"Are you sure that meeting the headmaster doesn't need an appointment?"

I glance toward the hesitant wolfman. "Nope, no idea. I'm going to try it anyway though!"

Shaya sighs, apparently able to tell enough from what interplanar common she's learned and my demeanor to get the gist of my answer.

It takes a while to reach the top floor where the fancier faculty offices are, certainly more time than when 'Her Highness' dragged me up to the roof and left me there to climb all the way back down on my own.

I huff a small breath as we crest the last landing, finally reaching the top not far from our intended destination.

Why am I dragging my party along with me after a long day of panting and sweating and running in circles while being burned, frozen, drowned, and pelted with rocks? Simple! If all that crap is going to happen I'd much rather it was in a dungeon where I get experience from it, and my party is here to grant weight to my request. If we all want to go, maybe it'll hold more sway.

Maybe.

…

Well, probably not but I'm doing it anyway.

Conspicuously absent is the party mage who apparently decided that since she'd missed first period she may as well miss the rest, not even aware that it was another entire day on the field without any actual classwork or meaningful separation between the periods other than a ten minute break to relieve myself and drink some water. I made the mistake once of eating a snack on one of those breaks and promptly threw it up after a fierce jab to the stomach by a big clay golem supposedly helping me train my endurance and overall defense.

At this point I'm just convinced that Instructor Fellows is a sadist, and I'm his favorite punching bag. Even though he scolds both me and Lyra together with around the same intensity, it's clear that I'm always going to be the one breaking my body daily while she does nothing but watch, other than the occasional – very occasional – healing or stamina restoration she might offer.

Bitch. I hope she drops out.

As I ruminate on the image of the academic destitute and living in a relative's basement for the rest of her meager life we finally arrive at Headmaster Owyn's office door, and I promptly knock.

The door swings open on its own to reveal the supposedly elderly old man at his desk, head propped on one hand while the other rubs the bridge of his nose.

"Well, don't just stand there. Come in."

Not wanting to risk the powerful man's ire I don't waste time, grabbing my two companions by the wrists and dragging them in with me.

Now that I think of it, Shaya is no problem to pull along since I'm stronger than her, but Joy is no doubt just letting me pull him along.

We stand in silence for a moment, waiting for Headmaster Owyn to prompt us to sit, or speak, or whatever it is he's expecting us to do.

And then he sighs. "First of all, why are you here? And second of all… why are YOU here?"

I blink as olive who has been staring mysteriously at one corner of the room the entire time begins hopping up and down in her place on my shoulder.

What?

And then like smoke on the wind, the Demon Empress Nemesis herself drifts from the shadows, materializing as though she had been there the whole time.

***

"-And that's why you should let them get some real practice as a party, in a real dungeon – one of mine. Don't worry, I won't let them actually die. I'll turn off permanent death for their instance."

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

I honestly hadn't expected this literal god to show up out of nowhere and make my argument for me, but I'd expected even less that she'd pull up a chair and sit with us in that same stained uniform.

Olive had promptly yipped happily and leapt onto her lap, where she still sits rolled into a fuzzy ball while Nemesis gently strokes her ears.

Meanwhile, Headmaster Owyn simply sits in silence, hands tented and brow furrowed as he scrutinizes my patron.

…

…

"Not going to say anything? I know they say silence speaks a thousand words, but I need some kind of answer here. Or at least I'd like one."

"No."

The evil god returns the old man a befuddled expression. "Just 'no'? Not 'if' or 'why'? That seems awfully short for you. Not going to lecture me like the old days? I never did graduate, you know, so I'm still technically your student."

The headmaster sighs and finally says, "Fine."

"Good. Thanks, boss," Nemesis says with a winning smile and without turning toward me plops a hand on my head to tousle my hair.

"Hey!" I snap, trying and failing to free myself from her grasp, "I was gonna… I mean… uh."

"The words you're looking for are 'thank you', kiddo," she says.

Olive gives her a pointed stare for a moment before letting out a small growl, causing the demon empress to suddenly look awkward.

"No, no! Really, it's fine, she's not going to get mad. I'm not cheating! Any god would do this for their hero, right? Right? See, I know what I'm talking about and it's fine. It's fine!"

"What would be fine," the headmaster interrupts, "is if you left my office. Now."

And the next thing I know, all five of us are sitting on the roof.

Nemesis is the first to her feet as though she'd been expecting this and simply dusts off her skirt. Olive promptly jumps on her shoulders and loops herself around the god's neck as though she were a fur boa.

Joy steps forward suddenly with a cheerful smile before saying, "Thanks, mom."

The demon empress raises her eyebrows, walks forward, and unceremoniously pokes his nose with a finger. My party tank takes half a step back before giggling and rubbing it.

"And that's about enough out of me for now. Keep entertaining me, all of you!" Nemesis chirps before ripping a hole in the world and vanishing through it, my System Assistant rematerializing on my shoulder in her usual place.

…

…

After a moment of dazed silence from everyone but the elated wolfman I blurt, "That complete ass just set me up to walk all the way down from here again, didn't she!?"

My elf friend continues to seem completely out of her depth but does at least poke me on the hand before signing, 「Alive, not dead.」

And she's right.

Well, whatever. I head for the door leading to the stairs…

Only to find it locked.

"Great."

After two hours of looking over the expansive rooftop of the academy, we finally give up and sit down. I'd suggested we have Shaya shoot down an arrow with a note, but Joy immediate vetoed the idea as too risky – it'd be way too easy to accidentally hit a classmate down there, which considering those not in classes tend to mill about the gardens and so forth isn't that unrealistic of a concern.

…

…

"Actually, uh," the wolfman finally says, "I have an idea. You probably won't like it though."

I furrow my brow but gesture for him to continue. My scales are getting weirdly dry and a couple almost feel like they could peel, which is kind of strange, isn't it? It can't be that bad if it gets me out of the sun for a little while.

Joy still seems hesitant but finally answers, "We could ask Alice to pick us up."

"NO no no no, no, what, no, no way, nope," I immediately refuse, "I already owe her a favor because you had to have her drop you off at the academy without even talking to me about it first. Why is it my fault you did that? I don't even want to know what the hells she'd want to begin with!"

"Actually… probably not much. You'd be surprised, she's actually really nice."

He withers under my glare for a moment before giving me a sheepish smile. "She was always nice to me anyway. Maybe I could ask her to be nice to you?"

(Do.)

Hm? Are you sure it's a good idea? Olive, sweetie, there's no way it's a good idea.

(Do,) she says more emphatically, rubbing her face on mine.

"Oh… fine. Fine. I don't even want to know. Whatever. Alice, are you here? You're here, aren't you? You're always here so you're definitely here now."

"That is unfortunately untrue, young miss," the stheno maid answers, promptly rising from my shadow and making me jump despite halfway expecting it. "Leaving the dungeon has significant impacts on my mana reserves; I do, however, have means to monitor you at all times and as a result am able to respond whenever necessary. Now, what is it you desire?"

I ignore the poorly hidden greed coloring her face. "Weren't you listening? You were definitely listening."

"Yes, but I must receive my orders directly when a price is to be levied. It is a rule Her Highness established to prevent me from abusing you."

"Ah," I say as I shudder a little bit at her implication. "Well, uh. T-take us back to the portal home, I guess? And…"

I lock eyes with the powerful monster.

"Please go easy on me, alright? Nothing I can't actually do? And no torture. Alright?"

She doesn't respond, but she doesn't need to. The devious look in her eyes says absolutely everything.

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