Dear Diary,

Yeah, some days I think I'm clever. Then life comes along and reminds me that no, while I'm not Actually Stupid™, I waste so much of my mental energy spinning in circles trying to justify my own fucking existence that I have very little left over for completely pragmatic, practical things. Y'know, like realizing when I'm doing something dumb, or correctly interpreting the intent and desires of those closest to me.

That's really got me reeling right now, because I can see the deep, dark desires of my Worshippers when they come to me at my Altar, but somehow I think I'm missing my Kitten's, even though she's absolutely the last person I'd ever want to disappoint in any way whatsoever. Seriously, I love Marie, and Siobhan, and our kids, and even Tallulah and Karen, kinda, in different ways. But Saffron. Always Saffron. I really don't think I could live with myself if I really disappointed her in some kind of serious way.

I mean, let's face it, I'm gonna disappoint her. That's just part and parcel of the whole Tabitha Experience, being disappointed. But I guess I've been hoping I could keep it to some kind of mild disappointment with my performance in bed, or maybe with my parenting skills, although I'd kinda disappoint myself if I did that, or fuck, I dunno, disappointing her with my Goddessing. But disappointing her with my wifing, with my partnering, with being the woman she loves, that would break me, I think. So I guess I just gotta make sure I don't do that then.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

So after sending Saffron off to manage the Grand Council with her entire undercarriage tingling from Stabilizing tentacles with no sense of personal physical boundaries, I went about my normal day. I did the bodyguard thing, I did the Maid thing, I did the Playmate Mom thing, I did the Infirmary thing. I did the babysitting Siobhan while she tried to keep some reasonable amount of food down thing. Also started experimenting with something with Marie, tryna get the cake just right for Ria's birthday. Brought home paninis for the kids.

Saffron snuggled up to me in the tub, and I pulled Siobhan and Marie in around her. She stiffened for a moment, then kind of melted over me. "Everything okay, Kitten?"

She sighed. "Nothing of note."

I tilted her chin up until I could look into her eyes. "Everything about you matters to me. Everything, Saffron Aetos-Diaz. Every. Little. Thing."

She smiled, sadness banished for a moment, then snuggled back into me.

Dreamt of my ladies focusing on my Kitten, buoying her up into the sky above my Maw before dropping her right into the center like a tasty, tasty soup dumpling meteor.

Before I even fully woke up, I kissed her, growling out, mmm... my favorite flavor.

Really, love?

I nodded, and her lips curved against mine.

So today I did everything I did yesterday, up to and including the Siobhan sitting, although today instead of guarding my Kitten's body in the Grand Council chamber, I explored it a little in our big round bed while the kids were out seeing to their Nightmares and Baby. Scared the shit out of myself, thankfully not literally, when I didn't see Mister Slither, commented something along those lines to Saffron, only to have that monster fuckin' serpent let out a little laughing hiss from up on the ceiling in the bedroom. I do not know why i should feel some kinda way about him watching us, or hanging there over our heads, or anything like that. Seriously, he wasn't dripping acidic venom all over us or anything. Shit, I'm not sure if he was even awake until I mentioned him by name.

Okay, is it weird that I'm only now wondering why Isnomi calls him 'Vai'? Like, I think I know why, but how the fuck does she know that, if it's even true?

At any rate, that kinda killed the mood, so I thought, Tallulah, you ready to go hit Jackville?

After a few moments, she thought back, formal or casual?

I looked to Saffron, who thought back, let's keep this casual. If Jack responds, we can always claim an innocent afternoon outing.

I mean, that's what we're doing, isn't it? Just having lunch while maybe seeing if we can find somebody who knows Tallulah's daughter?

Saffron pulled me down for a kiss. Just so, love. Overlord? How long?

A few minutes to get changed, if I may?

We'll meet you aboard the Questing Tentacle then. With that Saffron pulled me out of bed, over to one of the walk in closets, and we took turns dressing each other. She put me in my jeans and a tee shirt, all of it tight enough to feel painted on. I dressed her up in a long, flowing skirt that hung off her hips and a tight top that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. I mean, I'd seen them, and they're magnificent, so I didn't need to imagine, but I really loved looking at them. Not even entirely lust I'm talking about, either, I don't think. They're just... part of her. A very fun, playful, sensitive, responsive, magnificent part of her.

At any rate, I didn't even fondle them beyond making sure the shirt was settled properly.

I pushed my Blend up just a little, enough that showing up in Jackville wouldn't be seen as a declaration of war, and we met Tallulah and Karen at the Questing Tentacle, where Tallulah had the surprise I'd asked her to prepare for my Kitten ready. Saffron froze when she saw Tallulah standing there in her 'casual' slacks, blouse, and vest, her hair straight and bone white. With her eyes glued to Tallulah, Saffron said, "did... for me?"

I grinned down and hugged her. "I thought you'd like it."

Saffron's mouth worked, but nothing came out. I waved Tallulah over, and each of us took one of Saffron's hands. I think she might have blown a fuse, because she just stood there gawping while Admiral Pesce had one of the ship's boats lowered over the side just for us. The overall dude from the day before, whose name turned out to be Elmer, hopped from his skiff to the boat, tying the skiff to the back of the boat so it trailed along behind.

"The four of you going to old Johnny's?"

I nodded to him. "We are. Is the boat too big?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Bit on the big side, but I'll get her there." He grinned back at the three of us, and I swear to fuck that he was teasing one of us, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out which of us he meant. Sure as fuck didn't mean anything about my Kitten, or I'd stuff those overalls up his ass.

It took us until mid-afternoon to get to 'old Johnny's place', which was on a biggish islet just off of one of the Village islands. The place looked... weird. Like, way too big to be as shabby as it was. Or way too shabby to keep standing as big as it was. There were a couple tables set out under a roof propped up by a pair of poles. I swear the whole fuckin' roof looked like a strong breeze would knock it down. The building proper had a big open window with nothing covering it but threadbare curtains that had that weird yellowy white color that told me they'd faded to that point rather than being dirtied to that point; if you've ever been poor enough to have to keep clothing until the colors faded all the way away, you know what I'm talking about; where the bleach spots have all run together then totally taken over the entire thing, all somehow without destroying the fabric itself.

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Of course, right about then the wind shifted, and I got a sniff of a complex mélange of smells. Flavors, really, just wafted through the air. All kinds of fuckin' herbs and spices and shit, but also fat rendered from sausage and flour mixed and baked and stirred in and I swear I wasn't drooling. I, uh, my chin was sweating from the heat and humidity, both of which ramped up when we stepped through the beaded cords hanging in the doorway.

A few people were in the place when we came in. A couple old dudes playing dominoes, but super slow, like they had nowhere to be and no reason to end the game before sundown. A young guy near the door, who could have been Elmer's bigger, beefier, slightly more dressed cousin. He had a shirt. Arguably. It might be more hole than shirt, but he had it on. He also had a mug of something that he never even looked at, just lifted, sipped, nodded to us, and set it down.

Meanwhile, as the beads clattered to stillness, an old dude hovering over a cauldron in the back of the room called out, "just take a seat anywhere. Be with you shortly."

That... was a lie. We found a table in a corner of the big shack, one where I could put my Kitten in the corner so anyone trying to come at her would have to come through both Tallulah and I. Tallulah took the seat next to her, not to mention most of her visual attention. I might have started drooling at the smell of the food, but Saffron had just about started the moment she saw our platinum blonde Sidhe Overlord. I sat down across from her, reached out a hand, and whispered, "you have a type."

"I'm going to put a bow on Devorah and feed her to you," muttered Saffron, never looking away from Tallulah. I snickered, and she finally glanced over at me. Right about then I got a wild hair up my butt and Shapeshifted just enough to make my own hair go straight and white. She frowned. "Put that back immediately." Not being stupid, I followed my tiny tyrant's instructions to the letter.

"You didn't seem to mind on your birthday, though?"

She shrugged as her gaze slid back to our third. "You masquerading as Hilde and letting me indulge myself without the restraint I must show with anyone else, save perhaps our Maenad? Of course I didn't complain. But I like you as you, Goof."

Tallulah lifted one hand, pulled a few strands of her hair around to look at it. "does this displease you then, Imperator?"

Saffron shook her head. "just Saffron for now, Tallulah."

"Pretty sure she couldn't say she didn't like it if she wanted to, T. My Kitten can't lie that well."

Tallulah and I spent the next few minutes more or less taunting Saffron with completely deniable comments about what we expected the food to be like. I might have mentioned 'spicy'. Tallulah definitely used the word 'sumptuous', which I regretted not using to describe Saffron myself. Sumptuous Saffron Sandwich suddenly started seeming like something to suggest for later.

As I very pointedly fantasized about that, leaning my chin on one hand while Saffron spluttered, the old cauldron dude came over to our table carrying a single big bowl and three spoons. He set the big bowl on the table, looked at me, set a spoon down, nodded to Saffron, set a spoon in front of her, then turned to Tallulah, froze for a moment so short I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been watching him like a hawk, and then set a spoon in front of her.

"Johnny?"

He turned back to me. "Aye. That's me."

I held up a hand, asking for patience, and took a big spoonful of... gumbo. Shit, this was gumbo, and it was really fuckin' good. Hot as hell, and I couldn't identify half of the textures or flavors, and it did not matter the tiniest little bit as each and every bit of it seared its way across my tongue, down my throat, into my sinuses, and onto my brain. "Hoo," I blew out a lungful of air. "that's... that's the stuff. That's some good Blessed gumbo. Ladies?" I nodded, and they each picked up their spoons while I turned to Johnny. "Seriously, this is fantastic." My mouth burned even hotter as he smiled, and I asked, "you got any bread?"

He cackled softly. "Maybe."

I snorted, reached into my coin purse, laid a bunch of coins on the table, and pushed them toward him. "That enough for the bread?"

Without even glancing down, he asked, "if it's not?"

I took another spoonful of gumbo while my ladies each tried not to react too badly to the heat. "Is it as good as the gumbo?"

He shrugged. "Some say so."

"Then I will absolutely keep forking over coins until it is."

He pursed his lips. "What if the price isn't coin?"

I frowned. "Depends on the price." Then I smiled again. "But, y'know, I'm pretty dumb. So long as it's not something that'll hurt me or mine to give up, I'll probably agree to it."

He nodded to Tallulah, who looked like she wanted to take another bite, but also wanted to stuff her mouth and digestive tract with ice and milk until the burning stopped. "What's she doing here?"

"Couple things?"

"Such as?"

I shrugged. Fuck it, I'd kinda figured that the old barkeep would send us to another information broker type person. "Right now? Mostly? Tryna convince herself that another bite won't make the burn worse. But also she's makin' my wife wish that she'd been the one to make her sweat like that, and knowing my sweet little multitasking Kitten, makin' my wife make plans to do exactly that later." I paused, and Johnny frowned, clearly clued in to my endless stream of bullshit. "Also, she's missing her daughter, kinda hoping that maybe the rumors about her being down here in Jackville are true."

Johnny nodded, then without another word turned and walked out the back exit of the shack. He came back in a minute later carrying a basket. He set that next to our communal gumbo bowl, then looked down to where I'd made some serious inroads into it already. Tallulah had only had maybe three bites, but then she'd never been a big eater. Saffron... Okay, look, my Kitten has a sadistic streak a mile wide, and after her second bite she looked Tallulah in the eye, then cast her gaze very pointedly below Tallulah's belt, then took another big bite. Then looked her in the eye again and did it again. At that point I don't think Tallulah was blushing entirely from the heat of the room or the heat of the gumbo.

The basket had a mix of bread in it. Some cornbread, the really dense kind that I'd seen made in cast iron skillets. Some little rolls with crunchy crust and soft insides, just perfect for sopping up the gumbo that stuck to the edge of the bowl. Some biscuits with cheese baked into the inside and butter baked into the crust. Finally some thick slices of maybe white bread toast. "You let me know if that bowl gets empty." With that Johnny creaked back over to his stool next to the big gumbo pot.

Over the course of the afternoon, Tallulah and Saffron and I talked about nothing much at all. The kind of nothing that is so, so important. Her memories of Adrienne, especially when she was Ria's age. How Ria and Adrienne used to play. What I did on the regular with Ria and the rest of the girls. How Saffron wished she had the temperament to do that more than maybe once every few weeks. How Tallulah wished the same.

We went through half a dozen bowls of gumbo. Okay, I think Tallulah might have eaten half a dozen big spoonsful at most. Saffron put away most of a bowl once she got used to the heat. She definitely made mention of how her tongue wouldn't stop burning for at least a day while looking at Tallulah and licking her lips. I scooped another handful of coins out of my purse with every bowl, not even looking to see what I'd pulled out, just setting it on the nearest table, because ours was full of gumbo bowl and bread basket.

At the end of the day, with all our bellies full of bread and fire, I waved Johnny over. He stood, frowned a little, but came close. "Thank you, Johnny. It's been a long time since I got to watch my wife like this." Saffron shot me a look, and I smiled at her. "She's adorable when she wants something and isn't sure if she's going to get it. Especially when I absolutely know she's going to."

Saffron blushed, but I kept my eyes on Johnny, who shrugged and said, "I enjoy cooking."

"Yeah. Me too. I'm nowhere near this good though." He just shrugged. "Not my core competency."

He got a little stiff. "What is?"

I shrugged, the gesture pure theater. "Oh, I got a couple, really. Mostly I fuck shit up." He leaned back, but I leaned in and waved him forward. I dropped my voice. "But I'm also not half bad at guessing games. Like, y'know, I guessed my Patron's identity back in the day, just from clues and hints he dropped. Y'know what else I know?" Johnny's smile quirked up, and at that point I knew I had him. So I waited.

Unfortunately, between worry about her daughter, fire in her mouth and belly and maybe lower, not to mention a certain Kitten intent on co-locating her fiery tongue and Tallulah's bits, our Sidhe lady's patience wore out first. "What else do you know, Tabitha?"

I smirked right back at Johnny. "I know that guys named Johnny? Or John? Or Jonathan? Often go by another name."

"What name?" Asked my amusingly clueless Sidhe Overlord.

"Jack."

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