Misadventures Incorporated

Chapter 524 - Once Upon a Midsummer Night VII


Claire sighed as she watched the enemy close in. She almost couldn't be bothered to keep up her act. She was already sick and tired of the foolish intruder and he'd already fulfilled his role. It was her first time attempting to bless a sentient being and it had gone about as well as expected. That was to say, the result was highly unstable and the man had about a seventy percent chance to die in the next few hours; she'd have to put some more work into refining the process before she could bestow anything upon her companions.

She was tempted to get right to work, but she figured she was better off waiting until she returned Rubia's body, or at least got it out of harm's way.

The latter point was easily addressed. Claire applied a single heavy vector to the back of the swordsman's head and sent her crashing face first into the floor. She scrambled to get back to her feet, but another vector snapped her neck and put an end to her struggling.

Hemlik raised his voice to say something, but Claire teleported him away. She needed him to live a little bit longer to see the so-called blessing's effects. And then, with another few portals, she teleported the arachne to the foot of the Langgbjerns, switched back to her own body, and shifted to the same location.

Boris accompanied her on her journey to the northland. Lazily climbing up her back, he became a pair of weaponised wings made up of equal parts ice and metal.

"Get up," she said. "I know you're faking it, Vella."

"You could tell?"

The spiderlady's head snapped into place as soon as she spoke the words. Raising her face, she revealed a toothy, childish grin. Her species was the only part of her that even remotely resembled her usual form, and for good reason. It was simply a splinter, a tiny piece of the goddess sent down into the world in order to observe it first hand. Splinters were typically their own entities and could interact with the system in all of the usual ways. The only limitation was their inability to ascend beyond the fifth stage. Upon death or an attempted sixth ascension, they would return to their origin, reintegrate their consciousness, and inscribe their experiences into the deity's mind directly.

It was technically a deprecated technology. A more modern and sensible god would have simply interfaced with the system if they wished to see and understand the world. But there were still advantages to creating a sentient observer. For one, it allowed a fresh perspective otherwise unaffected by the deity's biases. And more importantly, it provided the god with a shell in which they could freely descend.

Unlike a standard mortal's coil, the meat puppets were perfectly attuned; they would not split apart just because they were injected with a tiny fragment of power, and they could be easily reused without any adverse effects. The splinters themselves would never even realise that they were possessed and perceived any such incident as a bout of unconsciousness.

There were, of course, still limitations. Even if divinely piloted, splinters were only as powerful as the system described.

Vella could only manifest a tiny portion of her strength.

Still, Claire kept up her guard. Knowing the goddess, she was likely in the midst of weaving one of her usual schemes.

"What do you want?"

"I'd just really like for us to talk," said Vella. "But you never visited my temple."

"Because you're just going to annoy me and try to use me. Just like you're doing right now."

"Oh, don't be so much of a grouch," huffed the goddess. "I'm only here because you blocked me from writing messages into your log. I'm still not sure when and how you managed to learn how to do that."

"None of your business," said Claire. She raised a hand and a newly-formed spear along with it. "Now hurry up and talk. You have thirty seconds. Run the timer or lose my interest and I leave right away."

Vella sighed. "I want to tell you my side of the story."

"I'm leaving," said Claire.

"Wait, wait! Stop! Come back!" The goddess closed the distance and grabbed onto Claire's tail just before she could step through a fresh portal. "I swear it's not as boring as it sounds, and there's something in it for you too."

Claire narrowed her eyes. "Like what?"

"My blessing. The strongest one I can possibly give."

"Not interested. Now go away. I have an experiment to do."

"That's actually the other reason I interrupted you. Hemlik's soul can't really take much more. Keep working it and you'll kill him."

"You make it sound like I care."

"You might not know it, but you do," said the goddess. "Trust me, Claire. Yo—"

"No. Never."

"Why not!?"

"I'm not an idiot, Vella. I know this is another one of your silly little schemes. Now leave me alone, or I'll make you." Wrapping her tail around the goddess' neck, Claire forcibly pushed her away.

"Make me?" A smile flickered across the spider's face. It was a devilish, entertained smirk accompanied by the drawing of a weapon. "I'd like to see you try." She cackled as she brandished her blade, only to blink and freeze right after. Claire had already vanished through the portal and closed it behind her, leaving Vella out in the Langgbjerns all by herself.

It took the goddess a moment to get over her shock. Blinking back her confusion, she immediately opened a portal of her own, but it vanished before she could step inside. The same phenomenon repeated for the next three she summoned, each closing faster than the last. And at least descended, she wasn't fast enough to overcome the aspect's denial.

Sighing, Vella vacated her body, returned to her realm, and abandoned her splinter, who suddenly found herself in the middle of the mountains, completely and utterly confused.

Claire, on the other hand, stifled a laugh as she returned to the castle. She warped straight into her room, gave her shoulders a stretch, and waited for her fox to jump atop her head.

"How'd it go?" asked Sylvia.

"About as expected," said Claire, as she scratched the critter's chin. She detached Boris from her spine and quickly changed her armoured dress into something a little more casual. Only after inspecting herself in the mirror one last time did she walk out into the common area, where she found the others still in the midst of discussion. They greeted her when she entered, but otherwise continued to chat.

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"Yeah, I dunno. Clearly, they've got the ability to break right through."

"It's still safer here than it is anywhere else," said Allegra. "And knowing Canterbell, we'll probably have an updated shield within the next two or three days."

"Wait, so this shit's happened before?" asked the clam.

"A few times. Valencia doesn't exactly move around much, and our intelligence unit only really came together about five to six hundred years ago. Anyway, there's no need to worry. We'll refine the barrier and have it working better than ever in no time."

"I dunno…" Jules turned to Arciel, who spent a few seconds tapping her fan against her chin.

"I can certainly see the cause for your caution, Jules, but I believe not in its necessity. We have already demonstrated our ability to defend ourselves, and I have little doubt that our enemy shall soon discover us again regardless of the place of our relocation."

"We could use that portal spell of yours and go somewhere really far," said Allegra.

"That'd definitely be a lot safer, but also a lot less convenient," said Chloe.

"Leaving is bad. Less snacks," said Lana.

"We should be fine to stay. I doubt they'll try another attack," said Claire.

"And you are confident in this, why?" asked Arciel.

"Because they'll realise that there's no point trying to make us fight a larger scale war." Claire settled into a seat and dropped Sylvia into her lap. "The government won't think much of Gladora's death. They'll even let us claim the free win if we want."

"Considering our position, it would certainly come as a boon, but I do not believe that such a manner of victory is likely to inspire confidence in our abilities, and we cannot truly say that we have won, if it becomes the deciding victory."

"That won't be much of a problem."

Arciel lightly drummed one hand with the other. "That does assuage many of my concerns, but I still believe that it is best not to claim the point. I know well that I speak from a place of hubris, but I suspect it is in our best interest for Krail to feign death and go into hiding."

"You want me to pretend to be dead?" The old elf scratched his head. "I'm all for schemes, and to be honest, I'm happier not fighting, but I don't really follow. Shouldn't we take all the points we can? We're down two, and to be frank, I'm not really liking our chances. This reminds me of th—"

"The purpose is twofold," said Arciel, cutting off Krail. "Firstly, I wish to garner some degree of sympathy. Such an act shall surely provide us greater solidarity, which shall further serve as a contingency should we lose. More importantly, it is a blight upon my pride. I would not mind if it was our second or third win that we garnered through such a means, but I cannot stand the thought of our first victory stemming from a defaul—"

A flick stopped the squid mid-rant and left her groaning as she massaged the place between her eyes.

"You're being silly," said Claire. "Just take the win. We can use it."

"I am certain that we shall accrue the necessary point total regardless."

"That's not what I mean," said Claire. "All we need to do is have Krail present himself with supreme confidence when he walks in tomorrow and then act surprised when they announce Gladora's death. We can work on the exact script later, but he just has to say something like it being a shame because he was looking forward to fighting her."

Arciel's eyes lit up as her lips curved into a smile. "I believe I understand the direction that you wish to take this. I presume you wish to push the narrative that Krail and Jules were not too far apart in strength?"

"Exactly," said Claire. "The crowd will do the rest on its own."

"Wait uhhh… I think there's a problem with that plan," said Sylvia. "Krail really sucks at acting."

"Does he? I am fairly certain this is my first time hearing of such a weakness," said Arciel, with a raised brow. "But I suppose it does appear at least fairly accurate, given what I know of him."

"It's not that hard," said Claire. "I'm sure he can get it with a bit of practice."

The elf forced a smile. "I can certainly try, but I can't make any promises. To be honest, I'm actually quite relieved that I don't have to duel Gladora, and I wouldn't be too surprised if it ended up showing."

"Just try," said Claire. "Unless you want me to do it for you."

"I'm sure you could pull off the acting part, and Chloe would probably do a fair enough job of the make up, but I'm not really sure how you'd hide your ears, or if you'd be able to trick the artifact reading out our names and values," said the elf.

"Not what I meant." Claire deployed a dozen vectors and grabbed hold of the old elf's body. Moving his joints, she walked him over to the mirror, set his hands on his hips, and worked her magic through his voicebox.

"Do you understand now?"

The voice, which came from Krail's throat, was deeper and more refined than usual.

"Yes, but that was... strange." The thoroughly confused elf lightly touched his neck. "I still can't decide whether it was uncomfortable. It was weird, how my body was moving on its own, but at the same time, it almost felt oddly natural."

"I was moving you the same way you'd move yourself," said Claire. "I also took the liberty of using your vocal chords correctly. Since you don't."

"I don't?" the elf blinked.

"Your voice should sound a little lower, but you've always unconsciously raised the pitch."

"I have?" The elf scratched his head. "Does it even make a difference?"

"You did sound kinda better," said Sylvia. "It was a lot more smooth. You'd probably make for a pretty good singer."

"Sounded more manly," agreed Lana.

"Really?" Krail placed a hand on his chin as he sank back into his chair. "Maybe I should practice lowering it then."

"Work on that later," said Claire. She teleported a pen and paper off of Arciel's desk and quickly wrote out a couple of paragraphs. "Practice this first. Have it perfect by morning, or I'm taking control of your body."

"To be honest, that may just be the better choice. I'm not really confident I'll be able to do it right, especially not under pressure."

"If I'm walking you out, I'm walking you out in nothing but your boxers and a helmet."

"I'll get right to learning the script." Smiling awkwardly, the elf accepted the sheet and gave it a quick once over.

"Don't forget, you have to sound natural. You'll ruin it if you stiffen up."

"That seems difficult. Do I really have to use so many complicated words? I'm afraid I probably won't remember them."

"Yes. It'll make for a better impression."

"I'm not even sure I know what half of these things mean. Frankly, I'm surprised that you do, considering how you usually speak."

"I'm fiercely intelligent."

"Oh god, not this again," said Sylvia.

"I am." Claire pinched the furball's cheeks. "And I'm not about to let some silly fox tell me otherwise."

"Hey, what the heck!? I'm not silly!"

"I believe you."

"You literally only ever say that when you don't!"

"Matters of intelligence aside," said Arciel, as she stifled a laugh, "Are we certain it is best to move forward with this plan? I do still believe that it would be to our benefit not to take advantage of the situatio—" She began to elaborate, but was cut short again. Rather than a flick, the second attack was a light prod to the stomach.

"You're letting the pride get the better of you," said Claire.

Arciel frowned, but soon breathed a sigh.

"Very well. I suppose I must acquiesce if Claire Augustus of all people is judging me for my hubris." She squealed as she was prodded again, but quickly cleared her throat and recovered. "We shall take advantage of their weakness and claim this victory in our name."

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