The day was almost over yet Rapti still hadn't gotten out of bed.

"Vim, I'm worried," I whispered as I retreated from the hallway door. I had peered around it, hoping to hear her in her bedroom. I couldn't even hear her snoring or whimpering anymore.

"It's stress, Renn. Didn't this happen last time we were here too…? She's of very firm stuff, but in the end she is still just a bird Renn. Feeble. She'll be okay, I've seen this many times. In a day or two she'll be back on her feet," Vim said as he turned the page of his book. The one he had given Rapti.

The source of all this mess.

"Last time she only cried when she went to bed, and woke up at a normal time the next day. If she doesn't wake up soon, it'll be the second day Vim," I said worriedly as I walked over to him.

"Hm…" He nodded, and I noted the way he had hummed at me. He had just slightly ignored me.

"Vim…" I groaned.

He blinked and sighed as he lowered the book he had written a long time ago. "She gets like this Renn. I'm actually surprised you're surprised. She is no Lilly. Even you cry in your sleep sometimes, a few times recently too, so why the shock someone else has moments similar?" he wondered.

My tail curled a little as I begrudgingly nodded. "Right…" Wait… "How do you know how often I've cried recently…?" I asked, unable to remember more than the night where he had held me while acting weird. And even then I hadn't actually cried much, it had been more of just a few quiet tears as I worried and stressed over him.

He shifted a little and glanced at me. "Lilly told me."

What! "Why would she?" I asked, a little upset. Really Lilly! I thought we had a silent agreement about such things!

Vim sighed at me. "She was just worried, Renn. She loves you, so when she noticed she let me know. She'd not have done it had she known you a tad better, knowing you're just… sometimes a little emotional," Vim explained.

"That doesn't make it any better…!" I whined a little as I went to sit down next to him. Vim had this time sat on one of the couches, not a singular chair, as he read. I huffed as I leaned back, and against him. "And I had a very good reason to cry… before you got back. So I'm not ashamed of it at all, by the way," I said, hoping he didn't hear my red face. It was burning harshly.

"Hm. I bet you did."

My ears fluttered and I reached out to grab at my tail. It squirmed in my hands as I gently wringed it, like a towel. "And I didn't do it every night, I don't think…" I mumbled as I tried to think of the nights I had spent with Lilly before Vim had shown up. I had cried a few times, but not the whole time I don't think…

Maybe I did…?

"My point was Renn, is Rapti does this. A lot of our… more gentle members do such things. They grow sorrowful, melancholic. I don't worry about those like Rapti, I worry about the ones who don't recover from it. Like Tosh," he said, changing topics a little. Maybe out of kindness.

"Hm… When was the last time she was this bad?" I asked.

"That I know of…?" Vim shifted a little in thought, and then tapped the book in his hand with a thumb. "Probably those children. Some kids snuck into the church here. She found them, fed them and cleaned them up. Only for them to be found later on the street the next day. Someone had assumed they had stolen the clothes she had given them, and beat them to death as punishment."

I groaned and squeezed my tail almost hard enough to hurt. "How horrible…!"

"Yes. She… well… She's very devout, as you know. And like you, she is a good person. Particularly towards children and those down on their luck. She takes such things very personally. It's one of the reasons she's here and not at Telmik," Vim explained.

"Why…? Why not just work with Randle…? If she cares for children so much and those like them?" I asked.

Vim shrugged. "It's not that part she's bothered by Renn. It's the other parts. Parts that Randle is now having to accept he can't look the other way for either. There had been a real reason, an issue that had caused a lot of grief, but I'll be honest Renn I don't know what it had been. I don't intrude in such things, if I can avoid it. It's like with Fly… I know she had fought and not mixed in with those at the Bell Church, and also have a slight idea of the how and why, but I don't know the full details. Unless I need to know them, as to prove or disprove someone's innocence to a crime, I don't investigate much more than superficially," Vim said.

My tail squirmed in my hands as I slowly pieced together his meaning to that last word he had just used. I assumed it meant he did things shallowly unless needed. "Don't you think part of the reason the Society might be having difficulties with you is your indifference, Vim?" I asked.

He frowned at me as he patted the book again with his thumb. It was loud this time, telling me I had bothered him a little with my comment. "Possibly, Renn," he admitted gently.

Feeling a little bad for making him obviously feel so, I decided to do what he does and gestured at the book. "So…? Do you realize what caused all this yet?" I asked.

I had read it already. Several times. It wasn't that big actually, even though it looked like it had hundreds of pages. Most of them were blank. Vim had written in it years ago, supposedly at the request of Celine.

It was honestly not what I had thought it was going to be. I had expected a book full of strange secrets, revealing a lot of stuff he's not even revealed to me.

Instead it was genuinely just a recounting of his encounters with monarchs at the time.

A giant fish he had found in a lake, where he and Lilly had gone to help a village of ducks.

Two great birds on the coast, great birds of black that attacked ships.

Some kind of snake that dug into the ground. There were a few dozen of such events, and they each only had a few pages of descriptions.

He had written about the monarchs, where he had found them and a few small tidbits of their abilities and if they had been difficult to slay or not. He also mentioned if there had been losses, of members in the Society, during the events. Basically he had simply given a few details about each encounter, not much more.

There had honestly not really been anything in the book, on first glance, that really declared openly that Vim was some kind of higher power… other than the very obvious fact that Vim was basically admitting he could slay giant monarchs. Creatures that, even if one discounted the hints of them being gods or at least the servants of them, in religions and stories, were mythical almost in their size and abilities. There hadn't even been any drawings of the creatures, which surprised me. I myself have read books in similar fashion, such as the one I had taken from Elaine's house. The one about flowers. Usually each section, pertaining to a specific thing, had a small drawing to give one a visual representation of what they spoke of. Vim though hadn't even tried.

Maybe he couldn't draw? It would surprise me really, since he was so apt at fashioning fancy things… like my comb.

"I've gone through it twice. The only thing I can think of is Rapti read this and simply believes that since I am capable of hunting monarchs, I am thus one myself. Or above them, even, since I can do so without strain. Which is dumb. I do strain myself when fighting them. I in fact, in a way, die hundreds of times over while I fight them. If one took into account the severity of my wounds, at least," Vim said with a sigh.

"She told me she's not shown this book to anyone else. Only that she sent letters, and talked to others like herself, telling them and talking to them about the monarchs you've slain over the years," I said.

"Acts which I have not kept secret, Renn. Everyone in the Society knows I hunt monarchs, and have since my joining. It is no secret, and not enough to cause this vote. Not now after all this time," Vim said.

"Then… what, Vim…?" I asked. If this book really had not been very impactful on Rapti and Crane's actions, then why was the Society suddenly having issues?

Vim sighed as he handed me the book. I dropped my tail and took it, glad he hadn't just tossed it into the nearby fireplace. "I'm starting to believe this is all a scam," he said.

"Scam…?" What's that?

"I'm debating leaving, to go find Meriah. But there's a chance she might come back here… would you like to stay here for a few days? While I run around and see if I can find her nearby?" Vim then asked.

My eyes narrowed at him. "Separating already Vim? Really?" I asked.

"What…? Just for two or three days. If you're here while she shows up you can make sure she stays here until I get back… and…" Vim went quiet, likely because of my look that I was giving him.

He shifted a little, away from me, and leaned a little as to face me. As he did so, his left leg and thigh pushed up against me, since he had turned a bit on the couch. I wasn't bothered, or hurt, by his movement but I found myself shifting and adjusting too… as to face him. I curled my own legs under me onto the couch, as to sit towards him.

It was cute that Vim always wanted to face each other properly when we had serious conversations, but sometimes I wished he did so with a little more finesse.

"Before we continue, what's a scam, Vim?" I asked.

"Light and the rest. I hadn't wanted to believe they were actually interfering with this vote to a great degree with malicious intent… but I'm now a firm believer of it. It's more than just them taking over the church, or the Society even. There's…" Vim went quiet as my ears fluttered wildly.

What the heck! So he hadn't believed it until now…? Even though Randle and so many others had said clearly that they were involved?

Did that mean Vim didn't trust those like Randle and Oplar at all? Or was it because he knew Light well enough to have thought otherwise…?

Or was he just a man who truly didn't judge anyone until he had absolute proof? Was he really that benevolent?

"Wait… were you asking what the word meant? Scam?" he then asked.

I blinked and my ears twitched as I nodded. "I get the meaning, I guess, especially now after what you just said. But yes. I had."

He frowned at me. "You don't know what a scam is…?" he asked.

I shook my head. "You've mentioned the word a couple times before, but I've never actually asked about it. Since I kind of assume it means trick or something," I said.

His frown deepened as he crossed his arms and studied me. "It means scheme. To fraud someone, or swindle them. A trick or con. Basically I'm saying the vote, and the chaos spurred by it, are not genuine. Or well… the sentiments are, very likely, but the source of it is not. I think someone, whether it be Light or not, is stirring the pot and creating discord on purpose. For a reason beyond the obvious," he said.

"Does it matter the reason…? They're hurting us, that's all that matters," I said.

"It matters greatly. At least in this context. For instance what if I am not the target at all, Renn? What if we're missing the full picture? The real plot? We could be worrying about something that has no threat, and because of it not preparing for the real one that will slither in-between our ribs when we're not looking," he said.

I groaned at that. "I don't like the idea of there being a worse threat than you being removed from the Society, Vim," I said.

"Me either. It makes my plan to just step down and diffuse the situation seem… stupid. What if my doing so is exactly what they want?" he asked himself.

"Exactly…!" I nodded gravely, glad he realized it.

"Don't get too excited Renn. If it ends up not being that big a deal, I still plan to step down. Regretfully for you, I'm too old and set in my ways to change my mind too easily," he warned.

"I'm not too worried. I'm sure I'll find a way to convince you to change your mind, even if I have to threaten you," I said.

He blinked at me. "Threaten…?"

I smirked and nodded. "I've got a few ideas."

"You'd threaten your mate? Your husband…?" he asked with a smirk.

"I would."

He seemed to find that amusing, and then gestured to the book. "Do you have any idea if there's anything in there that could have been the source of all this, Renn?" he asked.

"Not really. Like you said it's just… proof that you can kill monarchs. Or that you see them as prey, maybe? But like you said, the whole of the Society should know that. It shouldn't be something world changing, at least," I said as I lifted the little book. It was made of the same white leather that Celine's had been. While studying it, an interesting question popped up in my head. "Vim… how many books have you written? I thought you told me once you've never done such a thing before."

"Hm? That's not a book Renn it's a report. I've probably written a few things like that over the years. I wrote one for Nebl once, about how to shape and forge certain things… I don't write stories, which is what you probably asked one time. I don't have the time for such things," Vim said with a soft smile.

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It was my turn to tap the book as I studied the man who looked far too amused. Why was he enjoying our conversation so much…?

Though I guess it wasn't bad. I kind of liked the atmosphere we had. It was growing later, the rain was loud and the fireplace was going strong. Plus I could still hear Rapti every so often, as she snored and slept the night away.

We were basically alone… and well…

"Why're you suddenly blushing?" Vim asked.

"Huh! Oh… I was just thinking it was a nice moment, I guess," I said, a little startled he'd actually ask such a thing.

"Mhm… talking about our whole world falling apart, and a bunch of schemes against us, is definitely a nice thing," Vim said with a smirk.

"Oh shush…! You know what I mean," I said, trying to whisper but not really doing well at it.

Vim reached out, and I went still, as he patted my right knee. It was closest to him. I watched the way he did so, and dedicated it to memory.

It wasn't often Vim reached out and touched me, especially when it wasn't to protect me or try and comfort me as I wept.

I was of course very happy that he had started to become more open and affectionate, even if in such simple ways, but it also told me how serious he was about stepping down as the protector.

In his eyes, cherishing me was dangerous. Because it meant others, like those in the Society who doubted him already as it was, would further have evidence that he was not giving them his full effort. In a sense, I understood where such a thing came from… but…

"And now you're frowning as if about to cry. What the heck? Should I not have touched you?" Vim asked.

"No… I mean, yes…? I want you to touch me. I was just contemplating the terrible reality that the closer you and I get, the farther you get from the Society," I said.

He seemed to hesitate a moment, and then gave me a very gentle smile. One that made my tail twitch. "A conundrum isn't it?" he agreed.

I slowly nodded, a little entranced by the look on his face. It was some kind of mix of sadness and bliss, and honestly it looked good on him.

Vim sighed a little, glanced away from me and to a nearby wall… and I knew he was listening for Rapti. Once he confirmed whatever he had sought, maybe to make sure she was still asleep, he looked back at me and nodded again. "I once told you that our relationship would be difficult. Because I'd place the Society over you, if it came to it," he said.

"Mhm…" I nodded. It was honestly something I didn't mind. If it meant my life over theirs, I'd hope he'd always choose them. Especially since I'd sacrifice myself for them anyway, if I had to. So to me there was no difference.

My one life was not worth all of theirs. At all. At least in my opinion.

"A long time ago… I did the opposite," he said.

Shifting forward a little, I focused on the look in his eyes. He was staring straight at me, but I could tell he was also seeing a memory. "Your mistake…?" I asked softly.

"Yes. I had sacrificed the world for a single soul."

I made an odd whine of a noise as I nodded. That made a lot of sense. It in fact made a lot of his little rules and beliefs very understandable.

It was obvious the reason he was so firm in so many odd ways, such as in his free-will belief, because he himself had likely done something terrible in his past. One did not become such a firm believer in such things without due cause. It was like faith, for many they didn't find it or believe in it until life forced them to. Brought them down low to somewhere where all they had left was such a thing to cling to.

"I'm okay with you putting the Society over me, Vim. I love them. Even the ones who hurt us, or disappoint us. I really do. So I'd prefer it, honestly, that you are the way you are," I said gently to him, since he looked troubled.

He shook his head. "I did not sacrifice the world as to protect that single individual, Renn. In fact it had been the opposite," he said with a small whisper.

I sat up a little straighter and frowned at that. The opposite…? Of saving a life…?

"You did it to kill someone…?" I asked with a whisper, barely able to believe it.

He nodded gravely.

A little unsure of what to think of that, it was my heart and stomach that finally decided for me. They both became heavy and unsettled.

"That's… a heavy mistake, Vim," I whispered.

"You have no idea, Renn," he whispered back.

Should… should I hug him? He looked like he was about to cry. But if I did he might sigh and end this conversation, directing it elsewhere.

And I didn't want this conversation to end. Not yet. It was important. Not just for me, but for him. Especially for him. Which was why it was important for me.

"Would… would you have done it again…? If you were to face that same moment now, here and now, would you make that mistake once more?" I dared to ask.

Vim then smiled at me, one that even showed teeth. "How very Miss Beak of you."

Taking the compliment in stride, I didn't grin too wildly as I nodded. "Thanks."

Vim then sighed a little and reached out with his right hand. I recognized the way he did so and hurriedly went to take it with my own. I held his hand, holding it on my lap, as he nodded at me. "I don't believe in changing the past. I can't change what I did. However… yes. I would have chosen differently Renn. Even though I have no idea if the outcome would be any worse or better, I would have chosen different."

I gulped and nodded. It must have been something terrible then… if even though he deeply regretted it, to the point where he had ran away and exiled himself for possibly hundreds of years, that he still wasn't sure if another choice would have been any better at the time.

What could it have been…? Who could have been so terrible that even such a sacrifice, such a mistake, had been worth the price to end their life?

A god maybe? Some kind of monarch?

It was hard to imagine Vim needing to sacrifice anyone to defeat such enemies. And knowing the way Vim was, it was likely he was not speaking of sacrifice in some mundane or general way. He likely meant rather directly, matter of fact, that he had genuinely had to sacrifice the world to kill whoever had been his enemy at the time.

"Thank you for telling me, Vim," I said softly as I squeezed his hand.

"Hm… I've decided to be more open with you. And you seem willing to let me do it slowly, but I've never been one to hesitate. Not usually," he said.

Somehow that hurt a little. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Hm…? Why are you sorry?" he asked.

"I feel… unbalanced," I said honestly.

"Unbalanced…?" he asked, giving me an odd look.

I nodded. "You have been telling me so many secrets. Opening up so much with me… and I don't have anything to give you in return. I've already told you all about my life, practically everything! The only real secret I can probably claim is Celine's letters to me. It just feels… well… it makes me feel lacking, Vim. As if we aren't even in our relationship, that I'm not properly giving back what you're giving me," I explained to him.

Vim huffed at me. "Please Renn. In a relationship like ours, secrets shouldn't be something special like that. Plus the only reason you have that one secret is because of your love for me. You keep it from me out of my request, hardly unjustified. I'm the asshole in this situation," he said.

I shook my head, a little harshly. "No…! That's not what I meant."

He nodded. "I know. I'm just saying you shouldn't feel so conflicted, Renn… and…" Vim went quiet, and then smirked at himself. "See? I'm hesitating again. This is where I should kiss your hand or something, to tell you how our scales aren't balanced at all and I have so much more to do as to right them," he said softly.

"You seem to hesitate all the time with me," I teased him. Gosh he was adorable sometimes.

He smiled and nodded. "It feels like that sometimes, yes."

Wanting to tease him about something a little more intimate, I hesitated myself, and decided not to.

Wrong time and place, maybe.

"Now you look like you just let a fish go because it wasn't the one you wanted," he said.

My ears fluttered as I glanced away from our clasped hands and at his face. "What…? Fish?"

"Eh… sounded better in my head. Basically you looked regretful just now. Why?"

Ah. I smirked and nodded. "I wanted to tease you some more. But figured it was ill-fitting for the moment. It was about how I wanted you to be a little more… well…" I shrugged gently as I raised my hand which held his, to display his affectionate hold upon it.

"Ah. You know I've been wondering why you've been so reserved lately about it. I had figured what with you meeting Root and those twin moles, you'd be a tad more pushy about it. It's because you're worried I'd be offended? I'm not so weak hearted as that, Renn, really," Vim said.

"What, so you really know how bad you are to the point that you're actually expecting me to complain about it?" I asked. Really?

"Well… yeah? We're about to enter our second winter now? Three if you want to include the year before we got together, I guess. Though it's been some time since you've complained about it, I know you still worry over it. I'm not stupid," Vim said.

"Then…?" I asked as I squeezed his hand, trying to not allow my heart to increase in its beating too much.

Was he going to admit it? Maybe even say or do something? Here and now? Really?

Was I ready? I wanted him to, so desperately, but…!

It'd feel weird to do anything here. In Rapti's home. A home of someone who wasn't just devout, but… was currently going through great stress and stuff… and…

"Now you look utterly conflicted. You're usually a pendulum Renn, but what is it now?" he asked gently.

"I don't want you to try anything here. It'd be… wrong, I think," I told him.

"Hm…? Ah. The moment. Yes. It's important. Very."

I nodded. It was. Or was it…? Should it be?

Honestly rather than the moment itself, it was the moments afterwards I worried over.

What if his strange slowness to display his love for me had a reason? He had once mentioned, back in Lumen when we had an emotional conversation, that he had worried that by taking me to bed… he'd lose interest in me. As if he worried his affection for me was simple attraction, nothing more.

Hesitating a moment, I frowned at the man who was giving me a happy smile. He looked like he was enjoying my own emotional turmoil, which made me want to bite his hand, but I refrained as I squeezed his hand instead.

Was that really it? All this time…?

Was he just worried that… if he slept with me; he'd lose interest in me?

Was it really that simple? Honestly…? Was Vim really so simple of a man to even consider such a thing?

Maybe he was. He was strange in certain ways… maybe this was one of them.

"Is uh…" I started to ask, but felt my face go hot. His grin grew bigger, which made my own embarrassment triple instantly, but I took a deep breath and powered through it as I coughed and nodded. "Is… is it the same reason, Vim?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"Why you won't lay with me?"

"What reason…?" he asked softly, his grin slowly dying.

Bah! Why couldn't he just know what I meant! "Well… like you said. Back in Lumen," I said, squirming a little. I wanted to reach around and grab my tail. If not to hold it for comfort, but to at least stop it from whacking the couch wildly.

"Back in…?" Vim frowned, and then blinked. "Oh. You mean my comment about if I had sex with you that I'd then lose interest in you?" he asked.

Gah! "Yes," I groaned with a weird noise.

His frown deepened a little, but I saw the smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. "No, Renn. I'm long past that point. I admit it had been a thought back then, since I had been oddly attracted to you… in ways that made no sense. But I know now that my desire for you is genuine, and not just sexual in nature. That's not even a thing on my mind anymore," he said.

Oh…? Although my face still burnt I felt a little calmer as I sat up straighter. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really."

Then… "What's the issue then, Vim?"

He hesitated, and then… somehow, impossibly, it almost looked as if he grew embarrassed too. His face didn't get redder, but the way he looked down and away from me was a very obvious tic of emotion. It made me excited for a moment as he reached up to scratch at the back of his head with his other hand, further telling me he was genuinely embarrassed, as he coughed and nodded. "Promise not to laugh?" he asked.

I nodded instantly, transfixed by him.

Vim smiled at me and nodded. "I'm scared."

Blinking at him, I wondered if I had misheard him. Maybe my fast being heart had drowned out the rest of what he had said? "What?" I asked, unsure if I was mistaken or not.

"I'm scared, Renn. Of giving you everything I have," he whispered again.

Gulping, I shivered as if suddenly cold. Had the fireplace gone out? Why couldn't I hear or see it? Even though it was just beyond him? I couldn't smell it either. In fact, I couldn't smell anything right now… and…

"I know. It's stupid. And cruel and not very manly… but it's the truth. The closer we get, the more I give you. I tell you more of my past. My life. My desires, my hopes, my rules. I begin to focus on you more than the duties I've agreed to, such as the Society, and I've begun to even neglect certain things in favor of you. So… I'm scared. How much can I give to you before it breaks me? Or the Society? Or the world, even? Or… well… even you?" he asked softly.

"Vim…" I whispered his name as my eyes began to fill with tears.

He nodded at me, with a strangely happy smile. As if he was glad to have finally said it aloud. To admit it. Not just to me, but himself.

"I want to give you everything I am, Renn. I want to hold you. To kiss you. And so much more. To trust you, even with things I can't even trust myself with. But… the reality is you're still just… a normal woman. A person. A non-human, yes. One wise beyond measure, with a steel trap of a mind, sure. You're even far stronger than you realize, too. But you are still within the realm of normalcy. And that worries me. It scares me. Plus your heart is so fragile, so easily bruised too, so…" Vim began to open his heart even more, but I barely heard any of it.

All I heard and saw was his love for me. Plainly written on his face. In his eyes. In the things he was saying.

So all this time his hesitation has been for me…? Worry for my own well-being?

How sweet of him.

And…

Squeezing his hand I leaned forward. Ignoring his odd look as I went to give him a kiss… yet right before I could, someone knocked on the door.

The front door.

Vim turned, and my fast beating heart hurt as I realized we had just been interrupted at a very important moment. One I may not get again for months.

Whoever had just knocked on the front door better instinctively get the hint and leave. Now. A couple of very hot seconds passed, as with turned ears I listened to the front door… hoping to hear the sound of feet as they walked away.

Yet they didn't. They knocked on the door again, this time a little harder. And in doing so, I heard Rapti wake up with a startle.

About to complain, I noticed Vim's frown as he shifted and stood from the couch.

"That sounds like Meriah," Vim said as our hands separated, likely recognizing the way the person had knocked on the door. There had been a certain rhythm to the knocks.

Feeling suddenly very cold, I too stood from the couch… doing my best to not absolutely despise and hate the woman I was about to meet for the first time.

Especially since she might be another close ally and friend, based off how Vim spoke of her.

I didn't want to hate her. She had supposedly helped Lomi. Avenged her. I wanted to like such a person, who was not just capable of such a thing but willing to do it too.

Entering the hallway as Rapti opened her bedroom door and Vim approached the front door, I took a huge breath and sighed it out slowly… doing my best to calm down as well as I could.

Failing at it horribly as Vim opened the door, I groaned inwardly as a woman in a dark cloak revealed herself.

"Vim! Thank the gods!" she greeted Vim at the sight of him, telling me his earlier assumption had been correct. It was Meriah. She was alone, too, it seemed.

"Oh my!" Rapti noticed as well and hurried down the hallway, walking past me without realizing I was still utterly conflicted with myself.

Meriah stepped forward, wrapping Vim in a hug, which stunned me for a moment… but I was thankful for it. The shock at seeing her do such a thing so readily made me realize she was likely someone I was going to get along well with. Plus… well…

How could I blame her?

I wanted to hug him all the time too.

Stepping into the hallway, to join them and greet the traveling nun… I was rather proud of myself for calming down not just my heart, but my emotions too, as I did so.

Especially since I'll just make sure to continue that wonderful moment the first chance I get.

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