Dear Diary,

Sometimes I really gotta wonder if I'd have wound up such an obvious butch lesbian if I'd decided to play this side of the field back in the day. I mean, probably not, because I was in no way as physically fit there as I am here. Then again, from what I can tell my whole 'core competence is wrecking shit' is pure me, and would have come out if I'd stuck with ROTC long enough to actually get into the military and go combat arms. But if I did that, I don't think I've had had the option to shop on the Sapphic side of the street, which means I'd have just wound up some variety of bad bitch. Maybe like the actress who played Vasquez in the Aliens movie or something like that.

But the fact remains that here and now, with no less than four partners of the female variety to choose from, I'm the more 'masculine' in any pairing. Note that gender fluidity notwithstanding, I'm still a masculine woman, not a guy, but what with Tallulah and Marie both clearly more girly than me, that puts me pretty far to that end of the slider. Compared to Saffron my super squishy short stack, or Darling Siobhan, the sweetest kindest cutest most soft spoken effeminate woman I've ever met, I'm laughably masculine.

I'm saying all this because of course I find it hilarious how often I am both the dude and the bitch in each of my relationships. Seriously, while Saffron and I both switch that shit up, for me it's stepping outside my comfort zone and having some fun with it, where for her being in charge is like breathing. Marie is pretty easygoing, but absolutely capable of taking charge and making things work out the way she wants them, and Tallulah is just, y'know, Tallulah. Kind of like Marie's self possessed lack of excess verbiage mixed with Saffron's habitual desire to be in charge. So other than Siobhan I'm generally the one responding to my partners' needs.

At the same time, I'm the one expected to lift heavy objects, kick the shit out of anything threatening us, and I'm pretty sure I'm the one most likely to jump in the way and take the hit for one of my partners. Hell, what with the tentacles I'm even the one who gets shit off high shelves, even if Marie and Tallulah don't need that as much. Some of that is, of course, just being Mimic, because that means I'm literally strong and tough beyond the ken of most Deities, where my partners may or may not be outside the normal realm of Human Strength and Endurance.

So when we all got home yesterday, I helped Marie bring out dinner. Fresh bread, steaks, and by steak I mean bear, beef, tuna, and I think even something like a chicken steak. Big honkin' piece of some kind of bird meat, at any rate. I ate one of each, because if there is one awesome thing about my oubliette of a digestive tract, it's being able to just eat whatever I want without worrying about things like 'getting full' or 'gaining excess junk in the trunk'. Still kinda wish I could achieve minimal trunk junkiness, because gyatt dayum watching Saffron walk to the Bath after our post-dinner shower was an absolute delight for the eyes, and I kinda want somebody smacking my ass like I did to her right before she got to the bath.

She squealed out, "Goof!" as I scooped her up and carried her the last few steps into the Bath.

"Don't worry," I whispered into her hair, "you can get me back later."

"I will be using tools, because my hands are sore from all the writing over the past few days."

I put my hands up beside my cheeks. "Oh, no. What will I do!"

She chuckled, rolled over, and whispered, "squeal for me until I'm convinced you're properly chastened?"

I pursed my lips. "Wait, chastened? Aren't we already chaste? Nothing we do is illegal, immoral, or unhealthy, right?" As she went to reply, I added, "so we ought to have a completely chaste four horse hitch tonight, right?"

All four of my ladies chuckled at that, and Saffron said, "Not quite, love. Although your enthusiasm is noted and will be rewarded at some later date." She scooped up a palm full of water and ran a hand down my hair, the warmth trickling down the side of my head. "But the next few days are likely to be busy ones, so I'd hoped to celebrate our anniversary tonight." As I sat there blinking, she looked ever so slightly hesitant and asked, "you don't mind that it's technically a day early, do you?"

I smiled at her. "Nah, not that, Kitten."

"Then what?"

I snorted out a laugh. "Just realizing that Bill's joke back then was absolutely on point. I forgot our fuckin' anniversary. Again."

She smiled down at me. "I don't know, love. I've always thought our time together on the Autumn Equinox last year was a lovely anniversary celebration." She waited for half a beat, then put on a perky smile and said, "it was even in a Temple!"

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It took me a second, then my skin warmed even more than could be accounted for by the water of the Bath. "Was. By our anniversary it was kinda a ruin."

She smiled down at me. "Such is the magnitude of our Passion, of our Love, my Goof."

"You wanna celebrate tonight instead of tomorrow night?" She nodded. "You guys are all okay with that?"

Tallulah and Marie just nodded, but Siobhan smiled, snuggled a snoozing, purring Hailee closer, and asked, "why wouldn't we be?" She shook her head, laughing softly. "Even I know that things like this ought not be some kind of long term balanced set of accounts, your playful teasing with our Kitten notwithstanding."

Saffron mock scowled at her. "Whatever made you think I was teasing?" Then she turned to me. "But she's right, love. Love ought not be transactional. We've no need to make sure that each of us spends exactly the same amount of time with the others. We share and support one another as each of us needs." A small laugh escaped her. "I thought you realized all this?"

I smiled and shook my head. "Yeah, sometimes I still get caught up in, I dunno... I guess it's a mix of all the repression from back in the day and that whole ongoing 'nobody would want me for me, so I gotta make sure I do nice things to keep them wanting me."

"Oh, love." She pulled me to her, burying my face in her chest. "If you cannot see that we want you for you? If you cannot understand the basic fact that each of us sees you as desirable for our own reasons, and none of them have to do with what you do for us? The know that you have already done more than any of us could ask in a lifetime."

At that point I think I might have gone completely off the rails had Tallulah not muttered, "some of us live longer than others."

Before Saffron could react, I heard a wet smack. Nothing really violent, just like someone splashing a bunch of water at someone, followed by Marie's droll, "Awful Timing."

I think Kitten might have done something anyhow, but I couldn't help it, I clutched her to me, laughing until I cried. When I'd cried myself out, I looked up into her eyes and said, "thank you for marrying me, Kitten."

She just smiled at me, then asked, "can the two of you handle getting the children to bed?"

At Marie's certain, "We Will." Saffron tumbled the two of us onto the bed. Her thighs on my shoulders, she looked down at me and asked, "so, how well do you remember our wedding night?"

I smiled up at her and asked, "do you mind if we leave the lights on this time?" At her raised eyebrow, I raised my hands and said, "the view is magnificent."

She laughed. "And so you go and obscure it with your..." I lost what she was saying as I pulled her down so her thighs covered my ears.

I did not remember her doing some of the following activities on our wedding night, but that is in no way a complaint. Worship happened, and if she squealed at me a little that some of it went the 'wrong way', sloppy messiness is just a sign that something's alive and well. Growing, even, not fully mature.

Interesting thing about my dreams as Mimic, I don't think about direction much, but apparently the big screen is to the west of my Maw, because my ladies all watched the other direction for most of the night, radiating Worshipful adoration.

I woke at sunrise, their Worship reaching a crescendo that woke me grinning, if a little confused. After watching Saffron's boot up while feeding Hailee, I asked her, "what was that all about?"

She just chuckled. "You think your High Clergy haven't realized you are, in fact, a Sun Goddess as well as your other Domains, love?"

"Oh. Uh." I couldn't help it, I had to laugh at that. I scooped Saffron up opposite Hailee, then laughed when I couldn't even manage a mock glower at her lifting Felicia around and plonking her down on my available tit.

Saffron just shook her head, frowning with frustrated amusement. "That always hurt when you did it to me."

"I'm sorry, Kitten. I... I didn't realize."

She shook her head, frustrating evaporating. "I know, love. It wasn't enough to worry about, and usually half of the pain was the ache of needing her to nurse anyhow, so I never said anything." She shrugged. "Sometimes those little pains are just part of life. Paying attention to them just makes them worse." Then she frowned down at my nursing kits. "I'm moderately annoyed it doesn't hurt when I do it to you, though."

I shrugged. "Yeah, kinda, but, y'know, scars. Besides, it was so cute I couldn't help but laugh."

Hailee slipped off my nipple a minute later, and Saffron shifted her curled up, purring form to Siobhan's belly. "Thank you," Darling murmured.

As Saffron replaced Hailee with Borysthenis, I asked, "does she really help that much?"

In response Siobhan just nodded, her hands stroking Hailee's fur.

After a few minutes and two more kitten swaps by my Kitten, I remembered and asked, "don't we have to get up to Boltophsberg?"

Saffron just laughed. "No, love. it's the Autumn Equinox. They celebrate that, even up in Boltophsberg. Pyevatar's Worshippers especially, since it's a High Holy Day for Deities of the Sun."

"Sun? Really? I thought it was a Moon Goddess thing?"

She shook her head. "No love. Oh, they celebrate, but no. The Solstices and Equinoxes are days we focus on the Sun; your extra Revels are the days we look to the Moon."

"Wait... Have I been, like, mooching off Diana?"

All four of my ladies, even Tallulah, who'd been dressing up in her Court finest, laughed at that. "No, love. Bringing more people to Temple on her Holy Days? Getting them to focus on the New and Full Moons? That did not take away from her in the slightest." Saffron may have had the tiniest smirk on her face when she said, "even if Diana may have a bit more physical intimacy and Passion in her Worship than she did previously."

"Oops."

Yeah, we had a lot of laughter in the bedroom today. A lot of holding, and purring, and gentle kindness. When Tallulah returned almost immediately after lunch, only to be whisked away by a swarm of kids intent on 'getting her out of her work clothes so she could play', that may have made things a little less 'gentle', but it doubled down on everything else.

Which, at the end of the day, is what family's all about, right?

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