The Monarch of Goblins

The room looked like one of the missile strikes I had seen on twitter before coming to the Tower. There was white dust covering everything, and wood and metal was splintered, shattered and thrown about the room. Something had exploded out of the floor, which now had a 5 foot hole in it near the far wall. Out of the whole the elementals were streaming out. Some of them did remind me of the fire elemental we had fought in the fire room, and I shivered even behind my elemental protection, but there were creatures made of stone and earth, looking roughly like video game dwarves, but cobbled together from rocks of various shapes and sizes. There were water elementals, formless and fluid, hissing with steam and flinching away when touching the fire elementals.

At first I thought that that was all that there was, but one of the many goblin warriors fighting the elementals on the front lines was picked up by an invisible force and pulled up into the air by an invisible force. Of course, I realized, the air elementals would be invisible to the naked eye in real life, unlike a game or a cinematic. The room was full of monstrous warriors, archers and a few staff-wielding spellcasters, and they were beating back the elementals as they came in through the hole, but there seemed to be an endless flow of the creatures coming up from the ground. Between the steam, earth and fire it sort of looked like a volcano erupting.

The large woman ahead of me charged, and I was left alone in the confusion. My first step seemed obvious, even if the timing of it was crucial. I started chanting slowly, making sure to time the last syllable perfectly. I waited for a break, just a hair's breadth, in the eruption of elementals, and I cast the barrier as a simple wall, blocking off the crater. It seemed to work for a moment, but monstrous warriors all around me started screaming, as the air elementals focused their attack. They were invisible, but it wasn't any special magic. They were simply made out of air, and so I had a plan.

This time, as I went to cast the fog spell I found it in the spellbook first, to make certain I got it right, and I cast it. The room filled with dense, green-tinted fog, and, at first my nearest neighbors started yelling at me, as I had taken away their sight, but my plan became quickly obvious, as a creature made of dense, compressed air flew at me through the fog, visible as a distortion and movement in the mist. I still couldn't quite make out the features, except that it had a head, two long grasping hands, and no visible lower body as it flew through the air.

I cast the icicle right through it, and it split apart. Swiftly, it dissipated into nothing, and the quiet scratching from my Journal, that I could always hear no matter the commotion around me probably confirmed that I had got the credit for the kill and, therefore, experience. Just as this took place, I started hearing roars and exaltations from others in the fog, as they too could now see the enemy, even if but for a second before they struck. But for many of the apparently experienced fighters in this room a second was enough, and they took down the monsters as efficiently as I had.

A sense of triumph began to spread out into the room as more and more of the air elementals fell, but that was quickly erased by a rumbling coming from down below. The flow of elementals had been building pressure at my barrier- I could feel it through the damage transfer, even if my fire resistance negated all but the most forceful pushes of the earth elementals- and now it had built up to a level that the floor was not designed to withstand. But the rumbling wasn't centered on the far side of the room where my barrier was, I think I could feel it center roughly at-

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed and leaped up and away from the floor where I was standing, and it blew while I was still mid-air. I tumbled through the air, and I felt my new moderately above average agility kick in. I twisted in the air, and held on to the shoulders of a few large orcs, and I landed on my feet, before falling over backwards. Pain. It wasn't as bad as the fire elemental, so I could take it, but I think I broke something. My right leg felt numb and the elbows and shoulders of both my arms hurt like hell. At least I didn't hit my head on anything, and so I could gather my bearings.

Shit, this time they had come out much closer to the center, hitting a bunch of the people on my side (question mark) from behind. The fog was clearing, the blast of air and steam blowing it away from the middle. My numb, unshod right foot was a bloody mess, but at least it was still attached. People died, and the press of bodies was moving towards me, while I was still on the ground, about to trample me.

And I heard a familiar incantation in a voice that was two voices overlapping one another- at once clear, calm and feminine and rough, spitting and masculine. It was the incantation for the invisible barrier spell. When it finished, I thought that whoever this was had done the same thing I had and blocked the new crater. As seconds passed and no new rumbling came, I looked around confused, as the monstrous rabble was dispatching the rest of the elementals we could see. Then I got it, from the sound but not feeling of impacts all around me from beneath. This caster had cast the invisible barrier under the floor, across the entire room. My mind started calculating what rank the spell would have to be to achieve that feat, but I tossed the calculations aside with an educated guesstimate of 'real fucking high rank' and looked around to find the mage that had saved us all.

I found a mismatched set of eyes, set in a mismatched face, patches of green and brown and deep purple mixed into a face fascinating in its revulsion. A person stood, in some ways goblin-like, but tall and straight-backed, wearing a cloak of burlap and a crown of chicken bones.

"A hero's welcome to you, Earthling. Genuflect in the presence of the Monarch of Goblins," they said.

"I don't really know what that means. Will this do?" I said. I tried to get up on one knee, but my fucked-up leg gave out underneath me and I fell back to the floor. The monarch of goblins laughed, and it was a cacophony.

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. "Rise as you can then, good work, hero, although We did not expect one such as you to come to Our aid," they said. "Then, uh, your majesty isn't going to kill me?" I said. "Why would We do such a thing. Were these better times you would see the true hospitality of goblins, but this day we only have rotwine and roasted rat to serve. Even Our own table has little else," the Monarch said. "I am still new to this plane, and to magic in general, I do not know the details of how things like this work," I said. "Details are details, We act from a grander scope," the monarch said, "But Our own manners are lacking. See to your Journal."

I didn't want to upset the monarch, and so I did what they asked.

Log You have taken part in a mass battle. Your side emerged decisively victorious. Your contribution to the battle was 12%. You have gained 12% of the total experience gained, before modifications. Experience to Level 9 660/2500

I'd also gained some skill experience in my spellcasting skills, as was pretty common after major combat encounters, but there wasn't really anything immediately important happening in the Journal. I did check the chat log just in case.

Chat Weinersmith and Garcia need to move to Gym #1335. Anyone nearby to send them here? -Artemis

Heh, Weinersmith. -Morgoth69

We're not doing nicknames, Zack. It'll just get confusing. -Artemis

I can get Garcia to the Gym, but Catherine had to get back to the safe house. -Hannah

Well, they weren't begging for my help and the chat looked pretty routine.

"Thank you for your consideration. I have many questions, but I don't know if this is the time and place to ask them," I said. "Why there is no rush at all. We would be most pleased to keep you safe in Our court until the time that the time for your challenge runs out," the Monarch said. "I have a most important quest to complete on this day, though your invitation is more than I deserve," I said. "Nonsense. It is a shame, We would find better wine and more succulent meat by the time it was time to leave, but even if what We can offer is too meager for Our dignity, you must at least feast with Us," the Monarch said. "I would be most grateful," I said.

Only then did I realize that the mob in the room with us had gone entirely silent, many kneeling, and even those brazen enough to remain standing staying completely silent, nearly immobile, as the monarch of goblins spoke. I could see why. The spell they had cast had been unbelievable, especially considering what I knew about magic in the Tower. As far as I could understand, anyone coming here from without would not be able to use the magic as freely as they could outside this dimension. It had something to do with the age of the demiplane, and thus must be insurmountable. I had, at least, assumed as much. So how did the Monarch have spell ranks in the upper tens, I could not even venture to guess.

"Follow Us, Our guest and our brave warriors too," they said, and with that the spell of silence upon the room was broken. The monstrous warriors in this room shouted in cheers of victory, and began filing out of the room, leaving a little space for me and the Monarch to walk through.

I was lead limping into another one of the adjacent rooms to the Goblin Market. A lot of the larger and most bloodied of the warriors followed. This had to be the throne room of the Monarch, and their throne was made of still bloody furs and bones, along with fabrics re-sown to form upholstery and banners. There were long tables made by ripping out the floorboards of some classroom somewhere, and nailing them together with nails they found who knew where. Around and behind the throne there was what could only be described as a pile of trophies. There were more skins and furs, but also coins and weapons, as well as magical items and crystals whose purpose I could not determine.

"Before we feast, let Us speak of your rewards. It is well known that the reward for work well done is more work. So We will offer you a quest. Is there any other thing you would ask?" the Monarch said. "I am in need of more magical knowledge. And, uh, a pair of boots, if it is not too bold a request," I said. I only needed a quick break to heal my injuries and since the Monarch wasn't bringing them up, neither did I. "In this hall the only requests We will consider are bold ones. Very well, for your quest you will require spells three. One you have already learned, and We saw you dispatch a spirit of air with it. Take these two scrolls and you will be able to dispatch the other types," the Monarch said and produced two scrolls from their tattered cloak with a flourish of legerdemain. "Thank you, your majesty," I said. "And Grubnoch will get you a pair of finest ratskin boots afterwards. Enough! Now we feast," they said, and out came a chaotic procession of goblins and twisted forms of other monstrous creatures, carrying plates at a seeming random to tables, as the warriors sat in the first free space they saw. I followed their lead and sat down at a table nearby, and found a plate of skewered rat and a mug of rot-smelling red liquid in a pewter tankard in front of me within seconds. "Eat, drink, and cause a ruckus! Entertainment!" the Monarch said.

As soon as they spoke, a band of mismatched monstrous bards rolled into the room with saws, harmonicas, fiddles and accordions for their instruments. They each wore a dusty, faded medieval jester's outfit of a different color, and when they began to play it was a rowdy, screaming chaos that not even the most underground of highschool punk bands could manage.

I noticed a smirk from the Monarch as I bit into my rat and a raised eyebrow when I didn't flinch from the now familiar goblin pepper. When I drank the wine though, I did have to hold my breath and stop myself from gagging, which finally provoked the Monarch with a chance to laugh at the expense of their guest that they had clearly been waiting for. The feast went on until I was stuffed with rat and buzzed on dreadful wine, but I also found that my injuries were healed when the Monarch spoke again after most of the food in front of us was devoured.

"We are sure you could figure out the request if We gave you leave to rest and think. But We shant, and shall tell you instead that We want the source of these elementals found. They have been kind enough now to leave us with a route back to whence they came from and so you can follow them back through the holes they made in the floor. There should be nothing underneath this lowest of the floors, and so this discrepancy leaves Us curious and bewildered. Do as heroes do and venture into danger for a promised reward of gold, glory and experience. I should offer you the hand of my offspring in marriage too, but alas, We have not been blessed in that way in many a year. You must accept," they said, and I didn't think they were pleading.

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