Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

Book 1 - Chapter 60 - Girlbossing the Wrong Way


Alex hesitated, open mouthed, as he stared at Britanii's horrible form. A gangrenous green orb hurled straight for his face to do god only knows what. She was no longer the viciously gorgeous redhead. The leash around her was shackled tight. Britanii had been transformed into a rotting hag slathered in crusted on makeup to hide her pus leaking face. Her scalp was patchy with oily red hair, she looked hollow and sagging, and her black toothed grimace dripped phlegmy drool onto the Dungeon floor.

[Cursed Familiar Leash]

"Alex?! You're late!" Snu yelled before she turned in her eight foot tall succubus form, and using her heeled foot, wheel kicked a Krusher with a red-painted chest and a battle axe into the slippery grasp of a dozen eager Glimps. The leathery freaks squealed and dogpilled, the Krusher yelled, there were several snaps, and then the Krusher was gone.

"Ahhh," Alex said. "I thought it was just going to be me and you tonight, Snu. Bit busy in here."

"YOU DID THIS!" Britanii yelled at him as the purple tentacles of the hentai monster tried to land its suctiony bits onto her. She battered them away with ease, and where she touched, the purple monster the size of a rhino began to rot away.

With the orb of rot inches from his face, Alex decided he had spent enough time gauking at his hideous ex. He [Phantom Stepped] and reappeared ten feet into the warzone of the giant chamber while flinging out an [Illusory Copy]. Thankfully, the clone was dressed identically to him, and was already darting in the opposite direction after a wink in greeting. Behind him, the entrance exploded into rotten meat as Britanii's Skill struck the Dungeon wall.

Alex hoped that the gang, Emilio, and Gnomes would bloody well arrive to help as he sprinted through the space like a very squishy target. It did not look good.

Leather clad nuns wielding whips and serrated paddles brawled with a gang of Krushers. The Ass Monster squared off with Fabrizio, who had adopted a flowing red cape alongside a face full of permanent cold sores. "I'M COMING TO SMOTHER AGAIN!" the ass monster jiggled.

"Ooooooooh," Fabrizio feigned a hit from the cheeky Monster. "I perish the thought! I do not wish to be under you again!" Somehow, even though the monster had barely hit him, Fabrizio had ended up on his back with a hopeful look as the Ass Monster hefted to mount position.

"Oh," Giat said as she lanced her long black nails and tore through the bodies of three Krushers who had gotten too close. Their parts crumpled to the floor as Lord Loopy shambled towards her. "He is cute, sis." She didn't look at Alex, and kept her attention locked onto a shackled Lord Loopy. Alex sprinted deeper into the room as Britanii tracked him. So far, he couldn't spot any gashapong or Vrshkeuc.

Now what surprised Alex wasn't that Giat was there. He knew Snu had a sister that shared the Leather Spires with her. If Snu was threatened, it was obvious that Giat was in danger as well. What confused Alex was how Giat looked. Where Snu was a blonde, in both her messy, hoodie wearing more normal form, and a blonde giantess goddess in her Dungeon Boss form, Giat was the opposite.

How are they sisters?

Giat was a mocha skinned titaness with a giant picked afro. She looked like a raver goddess, ten feet tall, wearing dirty combat boots, ripped nylons, a short skirt, a leather corset tight in all the good places, and a dainty plastic choker. Her curves made her shaped like the number eight, and her lips glowed a synthetic pink. She raised a sharp hand as pink shards coalesced around her body.

"Loopy, please! FIGHT AGAINST IT! Fight against the leash!" she cried and her eyes glowed with command, fun and danger all in one, and Alex felt the added weight of her words in his chest. The Skill she had put into the sentence tried to punch into his soul, making him want to lick the—

"Play with meeeeeee," Lord Loopy moaned like a child's mascot dragged through a nightmare. He lifted his junk food and metal arms, and the air around him burst into soggy confetti. Splintering shrieks erupted the cobbled floor and sent rails of candy striped steel tangling and bending around Giat to box her in.

Hundreds of party balloons blinked into existence in the box that surrounded the dark giantess and pressed her powerful form in. Then a red velvet rope leapt out from Loop's open mouth like a rotten stanchion cord, and wrapped around her throat and body. The pink sharks circling Giat popped the balloons, but they just kept forming and pressing her in. "I just want you all to play with me," Loopy cried as the words were forced out of his mouth with a tug from Britanii's hand on his leash.

"NOW WATCH WHAT A TRUE SILVER GRADE CAN DO!" Britanii hacked out while spewing literal rotten bile from her throat. She grabbed the leash that extended from her neck and extended to Loopy. It began to glow a violent blue. "YOU WILL BE MINE! SERVE ME AND EXPAND MY POWER!"

Lord Loopy cried, and popcorn spilled from his eyes. Britanii went cross eyes as she tried to track both him and his clone. The balloons filed faster now and smashed into Giat's body. Dozens become hundreds became thousands as the rails contracted to close in on her like a bear trap. Every one that she popped with her shards, ten more appeared. The giantess moaned as she was suffocated under the power of Loopy.

Alex, flame footed, darted along the outskirts and watched for an opening. If he could just get a slice on that leash! But a cross eyed Brtianii was targeting him and the clone at the same time.

"Oh, the fun we'll have, Alex," she crooned and drooled. "Think of how much happier you'll be once I get you!" Brtianii whipped her head through the air and a mass of mucusy needles fired from her mouth. But instead of aiming for the real Alex, she went for the clone first before turning her head in his direction.

The clone caught the brunt of the sludgey Skill, and its body disintegrated mid stride into nothing. Alex [Phantom Stepped] out of range, leapt, felt the corruption whizz by his face, and [Phantom Stepped] again to send him flying towards the leash between Snu and Loopy like a human cannonball.

Alex sailed through the air, snarling, and prepped to attempt a slice on the leash. That was when he saw Snu.

She had recovered, and hovered a dozen feet up while her Monsters battled lesser Krushers and Fabrizio got smothered. Snu totwered in her full Succubus form, with whipping golden hair, wearing a torn skin tight black dress with a slit all the way up to her hip. Her eyes glowed yellow as gathered Essence for some Skill. She didn't look at Alex or Britanii, and had only eyes for the construct surrounding her sister. With a scream, she unleashed her wrath.

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Twin beams of blinding fire fired from her eyes and crashed into the abomination encasing Giat. Balloons burst in the thousands and rematerialized, candy colour metal melted, and Snu sang as she fired. It was in a language that he didn't understand, that no one understood, and it hit Alex's heart before he was blinded by the light. He couldn't see anything, but kept sailing and hoped his strike would land. Somewhere beneath it all and mid air, he heard a terrifying sound, but his gut had already told him he was absolutely screwed.

Britanii was laughing. Gurgling, but also laughing.

Unseen by him, and by everyone and every Mosnter in the room, Britanii unleashed [Corruption Concussion]. Alex was within a few feet of landing a strike onto the leash when the Skill exploded outward of his ex.

From her pores flew black miasma tendrils. One slammed into Alex's chest, tearing his shirt and carving into his chest while launching him sideways mid air. Another nailed Snu mid Skill, slamming her down into the cobblestones. Giat screamed in agony as spears of darkness pierced through Loopy's [Baloon Fiesta], and then crucified her shoulder, hip, and thigh. Ten Glimps were halved like fruit, the Ass Monster lost a cheek in a splatter of gore, three tentacles tore from the hentai Monster's in a burst of jelly, and four nuns simply disintegrated into red mist.

"Me?!" Britanii cackled as Alex crunched onto the floor, breaking his left collar bone and road burning his back. Somehow, probably through the [Scarpetta Buff], he stayed conscious, which almost made it worse. "You think you can take me!? AFTER WHAT YOU MADE ME!?" the hag that was Britanii howled.

"CLIMBING THE RANKS, AND THEN SOME FUCKING DICKLESS LOSER WHO CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A GUILD TURNS ME INTO A DUNGEON BOSS? NO NO. IT WILL ALL BE MINE. ONE AFTER ANOTHER. DUNGEON BOSS AFTER DUNGEON BOSS. MINE. I WILL TAKE IT ALL."

Britanii started spewig out wet, horrible giggles and stopped yelling. "You see, Alex..." she pulled on the leash. "At first, I couldn't control my Skills. Now? Now?" Her smile was so wide it split her lips. "With this? I can."

She started to cry while smiling too widely. "They farmed me. And farmed me. And farmed me." Her head snapped toward Snu and Giat, then to Loopy. "Know what that's like?" Her back arched, and it looked like something was crawling around inside her skin. "This is MUCH better. Because it was either take their leash deal, to control me some," She tugged at her own leash so hard it cut into her neck. "Get the Dungeon Bosses under MY control, or get farmed every damn day." She locked her eyes onto Alex and continued.

"They want Dungeon Bosses. But there's always room for one more. I'll always have room for you, Alex. You know that." The thing under her skin shook and stretched against her loose, sagging skin.

It was at that moment that a chonky grey missile leapt from the room's entrance and shot toward Britanii with his claws already extended.

Emilio hissed and rammed onto Britanii's rotted face, clawing, biting, screeching, and absolutely losing his goddamn mind. Her black spears stuttered as she reeled back, one curled hand flailing with the leash she held onto Loopy with as the other tried to peel the furious kitty off. But Emilio was everywhere, biting her nose with electrified bites, tearing gashes in her cheeks, and somehow also latched onto her balding scalp like a hat made of razorblades. The miasma died out as she screamed, and the entire room watched in shock as the Dungeon Boss was overwhelmed by one extremely pissed off cat.

Alex, gasping and pushing himself one handed up off the floor, said, "Get her, bud."

With Britanii's focus fully consumed by the electrified furball mauling her, Lord Loopy's construct began to collapse. Balloons popped by the thousands while the candy coloured steeled unfurled like melting origami. Giat spilled free with a thud onto the ground. Britanii stagged as Emilio clung on, and Alex could see the rips of electricity tearing into her skin. Loopy sobbed and stood in the middle of it all with blank eyes and cried silently as his body waited like a forgotten puppet. The chain around his neck rattled and dug into his flesh to leak honey blood.

"Giat!" Snu yelled and ran in long strides despite her heels towards her fallen sister. The rest of the battle resumed while Britanii got her face torn at by a maniacal Emilio.

The Ass Monster ground Fabrizio's face into the floor while the man barely put up a fight. The remaining Glimps reformed in a group, the nuns to their left, and the tentacle monster tried its best. The Monsters and the Krusher's crashed back together.

Alex coughed as he stood up and spotted the linked leash. One end was clenched in the hands of a terrified Krusher, one coiled around Britanii's neck as she tried but failed to tear Emilio off, and one clamped around Loopy's giant neck as he stood motionless and wpt. Alex groaned, and began to shamble toward the leash while Snu tried to pick a fallen Giat off the ground.

With a final shriek, Britanii finally flung Emilio from her face. He twisted his gut mid air and landed gracefully beside Alex with bristling fur and sparking claws. Then lightning slammed down from the ceiling and cracked the stone at their feet. Across the room room, Britanii stood hunched and shaking, with strips of skin dangling like wet paper. Somehow, she still laughed.

"Turn me into a Dungeon Boss, forget all about me," she sang through broken teeth. She sang it again. "Turn me into a Dungeon Boss, forget all about me," each repetition was more ragged as black clouds began to swirl at her feet, swallowing light and air. "Turn me into a Dungeon Boss, forget all about me?"

Emilio hissed louder as Britanii began to swell, still chanting her mantra. "Turn me into a Dungeon Boss, forget all about me? Turn me into a Dungeon Boss, forget all about me?" She repeated it again and again even as her voice gurgled with rot. Her links cracked outward and grew distended joints, her head began to balloon and the tears in her face leaked pus while her torso expanded. Through it all, the Krusher that held onto her leash barely held on.

"What the hell is going on!?" Snu shouted as she looked over at Alex. "This doesn't feel normal at all?!" But over her voice, the music, the clashing of Krushers and Monsters, Loopy's sobs, Emilio's lightning hisses, and Britanii's body snapping into something devilish, Alex heard something else.

The rapid trampling of hundreds of porcelain feet and the high pitched whirr of servos and drone blades. From the entrance of the room, the reinforcements had arrived.

"MEANIE BOBEANIES?" Beepy asked as the little mech lanced a [Volt Whip] and shot over towards Alex in an expertly dramatic swan dive. Zippy, wielding an ancient paring, flew in tight behind his brother. Alex looked over and couldn't help but smile as Britanii officially entered her second phase of psychotic ex Dungeon Boss.

Standing in the doorway was a huffing Mary and Jemin holding a bag and a handful of grenades. And coming up to their knees were a hundred Garden Gnomes led by Petal Gravewhistle.

Britanii's voice shattered as her transformation peaked, her spine twisting into new shapes. "YOU WANTED A DUNGEON BOSS?!" she roared with an unhinged jaw as shadow poured like liquid from her maw. "NOW YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ME! NOT WHEN I CONTROL YOU ALL."

Petal Gravewhistle stepped forward and planted his trowel into the stone floor as if it were mere dirt. "My liege," he said, bowing to Emilio. "Lord Girthdom of All Beneath the Sun." He straightened and turned to address Snu and a hurt Giat. "My wondrous Succubi Hosts. Petal Gravewhistle, Steward of Shade and Sower of Gravel, reporting for battle." Then with a nod toward the many limbed, pussy mass that was Britanii, his lip curled into a gnomish smile. "Thank you for allowing us to bring sun and dirt to smite this Shade. Gnomes?" Petal pointed with a tiny finger at the drooling Britanii.

"Kill this Thing."

All hundred Gnomes cheered and charged in a fury, funneling around Petal Gravewhistle as Emilio shot lighting from the ceiling to the floor. The Gnomes carried spears made of garbage, shovels, garden shears, knives, broken bottles, and showed no fear.

"SUN AND SHADE! SUN AND SHADE!" They chanted as they sprinted through lightning strikes that empowered them with berserker Skills upon contact.

Britanii's head turned toward the entrance at the charging company. She let out a gurgling howl and lunged forward on too many limbs, tearing the leash out of the Krusher's hands, ready to make them all remember her forever.

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