21 - Bon Voyage Bash

When Joe entered Sticks and Bones, he immediately understood why the gate guards and Wakely had so thoroughly recommended it. The air was filled with the loud, boisterous din of dozens of people having a very good time. The atmosphere was infectious. He found himself breaking into a wide grin just hearing the laughter and shouts.

Spotting the throng of his friends from the Tide Dancer, Joe headed that way while he looked the place over. One of the most striking features was the long bar that ran along the right wall. It was made up of alternating light and dark dowels varnished together into a single, glossy-smooth structure. As Joe got closer, he realized the lighter rods were long straight bones offset by darker wooden sticks. The whole effect was striking, drawing Joe's eye first, even though there were many more spectacular sights to behold within this rowdy drinking hall.

The left-hand side of the room was dedicated to gaming tables. These gamblers were not quiet card players. Every table was occupied by one of several dice-based games. With each throw, the players erupted with cheers or groans accordingly. He had never played craps at a casino before, but he suddenly understood why the game was far more communal and clamorous than the muted card tables he had played at. The constant rattle of dice cups fit perfectly into the tavern's name.

'Roll them bones!' he thought to himself.

The middle of the area was by far the most outstanding part of the room. It was dedicated to a large challenge ring. A rectangular pool was surrounded by a low wall only a few inches high. Joe guessed the actual pool was far deeper than the level of the floor. This large basin was approximately twelve feet wide and fifteen feet long, filled with a bright green liquid. Rising out of the fluid were teak sticks about an inch thick. At the moment, there were only a little over a dozen sticks in play, but nearby barrels held scores more of the shafts, varying in length.

Standing on one of the rods was Hah'roo. The galeling effortlessly balanced on the tip of the dowel, supported by the toes of her right foot, about eight inches above the emerald liquid surface. Two more sticks were near her perch, each bearing a shot glass; one contained lavender liquor, the other was clear. These poles were set at the same level as her knees. A fourth stick was waist height, bearing a cut wedge of fruit.

Across the pool, Jade balanced on an identical configuration. Sscae Sjach joined them on the furthest set of sticks. Yawler must have had the closest location, but had failed early. He was standing at the edge of the pool, wiping clingy green droplets from himself and nodding off the laughing jibes from his friends.

As Joe joined the watching Tide Dancer crew, the challenge was explained to him. The trick was to grab each drink without spilling more than a drop, toss them back, and then bite into the piece of fruit. Immediately, Joe pictured the similarities between salt, tequila, and lime. Granted, he had never seen any attempt to do the combo balancing on the point of a one-inch dowel before. The winner finished first, and of course, falling off was an instant disqualifier.

The betting was heavy, and Jade was the favorite to win. She was the reigning champ at Shot an' Drop. One was not allowed to use supernatural abilities, for instance, Joe wouldn't be able to use his force hand. Since Hah'roo was not allowed to use her winds, the crew didn't think it was likely that she would dethrone their feline champion. Joe bet on Hah'roo, because winds or not, he just couldn't imagine her losing in any contest of dexterity. Having sparred with both, he knew Jade was faster than the rope dancer, but Hah'roo's body control and agility were uncanny.

This contest was a race, though, so speed would be a factor.

"Ready," the crew intoned. "Set!" they added, with Joe joining in. "GO!" they all shouted.

The trio moved in a blur. Sscae Sjach's heavy tail gave her plenty of counterbalance as she leaned out to the first glass, but she seemed to be moving in slow motion compared to the blind speed of the other two. Jade's taloned toes anchored her to the rod. She snatched the first glass before the lizard woman was even close. The tabby-hued monk downed the drink and swung herself toward the second glass, only to realize it was already over.

Like the dancer she was, Hah'roo had pirouetted on her stick, making the whole three-part process a single rotating gesture. As Jade's fingers touched her second glass, the galeling huntress was tossing the chip of fruit into her mouth.

Sscae Sjach was so distracted watching the whirling wind-talker that she lost her balance and tumbled badly off her perch. It looked as though she would crash onto the edge of the pit. Yet before she landed, the fluid in the pool surged upward, catching the falling surian sailor. Joe realized it was not just green water but a sentient liquid being. The green pseudopod deposited the scally spearwoman on her feet and received a pat of thanks for it. A column of emerald ooze rose up and bowed to the gathering, while the onlookers chanted 'Jelly.'

As the slime resettled, Joe gave Wakley a puzzled look.

"Ah, that be Jellifer," the sailor announced with breath fumey enough to cause alcohol poisoning all by itself. "Good lass. Alwynnon the Unhinged created her long ago. She escaped the Oooze Mage and made her way to Fort Coral, where she's been the mascot of Sticks ever since I been coming here. Technically, she be a guildmate o' yours, though I never heard of her leaving the tavern. The Coral Guild is a weird one. More monsters on their roster than any guildhouse in Duskrug, that's for sure."

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As Joe pondered that nugget, Lefty ambled up to them. "Is he ready?" the coastal dwarf bellowed over the din.

"Ready for what? Wake? What did you do?"

"I bet these simple sods that not a one o' them could drink ya under the table. This dwarven dolt felt he had to protect the pride of his people and accepted."

"Watch it, ya old lush," the deck officer shot back good-naturedly. "The day a human outdrinks a dwarf shall be a dark one indeed."

"Is this like Shot an' Drop? No magic?" Joe queried.

"Hundred no!" Wakely scoffed. "What kinda idiot do ya think I am? Of course, the bet was his gut versus yer mojo. Ya think I don't know how to make a wager, boyo?"

Wakely turned back to the third mate. "Ok, since he gets his heals, ye got ta pick the brew. What ya gonna be drinking?"

"This," Lefty declared with an ominous smugness. He produced a murky stone bottle. There was a paper label glued to the smoky crystal flask bearing the likeness of a very evil-looking mushroom. "This be Deep Duergarian Shroom Jack, bucko," the mate gloated to Joe. "Don't matter what ya can clear up. One shot of this will flatten ya before ye even can work yer magic."

"Oof. That be one devilish brew, Lefts," Wakely grunted. "Even I ain't tried that more than once … no, twice … oh wait. Ok, four times. And that was three too many."

"Still game, boyo," the dwarf challenged. "I'd hate ta see ya miss the party seein' as how ya just got here?"

"What the hell," Joe declared. "If it's as bad as you say, then you have my permission to slap me awake."

"Bonus!" the mate boomed. "But I go down, yer not ta rouse me with yer magic. A dwarf who can't get himself back on his feet is best served sleepin' it off."

Lefty produced two similarly smoky, crystalline shot glasses and poured a dram of the thick liquid into each. The syruppy goop was a strange, dark gray color with highlights of blue, brown, and purple depending on how the light hit it. It looked oily and unappetizing. His nose, though, had a completely contradictory experience with the booze. It smelled of something earthy with a dozen subtle scents mixed in. Closing his eyes from its unwholesome appearance, completely changed Joe's opinion of the Shroom Jack.

"Count it off, buckos!" Left called.

As the crowd shouted "One," Joe felt the wildness get busy in preparation for what was coming. It was a hard sensation to describe, but his torso suddenly firmed up. He felt solid. On "Two," he opened his sheet to see his vigor had gone up four points. The heavy shift was soaking through stamina, but Joe had plenty of that resource to spare.

On "Three," he quaffed the heavy shot and readied for an immediate [Purge]. If this stuff was as potent as Lefty and Wakely stated, he would have to time this spell carefully. Too soon, before the liquor had any effect, and he would waste the casting and have to cast again, hoping not to get flattened in the time it took to recast. Obviously, too late was self-explanatory.

The booze hit him like a piledriver. His whole mouth went instantly numb. Thankfully his spell did not require a verbal component or he would have been screwed. Feeling the deadening sensation flow down his throat, Joe purged the moment the gooey blob hit his stomach.

Even then, he likely would have fallen over were it not for [Steadfast].

"Wa da heh, Efty. Can't feel m' teeth," Joe garbled.

Lefty wasn't much better. The stout officer was shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "Whoh. That stuff's got a kick," he slurred. He looked at Joe with a bleary gaze and shouted, "Hey! Yer not supposed to be standing. Go again."

"Ye sure, Efty," Joe managed to utter as his magic attempted to restore feeling in his mouth. "It's not going to add up in me," he proclaimed, though to be honest, he was not a hundred percent sure of that. That one gulp was still doing odd things to his reinforced gut, even after a couple of [Purges].

Lefty was not going to back down, and they both managed to survive shot number two. Round three put an end to the contest as the third mate keeled over even before he managed to put down the glass.

Joe had let himself get drunk the night of his evening with Kendell, but he knew he could have cleared out the booze at any time. Shroom Jack was not nearly so purgeable. Joe knew he was completely soused, but surprisingly, the thick drink produced a very happy drunkenness. He didn't trust himself to walk a straight line, but his head was clear …ish, and a general good-mood infused him from head to toe.

He switched to a very mild punch after that and listened to the crew's cavalcade of sea stories. Many of them he had heard on the trip from Peregrine Harbor, but tonight he enjoyed them all over again. The celebration went far into the night.

The crew even had gifts for the two departing guests. For Hah'roo, they produced a marvel of knotwork known as the [Storm Ravel]. Knowing the galeling skill with filomancy, knot-magic, they had bought her something she could study and learn. When woven correctly, it would provide a one-use massive resistance to lightning. Once burned, she'd have to tie another one, but that was a task the rope-dancer enjoyed.

Joe received a ship in a bottle. This was not just a toy or a model, but a handmade crafting bound to the Tide Dancer. Hoodoo explained that if the sails unfurled and water began to move on its own, it was a sign that they were sailing toward Joe. The more the waves rolled around the ship and the more animated the sails and pennants became, the closer the Tide Dancer was to his location. This way, Joe would know not to go off on some trek if they were a few days away.

"What ya think, boyo?" a tipsy Yalwer asked, hanging on Joe's shoulder.

"I think I can still barely feel my teeth, but I love the gift, bud. Thanks, all," he announced to his departing friends. Joe bought them all a round of whatever they wanted. As he sipped his still nearly liquorless juice drink, he ruminated on just how perfect the gift was. It might be a long time until he saw these good folks again, but at least he would know the next time they were heading his way. It filled saying goodbye that night with joy and camaraderie instead of melancholy.

The group happily carried on toward the wee hours, until a stern-faced Killian showed up at the door. The large first mate's presence elicited a round of hasty, yet heartfelt, farewells as the Tide Dancer crew departed as rapidly as they could. Before the big man turned on his heel to follow Wakely and Dunny, carrying the still-unconscious third mate, he threw a salute to Joe and Hah'roo. And then he, too, was gone, until the sea brought them all back again.

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