Dear Diary,

Yeah, definitely gonna crash or spiral down at some point in the sort of near future. No sleep and one of me spending most of the day in solitude is not good for my mental health. If I wasn't Co-Located to so many other places doing so many other things, I'd definitely be in bad shape already. I think all that stuff is kinda grounding me. Back in the day I would not have guessed changing dirty bed linens could be good for my mental well being.

Then again, it's not really the bed linen changing. If I'd gone into housekeeping back in the day, I'd have lost my shit within a week, tops. It's not the activity itself, it's that it's something I chose to do, something that makes the world around me a clearly better place to be. I guess it's also doing it with my Murder Mittens Marie, since I'm pretty much in constant contact with her all day long. Like, constant mental contact; she kinda watches over me as I work, I think. Also, relatively frequent physical contact, as she's down in the kitchen and some of me are always down there doing the boring prep work. So I guess it's not the job per se, but the fact that I'm doing something productive and positive of my own volition, combined with frequent doses of Marie.

Of course, my kids are kinda keeping me full of Happy Brain Chemicals, too. I mean, watching Ria with her sister is just adorable, as she tows her around the Homestead showing her new stuff every day, then tows her into the big cuddle puddle bed every night. Every time I think I've discovered everything awesome about every part of our Homestead, something new comes up. In this case, being able to have guests over and have them sleep with us in the big warm pile of family and not have anybody falling off the edge of the bed or having to sleep on the floor or anything.

Speaking of sleeping away from everyone else, after another day of sleeping in, Jack got up for dinner again. Today was egg fried rice, per Ria's request.

"Not bad. Subtle. Could use a little more kick, though."

I leaned against the table where he'd sat to eat, watching as Ria, Isnomi, and Maze regaled Adrienne with the tale of how they captured Baby. "Yeah, my kids are okay with spice, but not all of them prefer it." I looked over at him, kind of a mix of giving him a little side eye and gauging his reaction. "You telling me Adrienne has no sweet tooth?"

He just smiled. "Oh, she does. But she's learned to appreciate some burn in her food too."

I smiled and nodded. "Fair enough. But like I said, not all our kids are into that. Ria's not super fond, and this is her birthday after all."

"That's true. How are things going down in Jackville?"

I glanced down at him again. "You mean you don't know?"

He shook his head. "No, I..." He shrugged again. "Despite what my people think, I'm not actually omniscient."

"Shit, me neither. You telling me you don't have any High Clergy down there though, giving you the low down on how I'm fucking the job up by sitting around in your shack tryna cook?"

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He looked at me, surprised. "Really? Huh. I guess that works, though. Wilmer come back yet?" I shook my head. "Damn. I'll have to sort him out when I get back."

"Speaking of..."

He just nodded to the girls around Adrienne. "Looks like your girl is still enjoying her visit."

I sucked at my teeth a little. "Yeah. Yeah, she is. And I wouldn't spoil that for the world. But you're definitely getting a vacation out of this, aren't you?"

"Do ya mind?"

I shrugged and looked back to the girls, boosting myself up to sit on the table. "If you tried to con me, say you weren't or something, I guess I might. But you've been pretty up front about it."

"Despite what all the tales say, I am not an idiot."

I snorted. "Magic beans?"

"In my defense, they were actually magic."

I laughed a little, then said, "tumbling down."

He winced. "Please. That's... not a happy memory."

He legit looked upset, so I reached a hand over and squeezed his shoulder. "Sorry, man." He didn't seem to flinch, so I asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

He took a deep breath, blew it out his nose, and then shook his head, just one sharp, convulsive jerk. "No. Not... not now. Not tonight. Not yet."

I thought about that while we sat there watching. Eventually I got a rush of brains to the head. Okay, a thought that had to do with something other than food, sex, or kids. Because I didn't really think it through before I said, "so, uh... Jill?"

I remained very still as he shoved himself back, his chair scraping across the floor, then rose to his full height. He wasn't a small dude, honestly. He'd looked kinda like one down in Jackville, with the weight of responsibility pressing him down, but here at the Homestead I'd put him at six foot, easy. Maybe bigger. For a moment, rage painted his face. Old rage, from old, bitter pain. I just sat there, still, waiting. Watching. Eventually, with everyone staring at him, including Adrienne, he kind of deflated, motioning to her as she got up to move toward him. "No. Sit. Stay with your sister, heart." He turned to me. "I'm... going upstairs. By your leave?"

I shook my head. "Hey, you're the guest here, man. So long as nobody gets hurt, we're pretty relaxed." Across the room, Adrienne sat down. Before Jack could walk away, I quietly added. "Speaking of, sorry to bring up old wounds."

He just nodded, sighed, and said, "de nada."

Down in Jackville, over the course of the night, instead of wandering around like a dumbass and getting noshed on by the wildlife, I Co-Located to M-Space and first floated upward until I could absolutely see fuck all, because M-Space at night is dark as shit out here in the boonies. Then I got a bright idea and sent a quick ping to my Kraken buddies. Turns out there are enough of them in the Gulf and along the Atlantic shore that I got at least a kind of sparkle in the water. I did a quick run south, then came back. I'm not sure how D does it, because while I can move pretty quick in M-Space, I absolutely cannot get the kind of speed he does. It's a tradeoff, I guess. I can get anywhere I've been in the blink of an eye, but getting to new places is kind of a bitch.

Today I got a big surprise when Ria had everybody sit down and listen to Maze read Small Gods. I vaguely remembered reading that one to them back when Ria had hit me with that amnesia whammy, which meant she hadn't heard it before, and neither had Adrienne, obviously. By the end of the first chapter they had most of the Homestead kids listening in, and by the middle of the book work around the Homestead had pretty much come to a screeching halt, as everybody came around to hear the story of Brutha. Kinda funny, they all kept glancing at me as I sat there watching. I'm not sure if they were worried about taking the day off, or worried about a story that made Gods look like such idiots in front of, y'know, the Patron Goddess of the Alliance.

Fuck it. I smiled at anybody who looked at me, nodded like I knew what I was hearing and approved, and just let them chill. They've been working their asses off to make our place better since we got here, and they all know their jobs. If they think they can take the day off with no harm done, I'm not gonna tell 'em otherwise.

Despite everything I've said so far, I'm not a complete idiot either.

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