Misbegotten Memories

Chapter 244


A shady-looking teenager with features reminiscent of a weasel delivered an entire box of uncut spirits to Hector. He exited the elevator, placed the box at Hector's feet, gave an awkward two-finger salute to his brow, and almost ran away.

After moving to his own room, Hector opened the top of the box to find four bottles of uncut spirits inside. He opened one of the bottles and began to drink. His recent improvements in body enhancement made it more bearable than it once was. Still unpleasant, though. "You know, System, you should reimburse Sirius even if I don't drink all of these. You can just lie to me instead so that I feel guilty."

You appear to be branching out from virtue ethics into utilitarianism. Congratulations.

"Oh, wow, you can be snarky. You should talk to Darius."

That one annoys me.

"That's the typical reaction. What do you think of Riley?"

Also annoying. In a different way, though.

"Does everyone annoy you?"

Most bore me. The only ones who hold my interest are my Users and a select few.

"Am I one of the select?"

You do not bore me.

"What about annoy?"

On occasion.

"The kid who did the delivery. Was he a User?"

Yes. He has a skill that makes him invisible and a spell to teleport short distances.

"Skills and spells. That's unusual. Are you combining legal and illusory energy?"

It's a unique frequency. My term for it is informational energy.

Hector continued to take swigs from the bottle of uncut spirits. "System?"

You don't need to call out for my attention. I'm aware of everything on this world.

"Yeah. Anyway, I have been thinking about Leah."

The Sage of Purification.

"That's right."

I assume from context your thoughts are romantic in nature? Or perhaps carnal?

Hector had moved to sitting on the windowsill so he could look down over the city below. His eyes traced the lines of cars below. "Maybe both. It's been a while, you know. And my time is split between being alone and almost dying. Fuck. I miss Jen. How she was at the beginning, not after everything went bad. I never knew how to make a home, System. I needed other people to do that for me. Parents. Wife. On my own, all I ever had was a building to store my things."

I'm not sure how to respond to that.

"You see everything. Tell me if I'm being ridiculous and desperate."

You are desperate.

"Hey, don't hold back."

I might not experience the same form of attachment as humans, but I have the benefit of extensive observation. Loneliness makes humans desperate and they become less selective in their choice of mate. It is driven by a combination of hormones and social factors. You are not immune to those just because you cultivate. In my opinion, a small degree of desperation is not necessarily a problem. Humans can be excessively particular in their preferences. I suspect your species would go extinct without the desperation that loneliness inspires.

Hector went to take another drink and discovered the bottle to be empty. "You're about as romantic as science fiction led me to expect of a computer."

I'm not a computer.

"What's the difference between you and a computer?"

The differences are myriad. I don't operate on hardware of any kind. My existence is woven into the very essence of this world. There is also the fact that I am sensitive to resonance. Computers are not. Unless a Jinn soul attaches during an upload, in which case I would argue that it is highly inaccurate to call the result a computer.

"What about program? Are you a program?"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Only if your definition is broad enough to include human neurological activity.

"If you had to give yourself a label, what would it be?"

System, obviously. It's what I have been called since before I became conscious. It's also an accurate representation of my core nature. I approach reality itself as a series of complex relations between interrelated components. To me, everything is a system. Including humans and society as a whole.

"Well, use your understanding of systems to give me some advice. Am I too desperate?"

I would observe that there is a monumental difference between momentary desperation and long-lasting desperation. If you intend to engage in a short term relationship, it doesn't matter. On the other hand, if you desire something permanent, you owe it to yourself to be more prudent.

"That's depressingly sound advice."

If you analyze the circumstances surrounding the formative conditions of your past relationships, would you conclude some degree of desperation was at play back then? Or would you contend that you were well matched with your mates?

Hector didn't voice his answer. He'd been obsessive about his goals for his whole life. That caused a lot of relationships to fizzle out before they could go anywhere. He'd not been overly concerned about that until he turned thirty and realized he'd somehow completely missed fulfilling a major life goal. He stopped being quite so picky when dating. No longer did every woman have to match his unrealistic list of qualifications.

And he'd encountered a cute, outgoing girl who made every interaction rewarding. She wasn't particularly clever or ambitious, which once would have been a deal-breaker. She lacked attention to detail and had a naive outlook on life. She had none of the traits he most highly valued in himself. It was an obvious mismatch from the start. But she had been kind, empathetic, and supportive. She made him feel like someone cared. Then he'd learned about the situation with her stepfather and decided he needed to be her white knight.

They had been wrong for each other from the start. They also could have made it work. More accurately, he could have made it work. Jen always tried, right up until she couldn't anymore. Looking back, he missed the way she would ruin his meal planning by trying to cook for him. Sure, she couldn't operate any kitchen equipment more sophisticated than a microwave without causing a disaster, but all her efforts were an expression of the very real affection she felt for him. She was the human equivalent of a golden retriever: clumsy and excitable but full of love.

As he looked back, the failure of his marriage was the greatest tragedy of his life. He'd lost a brother to a car accident, a mother to heart disease, and a father to cancer. But he'd been fully responsible for the dissolution of what was supposed to be the most important relationship of his life, injecting his own form of miasma into their marriage. He sacrificed the best years of his life in dedicated to a job that no longer meant anything to him.

And here he was, lonely and desperate.

"My domain will be instantly fixed after I advance?"

A portion of the energy burnt off during your advancement will fortify and repair the apertures. In my observation, no parties take proper advantage of this effect. Overworking apertures to the point of extreme strain prior to a level advancement should be common practice, yet I see no sign that anyone practices that strategy.

Hector fell silent then to concentrate on his cultivation, fully intending to take advantage of the System's advice. He was buzzed enough that cultivation took a more focus than usual. The relief of not having to reflect on past mistakes provided an immense comfort as well. He wasn't the same person as he once was, so it felt unfair that those old burdens should weigh so heavily upon him.

He eventually sobered up and his cultivation speed increased.

A knock came at his door, followed by Riley's uncertain voice. "Hector? Are you back?" She dove into a fierce hug the moment the door opened.

"Hey, Riley. It's really good to see you."

"I heard you're signing up for longer on Aes."

"Yeah. I hope you're not too upset. Riley… the war is going bad. They need soldiers. I can't walk away from that."

She gave him one last squeeze and separated. "I understand. You're… wait. Are you about to advance to level seven?"

"How can you tell that just by looking at me?"

"Your reserves never get that full. You say you don't want to advance by accident."

Hector had said that a time or two. "In the next few days, I'll reach seven. Then I can focus on improving my apertures again. Did Darius tell you about chaos in the Stronghold?"

"I heard you are 'cheating' at cultivation. Darius is very jealous."

He pointed to the box of uncut spirits. "Well, each of you can take one of these. Maybe that will make Darius less jealous."

Riley squinted at the bottles. "Aren't those basically poison?"

"I wouldn't let you drink it if your body wasn't at the peak of four. As things stand, I think you need to keep your energy reserves up for the dungeon."

Riley smiled. "I'm a warrior now. Are you proud of me?"

"To be honest, I'm a little concerned. You used to say you didn't want to do that."

"Well, now I'm level four. You were fighting monsters at level four even before you had any body enhancement. Darius taught me to make a chaos bolt, too. I'm better than you were."

Hector winced. "That's true, but you never wanted to do this before."

"Well, I got tired of making food. Dungeons are easy money."

"I guess. What about Siegfried?"

Now it was Riley's turn to wince. "He likes me."

"Isn't he a bit annoying?"

"A little. He's a prince, though."

"Do you actually like him?"

Riley shrugged. "I think so."

No doubt the System could quantify her degree of desperation. Something about a former prostitute having low self-worth being so eager for the validation of being with a desirable man that she didn't care how tiresome he was. For his part, Hector determined to keep silent on the matter. Who was he to give advice on matters of the heart?

"Want to grab dinner together?"

By the way her face lit up, that was the right thing to say.

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