Idiot’s Paradox: A LitRPG Apocalyptic Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

B2 - Chapter 56: Plastic Oozing Slime Monster


Logan asked Ernie to look after everyone while he was gone. He'd like to take Ernie with him, but everyone was too low leveled and vulnerable on their own. Until he had time to figure out the array that he'd received from Pied, the risk was too great. Besides, Ernie could stay close to them at the same time as transforming more sturgeons and other fish into minions, a win-win.

As for his destination, Logan had a ton of choices. To use [Threshold Shift], all he needed was an image. However, Logan wasn't well travelled. Although he'd wanted to go to more places than Florida, Las Vegas or the rest of British Columbia, his budget didn't allow it. When he could barely afford to fix his truck or pay his rent, travelling had been a pipedream. He'd only managed to visit Ireland and Scotland years ago due to the generosity of his grandfather.

He hadn't been anywhere else in Europe. And beyond knowing that there was a massive time difference between the West Coast and London, he didn't know by how much. The internet could sure come in handy right now.

Wait a minute.

Lose the internet, lose Wiki? What was the next best thing?

Lara.

***

Logan burst into Jack's cabin and ran up the stairs to Lara's room, giving her door a quick knock before ducking his head inside. "Lara, I need your help."

Lara looked up, gave him a glance, then went back to putting her belongings into the drawers of the dresser. There was a massive pile of crap everywhere, all the things that Logan had pulled from his spatial collar that had been inside her bedroom and her office. It would take days for her to go through everything.

She ran a sweaty hand through her hair. "Although I appreciate that you have some kind of magic ability that lets you cart the contents of my house around, it would have been nice if the System gave you something else more convenient, like the ability to organize." She kicked aside a pile of clothes with a sigh. "Well, what do you need?"

Once Logan explained, she blinked at him before scrunching her nose.

"Logan," she said. "You saved us. Rescued us from that alien, likely saved our lives. You've been running non-stop, and although you look like you could take on the world, I can tell when you're about to unravel. Take a break for Christ's sake. Can't the monster killing wait a day?"

Logan shifted and then shut the door so the others couldn't hear. "I'll take a break just as soon as the System gives me a breather. It's a quest, Lara. It has a time limit. If I don't leave now, it could mean that I'll fail it. The penalty is steep. Everything I earn will be cut in half. A fifty percent penalty." He swallowed. "Forever."

Lara put her hands on her hips in outrage, a muscle on her chin twitching. "How is that fair? This invading artificial intelligence overlord goes too far! System, my ass. I'm convinced it isn't all knowing or all powerful. It's an expression of the will of another society. Like Pied but only worse. There's no way it's neutral. Next thing you know it'll give you a penalty that results in a missing limb, or heck, death! It's absurd."

Logan blinked. "Right, wouldn't want that," he muttered.

Lara ran a hand through her ponytail and blew out a breath. "There's no point in going to London or Ireland now, since you did your calculations incorrectly, little brother. The time zone conversion means…" She bit her lip as she did the math. "It's only 3 a.m. in London. No point in going there. At least not for another three hours. No, if you need a place where it's the middle of the day, go to Australia. It's mid-afternoon."

"But I've never been to Australia."

She lifted her eyebrows. "So what? You said your skill lets you go anywhere you want as long as you envision it? Well, you remember the Syndey Olympics, don't you?"

Fuck. Yeah, in a vague way, but knowing Logan's luck he'd send himself somewhere else in the universe that looked the same. Plus, talk about an environment for fucked up monsters. Australia already had killer crocodiles, venomous snakes and spiders before the Integration, just imagine it now.

"Just go in and go out. Do what you need to, and get back here so you can take a break, you hear? The kids need their Uncle Logan, they don't need a Mountain Man soaked in blood."

"A mountain man soaked in blood?" he said, his voice dry.

Lara huffed. "Don't give me that look! You were all… bloody. I saw it." Then she sobered. "Are you sure you want to do this? After all, does money really matter? Money can always be earned, but if we lose you, we're going to be on the purge menu in a year, brother. We won't survive. You're too important to lose over greed."

"It's… not just greed. If I succeed, the System will give me more than money. It'll give me the ability to make something of myself, make this place into a community, something that could be more than just a base of operations and a safe haven. Besides, I barely have 24 hours left to do it. I'll be back before you know it."

Lara's expression softened. "I know you have dreams. You know I'd always support you, but aren't you forgetting something? That deal you made with Pied is still in place. 24 hours or not, that doesn't give you much time to bask in any System rewards before you have to go off and do his bidding."

"I need to do this, Lara," said Logan, firm. "It's important."

Lara sat on the edge of the bed, her shoulders slumping. "All right, but you be careful, you hear? Don't let those sharks eat you."

Logan smiled. "Sharks?"

"Australia has sharks!"

***

Logan made sure to craft a lodestone against the side of the cabin before he left. He'd crafted his first private market store back in Hope's End, but his people were here, and if this place continued to grow, they'd need access to supplies. Although only Chase and a few of the others had KarmaCoin, every little bit helped.

The only thing left to do was to leave.

Even though the System ranked Logan number two in the world and he could come out on top against most users, he could admit to a bit of nervousness as he contemplated his way forward. It wasn't a matter of just arriving at his destination, but once he was there, he would have to deploy his lodestone and turn into a salesperson.

Stolen novel; please report.

Before the Integration, Logan had worked at a call centre—sales were his life, but that was over the phone. He'd never had to get in front of a group of people in person. And yet again, there was a difference between presenting a PowerPoint presentation and this.

It was essentially his Tree Fridge, times eight.

But he thought he had a way forward. After all, he'd already crafted the lodestones. It was just a matter of finding a place impressive enough that it would make people approach. He needed to attach the lodestones to something that looked welcoming, something that people wouldn't avoid. And he needed to pick an area with enough foot traffic. Get in and get out, and not get too distracted by things that didn't matter.

Do this eight times, and he was in the clear. He could return to Lara and the kids, and just like Lara said, take a breather before tackling anything else.

His priorities were too numerous to count. If he spent too long thinking about them, he'd spiral into feeling overwhelmed. No, he needed to tackle everything as it came, get through one thing before going onto the next.

The first step in his plan was to deploy [Threshold Shift] to teleport to Australia. Before, he'd used the skill to go to places that he'd been to in the past, places that he could picture in his mind. But wasn't it the same? He'd never been to Syndey before, but Lara was right, he remembered the Olympics and seeing the Syndey Opera House flash across his television screen a hundred times.

Rubbing his thumb across the stubble on his chin, Logan took out a bucket of sand from his spatial collar and deployed [Mimicry Armour] to reform his exoskeleton. This time, he left his facemask and helmet off and formed gloves on his hands rather than talons. He'd have no luck as a salesperson if people were afraid of him.

Taking a deep breath, Logan closed his eyes and pictured the scene he wanted. In his mind, he saw a huge opera house made up of white arches that looked like sails. Located on the edge of the harbour like it was hanging on a peer, it would loom and gleam in the sun as ships approached the shore. Around the opera house, shimmering water gleamed, the sun reflecting off the ocean, the sound of seagulls in the air, the smell of seaweed and brine water.

Opening his eyes, Logan deployed [Threshold Shift].

Unlike his last trip, he wasn't travelling a few miles, he was travelling thousands, and yet from one second to the next, it took what had to be only a second more to move from one location to the other. Logan felt that same cold sensation, something that chilled you to the bone, but it was like jogging through an open freezer. A blast of frigid air and then gone.

Holding his breath, Logan looked around at his surroundings and stared at the immense building in front of him.

White arches made from thousands of ceramic tiles. Glass walls and ceilings.

The Sydney Opera House.

Hell yes, he was a [Threshold Shift] master! Logan felt his excitement surge and he bounced on the balls of his feet, grinning widely, before he became self-conscious of expressing too much excitement and looked around with a sheepish look. But there didn't seem to be any people around. Looking closer, he examined the building and searched for any signs of life.

It was the middle of the day, and although he could see through the transparent glass walls on one side, he couldn't make out any lights amongst the glare of the sun. To that end, if Australia was anything like the Okanagan, they might not have power, anyway. Like at home, the heat was intense, but unlike the Okanagan, it wasn't a dry heat. The ocean meant humidity.

Logan's constitution attribute was high enough that it shouldn't bother him, but he already felt sweat trickling down his forehead and his jacket underneath his armour was getting damp with sweat.

Well, no people wouldn't help with his quest.

Using [Life Fabricator], Logan scanned the building and searched for life. For people. It was an immense building the size of a football field, and although the occasional bug and mold pinged on his radar, there was no massive gathering of people inside. A few pings here and there, six people at most hiding deep in the middle of the building, but six people wouldn't be enough to satisfy his quest.

Logan left the opera house behind and then jogged down the massive stone staircase that led to the peer and over to the city. In the distance, a large bridge went over the harbour, and skyscrapers dominated the sky. Unlike at Hope's End, the sky was blue, no smog to be seen, but there was a sharp, plastic smell in the air as if someone had put a plastic container in the microwave and let it roast, a noxious scent that made his nose flare in disgust.

Huh.

So other than a weird stench, the city was intact, no fires at all? How was that possible? And for that matter, where were the people?

Jogging down the path that led to the city, Logan passed palm trees and other gnarly looking trees that must be unique to Australia. The soil was rich, a dark red that looked half clay. Before the Integration, Logan might have spent hours exploring and just walking, but he didn't have the luxury of time.

Where was everyone?

A rush of annoyance made him clench his fists and bare his teeth. He kept jogging until something clanked and crunched underneath his feet.

Logan peered down and lifted his foot.

Discarded plastic. Trash.

He'd stepped on a plastic wrapper and then trampled over an empty plastic carton. It was like something you'd use for takeout. In front of him, there were yet more containers, more plastic wrappers, hundreds of them.

Damn. Either the people who lived here were serious litterers, or something funky was going on. Logan kept jogging and jumping over trash, and then considered just deploying his Pink Sock and leaping the hell out of here, but surely, he'd find people eventually?

Logan came to a stuttering stop, his mouth gaping.

He'd found something… else.

Logan had come across a ton of weird shit since this whole Integration had started, from a stinky ship snail to evil blobs, but seriously? Seriously?!

Logan scanned the monster with [Idiot's Inspect]:

[Plastic Ooze Monster. Level 90. A monster that crawled out of the depths of the ocean, consuming everything that it touches in oozing pus. The Plastic Ooze Monster is attracted to plastic and will use it as its shell.]

[Highest stat: Agility. Characteristics: An overreaching need to add to its shell. Hidden name: Shelly.]

It was the size of a house! Round like a blob, but unlike the evil blobs, it wasn't shaped like a potato, but rather, just one massive… blob. Plastic containers were stuck to its body as if it had stuck each container to itself with Velcro tape. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of empty containers. The body itself was red and looked like ooze. Like slime that fluctuated as if something inside of it was boiling or rippling. It moved towards Logan like a rolling ball of ooze surrounded by plastic containers.

Oh, hell no.

Logan didn't have time to fight a plastic monster.

Give him a break! Crocodiles, sharks, snakes or huge spiders, that was Australia! Instead, the System threw this at him?

Growling and grinding his teeth, Logan gave the house sized oozing ball a look that could cut glass.

"Fuck this," he muttered. It was level 90, which meant that although it would give him XP, it wasn't worth the time or effort. The thing was so big his sword would sink into its body and never get close to reaching the center. How the hell was he supposed to defeat a massive ball of ooze that could swallow half a block, anyway? It would take way too long. He was here for a reason, and fighting a plastic monster wasn't it.

Rolling his shoulders, Logan looked from the monster to the treeline, and then with a kick of his Pink Sock, launched himself into the air. Once he had the time to disinfect Matt's sock, he could put on the other one and make his jumping ability into a flying ability, but his existing sock still let him soar through the air like a rocket.

Logan jumped over gnarly looking trees and then landed on the edge of a park, then jumped again. Even far past the ball of ooze, plastic covered the park like the thing had vomited it up and buried it in a landfill. He had to jump miles past, then another block before he came across his first building and the plastic began to desist.

Letting up on his Pink Sock, he began jogging again and looked for signs of life. Logan could get that people would have avoided the harbour because the ooze monster had overtaken it, but he should have seen someone by now. He debated stopping and deploying [Life Fabricator] on one of the skyscrapers on either side of him, before he turned the next corner and the problem became moot.

Clear across the street was a cordoned off portable fence, something that could be dragged in place like what you'd see at a concert venue. Stacked right behind the fence were junkyard vehicles, cars half assembled or torn apart, as if someone had dropped them in front of the barrier to make the fence more solid. Or a barrier against monsters.

And in front of the makeshift fence was a line of soldiers wearing black vests and black pants with worn leather combat boots. They held rifles, their faces covered in masks.

They were guarding people.

Behind the fence were thousands. Thousands of people.

He'd just found his customers.

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