"Listen," I pleaded, "I just need you to promise that you'll be... normal." Human Calliope scowled at me, scars bunching up, but before she could reply I continued. "See, that look? That's what I'm talking about."

"On my physical body," she said, "I am wearing a mask. Because you stole my face."

"First of all, you can scowl right through a solid wood mask somehow. Second, thanks for another great example of what I'm talking about. You can't say that kind of thing. Okay? We're headed over right now, and if the first thing they hear from you is that I'm evil and stole your face this whole job is going to blow up. And third of all, you still have your face. Your face got copied, not stolen; if anything it was me that had my face stolen, because I don't even know what I was supposed to look like."

She had been looking like she was going to argue more, but that last point made her hesitate. "Why should I care about your job?"

"Because I'm about to tell them you're an expert at... something... and that you should be allowed to come along. No, stop, I see that look. Let me finish. You've got no faith in me, for fuck's sake. We're going on an expedition to a mysterious faraway land that few know how to reach, but which they've been to before. It's called... Earth."

That got her attention. "You want us... both... to go to Earth?"

"Yeah. Well, I mean, you want to get back to mom, right? That's going to be easier if I go with you. Katrin is here, she brought my cell phone and drivers license and stuff - our Social Security card is in there too, you need that. I don't know, I mean... I could just send you on your own, but I've been trying to think about what Bill would have done and he... I don't think he would have let me do this sort of thing by myself. And you asked me for help, for life skills lessons, so this can be the final exam. I'm absolutely sure there's shit I didn't think to mention."

She looked uncomfortable. It was the look she always had when I wasn't a bitch. "I'm not just going for you," I said, "I'm also going because I want to do some shopping, and because there's maybe a powerful artifact there that could help us fix the world, and because I want to know what these other guys know and where they learned it - for all I know they're working with whoever wiped my memories, though it doesn't really feel like it. But if I'm going, it just makes sense to see this fucking thing through and take you with me.

"I know I told you I thought you could get there through Nusos, and that's apparently how they're doing it so yay me for being right, but Nusos can be tricky, and Earth is a big place, and I wouldn't want you ending up stranded on the wrong continent or something. You don't have a passport, and... I don't know, it would be bad. Anyway. I just had dinner with these guys and Katrin and Errod, and we're walking back to the ship right now. Well not Errod, he's off getting party snacks, but the point is we'll all be there in a minute. So if you could be on your best behavior, and tell Grunkle to keep below decks, I'd appreciate it. Okay?"

She nodded, for once seeming like she was stunned silent rather than being silent as a way of being bitchy towards me, and vanished. I felt pretty sure she was on board, but in retrospect it would have been smarter to loop her in way earlier. Katrin, Errod, and I had had dinner with Matlyn and Orick at a very fancy restaurant - we'd eaten on the roof, and not only was there a view of the city but it also had huge lenses, maybe four feet across, that magnified the distant mountains in a way that had to be assisted by magic. It was extremely fancy, and the dino steak was so good it would have made Shitheel worry for his life if he'd seen how enthusiastically I ate it.

The conversation had been productive, especially since I had thought to ask Katrin to jump in any time I kicked her under the table. The talk with Mama Carnage beforehand was a bit tougher, since I was potentially sniping jobs from other, more experienced members of the company to give to someone that hadn't even signed up yet. Still, the nice thing about Mama Carnage is that she had low expectations and high hopes when it came to people; she assumed the worst by default, but always believed people could be convinced to do better. It was perfect for a conversation that started with "I'm going to do something that might be shitty, but I want to do it in a way that's not going to piss you off".

We'd reached an agreement, I'd picked up Katrin at the teleport station - I was relieved to see Lute hadn't come with her - and immediately started trying to get Matlyn and Orick to spill more details about their connection to Earth. I didn't want to tell them I was from there yet, but that ended up working in my favor because they thought it was safe to make cryptic comments under the assumption that I wouldn't know as much as I did. Still, in the end for all the tidbits I'd learned I didn't have answers to the questions I cared the most about. I'd also spent a lot of the time just... being friendly. It was exhausting.

I tried the big question one more time as we walked up the ramp to the airship, but just like at dinner it came back to the fact that Earth was their sister's area of expertise - the sister that hadn't yet showed up.

"Zee will be meeting us on the road," Matlyn said, "she's busy getting some affairs in order at home. She'll explain more when the time comes, and of course by then you'll have sworn oaths of secrecy so we'll know our source is protected."

I was already working on wording that would ensure I wouldn't be sworn to secrecy on shit I already knew. "Of course. But I just want to be clear, your sister Zee is the only one that's actually been to this location before?"

Orick nodded. "That's correct. We did attempt to send someone else as an... exploratory effort... but conditions there were such that he didn't feel confident in his ability to return. That's what the first part of the mission will be for; otherwise we need the planes to be in alignment, which is still nearly a year and a third away."

It was closer to a year and a half in Earth years. "So why do the job now? Why not just do it closer to the Grand Alignment?"

A look passed between the two. Orick smiled, unconvincingly. "There are a number of factors, and as the Grand Alignment approaches we expect people to be too busy preparing for it. Prices will go up, mercenary availability will go down... and of course, the sooner we return the sooner we can have the new products ready to distribute."

We'd reached the deck, and as our guests looked around Katrin pulled me aside. "Callie - Connie, sorry - they're broke. Based on some gaps in the conversation earlier, something happened with their mother - she might have just run the business into the ground, or maybe she even stole from it. That's why they're going now, they literally cannot afford to wait."

Oh. Yeah... that actually made perfect sense. I'd heard Orick say they were in financial trouble earlier. Big important family of famous plant cultivators, now out of money. They've got two or three kids that have useful magical gifts, so it's not like anyone is going to be in particularly dire straits, but the company itself? If they want to keep that legacy going and pay the bills they need to take a big swing. Although... it didn't really answer how the sister had gotten to Earth and back in the past.

Before I could try and wrangle the conversation in that direction, Calliope hissed at me from the stairs. I hurried down, and she was waiting there fidgeting, straightening that wooden mask she refused to take off.

"Have you told them my name?" She asked.

"No, I haven't talked about you at all yet. I'm trying to figure out what to say you'd be there for."

She nodded. "When I am introduced, you should say my name is Zaile."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "All this shit over your name, and now you want to change it?"

She punched me in the arm. "You said there was some chance they are connected to the people who stole your memories. That problem will be mine, once I return to Earth. They should not know my name. You told them you are Constance Runelighter?"

"Yeah. And... I don't really think these two are part of that, but... yeah, the sister might be. Fuck, you're right. Okay. Zaile, right?"

She nodded, and I headed back up. Katrin was awkwardly trying to dodge questions about the airship, since she probably wasn't sure how much of our exploits I wanted to share and also had barely interacted with the ship other than plugging the mana battery in and then getting a toxic mana overdose. I swept in to the rescue.

"It's still getting worked on, this thing was perched up on a mountain since before the Clockmaker was around. It's got some sort of healing ability that's kept it in one piece, but the furniture and everything is gone. We have people working on that right now actually, but if you're looking for transport and don't mind things being a bit... sparse... we could handle that too. Katrin here is the real hero of that story, without her control over mana we never would have had the energy to get this thing moving."

I didn't think they'd want to use it for travel, but I'd wanted a way to bring up Katrin and mana. It seemed to work, with them pivoting the conversation around to be about Katrin's experience. Errod arrived with snacks before she ran out of things to say, thankfully, and we all settled into the rickety chairs from Grunkle's cult. The conversation turned more casual again, away from what I really wanted to know, but it seemed like it would be worth it to get them relaxed. After a while they even sampled the candy dish of drugs Errod had brought, these being extremely mild ones that would be the Earth equivalent of having a couple beers.

"It's honestly a shame we don't need the airship," Matlyn said, "I haven't flown in ages. There are people that control gravity who have small ships, but the ones who take people up just for fun are expensive and... well, it didn't seem worth it."

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Orick nodded. He'd loosened up some, and was slouching in his chair so he could look up at the stars. "I wish I could come with you. I'd love to have an adventure, see the ruins, see... the whole thing. Alas, someone needs to keep the place running and I lost the game of Tactics. So. Connie, you've done an excellent job buttering us up so that we'll hire your sister. The challenge that we face is that we had only budgeted for three mercenaries - you, to make the templates. Someone to be the primary planar expert. And someone to be our security - the first stop in our journey may be dangerous, as we mentioned."

I took a moment to finish chewing the little tart Errod had handed me, and then smiled at Orick. "You say you budgeted, but my team is willing to split the pay between them, even if there's more than three. You said there would be valuable trade items at our final location, so we could all gather some things there to supplement the money from your new crop varieties, right?"

"To some extent," he said, "but there are other costs. We have limited resources to trade with the locals, and don't want to rely too heavily on the generosity of Zee's contacts. Each member of the team will also need a traveler's band, to ensure we don't have any trouble with unfamiliar illnesses or allergies."

"We have one handy already, and can get more. I don't mind us supplying them ourselves since they'll come in handy in the future. As for the trade goods... when are you leaving? I know you have the Fabrication gift, Katrin can probably just give you unlimited mana for as long as it would take to make more supplies."

That shouldn't be bad for Katrin, since she'd just be moving a little mana between the battery and Orick. Worst case scenario, if she wasn't feeling confident that she was recovered she could just do it at a slower rate. Orick looked at his sister and shrugged. She pulled out a notebook and jotted something down, and then looked around at us.

"So then it would be Connie for templating, Katrin for mana, Errod for security, and we'd hire out for the planar expert? Or are you planning on taking that role too? I know you said you were new at planar travel."

Yeah, I really shouldn't have said that. At the time I was still thinking it would be good to have someone around I could learn from, but now that I knew we were going to Earth I wanted to limit how many people outside of my inner circle would be on the job. "Not quite. I'm a bit limited in how many planes I've been to, but I'm very well educated and extremely strong at crossing between planes. In fact, I was even able to exit Nusos into a city by forcing my way past their wards. I... did have a good reason for that."

Saying I was well educated on the planes was a stretch, but I had multiple books on them in my head and could just look up stuff if it came up. Admittedly that wasn't the same as knowing it, especially for stuff that might come up unexpectedly, but it would probably be fine. Probably. "In addition, if you sign us on we'd be bringing our good friend Zaile so she can get some experience in planar travel - she's a very talented spellcaster with different specialties than Katrin here, so it would be a versatile addition to the expedition at no cost to you."

Katrin and Errod thankfully didn't react to my mention of 'Zaile', other than Errod giving me a very subtle eyebrow arch. I hadn't had a chance to explain the name thing. Matlyn, meanwhile, looked like she was sold - though she turned to Orick for approval. He nodded to himself for a moment, and then finally sighed. "I... suppose that would all be acceptable, so long as miss... Carnage... would be willing to vouch for your abilities with planar travel."

"She can swear to the fact that I pushed past planar wards to get out of Nusos where I wanted, and to the Duminere expedition that we discussed over dinner."

Matlyn was still taking notes. "And what planes do you have experience with, apart from Nusos?"

"I've been to... Itzele, Heregie, Xeyul, and Ergig... Ergizegig... shit. Ergizegig... the Queen of Candles. Also, I've remotely traveled in Ematse and Erima via my mind and soul, more than the way that normal people do. And... you know, I'm probably not supposed to talk about this, but I got caught up in the recent attack on Halevar's forces in Brinkmar, so I've been there." I wasn't going to mention being able to open doors other people couldn't or anything, but at this point a whole lot of soldiers had been to Brinkmar so it wasn't too crazy if I left the details out.

They had a few questions about Brinkmar in particular, ones that thankfully didn't veer into forbidden territory - not that I would have had any problem with just lying about it. It was actually another plane that led to me having to give them some additional information. "You mentioned Xeyul," Matlyn said, "I was thinking we could potentially use that as a way to get to the Temple of Conv... uh... to our destination."

Hmm. Temple of something that starts with 'conv', noted. "Ah, I'd like to avoid Xeyul. I think the price they'd ask me for passage would be too high. I... may have rescued a bunch of stolen children from there last time I visited, and they weren't super pleased."

As much as I was enjoying the bits of honesty, once they asked follow-up questions I realized I had to edit things a bit. The main change was the specific offer from the Sahrger; I changed it to be that they'd defined our party too loosely, and I'd invited the kids into our party. The other big change had nothing to do with avoiding hints about me not being normal, and Errod immediately ruined it.

"What she's not telling you," he said, "is that she came up with this whole plan after getting completely wasted on Sahrger food and didn't tell any of us what she was planning. Sorry, I know you're trying to make us look good in front of our prospective employers, but I'm not letting you live that down."

"I know where you sleep, Errod. I also know lots of stories about you."

Thankfully, the embarrassing version - which Katrin helpfully described in further detail - seemed to only endear us to Matlyn in particular. "That reminds me of the time Zee almost got our parents arrested. We'd been visiting a distributor in Markonti, and they have slaves there - well, they say it's part of a complicated caste system but all that really means is you get born into slavery rather than it being based on committing crimes or going into debt."

Orick sneered. "Although those are both also ways to end up in that situation in Markonti."

"Anyway, she talked to some of the slaves and found out how it worked and she'd just... she'd never thought about it before, I guess? She was a real bitch back then - she's great now, you'll love her, but this was honestly probably the first thing she did that was in any way endearing - and I had assumed she would be fine with them having slaves. It always bothered me, but I'd figured she would be okay with it considering how she used to treat the workers at home. But the person she was talking to had kids, and admitted to being worried about them growing up in Markonti, and Zee just... kidnapped them. I walked in to our room to find our clothes everywhere, and her trying to cram a child into each of our trunks."

Well, that was good to know. Zee could still be dangerous, especially if she was working with whoever wiped my memories, but it was encouraging to hear she was willing to help smuggle kids out of slavery. Orick's tale of how hard it was to find their relatives was interrupted by someone loudly humming; not a song, just a droning note. We all turned to look at the stairs as Grunkle came up on to the deck - gods damn it, he was supposed to stay out of sight - and walked directly over to our little party.

"I have had a vision," he said, his voice back to the deep and serious persona he used at first when he was still thinking he could convince us he was more than a con artist. Before I could pass it off as a joke and shoo him back downstairs, he opened his third eye and threw his arms wide. "I see all of you undertaking a journey to a forgotten place, a ruin in the shadow of a red mountain. I see a lost city under the desert sands, a city with a hundred gates - none are the entrance you seek. There is a tunnel, a secret within a secret, a ruin under a ruin. If you take any other path to the Temple you will surely perish! Be warned, the final resting place of the Eyes requires a guide who knows their tricks - who can open the doorways."

He closed his third eye and slumped dramatically, as if the speech had somehow taken something out of him. What a fucking drama queen. I stood and started to push him towards the stairs. "Sorry about him, ignore that, it's just a..." what were those fucking things called? "A Tahikk implant, and he's been sleepwalking since he got it. Also he's drunk."

Unfortunately, Matlyn was already jumping up to come after us. "Wait! How did you know all of that? We haven't told anyone! Who can guide us to the planar lodestones?"

"Matlyn, seriously, I'm sure it was just a coincidence. Don't worry about it. He can't see the future."

"She's right," Grunkle said, "I cannot see the future. Only possibilities! Your death is not set in stone. You are at a crossroads, you may yet choose your destiny!"

"Yesrin's tits, Grunkle. You motherfucker."

"I am sorry, I know you asked me to try and force the visions away. But I cannot stand by and allow these wonderful people to die simply because they do not know how to find the planar lodestones safely."

I was willing to bet this was the first time he'd ever heard of a planar lodestone, whatever that was. Although... I wasn't totally sure how he'd convinced them. The details he'd dropped had to have been compelling. Orick looked skeptical, and I remembered that he had been concerned I was scamming them when I rather clumsily mentioned Katrin could solve mana scarcity issues. I ignored Matlyn and went right to Orick. "Listen, I'm really sorry about this. He's not trustworthy, if some of what he said was somehow accurate I would just assume that he... I don't know, eavesdropped on you or something."

He arched an eyebrow at me. "I'll admit I'm looking for the trick here, but... we haven't discussed the details since arriving, and were extremely careful when researching our destination."

Matlyn, meanwhile, was just convincing herself further. I pushed between her and Grunkle, and dragged him downstairs. As soon as were safely in a bedroom I got in his face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I'm coming along, of course! You made me lose everything, even took my airship. This is me getting what's coming to me. I'm going to negotiate for a cut of the loot, and have a little adventure."

"The fuck you are! I don't know how you convinced them, but I'm going to tell them exactly what you are if you don't cut it out."

He looked at me with pity on his face, an exaggerated expression with a big sad frown. "Aww, kiddo. Tell them what? That I'm a powerful entity that has lived for ages in the bodies of others, staying at the top of a mountain dispensing wisdom? Do you really think that sounds like a bad thing, in this situation? It's just your opinion that I'm full of shit, and you barely know me. Or... were you going to tell them that I'm using the body of a wanted war criminal? Because if so, we can do that right now. I just don't think it's going to go the way you think, seeing as you're the one that has been hiding me here."

Fuck. There were things I could do - straight up murder him, for one - but none of them would look good right now. Anything I did or said would be another thing I had to explain to Matlyn and Orick. "Tell me how you knew."

He chuckled. "You're not going to like it. I knew... because I knew. I may have been listening in, and it sounded like the chipper one started to say 'Temple of Convergence' which is the Imperial name for an old place that I've been to, a long time ago. So I really do know where the ruins are, and I really do know how to get there. Probably. Between you and me that tunnel is most likely collapsed, but by the time they find that out I'll already be on the job and I'll have proved I know about the place. Face it, I'm in."

"There's no way that Mama Carnage will..."

"Oh, who cares? They'll hire me as an independent consultant. I never worked for Carnage, and I wasn't referred by you. I don't need to worry about oaths, or breaches of contract, or any of that shit. In fact, once I'm working for them... I'm pretty sure that ill-advised oath you made means you can't fuck with me. So that'll be nice."

He pushed past me back into the corridor and walked towards the stairs. For a moment I reached for a knife, but I knew that wouldn't solve this problem. Not right now, anyway. For better or worse, Grunkle was probably coming to Earth.

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