"Dungeon safety is everyone's responsibility! Please report any neighborhood anomalies to your local Adventurer Guild Hall!" The radio jockey said sweet as pie. Alex turned it down to focus on driving.

"Beepy," Mary said with clenched teeth from the passenger seat. "I swear to fucking God, if you don't sit your ass down RIGHT now, buckle up, and stop dancing for those kids," she turned around and shoved a finger towards the boys in the back seat of Alex's car. "Alex is turning this car around and dropping the BOTH of you off! There will be no Gnome Garden for you!"

Beepy froze mid robot dance. Zippy let out a panicky chirp and floated back down. In the middle seat, Petal was buckled in with crossed arms, snoring and leaning against Emilio. The pound of bacon Gravewhistle had demanded from the breakfast drive through they had hit earlier was long gone. The cat took up the entire back right chair and had insisted, according to a yawning Gravewhistle, to sit 'Miss Daisy style'. Whatever that was.

The kids on the floating school bus on their way to school cheered behind enchanted, unbreakable glass before Alex peeled away. He didn't mention that there wasn't enough time to drive them back home. After they went and questioned the Krushers at Allen Gardens, he'd have to zip off to work. Mary and the boys would be getting a drop off at Jemins with his loot hall to sell. Jemin and Mary would sort through it, and hopefully save anything they could use. The boys settled back down and Beepy buckled them in together. They, through Mary, had let him know that nothing in the upgrade department had hit yet, but something was bubbling in their Cores. He hadn't had any upgrades either, which pissed him off some, since he'd platformed his way through Neuronium's Dungeon.

But such is life. Can't have upgrades all the time. Probably still Settling into something big for the boys.

He took a big bite of his half-eaten egg and cheese bagel while swerving around a stalled go kart on Jarvis street. Traffic was bad, but it was moving. "Guys, stay buckled in. I don't know what she did," he gestured around the beat up but better working car. "But this car is driving differently. I mean, air conditioning? What am I? Rich?"

"Eh," Mary waved like it was no big deal. "All I did was shove some MagiTape where it was needed, threw in a big old dose of Freon into some pipe and the atmosphere, and made it run just a little better."

"The loud muffler makes it run better? Not just your personal preference?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'll just take out the changes I made? Since you don't like air conditioning?" Mary hit him back.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Alex replied as he got changed lanes towards a faded green sign that read: Allen Gardens. "Seriously though. Thank you. It means a lot and you didn't have to."

"Have to? Didn't have to? I'm not even sure you should be driving this thing, man…," She shook her head before relenting. "But you're welcome. I have lots of other things I want to do, once I find the parts. And yes. Everyone knows a loud muffler means your cool."

"Need to let everyone know just how fast your car is. That's how that works. Now I'm one of those really cool guys with loud mufflers to wake everyone up."

"Exactly. See? I knew you'd get it."

It wasn't a floating car, and didn't have any Relics attached to it to enhance it magically, but Alex was thankful his junker didn't feel like it was going to lose a wheel on the highway anymore.

They passed ancient warehouses crumbling and full of street rats with wide eyes and skinny frames, an old billboard advertising maple syrup, and a local fruit market as they wound toward Allen Gardens. Alex sucked his teeth and finished his sandwich as Mary shifted in her seat. Looking in his mirror, he saw Emilio licking the empty tupperware container that had contained his cat's breakfast. Fresh tuna salad.

"Still ignoring her, right?" Mary asked about Britanii. He'd told her about the messages. "Promise you're not answering her?"

"Yeah," he answered. "I mean no. I mean I'm still ignoring her. It's weird though, she just keeps sending that same message," he put on his best bitch voice. "We need to talk. It's serious. Please call me. Blah blah blah. Usually it's promises of violence, love, or both. Don't love this new approach. This way of wedging is pretty effective..."

"Considering you turned her into a Dungeon Boss…definitely strange." Mary drummed her fingers.

"Me? Wasn't me!" Alex looked in the mirror at Beepy and Zippy, who seemed to be talking to each other in their robot language. "Technically it was Beepy! Maybe he should call her."

"NO THANK YOU." Beepy responded from his seat. The boys were now sitting quiet as lambs. Alex saw Zippy nod along.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

Mary was quiet for a second. "And Professor Neuronium? Not ghosting him too?"

"Nah, messaged him before we left. Sounded like he's building back up again after last night. Apparently the pizza helped big time. He kicked some ass, sent the Krushers packing, and 'snagged a couple new Monsters for his Dungeon'."

"Good, fuck those guys." Mary said.

"Did say the caster with that Familiar Skill got away, though. Marty got beaten up pretty bad but is on the mend, and uh…," Alex searched his mind for what the Professor had texted. "Pickles? The tadpole? Building more bombs."

Mary nodded sharply. "Appropriate. God I want to meet them. So fricken cool."

"US TOO." Beepy said from the back just as Alex turned off the road and into Allen Gardens.

The gang piled out into the parking lot that was overgrown with bushes and vines. The chaotic sounds of the city faded as soon as they stepped out. It was quieter in the park than it was in the car. No people were around, and those Alex could spot walking on the distant sidewalk didn't cut through.

"Isn't this place supposed to be public?" Mary asked as Zippy perched on her shoulder. Beepy walked next to Alex, while Gravewhistle and Emilio led the way.

"Was public. Now it's protected. By grit, and the sacred pact of dirt," Gravewhistle answered while throwing up a finger. "Now? No one litters here without answering to the dirt." He marched on with chin high. Emilio strutted beside him.

Allen Gardens rose before them. Before the system, it was an multi domed connected greenhouse full of tropical plants covered by thick glass. The brick walls were now covered in thick moss and flowering vines. The massive domes were shattered years ago. However, colossal trees burst through the sharp maws. Prior to the System, the trees had been shackled and protected indoors.

Alex was scanning everywhere and looking for their hidden colours. Both times he'd been there, he'd been portaled right into one of their rituals. Then he saw them.

Garden gnomes. Dozens stood guard and melded with the fauna. Each one was armed in some manner. One carried a bone spear lashed to a tire iron, another held what looked like an immersion blender, a few crouched in tree branches with crossbows. Every one of them looked battle-hardened, dirty, cracked, and adorable.

"High Girthness returns! OPEN THE GATES!" Petal Gravewhistle bellowed. There was a single second of silence, then the Gnomish chaos that Alex came to expect bloomed.

They dropped from trees, popped up from their tunnels, and flipped out of rose bushes like ceramic ninjas. They swarmed the group with joy and circled them. Within a few seconds, dozens and dozens of Garden Gnomes jumped around and whooped to Emilio in a frenzied circle. Then their cheers came in high pitched english accents.

"SUN AND SHADE! SUN AND SHADE!"

Beepy pressed into Alex's leg, and Zippy crouched deeper into Mary's messy black hair. Emilio stood in the center of the dancing ring, licking a paw like there was nothing to be bothered about. The chants surged louder and louder. Beepy seemed to realize that the Gnomes were not about to ambush them.

So the little robot gave a little bop to their chants. Zippy joined in with a floating twirl from Mary's shoulder.

"Are they..worshipping Emilio?" Mary leaned in and whispered over the hubbub.

"Yep. Remember that GnOpal?" Alex asked.

"Shit….you–"

A crack of electricity arced from the greenhouse gate and slammed into the ground near Emilio. The cat just licked his paw. The Gnomes? The Gnomes lost their damn minds.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" One of them backflipped and another apparated flowers to throw at Emilio's feet. A handful of the gnomes were on their knees and sobbing openly. Emilio looked up from his paw, turned to Alex, and winked.

"Did he just–?!" Alex spluttered.

"YES. I SAW IT. WHY IS THAT CAT SO SMART?" Beepy buzzed next to him, grooving.

The gnomes broke from their party and fell into a dance line behind Emilio, who sauntered forward into the Garden. Gravewhistle remained with two ridiculously jacked gnomes standing behind him.

"I've received word. Machine Maiden Mary," Petal said. "Some amongst the Lilac company would like to see warriors Beepy and Zippy show their prowess. They are interested in their capabilities and wish to show them techniques."

Mary paused for a second, which was different. "Uh…."

"YES." Beepy said before she could answer. Zippy squealed and the two ran off to follow the massive gnomes into the Garden.

"Hmmm.." Mary hummed. She lifted her hand like she wanted to call them back, but stopped herself.

"C'mon. I got you." Alex slotted his arm into hers.

She took it, but looked a bit thoughtful. "Thanks." Without Zippy, Mary had no eyes. No floating assistant to scan, map, or help her navigate the strange world.

I wonder if she's thinking about bringing on a new drone? Maybe some artificial eyes?

"Now," Petal Gravewhistle turned to them, all business with hands clasped behind his back. "We go to meet the prisoners. If needed, we will call upon Emilio." The gnome looked over his shoulder, towards Allen Gardens.

"My wife, Petunia, will be joining us," he continued. "She is to ensure no unauthorized interrogation methods are used. She is…stern. Also–" he tapped his nose. "She has prepared our famous Gnomish Goulash as is customary. I hope you left some room."

And with that, Petal Gravewhistle turned and walked into Allen Gardens. Alex guided Mary along to meet the Krusher prisoners, and eat some Gnomish Goulash.

"You know," he said to Mary to ease her tension. "I could eat."

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