I held her there with an uncertain will. I could crush her if I wanted to, and that terrified me. The power with which I held her ebbed and flowed—the weave, flickering through my second sight like a fading flame—as I constantly readjusted my psychic grip as she screamed and bawled and flailed.
Those sounds broke my heart, and with it, my focus and my weave. I slithered into the doorway to stop her from leaving, while summoning a forcefield to block off her desk and the far side of the room, where her other weapons were.
Out of habit, I took a deep breath, unintentionally spewing out spores. It took me a second to get myself to stop. I wiped the spore goo off my face with the back of my hands, only to flinch when one of my fingers touched one of my ear-eyes.
I steeled myself as best as I could.
Clenching my claws, I created a doppelganger in my Main Menu and, through him, opened a portal in my Main Menu to give us—Vernon and Second-Me—a clear view of the drama playing out in the real world. I felt Vernon's anger toward me simmer, though his rage was quickly overpowered by the despair he felt at seeing his sister reduced to feckless tears.
I tried my best to sound authoritative. "Dr. Heggy Marteneiss," I said, "I…"
I tried to think of something snarky to diffuse the tension—'It's time for your appointment', maybe?—but nothing came to mind.
"…I'm scared for you," I muttered. I blinked and shook my head. "Tell me why you're hurting so much. Tell me, please! I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."
"Tell her I'm here!" Vernon said.
I spoke to General Marteneiss through Second-Me. "Vernon, I promise, I'll tell her, just… slow down! You have to be patient! This is delicate work."
"You're fucking telling me?" he roared.
"Yeah, I am! Talking someone down from suicide is like defusing a bomb. One wrong move, and it's all over!"
Vernon looked on in terror.
Head trembling, Heggy's bit down on her lip. Her bloodshot eyes glistened beneath the fluorescent ceiling lights as she stared at me.
I shuddered again—"You…"—and then flashed with anger. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself, Heggy!"
"You better fucking mean it," Vernon said.
Fortunately, where violence had failed, my words succeeded. The pain burning in her soul smoldered and vanished. In a single motion, Heggy slunk back against the wall and splayed her arms to either side, as if the floor was about to swallow her whole. She lifted her eyes to look up at me, but she didn't hold them there for long. The effort was too much for her to bear.
"Letty was right," she croaked. Her voice was like a dead riverbed. "It's all bogus. It's all… bullshit." Her shoulders shuddered as she exhaled. "Everything's a lie. Myself, most of all."
She trained her eyes onto her desk, toward her PortaCon. She was ragged, sweaty, and broken.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Vernon gave a file he wanted me to read." Her lips quivered. "I'd started readin' it late last night, but then all hell broke loose. I kept tellin' myself that it couldn't be right. But…" she cackled bitterly, "that Ms. Rambone was one helluva reporter." She shook her head.
Her words struck General Marteneiss like a lightning bolt. Vernon sent a ripple across my Main Menu's floor as he fell to his knees.
"N-No…" he muttered. He covered his hand with his mouth.
"What is it?"
"Rambone? Ilzee Rambone?" I asked, out in the real world.
Heggy turned her gaze back to me and nodded. "Turns out Rambone was workin' on a book about the Marteneisses. It would have been published in a couple weeks, had the Green Death not gotten in the way. Just before she kicked the bucket, Ilzee forwarded a copy of the manuscript to Vernon."
"Who gave it to you," I said.
"I wish I'd read it earlier," Heggy said. "Then, maybe we could have talked about it before he…" She averted her gaze.
I swallowed hard.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
"And it's because of this book that you…?" But I couldn't bring myself to say the rest.
Within myself, I walked up next to Vernon. The man was beside himself with guilt.
He shook his head and wept. "It's my fault."
"What was in the book?" I asked.
"Why?" I asked, out in the real world. "Why would you do that? How? I don't understand!"
"I've always known my family had a dark side to its history," Vernon said. "But, like Heggy, I was raised to dismiss it as exaggerations and propaganda. But then, a couple days ago, Ms. Rambone sent me the manuscript. I read it, and I was floored."
"You had time to read?" I asked.
"I can read a thousand words a minute, Dr. Howle. Speed reading comes in handy when you have to go through pages and pages of memorandums and reports on a daily basis." He sighed. "I've always used reading as a way to escape the… finality of it all. Always had trouble sleeping. Books helped pass the time." Vernon shook his head. "Heggy cared more about our family's legacy than any of us. I knew she'd want to know, and… I wanted her to understand why I did what I did."
"By, 'what you did'," I asked, "you mean abduct people and experiment on them against their will?"
Vernon stamped his foot on the water-slicked floor. "Goddammit, I had to do something!"
Out in the real world, I looked Heggy in the eyes. "Heggy… to me, you're the person who tells the rest of us to buck up and keep going. You—"
She cut me off. "—Genneth… you," she took a deep, jagged breath, "you have to understand. For as long as I've known, since I was shittin' in diapers, there was right, and there was wrong, and the difference between 'em was as sure as the mornin' sunrise. I was raised to see an order in the world. From the mountains themselves to all ten of your toes, everything and everyone had their ordained purpose. It was the great Chain of Command, and I believed in it with all my fuckin' heart. Superiors and subordinates; husbands and wives; parents and children… principles, and anarchy. Truth and lies."
She shuddered.
"We were a military family, Genneth, with military pride. Love of faith, fatherland, and family was baked into every inch of our lives. That was just the way the world worked, and it was beautiful. It was the Angel's honest truth." Heggy pursed her lips. "But it was bunk. Bunk, bunk, bunk."
"W-What do you mean? How?"
"Turns out I wasn't livin' in the world I believed in. Never have been. My family is a bunch of war criminals. All those Marteneisses—the captains, the admirals, the generals…" She shook her head. "Monsters, every one of them. Granddaddy said he never knew anythin' about the concentration camps." She scoffed. "Turns out Grandaddy was a big fat liar. And it's not just him; none of us are clean. When my ancestors sided with the Prelatory during the revolution, they didn't do it out of patriotic duty. They did for the cash, and the perks. They sold their souls to the Norms."
"You come from a big family, Heggy," I said. "They can't all be irredeemably evil. Life is rarely that black and white."
"A shit sandwich is still a shit sandwich, no matter how good the bread might be." She made a snort that twisted into a cough. "You're right, Genneth. They're not all like my Grandaddy, and… that makes it so much worse. Good people like my brother disgraced both themselves and the service, and for what? For the sake of saving face! And they know it! And it's not just them. It's the whole kit-n-caboodle!" Heggy looked me in the eyes. "I don't know if you were payin' attention durin' the insanity, but… a lot of the transformees who attacked us were wearin' military uniforms. Just look at those fellas who nearly shot up the garage! They were soldiers, too. I…" her voice cracked. "I can't wrap my head around it. How could they have so little honor? The difference between a soldier and a killer is that a soldier fights for what's right. They make the ultimate sacrifice. They put themselves last to put the rest of us first. Or," she scoffed again, "so I thought." She chuckled. "Hell, even Director Hobwell was full of it. The fuckin' AI is a better, fairer administrator than he ever was. So much for the human spirit, eh? And look at us! We're doctors! We're supposed to heal! We remove what's wrong and repair's broken; that's healing!" She cried. "So… where's the healin'? Where's the happy ending?"
Vernon had been hanging on to Heggy's every word, which made that last remark of hers hit like a ton of bricks.
He looked up at me, as broken as she was. "Please, Dr. Howle, tell her I'm here. I'm begging you. I—"
I had to fight to keep my dopplegenneth from breaking out in tears. Vernon had opened himself up to me. I felt everything that was going through his mind.
I knew exactly what he wanted to tell her.
It was all so gosh-darn tragic!
I looked Dr. Marteneiss in the eyes. "Heggy, there's something you need to know."
She snapped at me. "What? What is it!? What's so fucking important!?"
"Your brother is here."
Closing my eyes, I recoupled my consciousness, dismissing my doppleganger and bringing Vernon's spirit out into the open, right between Heggy and I.
I just wished she could have seen him.
I glanced at Vernon and nodded. "He's here right now." I turned my gaze back to Heggy. "And he desperately, desperately wants to talk to you."
For a moment, Heggy stared at where I'd looked. "Vern…?" she asked, totally uncertain.
She was reaching for a lifeline.
"Yes!" Vernon said. "Yes, sis, I'm here! I'm right here!"
For a second, the general spread his arms in elation.
I lowered my head. "Though he can hear you, Heggy, but… you can't hear him."
Her lips curved into a heartbroken scowl. "You—"
"—It's not a problem," I said, "I can relay his words to you."
The instant those words left my lips, I knew I'd screwed up, big time. I could see it in her eyes.
Shaking her head, Dr. Marteneiss bit her lip. A sardonic smile shook through her mouth.
"Well ain't that peachy…" She spoke in derision. "Genneth, I don't know if it's because you aren't human anymore or whatever, but… if you're supposed to be givin' me reasons to keep on living, let me tell you, you're doing a real shit job of it. If Vernon's so desperate to talk to me, why I don't I just kill myself right now, and then you can eat me up like you did him and reunite us in life after the end. That's how it works, right?"
"Heggy, no, what are you saying!?"
Groaning, she reached up, grabbed the edge of her desk and pulled herself to her feet. "Genneth… what's the point of it all!? Why not just go back to the caves, fuckin' and killin' and all the live long day? Why put up with the lies? Why put up with nobles who don't shine and heroes who only pretend to be better than the half-baked villains that they really are?!"
She was raving, now. Wheezing wracked her breaths.
"Heggy, please, calm down!" I raised my claws defensively. "You're going to hurt yourself!"
"Yeah, Genneth," she smirked, "that's kind of the point."
"Sis, no!" Vernon yelled. "Stop!"
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