have them. It's just sugar cookies." I said as we left all the familiars behind us.

Daddy sighed. "Those are your mother's favorites."

"I know," I sighed too. "But Nessa was talking about me? You promise?"

"All of them do. They care about you, Spring." Daddy answered.

I understood that.

From his shoulders, I could see the beach and as we reached the bottom of the hill, Nessa came galloping up out of the water. Before I could raise my hand and wave at her, the sun flashed in my eyes and I felt myself fall. . .

It had never been easier for me to know just who I was than it was coming back from Tana's memories.

I liked ribbons, I had spent time with Taloo and Bruce, I knew what it was like to put on a pretty dress and hope that a certain someone liked it, but Tana had one thing that I would never have.

A father.

But that wasn't enough. She couldn't just know what it was like to be held, comforted, and taught by her father, it had to be the man that I wished was mine.

I had tried to not let myself think about the warden much since I had come back from Silkcradle.

Most days were easy. From my classes, to Anna, to Sam, remembering that I was still a criminal in the eyes of The Mothers, being punished, and finding time to sleep and eat, I had been busy. Sometimes, when I had laid in bed long enough for Anna to start snoring, I would remember that good dream that I had been given.

It was still good, the thought of Anna and I living out our days on that mashed together island still brought a smile to my face, but it would never last.

Good or not, it had only ever been a dream, and learning who the warden's daughter was had been what woke me from it.

I threw her book away from me and lay down on my side. How was it fair that she could hurt me more with her memories than she could in person? Almost, I almost let myself cry, but I felt something boil up from somewhere much deeper than my sadness went.

I got angry once again.

No matter how much it hurt, I had to find something that could hurt her.

Once I had her watery blue back in my hands, I went into another memory, and then another, and another. One after the other, I saw her having dinner, talking to familiars, and spending time with the warden. In one, she had been somewhere inside Lun. The grey stones, the singing stairs, the paintings that hid the narrow halls my familiar had disappeared into, everything was the same as it was in the present. Tana had not been a moon, she had still been a little girl, but when she had gone to her mother's study, Underwitch Maletta and a precept I did not recognize had taken her to go and play.

Nothing I found was anywhere close to what she knew about me.

There was probably nothing in her life I could even find to hurt her. She grew up on a magic island and her mother was a precept. From everything I had seen, I had learned two things.

Tana's life had been so much easier than mine, and she had been infuriatingly cute when she was younger.

She was impatient, demanding, and mean, all the things I knew her to be, but everyone seemed to love her for it.

After more memories than I could remember, I had almost given up. With her book laying beside me, I flipped forward through the pages and told myself I could only take becoming Tana one last time before I left. . .

"True, come now. What is bothering you? You've kept me alive long enough for me to know when you are troubled." I heard Daddy say as I walked towards my parent's room.

I loved when we stayed at my mother's house, but it was a lot bigger than what I was used to.

It was scary at night.

There had been something in the closet, I knew it, even if I couldn't find it when I made my werelight.

I heard my mother talk next, and I let my werelight go out. "You must not judge me, Wyn. By asking such a question you must be willing to accept what I will say in answer."

Something was wrong with her.

She didn't even eat dinner with us.

Their door was cracked, and I saw Daddy walking across the room as I tried to stay quiet. "Is something wrong with one of the girls? Did something happen to little Seram? How long has she been gone?"

"No, it is none of those things. It is Spring." My mother sighed.

"Oh? Did she leave one of your books out again?" Daddy asked.

They were talking about me. I knew I shouldn't listen, but I snuck up to the door and sat down anyway.

"Do you remember how difficult it was for me to gain permission to have a child? Do you remember how long we spent dreaming and imagining what they would be like if we were given the opportunity? It took Mother Katarina speaking with all of The Mothers for us to not have to wait decades." My mother said.

"I remember. What about it?" Daddy answered as I heard him strike a match and light one of his burners.

My mother sighed again. "When we found out we could begin trying, that was truly the best day of my life."

"I remember. We didn't leave my cabin for two weeks." Daddy laughed.

That was a long time to stay inside. I wondered what all the familiars had been doing without him going out to bother them.

"And then when I was with child, you would keep me awake until the early hours of the morning talking to my stomach like she could hear you." My mother laughed, but it was a sad sounding laugh, like she was gonna cry.

Daddy laughed too, but it wasn't sad. "She could, I'll bet my life on that. What are you trying to say?"

"I just," My mother started, and it sounded like she was crying. "I thought she would be more like me."

"She's you made over, what do you mean? I can't look at her without seeing you." Daddy said.

So quiet, I almost couldn't hear it, my mother answered. "She is weak, Wyn. She found her color so early, I thought we had made a prodigy, but since then-"

"True, I think you've been up for too long. Let's go to bed." Daddy said, and his voice sounded angry.

My mother yelled at my father. "Do not tell me what to do. You are not my warden. I hate saying this more than you hate hearing it, that is no lie. But when I was her age, when I think about where my students were when they were younger than her, she will never be what I hoped she would be."

I was. . . weak?

How could she say that about me?

"You are going to make me mad, True. She's not supposed to be like you, she is supposed to be like Spring, isn't that what all you sorceresses are supposed to know? She spent all summer working on her puddles, she can just about flood the house now. You know why she did that?" Daddy yelled.

"Because she wished to show me," My mother yelled back. "Do you forget that I am a teacher? That I spend every year trying to identify which underwitches can become a Lady? I know how badly she wishes to become a moon, I know how badly she wished to come to Lun with me, but I know in my heart that she will struggle. It breaks with the weight of knowing that she will be average."

I was crying then.

I tried to stand up and sneak away, but I was too upset.

I tripped and fell into the door.

It swung open, and my parents looked at me in shock.

"Hey, puddles. What are you doing out of bed?" Daddy asked, trying to hide how angry he was.

I looked at my mother and cried even harder. "Why are you being so mean?"

"Oh, Spring. I am so sorry, come here." My mother said as she walked to me with her arms reaching towards me.

"No!" I shouted.

All I could do was run away.

I didn't care if the monster was back in my closet, getting eaten by it would be better than how I felt then.

With the sound of my mother calling after me, I ran back into the dark, and just before I reached my room, I felt myself fall. . .

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