Dr. Sofia Aguado was an actual saint; it was the only explanation for her unflinching response to the sight of the waiting Girret posse. How much help could we really need to copy the technology of literal gods? Surely Mikri and company could crack it without any creepy-crawlies. We could always just ding-dong-ditch this meeting. One of the creatures slithered up to us on the landing pad, ensuring that he took several looks back at the cameras. I noticed he did have small arms, and tried to focus on that, rather than the cobra-like hood or the maroon diamond that darkened his forehead.

Alright, if Mikri is a person despite being a stack of metal, the Girret are too. Show no fear. I have to seem badass; the Elusians are objectively more dangerous, right? Maybe they'll be afraid of you, like Jetti. You sure as shit don't want to act like her.

"Welcome to Doros! I am Representative Redge; we've met before, on the asteroid." The Girret extended a tiny arm to me, and I took it with outward calmness. I could feel the hairs on my neck stand up as Redge positioned himself next to me, placing a free grasper on my shoulder. "I apologize that our last meeting was cut short. Had I known how badly you'd wallop Larimak's fleet, I would've regarded your power higher. We meant no provocation."

"Larimak threatened you, and you wanted to protect Doros." Sofia gave Redge a smiling handshake, as he posed for a photo op with her. She's right. Redge running away back on the asteroid, rather than cowardly Jetti, doesn't speak well to his fortitude. "We wouldn't demand your cooperation in the same manner. We're here as friends."

"Yes, I vastly misjudged when I said that I didn't know what you could offer or who you were in the context of power. We're friendly with the Derandi; we know about…your origins."

I scoffed. "Oh, wonderful. I can only imagine how Jetti described us. Ahhhh, the big unga-bungas might pop you over minor inconveniences! Appease humanity or else they'll bear-hug you to atoms!"

Redge's tongue flitted out of his mouth, making my skin crawl. "I'm not sure I caught all of that, but Jetti said nothing of the sort. She said you want peace and were gracious guests. You protected Temura, which the Derandi appreciate. They sympathize with how your people are a bit shaken, learning that the Elusians created and want little to do with you."

"We don't know the Elusians' motives. They might respect self-sufficiency and want the best for us."

"The reasons they created you don't much matter to me; optically, you are an artificial race that is built to be vastly more powerful than anything in our dimension. That is not relatable, so we need a better spin. My honor guard is here for that reason—as a display of strength, to show we're in command on Doros. That we aren't kneeling to a new Alliance."

"We're not asking anyone to kneel," Sofia said. "Our hope is you'll regard us in the same way you do the Derandi. You both seem to have a solid friendship forged in shared values."

"It's up to you how you'll be viewed, but you're not making a good effort snuggling up to their enemy. That starts you off in the 'enemy' perception, so I know I must be seen as a strong leader. It's…vital you win over the people here, if you want the public to support and accept us aiding you. They don't miss Prince Larimak, but they know little of your character. They just know you're close to the malevolent machines."

"Not close enough to think we're not malevolent," Mikri beeped with bitterness.

Sofia reached out to the android, who was dragging his feet and pouting. "We absolutely think you're a kind, sweet person, and that you don't have to be anyone's enemy! Preston and I love you, and we're going to have a long conversation about that—after this."

"Yeah. You need to be hit with a feather duster next time you say that shit. Actually, it's not like you ever bathe or clean; I do need to dust you," I realized. "And listen up, danger noodle with a soda can label around your belly…don't talk about Mikri that way. He's a nice machine, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him."

"Stop trying to persuade me. You won't give up spicy food or missions, so this is objectively not true," the Vascar replied. "It does not matter what you say to the Girret anyway. I recall how Redge insisted his people loathe mine, and stated that we were a threat similar to a disease."

The Girret hissed, not appreciating that statement. "I am aware that humans have favorable opinions toward the Vascar, but this is no matter. You should not have brought Mikri to the public's first sighting of you. I told you that they don't like AIs, and by extension, they won't like you if you're a package deal."

"We are a package deal," I spat without hesitation.

"It doesn't matter. The people will never accept it. Do you want their approval, and our alliance? Play the long game and sell the answers you need to, keep up appearances. Just…send the android back to the ship, and we can salvage this into looking like you're in charge! You tamed them, or whatever. Distance yourselves from the machines in the public eye, and I'll scrounge up the backing to give you whatever it is you're looking for…without committing career suicide."

"You want us to say whatever it takes to make you look good?"

"To make us look good. To get what we all want."

I shook my head in disbelief, unable to believe that Redge was asking us to be closeted in loving Mikri; Redge the Repressor would not have me hiding my true feelings about my robo-bestie, banishing him to the ship! I'd scream how much I adored the tin can from the rooftops and not care what anyone thought. This Girret politician was a greasy grifter, who didn't understand that we wanted to facilitate coexistence and acceptance between machines and organics. I didn't like hearing a leader openly advocate for us putting on an act to get our way.

Stolen novel; please report.

A snake person with the personality of a snake. How ironic. If someone had willed the Girret into existence like the Elusians created us, they must think they're clever.

Humanity did want the vipers' acceptance and partnership; we needed Caelum to be unified to go after the Elusian tech with the optimal efficiency. I didn't know if they had ideas like spas or water in this shimmering, baking desert world, but I sure as shit wouldn't accept a "relaxing massage" from the Girret. I knew better than to take any red fruits offered at their banquets too. We could keep this all business, feel out their opinions on video calls…maybe I should fall and punch through some concrete so they'd take a few steps back. That'd worked with the Derandi.

Like, really, of all the beautiful forms of animal life, why did one of the three sapients here have to turn out like this? Sometimes, organics were just that bad. Mikri's people had a point. I stared at Redge long and hard, watching as he retracted those tiny arms inside one segment of his belly armor. Upon closer inspection, they seemed to have limbs under each armor chink that could be sealed within their…hoodie pockets. Ick, what was it like in there? I wiped my palm on my pants' leg with retching coughs, as I now regretted that handshake.

"Tell us a little about this place. We're curious about your culture," Sofia prompted, shooting me a dirty look. "Aren't we?"

I donned a shit-eating grin. "I always like to know the ground rules on biting before getting into a serious relationship."

"A 'serious' relationship? You don't do serious, even when it's not the time and place for jokes. Please, Redge, describe who the Girret are as people."

Redge's eyes gleamed with a bone-chilling shrewdness. "It's not so simple to summarize your entire species in as few words and traits as possible. Could you do the same, if I posed the question to you?"

"They're goofy and eat all the time," Mikri answered for us. "They refuse to be safe and have to have answers."

"Yeah, pretty much." I shrugged in agreement. "Dumb, pocket-dimensioned apes that live for deep-fried foods, explosions, and befriending friend-shaped things. Here for a good time, not a long time! Also, we can see the future or something, so I'm totally down to read some tea leaves for you…for a small fee."

Sofia looked flummoxed. "Was that as few words and traits as possible?"

"No. I could have just stopped at 'apes.'"

"You could've answered: thinkers, explorers, liberators, and innovators. The qualities we're actually proud of."

"Look, my Louisiana ass is proud of deep-fried food. And explosions. You want the public to accept us, Redge, just tell them we have a holiday to celebrate being fat. That's my campaign platform: that you guys can have one too."

"I'm…concerned the cameras may have caught this exchange." Redge slithered along, his head swaying from side-to-side. "I would describe the Girret as 'leaders' and 'headstrong.' We enjoy spectacles, and have continued on many traditional ones in the modern times. We respect strong personalities, whether they are in legend or vying for their peers' faith in any field: political, scientific, or otherwise. We're not all that fortuitous, but that's the ideal we admire."

"Back wayyyy up. Spectacles? I love spectacles!" I declared. "Do say more. If your entertainment is wild enough to make an android groan, maybe we can work something out."

"Ah, that comes in many shapes and forms. Honor guards compete on behalf of powerful figures in the annual Jousts, which in short, have athletes dangle by their tails from high up and try to knock others down. The sport requires acrobatic participants."

Mikri's eye glow intensified with interest. "This sounds dangerous. Why would you participate in a game, for fun and enjoyment, that has a high chance of injury?"

"There's safety mats below nowadays, of course! We're not barbarians. The event brings families of all hood crests together, and the height aspect is to add some excitement. We all have a bit of…natural acrophobia."

"That sounds like it'd be fascinating to watch, and I feel like we know you better already! Please continue. Is there any other entertainment that you find culturally significant?" Sofia inquired.

"You name it, the Girret have dabbled in it. Beyond the popular Joust, we also love megastructures, artificial mirages, and sandblasting, in terms of environmental expression. On the personal scale, our art ranges from dancing to mozaics made from our scales."

Gross. Humans would never do that with our dead skin. "Nice recap. Well, I think we learned all we need to. Sofia and I…"

"...still have yet to make a proper statement to the public, and would never abandon gracious hosts so quickly," the scientist finished.

"Eh, it depends what those hosts have planned. Bobbing for apples in their venom, hm…are you venomous?"

"Yes," Redge hissed.

"And that wasn't on your list of important facts about your species?!"

"It didn't come to mind as an important fact. Not to be a provocateur, but humans being able to take down a starship barehanded wasn't in yours."

Sofia snickered. "He has a good point there, Preston."

"We don't do that naturally though," I protested. "We function very differently from normal human capabilities in Caelum. The time thing, we can naturally process that, but physics have to be different for me to toss Mikri into orbit."

"You can naturally function this way under more forgiving physics." The android folded his arms, kicking pebbles toward me with unhappiness. "If you tossed me to orbit, you could finally talk about me in private. Maybe you should do this."

"Oh, knock it off! At least give me a chance to defend my actions; you'd want the same, tin can. We're in public, so save the guilt trip for when we're not being the awesomest diplomats to Girretkind."

"I do not care what they think. I care what you think."

"I think you should smile to the camera and explain why you're not their enemy. You want to get help with the whole coexistence treaty and teleport research stuff, right?"

"If I have to."

Exasperated with that reply from Mikri, I offered up a silent prayer that he wouldn't do that for a close-up interview. Redge seemed to be leading us toward some kind of cameras, where we'd have a chance to win the public's favor. To pull a page out of a serious playbook, I did think the right idea was to seem light-hearted and vulnerable: not like gods who'd just discovered their powers and set off on a crusading joyride.

The best way to make the Girret see that the Vascar weren't malevolent machines was to show that we weren't either. It would be all too easy for them to apply that descriptor to humanity, after learning how we were living weapons the Elusians created.

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