Dear Diary,

"Allow yourself to enjoy, Whatever makes you happy. Ecstasy's where you find it." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy

Our Goddess Tabitha has told us on many occasions in her Doctrine that we are to be mindful, lest we cause undue harm to others. In this Verse, she reminds us that we ought also be mindful of ourselves, so that we do not inadvertently cause undue harm to ourselves, by punishing ourselves for seeking euphoria, for finding joy, for embodying Ecstasy. For as long as our search for euphoria does not cause undue harm to others, there ought not be the slightest twinge of guilt when we find joy. Ecstasy, joy, euphoria, these are not finite resources. Like love itself, they often grow with each of us who experiences them, as we share them with those around us. Finding our Ecstasy, filing our lives with joy does not inherently remove the joy from others. As our Goddess has said, 'it is not cake'. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Okay, I am ninety percent sure that I must have said that while I was under Ria's Blessing, because I don't remember saying that to my Kitten. Seriously, that shit has always tickled my funny bone, and reading it in her Commentary makes me giggle in all the best ways.

Because, above all else, it's true. Yeah, technically according to, um, I think it was Newton, the Universe as a whole is a zero sum game. But Her Dark Fatassness' shadow self aside, none of us are working on anything like that kind of scale. There was more than enough cake back in the day for every one of the eight billion people on the planet to eat their fill. So one person being happy should never have taken away from another person's happiness. The pricks who deliberately fucked with others in some kind of futile attempt to boost their own self-image weren't happy, I don't think. They were deeply broken, and tryna paper that shit over by making other people more broken than they were.

But here and now, I'm not in a position where I have to let that shit fly. Thing is, I've got a new perspective. I'm pretty fuckin' close to 'peak wealth' here and now, with maybe the Lancasters, the Oranges, the Calvertons, and the Drivers competing. I'm not including Olga, because I'm really not sure how much real wealth Norfolk created wtih most of the Jarls racing for the bottom. I'm not including Talllulah, um, pretty much for the same reason I'm not including Saffron. Yeah, I'm really not sure if she wants a ring, a collar, or just a seat at the dinner table, but she's family. What's ours is hers, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way.

Shit, maybe I need to talk to her about that. No, honestly, I really do need to talk that out with her. I'm pretty sure we've just dicked around talking in circles while not actually saying it. I'm sure I've said it, I think, but I'm not sure she wants that, or what she wants, or if I've said specifically that the thing she wants is the thing I... We... Fuck, I don't even know if she wants the same kind of relationship with the rest of my ladies as I have, and that they have with each other. Okay, she does, but only because each pair of my ladies has their own relationship as precious and unique to them as a couple as I have with each of them. Which is how it should be, I think. But just because she has a unique relationship with each of my ladies doesn't mean that the relationship she has is the relationship she wants. Or needs, come to think of it, because what we want and what we need aren't always exactly the same thing. That doesn't mean they have to conflict, but it does mean I gotta make sure I know what each of my ladies wants as well as figuring out what they need, because I want to be a good partner and give them both.

Gotta ask her about that later.

So, ultimate sadge, Ilmatar did not actively want to be seduced. Okay, I mostly jest. Much like Lemonkyenin, very pretty, but I did not think the contents would live up to the packaging. Kinda wondered if that was gonna be a running theme here in Boltophsberg. Also, I realized that somehow, at some point, our conversation had done weird things to time, probably while Baba cackled or some shit. Either that or we'd gone back in time, and I don't think that's a real option. Because the sun had just set.

Karen?

Her reply came back echoing with static. Goddess.

Just checking in. Confab is taking a while. Some progress, maybe, I think. Made a new friend.

Yeah, static and echo and dropped words, but I still heard a giggle and, happened?

I shuddered, and tried to make sure Karen caught that. Ew. No.

Maybe she thought I'd bagged Ilmatar. Who may have been a literal homophobe. Which wasn't much better than a hater, but I guess a woman who's scared of women who like women was better than someone who thought we all ought to be force fed cock until we find the magic one that dries up our vajayjay in the presence of other ladies.

When she finished shuddering at Baba's suggestion about me inveigling my way into her skirts, I shook my head, smiled gently, and said, "hey, look, I don't seduce the unwilling. Really, it's more of a plausible deniability thing." As her distaste melted into confusion, I said, "like, if you wanted to, but couldn't admit it out loud, I could throw enough rizz at you that anybody watching would go 'yeah, all Tabitha's fault, Ilmatar only had all those orgasms because it would have been rude not to."

She got all stiff and haughty, which did not do good things for my intention to remain diplomatic and not taunt her mercilessly, and huffed out, "I do not enjoy the intimate company of women."

I nodded. "Okay." Then I thought about something and couldn't stop myself. "Wait, aren't you and, uh, Pyevatar married to the same dude?"

The room might have gotten a little chillier, but a quick glance at Baba showed me she was intrigued by our back and forth. "We are."

I shook my head. "Oh, hey, no shade. None at all. Me and Saffron married the shit out of Marie. No shame in the polyamory game. I just figure... Okay, no offense intended with this, clearly, but it seems a little weird to be married to somebody you're not even tangentially willing to boink." She mouthed the word 'boink', and I filled in, "have sex with."

Another little chilly shudder. "Pyevatar and I are not married." She didn't quite spit the words, but something about the way she said them got my back up a little.

"Okay. Look. I said I intended no offense. I'm married to a woman. I'm equally married to another woman, who is also married to the first woman. I am, in fact, a woman. Almost all of the time. So I want you to understand that assuming you were married to a woman was not intended to be any kind of insult, and I'm a little bit," I held my index finger and thumb up like an inch apart, "offended by the fact that you seemed to take it as one. Because that would imply that you think there's something wrong with my marriage. With my family."

She snorted, and I swear on all I hold dear and holy that she nearly found out what dissolving in my Maw felt like right then and there. But... Diplomacy. I waited, and she deflated a little. "You speak of family and marriage like those things are... Inextricably joined."

That got me. Shut my rage off like a switch. Or really muted it, switched its focus. I reached out one hand, not grabbing, but offering. "Oh. Oh, sweetie. Who fuckin' convinced you they shouldn't be?"

She frowned. "You? You would pity me?"

I curled up one side of my mouth in something that charitably could be called a smile. After a bit, Baba quietly murmured, "remember whose house you sit in, girl. Remember you needed an intercessor to be sure you didn't get manhandled like your lover."

Before Ilmatar could get all cranky, I shook my head, smiled at her, and said, "no. Not pity. I..." I shook my head. "Look, I'm a Deity of Ecstasy. Of euphoria. Of joy. Yeah, I mostly focus on making sure my own Worshippers are getting their daily doses of dopamine, but the thing about real joy is that it's infectious. It spreads, so no matter where I add some joy in the world, it's generally gonna come back to me and mine at some point. In a good way." I shrugged. "Not unlike fucking around and finding out, really. Just, like, the opposite? Maybe?"

"How can you bring me joy by stealing my Worshippers?"

I shook my head. "No intent to steal them. If I'm offering any of them anything they're not getting from you, it's not like I'm not offering that to, y'know, everyone. Any person, Mortal or otherwise, who wants it." She thought that over for a second, and while she did, I filled the silence with, "and if I can make your marriage happier, I don't see where that hurts me in the slightest, and maybe it'll mean the Alliance has one more happy neighbor."

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Her eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

I shrugged. "Me, personally? Probably to be Co-Located half a dozen ways so I can be intimately involved with each of my ladies and eating Marie's cooking all at the same time. Possibly also while playing with my kids if it's daytime, since they're all growing and should probably be in bed asleep at night." She just glared at me. "Okay, yeah, the Alliance just wants... I'd say 'secure' borders, but that has all kinds of unfortunate implications. We want the coastline secure, to make sure Sparta or any of the Europans don't land troops headed for us. We'd kinda like friendly relations with all our neighbors, so that if the Europans do try any of that shit, our neighbors will know that any troops we send will be there to help eject the unwanted guests, not some kind of fuckin', I dunno, backhanded invasion force."

"Who wouldn't invade while their future enemy is weak?"

I went still. Took one deep breath and let it out. Realized that Baba's endlessly twitching shadowy limbs had gone just as still a moment later. Slowly, so as not to startle the old lady who probably knew every single way to multiply her force, especially right here in her own parlor, I leaned toward Ilmatar, letting my tentacles loom and multiply. "Someone who could invade just as easy when their future friend is strong," I let that hang there as Ilmatar realized that Baba was absolutely ready to bonk me with the big assed club she'd wrapped her hand around under the table. Tentacle vision for the win. "But who would rather have a strong friend than a beaten down former foe."

Ilmatar looked at Baba and let out a strangled shriek of, "you said she would not harm me!"

Baba just slow blinked. "Has she?"

"No, but..."

"Are you questioning my hospitality? Whether I would allow a guest to be harmed?"

The clue finally landed in Ilmatar's brain. "No, Baba. Forgive me, Baba. She frightened me, Baba."

Before the old woman could say anything, I relaxed and said, "I'm sorry about that, Illy. Just wanted you to realize that..."

As I searched for the right words, Baba's endless shadows all cackled quietly while she said, "if Mimic had wanted to hurt you, you'd be hurt by now."

Ilmatar mouthed the word, 'Mimic', then stood suddenly, shoving her chair back. "I... I apologize, Baba, but I must be going. My... My husband..."

"Knows where you are, but is probably worried about you nonetheless." She stood, and I followed suit. She held out a hand to Ilmatar, who gripped it with her fingertips. I held out a hand. And a tentacle or two, just in case she preferred the noodly appendages. Without a word, she clenched her jaw, reached out and barely brushed my hand with her fingertips, then darted out the momentarily open door.

"Will you be going as well?"

I shrugged. "Had a couple other things I wanted to talk to you about?"

She nodded and lowered herself back to her chair. As she refilled my teacup, she asked, "what things?"

I snagged another of those crispy crunchy deep fried powdered pastries, then scooped up all but one of the remaining ones with surreptitious tentacles. Baba just smiled at me with too few and too many teeth as I took a big bite of the first one. After washing it down with some tea, I said, "Two things. I mean, there's probably a lot more than two that I'd love to chat about, but I've been here all day already, and I'm nursing my kits, and the girls miss me, and I really want to spend some alone time with one or more of my ladies, and I think the sugar rush is hitting now..."

She just snickered. "Do go on?"

I narrowed my eyes a little. "Did you lace these cookies with something?"

In answer, she just picked one up and took as big a bite as I had. "Whyever would you think that?"

I shrugged. "Meh. Probably just the sugar. Like, super powahful M-Space sugar powder or Faerie Sugar or some shit like that. Anyway, first thing, I really am tryna win friends and influence people here. Like, both to make for friendly relations between Boltophsberg and the Alliance, and hopefully maybe to provide some stability during Vyenemoinen's upcoming, uh, transition."

She blinked. "Upcoming transition?"

"Yeah. Phileo records say he changes governments every fifty years, and it's been about fifty years, and shit seems like it's sliding sideways into the gutter at the moment, so..."

She blinked again, this time super slow. "There are no records of any such transitions here in Boltophsberg."

I froze. Then slowly, watching her face, said, "now, I know our historians aren't smoking crack rock, and I also know that nobody in their right mind would mess with your memory, so I'm guessing that's a hint to me that there is no war in Ba Sing Se?"

I watched the faintest grin stretch her lips until that last reference, at which point it morphed into the old, familiar, 'WTF Diaz' look I knew so well. "I do not know where Ba Sing Se is, nor do I know if there is a war there, but I think you understand me."

I nodded. "I can't say 'loud and clear', but I think I'm picking up what you're putting down. Um, any chance you could play host if I wanted to talk with the other powers that be here in Boltophsberg?"

"Such as?"

I shrugged. "I've talked with Lemonkyenin and now Ilmatar. So, the rest of them?"

She pursed her lips. "You'd have me bring Perun here?"

"Hey, if you have beef with any of them, I get it. Although, y'know, scratch my back I scratch yours." At her puzzled look, I said, "if you can facilitate some peaceful conversations between me and the ones you are on good terms with, maybe, if it's something you want to do, I can do the same for you with the ones you have problems with."

Her lips quirked up in an absolutely mischievous grin again. "You'd force Perun to civil behavior then?"

"If that's what it takes to make everybody happy, sure."

She grumped. "I'm not sure he'd be happy then."

"Meh. Unless he's a boy kisser, I'm pretty sure I can make him happy-adjacent." Then, after a moment spent Shapeshifting to boy mode, smirked and said, "okay, maybe even then."

"He's married to Mokosh, you realize."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's good for the gander is even better for the goose, because she doesn't fall asleep after the first time."

Yeah, Baba's cackles were definitely creepy, but better laughing Baba than angry Baba, right? Eventually she settled and said, "I will see what I can do. You said there was a second thing?"

I nodded. "For a while now, I've been hearing someone calling me. As best I can tell, it's coming from here. Boltophsberg here, not your place specifically."

"And?"

"Whoever it is knows my name. They're calling me here, they... They sound like they want something from me."

She tilted her head. "Have you tried calling back?"

I couldn't remember just then if I had or not. Stupid fuckin' Mimic dreams acting like dreams at the most inconvenient points, like when I tried to remember them. "Um... I don't know? I can try it, though." After a moment, I shook myself out of pondering dreams, especially since some part of me felt like the Maw was in use as lady party central at the moment. "But somebody here wants something from me. Which, if they're in trouble and need help, I'm not unwilling to do so, but I don't want to step on any toes that will start a war nobody wants."

She took a deep breath, and I waited while she pondered, eventually, almost like she was thinking to herself, but way too clearly to be that, she said, "I wouldn't say nobody wants it, but I couldn't tell you who does, even if I knew."

"Yeah, well, if whoever it is is looking for a fight, or tryna hurt me or more importantly mine, I don't want to start a war, but just ask Lemonkyenin, I'm down to brawl any day, no fancy dream invitation needed. Also, I will end any motherfucker, fucker of non-mothers, or even non-fucker who intentionally harms my family. But I want to make sure nobody around here who knows that is gonna try to use that to start a war or some shit."

"What if I'm the one who wants a war?"

I froze. Then relaxed, letting my tentacles writhe around my chair, very carefully not damaging it. "Well then, you and I will have to discuss that. Sort out rules and shit for it, so neither of us loses anything we're not prepared to. Unless, of course, you threaten my family."

She smirked, "in which case you'll what? End me?"

I relaxed completely, then mused, "the Mother of Water Panthers tasted like chicken, mostly. Except her head. Her brain, really." I looked Baba right in the eye and said, "that tasted like despair and orgasms."

Yeah, apparently I amused the fuck out of the Baba Yaga. Which, on balance, was better than pissing her off, I guess. When she finished her cackle, she wheezed out, "done and done, on one condition."

"What condition?"

Every one of her tongues ran across a pair of lips. Some flickering like a snake's, some crawling like a bloated worm, most of them just an old woman fantasizing about a delicacy she wanted more than sex. "Next time you taste that, you save me a piece?"

I reached out a hand, a tentacle, a multitude of the same. She grasped them all as she took my hand. "I think we have a deal then."

She smiled, nodded. "Will you be heading out then?"

I sighed. "Yeah. Love the snacks, and the convo has been great, but I really do miss my ladies. They're doing some really nice stuff for Siobhan lately. Tryna help with the whole morning sickness thing."

Baba nodded sagely again. "When next we meet, stay after or arrive early, and we'll speak of remedies for that." At my side eye, she smirked and said, "ones that won't harm the babe, of course. Or ones that will, but I'll be sure to tell you which is which. So you can decide for yourself which to use."

Well. Shit. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."

"Will you be needing a guide?" She barely moved, but the door creaked open.

"Nah. I'm good." At her doubtful stare, I stepped back to my office at the Homestead. Not sure why she thought I'd be lost, wasn't gonna ask, either.

Once I was sure that I was back where I ought to be, both in terms of the Homestead and the Mortal Realm, I stepped to the Bath, took a quick shower, then stepped down to the bedroom, where everyone lay snoozing. I slipped in at the edge, spooning around Tallulah, and drifted off to sleep.

Dreamt of the ladies watching the after action replay between Tallulah and Marie on the big screen. Siobhan commented a lot on the contrast of Tallulah's smoothness and Marie's fuzziness.

When I woke in the morning, before I carried her down to her Keep, I quietly asked Tallulah, "hey, do you have some time to talk?"

She looked at me silently for a long moment, at the end of which she tilted her head. "I'd rather not before I hold Court, but... after dinner tonight?"

Yeah, I think I'm getting better at shit. Because where two years ago that would have left me useless and nervous all day, today those nerves wound up kinda calmed by the thought that I'd actually chosen to do the adult thing, and it hadn't blown up in my face.

Yet, anyway.

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