Dear Diary,

I've spent a lot of time here and now unlearning shit I learned back in the day. Most of it has been self-destructive habits, or really a lot of self-hatred that drove a few whole assed categories of self-destructive habits, but I also had quite a few prejudices to unlearn. Some of them didn't map cleanly, and I think that's why I even wound up able to step past what I knew to be facts of nature and learn better.

The thing about the Dan is one example; yeah, most Dan are blonde haired, blue eyed white boys like Larry, but not all of them. More to the point, even the most arrogant, entitled asshole I know has managed to learn that his proper destined place is not, in fact, at the very top of the local shit pyramid. Instead Lenny spends his days, as far as I can tell, keeping Ophelia Orange on a short leash. Not only that, but from what I can tell Larry's reinvestment in all his people has managed to prove his enlightenment not only morally preferable, which might or might not have swayed Lenny, but pragmatically more effective, which is just a slam dunk for him. Shit, Lenny seems to have even realized that Saffron, who is about as Bag as you can get without actually having fur, fangs, scales, or feathers, is not only preferable to Dan poster child Ophelia, but is also his own superior when it comes to everything but reaching high shelves.

Then there's the other example. Deities. When I got here, I absolutely figured they were just another scam like religions back home. A way for con men to use the threat of a giant sky beard to dip into people's pockets to fuel their private jets. Maybe with a side order of dipping their wicks in the crotches of the faithful too young to say no. To be honest, even after meeting Loki and getting some real, actual Boons in the form of his voice in my head and the ability to walk through locked doors like it wasn't no thing, I just figured Gods were another layer of con men on top of the Clergy.

I hope I've disabused you of that notion.

Nah.

That's good... Wait, what?

Seriously, Dad, I love you and Mom more than I can adequately express, but that day on South Ninth you absolutely had zero gas in the tank.

Not zero...

Okay, maybe not quite zero, but you literally thought you were about to die from lack of Worship, didn't you?

The ability to project complex emotions like chagrin really is one of the cooler aspects of the Clergy connection. I did.

So while you are, in fact, Best Dad, you are also, in fact, Best Con Man.

I know.

So yeah, Dad did not do much to make me think Deities were more than another layer of exploitation. Which didn't really help my self image at all when my very own favorite Imperator in the entire world started Worshipping me. It took me a while to grok that maybe there were legitimate tasks that Deities could and should be doing. That left me way less happy with assholes like Apollo and Ares, and even probably put a damper on my relationship with Dionysus. Frankly, if he'd leaned on the whole 'Deity' thing more, I might have shivved him at some point.

Honestly I'm glad I didn't, and not just because Marie would be sad without her D to snuggle when she feels the need. I've watched him learn and grow, which let me know that I can do that shit too. Yeah, he's still basically a party dude who struggles with the basics of parenting, but he's trying, and not once has Diana or any of the Maenads had to come to me to screw his head on straight. He might not be real confident about his ability to do some things that are, by his own estimate, out of his wheelhouse, but he's got the basic idea that being a Deity comes with responsibilities as well as rights, with duties as well as benefits.

Yeah, I think watching him taught me a lot about myself and what I think a Deity ought to be. How I ought to act. If I think I've done a better job than him, I'm totally gonna credit him with just a little of that. D walked so I could run kind of thing. Of course, there's also him coming from the warm family life of Zeus and Hera, where i get Loki and Sigyn. I kinda feel bad for him, think that maybe his uncle ought to adopt him. Yeah, he'd wind up with a hot stepmom younger than him, but that's just the plot of my favorite porn, so I hope nobody blames me for setting it up.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

At any rate, it's taken me over two years, but I think I've finally hit a point where I can realize that there are legit Deities who do their jobs right. Hades and Persephone both come to mind, what with the Souls of the common dead having a peaceful, quiet place to rest, and plants going green in the spring the way they're supposed to. Okay, I'm not sure how much she does there, but I'm prepared to believe she spends at least as much time working on that as I do working on my relationship with my Worshippers.

Which reminds me, I've got to hit a Revel tomorrow. Head in the game, to make sure my head game is strong. Because if I'm not making sex jokes, am I even me?

So yesterday after that long heart to heart with Hades, it turned out Poseidon was the one who'd stolen control of Tartarus, not to mention beating Hades within an inch of his immortal life, and beating the goodest boy three times that much at least. Before I could quiz him on details, he shook his head, reaching almost blindly for Persephone.

"Please, Tabitha Diaz. I... You are right. I will support you in any way I can, and attempt to wrest control back from my brother. But for now?"

"Yeah?"

He shook his head, and the temperature rose as Persephone's hand touched his. "Please, I need some time. Time to mourn. Time to heal. Time to ready myself to face him, in body and spirit."

Persephone wrapped herself around him, and if he buried himself in her bosom, I got far more sense of sorrow and comfort than impending hijinks. "We will contact you..." She smiled sadly. "I think Cerberus knows the way to your home?" Goodest boy borked an affirmative. "We will send him if we learn more of use, or when we are ready to aid you."

I nodded. "Okay. I've been there. Take the time you need to heal. Send Cerbie if your asshole brother decides to visit again."

Hades extracted his face to look at me. "What would you do?" I just stared at him. Slipped a few less surreptitious tentacles in around myself. He chuckled ruefully, shaking his head. "So easy to forget what a monster you are." Before I could reply, he shook his head. "Or rather, what monstrous strength you possess. I've yet to hear of you forcing the punishment of those you raped."

"Hard to do, what with the list of people I've raped, as far as I know, being blank."

He just raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't know?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "Yeah, you know how much influence we have over people? Without even trying? I'm gonna do my best to never force things, never use that, but I'm not gonna be the bitch who assumes she's too good to fuck up."

He laughed without mirth. "Rather the reverse of my brothers, then. I will be in touch."

I took that as the dismissal and farewell it was, nodded, and stepped back to the Homestead. I slipped into bed, and dreamt of my ladies ushering waves of chibi beans into my Maw.

Spent the rest of yesterday grounding myself. Doing laundry and dishes at the Academy. Playing with the kids, girls and kits alike, although they'd gotten big enough to play on even footing with Daya, David, and Menace. Okay, even size. They still definitely had the growth spurt clumsies, but even with that, the only one on 'even footing' with them, really, was Menace. Which again, wasn't so much 'even footing' as 'she wasn't worried about them playing rough, because she could play rough back harder'. I didn't have to intervene, but I sure as shit realized I needed to be ready to.

All the kids asked when Cerberus would be back, I told them he was doing his job and guarding Hades, who'd been injured at least as bad as I'd been a couple times.

Tonight in the Bath, the girls called bullshit on that. Okay, they didn't use those words, because apparently Menace had informed them about 'adult words' and 'being grounded', but they definitely could not comprehend any force that could put Mama down for any length of time.

I'd forgotten about Saffron's ability to not only perfectly recall things, but project those memories to any of my ladies. I'd also completely underestimated Tallulah's facility with illusions. With the whole fam curled up on one side of our big bed, my Sidhe Lady created an illusion of the entire Battle of the Bay, from the moment Olga, Marie, and I came in sight of the mass of Hole Spawn to the touchdown of the Black Dragon splattering the Mother of Hole Spawn and half a dozen of me.

"As it should be," Ria said into the sudden silence after that.

Before I could even ask, Maze replied, "told you so."

I snatched up my little pony girl, roughhousing gently with her to make her giggle as I pulled her over. "What have you been telling your sisters about me now?"

"Nothin' but the truth, Papa."

I snorted out a laugh, but before I could follow that up, Ria nodded sagely. "Only Mama can beat up Mama."

Kinda wondered if any of the actors in super hero movies see their parents that way. Fuck, maybe this is just how it's supposed to be; nobody's stronger than the strong parent, nobody's smarter than the smart one, nobody's kinder than the caring one. Maybe even nobody's fairer than the strict one, because if everything else is right, maybe having a bit of discipline wasn't the worst thing in the world.

Wait, shit, am I actually breaking the cycle of generational trauma?

Me?

Nah. Gotta be Saffron and Siobhan and Marie and even Tallulah. I'm just along for the ride, and to provide stool softening for constipated diaper wearers.

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