"Never!" The word echoed through Narc's temple with such power that the walls trembled. "I said never!"

"Be reasonable!" Victoire argued with Insupportable. The dragon's burns—which had proved severe enough to require Alpine's healing salves to treat—hadn't made him any more amenable to discussion. "Let us treat her at least."

"I saw her first!" The dragon cradled his princess trophy and caressed her fiery hair as if she were a puppy of some kind. Victoire admired her attempts at keeping her dignity considering the situation. "If I let her out of my hand, you will never give her back!"

That's the plan, genius. Victoire glanced at Alpine and Bernard, the only werelings which Insupportable allowed to approach him to apply poultice to his burned dragon scales. Please don't heal him too quickly, or else he'll fly off.

She had teleported to Narc in time to find Insupportable forced to take refuge at its grand temple after his wounds forced him to cut his flight short. Victoire didn't know what to find more impressive: that the frost dragon succeeded in his kidnapping after surviving a smiting from a fire deity, or that he managed to travel to Citadel Sapphire back and forth almost faster than it took her to teleport from Promesse to Narc.

And all of this happened within a day's time.

Insupportable would have likely been unstoppable if he had the brains required to put his immense power to good use.

Even poor Bernard struggled to reason with the dragon. "Please, Your Glorious Imperial Majesty–" Victoire noted that he had increased the length of his master's title to better flatter him. "Your princess is dirty from the flight and in no shape to be exposed atop your hoard. Please entrust her to us so we can give her a good shine."

"You are a dutiful and loyal minion, Wereling Bernard, but I shall polish her myself this time! I incurred significant trouble in the course of princessnapping, including p-p-p–" Insupportable coughed. "That thing I do not like feeling!"

"Pain?" Alpine asked.

"No, only non-dragons suffer from that!" Insupportable all but purred as he marveled at his reflection in his princess' topaz skin. "I will never let you go, my preci–"

An immense block of ice enveloped the dragon in an instant, freezing him solid except for the claws holding Princess Topaz. Lord Wepwawet's spirit materialized in the temple with a sigh.

"I should have done that from the start," he said. "He's more trouble than he's worth."

"Thank you for fulfilling my prayer, Lord Wepwawet," Victoire replied with relief. Another minute of this nonsense and she would have suffered from an aneurysm. "Alpine, Bernard, can you free our guest now?"

"Are you sure he will be fine being frozen like this, Lord Wepwawet?" Bernard asked out of concern for Insupportable.

"I don't think the lack of air reaching his brain will change much in his case," Lord Wepwawet replied dismissively. He leaned in to whisper in Victoire's ear. "How are things going?"

"The magmorians are too stunned to mount a counteroffensive, but I've strengthened our border patrols just in case," Victoire replied. "What do we do with her? Do we return her or keep her as a hostage?"

"I'm not sure yet." Lord Wepwawet let out a sigh heavier than stone. "Her goddess is… special."

A chill traveled down Victoire's spine. She recognized the familiar, unbridled exhaustion of dealing with an overmighty moron in her god's voice.

"Also," Lord Wepwawet said, changing the subject. "If we had to suddenly face an invading force from the sea, where do you think they would land?"

Victoire squinted at him. "Please don't tell me the magmorians have a navy."

"It's purely hypothetical, but we might expect some naval raids from the east in the near future…"

Damn it, each time they solved one problem, a new one popped up! "I wouldn't try storming Verglane by the sea," Victoire said. "Its waters are cold and filled with icy hazards, while most of its coasts hide dangerous reefs and rocky cliffs. The Winter Sea is easier to traverse during warm seasons, but most beachheads are easily defensible. The only area near Narc accessible by boat is the Cap Narc bay where our fishermen go to catch fish, but…"

Lord Wepwawet raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"The guards informed me that a monster has been disturbing fishing activities in the area on my way to the temple," Victoire replied. "I intended to go there and investigate when possible, but…"

"Dragon?"

"Dragon," Victoire confirmed. "I swear I'll check once this matter is settled."

It took some time and the use of spears as levers—Insupportable's claws wouldn't loosen their grip—but they eventually freed Princess Topaz from her reptilian prison. The magmorian lady dusted off her robes and faced her captors with more bravery than Victoire would have expected from a dignitary who had likely never faced any danger in her life.

"You must be Wepwawet the Wicked," she said while staring at the god's spirit with defiant ruby eyes. "I must say, my people have underestimated your cunning. The way this dragon captured me on my visit was perfect, down to the last minute detail. This must have been a skillfully planned military operation months in the making."

Victoire and Wepwawet exchanged a knowing glance. The same thought had crossed both of their minds.

"Yes, a carefully planned operation," Victoire lied through her teeth. "Let's say that."

"Well, you have sweat lava for nothing," Princess Topaz replied. "I shall never betray my beloved Lavaland, nor will you extract any worthwhile information from me."

"You seem to be under the misconception that you are our prisoner," Lord Wepwawet said. "When you are only our guest."

"Is that so?" The princess didn't buy it. "Am I free to go, then?"

"Yes, as soon as your people leave our lands and remove all armed forces from our borders," Victoire replied bluntly. "We've told your leaders time and time again that we would allow magmorians to settle the local magma chambers so long as they agreed to respect Verglane's laws. We would be more than happy to assist with your overpopulation issue if you would give peace a chance."

"Lady Pele of the Eternal Flame has seen through your lies," Princess Topaz countered with misplaced sincerity. "Our settlers would only become your prisoners that would toil in your slave mines alongside the rest of your oppressed citizens."

Alpine suppressed a laugh at the absurd claim, though Victoire didn't find this propaganda particularly funny. Is that what the magmorians have been told? That we're tyrants oppressing our own people?

Lord Wepwawet bristled and looked into the distance with a sigh. "What's going on?" Victoire inquired.

"It's Jasper again," he replied. Victoire didn't miss the way Princess Topaz straightened up upon hearing the name. "He's banging on the gates and demanding me to release the princess. I've ordered the soldiers to bring him to us."

"Jasper? Wait, how did…" Victoire struggled to believe her own ears. "How did he travel from Citadel Sapphire to Narc in a day's time?"

"He rode a magma wyrm that collapsed from exhaustion two-thirds through, which probably counts as animal cruelty," Lord Wepwawet replied. "Afterwards, Jasper ran on foot too fast for our horsemen to catch up."

"On foot?!" Victoire choked in utter disbelief. "He covered a third of the distance between Narc and Citadel Sapphire on foot, fast enough enough to catch up to a dragon?"

Lord Wepwawet shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it's true what they say; love is the biggest buff."

"My Jasper has followed me so far north?" Princess Topaz wondered out loud, her hands covering her mouth and her blazing hair briefly flashing. "Such a brave shield he is…"

Somebody's got a crush, Victoire noticed. That impression only strengthened when wereling guards escorted Jasper into the temple. His eyes burned with surprise—Narc had grown tenfold since his last assault—only to focus almost entirely on the princess upon noticing her. Her own relief was palpable.

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"It has been many weeks since you last visited Verglane, Jasper," Lord Wepwawet said. "I hope you will be wise enough not to bring another fight to my doorstep."

Jasper immediately bent the knee, partly out of love and mostly out of exhaustion. Smoke poured out of his mouth.

"Lord Wepwawet, I know I have no right to make demands of you after I led troops at your doorstep, but I ask that you please release the princess. She has nothing to do with our nations' conflict and has always been a voice for peace." Jasper's forehead hit the floor so hard it cracked. "Should you need a hostage, then please take me in her place!"

"Jasper, no!" Princess Topaz protested. "They will harm you!"

"I would bear any pain or shame, princess, if it meant you could leave this place unharmed!" Jasper put a hand on his chest while lava poured out of his eyes. "I would give my life for yours!"

"Oh my!" Princess Topaz turned red, literally. Her gemstone skin shifted to a crimson hue and clouds of steam rose from its surface. "Jasper, you are making me all ruby inside…"

"Are magmorians always like this?" Bernard asked the others in confusion.

"Sadly, it seems so," Victoire replied. She had enough weirdos to deal with on a daily basis to add magmorians on top of them.

"They are so cute…" Alpine muttered under her breath. "Can we keep them?"

"Not for long, hopefully," Lord Wepwawet replied. "Though you may see to their accommodations during their stay here. I will allow you to keep your princess company or transport her messages back home, Jasper of Lavaland, but she will remain our guest for now."

Princess Topaz calmed down and recovered her dignity. "Neither my father nor Lady Pele will let this slide, Wicked God."

"I am counting on it," Lord Wepwawet replied with a smirk.

Princess Topaz began to glow all of a sudden, startling all mortals in the room. Flames surged from her and into the air before materializing in the shape of a humanoid woman of smokeless fire and radiance that illuminated the entire temple.

Victoire's hand reached for her spear and Bernard grabbed his axe, but she almost immediately identified the spirit for what it was: a god's projection.

Victoire had heard from her allies in the east that Lord Wepwawet had made contact with a fellow deity through one of the latter's shrines, but she didn't know Champions could serve the same purpose for their deities. Could this Pele project her power even in the heart of her own god's Influence?

"You foul villain!" the fiery spirit said, her face twisted in infernal rage. "To take my beloved Topaz like this, have you no shame?!"

"Lady Pele!" Princess Topaz joined her hands together in relief. "You have come to rescue us!"

"I want your castle, Pele, and I have your princess to bargain for it with!" Lord Wepwawet replied sternly, his arms crossed and his face a blank mask. "Surely you would value her over a pile of stones!"

"Be cursed!" The fiery goddess dramatically waved a hand over her face as if recoiling from a great disaster. "Woe to my loving heart! I have no choice other than to negotiate to save my beloved worshiper!"

Panic suddenly seized Princess Topaz. "No, Lady Pele! Please, you cannot let this villain win! Take no heed of our safety!"

"I cannot, Topaz," Lady Pele replied as she covered her face. "The thought of seeing you harmed is unbearable to me! I have no choice other than to negotiate your peaceful release!"

She's an even worse actor than he is, Victoire thought as her gaze traveled from Pele to Wepwawet. Even Jasper seemed more confused than anything. Did they set this up to let her save face?

Better a bad play than a war, she guessed…

The more time Wepwawet spent interacting with Pele, the more he wondered why her pantheon hadn't expelled her yet.

"Come on!" She told him once the two of them 'retired to the heavens' to discuss the hostage exchange; an excuse which they gave their followers, when in truth they simply used their overlapping Influences to chat unseen and undetected by mortals. "You've got to gimme more leverage!"

"We've already run this farce in front of your worshipers so you could pretend to care about them," Wepwawet snapped back. "We'll sign a peace treaty where I return your princess in return for Citadel Sapphire. The end."

"But what will my worshipers think of me if I cancel a war and fold over one person?! I'll look like a weakling, or worse, a dumbass!"

"That's still better than you deserve, and I don't see how that's my problem," Wepwawet replied angrily. He was already being exceedingly generous with her considering the situation, yet she had the audacity to ask for more. "Remind me which of us started this absolutely pointless conflict?"

"It wasn't pointless!" Pele protested. "I'm sure all this war preparation is bound to pay dividends one day! There will be no Lavaland Pearl Harbor on my watch!"

"Whatever," Wepwawet replied. "You've heard Miss Athena, you de-escalate or else."

"About that, uh…" Pele bit her lips and avoided his gaze. "There's an issue…"

Wepwawet seethed. "What?"

"Well… the princess you kidnapped is… very popular back home and… her father's dearest…" Pele scratched her cheek. "He's… he's very angry about what happened, so he… called a mobilization to rescue her..."

"A mobilization?" Wepwawet didn't like the sound of that, at all. "How many troops?"

Pele looked away. "Every… every available one on short notice…"

"The entire Lavaland military is preparing to attack Verglane?" Wepwawet choked in outrage. "Well, call them off!"

"I can't! I've fired Onyx up for this war for weeks so he's super motivated now!"

"Then tell him we will return him to his daughter once we agree to a peace treaty!"

"The thing is, Onyx… Onyx won't want to look weak in front of the troops either and he…" Pele clenched her jaw. "And I would look like a chump if it only took a single kidnapping to stop my war effort! I need to look like I won something out of this, so stop being so unreasonable and play along!"

"I can't believe this…" Only Insupportable had managed to exhaust Wepwawet as much as Pele, and that was saying something. "You started this entire mess and you still feel you should be rewarded for it?"

"I'm just saying I have to save face or it won't work…" Pele crossed her arms, pondered the issue, and then snapped her fingers. "Oh, I know a way! We could seal a political alliance between our countries with a wedding!"

"A… a wedding?" That could work, but… "Can magmorians and werelings even reproduce? That sounds biologically difficult."

"Not between our morties, dummy, between you and I!"

Wepwawet froze in place. The sentence just didn't compute. "Come again?"

"I will tell my morties that it was the only way to both return their beloved princess and avoid bloodshed! I will be the gentle goddess who chose her country over her heart!" Pele waved her hands and shaped a small rainbow from raw mana, as if to make the disastrous idea more palatable. "We'll be the union of ice and fire! All thematically appropriate!"

She has to be kidding. Nobody's that shameless. Wepwawet patiently waited for Pele to confess to the prank, only for a creeping realization to slowly worm its way into his heart. Oh my gods… Horus hasn't even been punished yet and she has already switched gears.

"What do you think?" Pele asked with excitement. "Our morties will eat it all up! Since you're now in line for the Egyptian heirship and our civilizations are right next to each other, this solves both of our problems at once! I'll secure my allowance and your mortals will live in peace! Everybody gets what they want out of it!"

"Except me!" Wepwawet snapped back. "I don't want you to get what you want!"

"Watch your mouth!" Pele glared back at him, her eyes shining with wounded pride. "You think you're too good for me?!"

"Yes!" Wepwawet stated bluntly. The mere idea of dating this idiot repulsed him.

"How… How dare you?! Have you taken a good look at me?! I'm me!" Pele squinted at him, a strange idea seemingly forming in her empty mind. "Unless… the rumors are true? You have a thing for Artemis?!"

"What?" Wepwawet choked in surprise. Him and Arty? Where did… where did people get that idea? "That's ridiculous!"

"I knew it!" Pele pointed at him with a look of triumph on her face. "I knew you reeked of the friendzone!"

"I'm out of here," Wepwawet decided once he had reached the end of his patience. "Take the rep hit and leave me alone, please."

"Wait, you can't just leave me–"

Wepwawet severed the connection and returned to his Idol. This conversation had drained him more than the entire Godly Battle with Beelzebub. He spread back his consciousness to check on his Champions. Alpine was having a good time giving Princess Topaz and Jasper a private tour of Narc—under heavy escort of course—while Lourson, Wintresse, and the others pursued the mass production of Blast Wands to use against fortifications. Military preparations would continue apace.

Finally, Wepwawet checked on Victoire as she made her way to Cape Narc with a small expeditionary force. The area wasn't too far away from the city but still beyond his realm of Influence, so he stuck to observing his Champion's progress through her eyes.

Wepwawet wouldn't have found Cape Narc particular location noteworthy, were it not for the presence of an enormous dark purple squid beached on the icy shores. The creature wasn't quite as large as Insupportable, though it almost matched the dragon in length and possessed a skin tattoo on its head glowing with bright blue light. Its tentacles carried a set of stone tablets covered in runes.

Wepwawet could recognize a kraken when he saw one.

"How is it going?" Wepwawet telepathically asked Victoire. She and the soldiers observed the kraken from behind some cover in the form of some boulders.

"I'm not sure," Victoire replied before frowning. "Are you alright? You sound… frustrated."

Wepwawet considered his next words very carefully. "Hypothetically—and I mean very hypothetically—if you had to choose between marrying someone like Insupportable or starting a devastating war, what would you pick?"

"War," Victoire replied without a single second's hesitation. "There are some things in this world that you cannot compromise on."

"I'll keep that in mind." Good to know someone agreed with his stance on the matter. "Is this creature the monster you mentioned earlier?"

"Yes, but something's odd about it," Victoire muttered back under her breath as the kraken awkwardly clutched its stone tablets. "It hasn't attacked anyone yet. It simply approaches people, but does not give chase when they flee."

Wepwawet studied the creature through Victoire's eyes. He recognized it as a Champion of some sort, albeit one already claimed by another deity. Its aura felt vaguely familiar, smelling of forest, beasts, and–

Oh.

No way!

"Approach it," Wepwawet ordered Victoire. "Peacefully."

Victoire gripped her spear. "Alone?"

"It's a friend," Wepwawet reassured her, his dark mood immediately swept away by excitement. "Go shake its tentacle."

Victoire briefly hesitated, but she had learned to trust him over the last few months and thus complied. She left her cover and troops behind to approach the kraken on her own. The beast clumsily slid on the ice to greet her.

"Excuse me, madam landweller," the creature spoke in Verglanian, or at least a close translation of it. Its voice was soft and ladylike. "Do you have a moment to talk about our lady and savior Artemis?"

Victoire blinked in surprise. "Artemis?"

"My name is Karen," the squid explained as she presented Victoire with one of the stone tablets. Wepwawet immediately recognized the work of the Translate Perk at work behind her words. "I have swam for weeks to the south in order to bring you the word of our ladyship."

Victoire stared at the tablet with a blank face, and took the opportunity to place her hand on the kraken's tentacle. Wepwawet immediately sensed his Influence connect with that of his friend's, their spirits immediately manifesting over their Champions.

"Booyah!" Artemis gloated. "What did I say, Wepy? What did I say about the south turning into the north?!"

Geography was crying in a corner somewhere…

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