Dear Diary,

She hasn't really vomited for a day or three, but I'm still worried about Siobhan.

I've done the new and improved Assess Health she and Saffron built on her, and it comes up that she's got 'pregnancy induced nausea'. It's got suggested treatment, which includes Stabilize, oddly enough, but it also prescribes hydration, dry biscuits, and lemon-ginger tea. I'm still worried about her not getting enough protein in her diet though, especially with her being half starved when we got together.

So every day I've been Co-Locating one of me to her, sitting with her in the bedroom or sometimes the little water closet. I bring her water and make her drink a small glass every couple hours. I bring her broken up hardtack to gnaw on while she lies there. I alternate between that hardtack, really bland bear jerky Marie and I made with ginger and lemon, and bland liver bisque. None of those really make things better, but none of them make things worse, either. I half suspect some of it has to do with her body wanting more food for the baby building, but not being able to process that much nutrition because of years of starving herself. Assess Health doesn't tell me anything about that, though. Just that she's nauseous and her bean is fine.

But all of that isn't what I'm worried about, really. I'm worried about the long term trauma. Not even the physical trauma, because I guess we can sort of address that. Including her, which I'm not sure if I ought to do, there are three Healers in the house. Yeah, I'm clumsy as fuck, but I've got enough Mana to hit her with little Stabilizes as often as she or the bean need it. Saffron has studied Healing like she studies everything else, to the point where she's probably working on some new and improved versions of almost every Spell I know. Then there's the woman herself, who can't Shape a whole lot right now, but can absolutely tell me exactly what she needs and when and where she needs it.

No, what I'm really worried about is the long term mental toll on her. Now that we've maybe gotten some idea of what she can handle without actively vomiting, she's not puking up all her food, but she still winds up bent over retching at least once a day, and her default state now seems to be 'miserable due to nausea'. I mean, I've tried everything I can think of, but at the end of the day all I can do is sit with her, hold her hand, and make sure she's physically well. I dunno, maybe that will help. Maybe me just being there will let her know that this too will pass someday, that eventually she'll be back to working in the Infirmary by day and romping with us by night, only with a tiny human that looks like her and Saffron wandering around our house calling her Mommy.

But I'm still worried, worried that the trauma will break her somehow. Change her in ways none of us would want, most especially her.

Shit, I'm vaguely worried that I'm getting more trauma watching over her. Like, not more than her, but more than I already had. Which, to be clear, if I am, I accept that willingly. Even if me being there doesn't reduce her own trauma one little bit, I'm still going to be there for her, even if it's traumatic for me. Because when you love someone, that's what you do.

So I'm really not sure what Jack and Adrienne talked about all day yesterday. Well, all night, then most of the day. Hell, I don't even know if they talked, or slept, or canoodled. I told them I'd give them some privacy, and that meant from me, too.

At breakfast Ria asked me about it. "Did Adrienne have to go?"

"Not yet. I think she needs to leave some time on Thursday, but I'm doing my best to make sure she'll be able and willing to visit again some time."

Ria thought about that while chewing on her eggs and waffle. Eventually she nodded to herself. "Thank you, Mama. Where is she now though, if she didn't go home?"

Isnomi cut in, her speech impediment made that much worse by her ongoing breakfast mastication. "Dey ub in Mama'th offith. Pwowwy doin' thiwwy thingth."

I shot her a look. "Did you spy on them, Menace?"

She shook her head. "No. I thmell dem in da Bowah, bud dey nod in dah gueth woomth owah down heah."

I facepalmed. "Okay then." I turned back to Ria. "Your sister and Jack are talking about things before she goes back home." Her face lit up, and I realized I'd inadvertently misled her. "To Jackville. Sorry kiddo."

"Will she say good bye before she leaves?"

I smiled and ruffled her hair. "She will if I have anything to say about it." I thought for a second. "Do you mind if your mom comes to see your sister while she's here? While you're with her?"

My little Sidhe girl frowned. "I... I don't like it when they fight."

"Me neither. So I'll be there to referee. Make sure they both stay polite. I'm hoping if you're there they'll be on their best behavior. Because I think they both love you, even if they aren't always the best at showing that."

She tilted her head. "How do you know?"

I thought about that for a second. "For your mom? I think the way she was crying when she found out you'd Blessed me." I waited until Ria nodded, then continued. "For your sister? Not only did she want to come up and visit you enough to help me convince Jack, she spent like four straight days palling around with you and your sisters."

She frowned. "She didn't enjoy herself?"

I smiled, maybe kinda sadly. "Oh, I didn't say that. I think she did. But I think she enjoyed herself as much because she was spending time with you as she did because of what you were doing. Probably more."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Maze piped up. "Is that what it's like when you play with us?"

I looked down at my little pony girl and barked out a laugh. "I mean, a little bit, yeah? But also, I'm kinda childish when it comes to some things. I like running around playing tag and hide and seek."

Maze frowned at me. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." I nodded for good measure. "Just like I love listening to you read to us. Or to me."

"So that's not just to spend time with me?"

I shrugged. "I'm not as subtle as Mom, but I can do things for more than one reason too."

She seemed to accept that, and the kids went about their day of kid things. I kept one of me stationed on the roof, right outside the open doorway to the Bore, where I could see Jack and Adrienne when they came down, but the noise of the kids playing in the courtyard kept me from accidentally overhearing anything.

Jack and Adrienne came down just before dinner. "Hey guys. How's it going?"

The two of them looked at each other, then back at me, before he answered. "Better than yesterday. Can you give us until tomorrow evening to return?"

"Sure. Ria would like to see her sister right before she leaves, I think."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." He turned to her. "So long as you're okay with it, Heart?" She nodded, not seeming to trust her own voice at the moment.

"Okay then. Dinner?"

We headed down, and Adrienne spent dinner with her sister. She even got Jack to join us in the Bath, and tugged him into the big bed with all of her sisters. He wore shorts to bed, but I couldn't exactly blame him; he wasn't exactly part of our little whatever it was. He also fell straight to sleep. Lucky bastard.

Today I played with the kids, sat with Siobhan, helped Marie, and watched over Saffron as she ran the Grand Council and did her coding.

"How's the new Inspect coming, Kitten?"

She sighed. "Oh, it's nearly done, really. I'm just..."

"Wanting it to be perfect?" She nodded. "Okay."

"You're not going to encourage me to put it in place? I mean, now?"

I shrugged. "Hey, you want it to be ready. You don't think it's ready. I trust you. I'm here for you. Massaging you as you work to let you focus completely on it. Waiting for the moment you say it's ready, so I can give you what you need to make the world a better place. Again."

She sat there for a bit. Then wriggled around until she straddled my lap. "I love you."

"I love you too, Kitten." Then an idea hit me. "Hey, maybe that's what you need?"

"Love?"

I chuckled. "No. I mean, yeah, we all need that. But I was talking about time to focus. Time to concentrate. A day, a week, however long you need without worrying about the Grand Council."

She made a face, a cute little moue, thinking about it. "I've taken time off before, it's true, but typically it's been an emergency, or something where I could keep half an eye on them if need be. What you're suggesting would be a deliberate time away, focused entirely on something else."

"Yeah."

"Let me think on that. While I'm horrified at what mischief Ophelia and Leonard might cook up in my absence, especially if they know it's coming, you might be exactly correct about what I need."

I hugged her. "So don't give them warning." She blinked at me, and I grinned at her. "Whenever you're ready, whatever you decide, I'm here for you, Saffron Aetos-Diaz."

She smiled, laughed, kissed me, and went back to work.

Adrienne came down to lunch. After the kids finished their sandwiches, she walked over and sat next to Ria, who sat there waiting politely until Adrienne threw her arms around her. A moment later, the rest of the girls piled on around them, squishing them together. "I'm gonna miss you, Reeree."

"I will miss you as well, Adwee." My little Sidhe girl tried and failed to hide a sniffle. "How long will you be gone?"

Adrienne sighed. She tried to shift away, but was stymied by the pile of horde hoard around her. Instead she just said, "I'm not sure. I... I don't really know if I'll be able to visit again."

At that point I decided it was time for me to cut in. "Your big sis has responsibilities. Ones that might keep her in Jackville for a long time." I watched as the sparkle that had been in Ria's eyes since her sister arrived dulled just a little. "Hey, even if she can't come here, we can always visit her there."

"Really?" I nodded, and that set off a round of cheering from all my girls.

"So long as Jack doesn't mind me visiting. Or someone else who can get you down there, I guess." That didn't ruin the cheering, but Adrienne looked a little guilty. I looked right at her, made sure she was looking at me, and said, "speaking of, your mom would like to talk to you before you leave. If you don't mind?"

"About?"

I shrugged. "Honestly? I think she just misses you. She's not really great at showing her feelings."

"No, really?" A moment later she looked down, blushing a little. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Reeree."

"Why?"

"Because I left you behind when things came to a head with mother."

Ria shook her head. "But I wasn't upset at living in the Keep. I just missed you." Before Adrienne could reply, Ria looked thoughtful and said, "I think I might have missed mother and Bloodwing if you'd taken me away." Then her face lit up. "If you'd taken me along, I would never have met Mama, or gotten my new sisters! So it all worked out in the end, right?"

Adrienne looked shocked for a moment. "Didn't... didn't you die?"

Ria winced, but rallied. "I got better."

When she said that, Adrienne barked out a laugh, hugged her sister close, then looked back at me. "Okay. When can she come over?"

Did you hear that, Tallulah?

A moment later Lady Crow herself stood beside me. After a moment I realized she wasn't exactly beside me. She stood off to my flank, almost like she'd decided to hide behind me. I reached back, took her by the hand, and pulled her over to Adrienne. "Go on. Neither of you bite. I don't want my girls learning that kind of behavior."

Tallulah reached one hand out to Adrienne. "Daughter."

Adrienne's hand twitched, but she just said, "Mother."

"I've... I've missed you."

Adrienne's hand shifted, just a touch. "What? Just missed me?"

Tallulah shrugged. "None of the rest matters. Not really."

"None of it matters? Is that what you really think?"

Tallulah nodded, sniffed just a little. "I hurt you. My expectations. My demands. I understand that now. I'm sorry for that. It was never my intent. But that doesn't matter. What does is that I hurt you, and I'm sorry, and I've missed you, Daughter."

I put a Blended tentacle around Tallulah's shoulders and squeezed. Adrienne's hand moved, almost like she wasn't meaning to, and she whispered, "I couldn't take it any more. I... I ran. I hid. I... I even..."

Tallulah just shook her head. "What you did or did not do does not matter to me, Daughter. Only that you are safe now, and that you are happier where you are than," she paused, choking on the words. "Than you were in my home. Where you are always welcome, should you choose to return. Or visit. Now and forevermore."

The moment their hands touched, Adrienne surged out of her seat, her cloak of girls clinging to her as she pulled Tallulah into a hug.

Jack slipped up behind me. "I hate to interrupt," he whispered, "but I'll need you to get us back to Jackville before the sun sets."

Down in Jackville, I Co-Located to M-Space and hopped up to the top of a tall tree before slipping back, settling in where I had a nice view of the western horizon. Then I put my arm around Jack in the dining room and, equally quietly, murmured, "I got you." He glanced at me quizzically. I shot him a gremlin grin and whispered, "the sun will set when I fucking let it."

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