The bustling activity of the Shifting City had quieted down, with the Fakra invasion wreaking havoc on the age-old settlement; machines were still carting away bodies when we arrived. Sofia had seemed disgruntled by the grisly sight, though she was less-than-convinced when I told her that this was the whole "being surrounded by corpses" she'd seen in her dreams. Her exact response was that she didn't believe that the prophecy could be this easily reversed, but did it have to be complicated? The power of friendship or whatever: no really, if we nipped this enmity in the bud, no one had to die!

After much consideration, Corai suggested that's the whole reason the Justiciary is being so nice. There would be the risk, especially when we can see the future, that a pocket of humans would survive and plot revenge. They believe that having us never want to kill them is the only way to stop the prophecy from playing out. I hope they're right.

Colban gave us the morning to enjoy some leisure, "in the spirit of proper diplomacy," before we were to make our way to the Hearth. The Justiciar furnished a memorywalk chamber when I asked him, to my amazement—I had one reserved to revisit with Corai. Takahashi, Mikri, and Sofia were off on a different excursion, showing the general around as they contemplated strategy. I knew they were just praying I kept my fat mouth shut, so the ESU was probably happy to bench me.

I wanted to share some of my deepest memories, and open myself up to the Elusian Watcher; she deserved the same openness and transparency, beyond how much it would mean to Corai to share in the human experience. It was what she'd craved in her soul for so long! This was the first proper date I could give her, not holed up in some military base of hardasses, with nosy Mikri hiding around every corner. However, I noticed that her eyes were filled with sadness, as she looked at bodies floating in a reservoir.

"I didn't like how you judged me over the fear of mice thing. You Elusians always have a way of making a human's privacy feel violated," I prodded Corai aloud, trying to draw her attention back toward me.

The Elusian flinched, before forcing a smile. "It's a silly fear, Preston, but an adorable one. I'm curious how it came about."

"Well—and you're not memorywalking this—I used to be a stomach sleeper as a kid. I know, horribly unattractive, yada-yada. One day, roundabouts the age of 14, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling something…on my asscheeks, and a BIG motherfucker was chomping through my pastel trunks. That was the girliest scream that I'd ever belted out in my life: not that being girly is bad, uh, just y'know, evolution didn't design the male voice to sing that high."

"Really? I always thought you'd make an excellent soprano, darling. It would be an awfully poor decision if you reenacted that right now, at the top of your lungs in public, and looked very afraid of me."

"I promised Takahashi I wouldn't embarrass us that badly. Anyway, that's the mice thing. What's your worst fear?"

Corai's black eyes darkened a shade. "That even the things that last the longest in the universe will eventually fade and return to nonexistence. Stars. Love. Elusians."

"Oh." My jovial mood faltered at that bleak comment, though I quickly nodded to myself. "Love fades after the stars on your list? I think that's pretty good. I'd be happy with us outlasting those stupid balls of fire."

"I know you likely meant more tangible things. Few thrills or experiences, from nature or otherwise, impact me much. Forgive my existentialism, but that's the honest answer. Impermanence in the world of immortality: quite the dreary subject for a romantic excursion."

"Are you sure—because I'm feeling positively inspired. Never been better. I could break into a musical number right here after all, soprano as fuck, just by the virtue of being here with you. I'd do it if only to make you smile. The way your lips curve is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Corai giggled, pressing a hand over her mouth. "Oh Preston, you're such a cheeseball. It's part of your charm."

"The damn mouse agreed with you that I'm a cheeseball. Can we choose different words?!"

"Our word for it: nix the translator," she said, and I complied, "T'vakna. I guess it loosely means 'tickle-words,' though it'd get a semantic translation of cheesy. Your words always tickle my soul."

Elusian guards were waiting outside the memorywalk chamber at Colban's behest, strolling out to meet us and shepherd us toward our private room. The lengthy lines we'd seen on our last trip were absent, with the civilian presence just now starting to return to the usual hotspots. Holding Corai's hand in my own, I knew that trading my freedom was worth it; each moment we had together was priceless. I wanted her to know every part of me, including my shame and pain, the way I grasped her thoughts implicitly.

The doors closed behind us in the holographic room, with Colban's people hovering outside to keep an eye on us. There was still a small part of me that worried how I might mess this up, and whether Corai would judge me for being vulnerable at the wrong time. I mean, she liked me for being fun and cheering her up, so maybe this was the absolute wrong thing to do. Anxiety swelled like an inferno in my stomach, but I tried to push it down. The Watcher was a kind person who would appreciate authenticity.

Preston, you t'vakna. You trusted Corai with humanity's destiny to kill her whole species, but you're scared to show her a few formative moments that you already picked out? It'll be fine.

"Right, Corai." I cleared my throat, forwarding the first memory before I could have second thoughts. "You deserve to know who you're dating. This was the moment I…lost my dream. It's part of who I am…failing and getting knocked down at the worst possible time."

I slipped back into the anguished memory before the Elusian could offer any response, finding myself back on a football pitch for the first time in twenty years. To have a helmet wedged over my ears, to drive the spikes of my cleats into the moist peat, and to have my gloved fingers locked securely over the football. Adrenaline flowed beneath my sweat-soaked face—current-day Preston was a bit jolted to see tan skin. It felt like someone else's life, after everything that'd happened since The Gap.

Preston the quarterback had no thoughts of aliens or saving the world; he was too caught up in the bright lights and the cheer of his fellow students, as his hand moved on its own. The football snapped into a wide receiver's grip, and he grinned from ear-to-ear as it was carried for a first down. This was a place where he was the star, where he was good enough for his dad to give a tentative, grudging clap. Scouts didn't come for someone who wasn't the real deal!

This is my chance to get out of here, out from under their thumbs and their shadows. I'll make it so big that I'll never look back. This is what I love to do, and that's why I'm going to make the life I've always wanted! I'm nothing like them.

"I'm throwing it to the end zone, and I'm not taking anything less than ending this game right now. Charlie, you gotta be open. Be ready." Determination rippled like ice through my veins, the pressure breathing down my neck. I clapped my hands together in the huddle. This team, this tight-knit sense of brotherhood we had, meant the world to me. "Count on me like I'm counting you. Let's beat their asses! Let's go!"

We broke out of the huddle, and I readied myself to receive the snap off the scrimmage. The opponents standing in our way didn't want this as badly as I did! This was my life: I couldn't imagine doing anything else, since I ate, breathed, and slept this sport. My hard work had to be rewarded, or…no, I couldn't think like that. I didn't know what I'd do there, but I would make it happen. The football careened back into my hands, and I jolted out of my thoughts, bobbling it a little. My eyes snapped up, to see…I'd been blitzed by the other team.

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Extra defenders surged upward to swarm me, and I staggered backward in panic. I couldn't find anyone open, couldn't pick out #13…too fast. I threw the ball off into the sidelines in desperation, as a massive linebacker plowing into my left hip. I fell awkwardly, my twisted arm being crushed by the full weight of my torso. It was bent in the right way that my elbow collided first, and the pain was instantaneous. I writhed in agony, tears falling in spite of the fact I thought I was tough. One look at the injury, and I knew it was all over.

Surgery. Recovery. I'll be too much of a gamble to draft. Everything that I loved, my entire future—fuck! I'm…nothing without football. This can't be happening, this can't…

I snapped back out of it in the memorywalk chamber, screaming in frustration. It felt as real as the day it'd happened, even if I thought I'd let go of the foolish hopes of a boy who believed he could be anything. Mikri was right—it was a stupid game, and my million-year-old girlfriend had to see the incredible naivety and think my pursuits foolish. Corai's arms were around me as I wept at the old feelings of hopelessness, and I leaned into the nanobot chainmail by her chest. Her hand was gentle against my head.

"It's not easy to be told you can't have the thing you centered your whole life around. I know," Corai whispered. "You would've made crowds roar, Preston, because you're special. You were always destined for great things, my dear. I can feel how much you wanted that dream, but you didn't let such a crushing setback keep you down. That speaks volumes about your character."

I clenched my fist in frustration, feeling the wound reopened long after I thought I was over it. "You don't need to console me. It was just a silly sport for fun. It's nothing that mattered like what you did, and…that's pretty sad to be the only thing I was ever good at. I was so angry for so long, thinking my life was over and wasted and…"

"Preston. I've come to realize the ability to have fun and enjoy simple pleasures is the only thing that actually matters in life, when you boil the facade of sophistication away. Anything that drives you to continue on and allows other people to enjoy what you've created, I think that's magical. It's certainly no lesser than being a passive observer to eons."

"You're so kind and noble. You wanted to make a difference. I joined the Space Force to run as far away as I could from my old life, to pretend like I never wanted anything more. Dad was right. I'm a self-centered disappointment who was…too stubborn to accept his lot in life."

Her slender fingers cupped my chin. "I like stubborn. Whoever you think you're a disappointment to, it isn't me. You made me want more out of life—you made me want to live again at all. If that's selfish, then I think selfishness is a goddamn virtue."

I laughed, wiping my eyes. "You really think so?"

"That you're my angel? Absolutely. Never be ashamed to share yourself with me. I love and accept you in your entirety."

"Thanks," I sniffled. "Can I, uh, show you why I joined The Gap mission, before you lock in that answer?"

"Please do."

I sent over the next memory, snuggling close to Corai and trying to relax a bit. The thoughts of pre-Gap Preston, who knew nothing about other dimensions or aliens, took hold in a flash. The Space Force had wanted volunteers from Pluto Station to travel through the hole in the solar system wall; the fact that it was supposed to be suicide was a bit of a turnoff. I threw my name in the hat. The truth was, I'd failed at every dream I ever had in this life, and I was willing to accept death as the only way to make it all mean something to anyone.

Like I ever cared that much about the mysteries of space. What impact can that ever have on Earthly lives? I'm nothing, and dying on a pointless mission: who cares?

"Preston Carter?" A tentative voice came from behind me. I turned to see an olive-skinned scientist with smooth, rippling locks of dark hair and brown eyes standing beside me, her eyes twinkling. She extended a hand to me, which I took in a bit of confusion. "I'm Doctor Sofia Aguado. We're going to be flying to The Gap together, so I figured I should introduce myself."

I startled a bit, wringing my hands after releasing her grip. "Uh, hi. I…didn't realize it wasn't a solo flight. It…sounds like I'll be your captain, Doctor."

"That's right! I'm very much looking forward to whatever discoveries will be out there; we can be the first to see and understand the whole universe! I knew there's still good people out there, willing to take risks for all of humanity!"

I bit my lip, a little taken aback by the excitement for a suicide mission. "Aren't you scared that we're just…going to wind up dead?"

"Nerve-wracking as it might be, I'd never forgive myself for passing up this opportunity. It's like my Mom and Dad are on my shoulders, whispering to me from the afterlife to do this. To take a chance at doing something great."

I could see Sofia's excitement falter when I didn't mirror her enthusiasm, so I forced a polite smile onto my lips. She seemed like a nice enough young woman, someone who still had dreams and memories to live for. I didn't understand her conviction, but I sort of wished it was contagious. I wanted to believe in something again, even if this was hardly the arena I'd dreamed about. More than anything, I wanted to do "something great." Making direct eye contact, I tried to stare deep into her soul.

"What's so…fantastic about this? What's there to gain?" I sighed.

Sofia's eyes widened with what seemed to be shock. "You need more than a passing interest in spaceflight to sign up for something as momentous as this. You should read what the astrophysicists say about the solar wall."

"Not my cup of tea."

"It's our entire species' cup of tea right now! Don't you want to know what we're risking everything for? I mean…why do you think we're doing this?"

For the first time, I really pondered the question, and tried to formulate an answer. "We don't like not knowing things. Humans can be insatiable about that kind of stuff, and I mean…it is fun to think about. Anything you say could be out there, it's equally true. It's exciting to think there might be more to life: something worth discovering."

Sofia waggled a finger. "You need to read up on some science, and speak that with more excitement. I'm not plunging into the unknown with someone who's half-hearted about this. There's a lot of eyes on this mission that are looking on with all kinds of hopes. What is the nature of existence? It's the biggest question in science."

"I'm no scientist. I fly the ship and get you there safe."

"Scientist or not, I need you to be a partner," she sighed, shaking her head. "Do your homework. By the time we set sail for The Gap, if it's the last thoughts we ever speak, I want to discuss exactly what might be out there. I'm willing to bet you'd get more into it than you might think."

"You just met me."

Sofia shrugged. "Call it intuition. Besides, I know I'll have my doubts when I'm staring down certain death. I'll need someone to talk me out of it, and remind me why we're doing this. Maybe you need to hear yourself say it too."

I pressed a hand to my neck and nodded, finding the scientist to be a little presumptive for someone I just met. Still, reading up on the Sol wall and blending in with my nerdier counterparts on Pluto Station would give me something to do to kill the time, rather than waiting to die. The memory dissipated around me, and I found a faint smile on my face at the recollection of that first conversation. Fifi gave me a new purpose to latch onto, even if she didn't know it.

Corai peered into my eyes. "Well? Was her intuition right?"

I gave a quiet laugh, wondering why she didn't ask about my…initial reasons. "I found that it did make my mind run round and round with frightful and fascinating possibilities alike, the more I thought about it. By launch day, I think I was as hungry to know the answers as her—and probably the more vocal of us at the end. I'm always the more vocal person, no matter who I'm with."

"Somehow, I don't think you could be more vocal than Mikri at his full power." The Elusian flashed her perfect teeth, before her face became serious. "Whatever your reasons were, I hold to my statement that you were the right person to go through The Gap. I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else. I love you more than any human that's ever existed."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, but…my life is yours. I'm glad it was me too; I mean, I feel like I failed on several counts, but I'm happy I got to help Mikri and fight for humanity. That tin can doesn't know it, but he gave me purpose."

"I think you gave that tin can not only purpose, but a personality that he could've never unlocked on his own. You should be proud of the kindness you've shown to Mikri. I…hope this won't offend you, but I watched you every step of the way on Kalka."

I tilted my head. "That doesn't surprise me. If you wanted to interfere, you could have warped in instructions on the importance of showers."

The Elusian didn't laugh, her eyes growing distant. "I could have. I wanted to interfere very much. Can…I show you my perspective of your mission to first contact us, so you have no doubts about how I truly feel?"

"I would be honored. The floor is all yours."

Corai gave me a reassuring smile, before transmitting the memory she had in mind. I looked forward to visiting her recollections for the first time since observing Pompeii through her eyes. This memorywalk visit was the perfect opportunity for us to spend some quality time together, and to deepen our bond. After how patient and generous she'd been with my own baggage, I was looking forward to soaking up more details of this amazing Elusian's life at long last.

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