Stena

Stena was quite sure that she had embarrassed herself enough for one day, but it seemed like the universe wasn't going to give her a break.

After she returned to the small break room and made her declaration, Stena immediately turned tail and fled outside again. She wasn't sure exactly what the reaction in the room would be, but she was sure she didn't want to be in there to find out.

She sat down, her back leaning against the walls of the little separated room, and decided to wait.

"Everything alright?" Avuri asked, as she stepped up beside her, and slumped down the wall to join her on the ground.

Stena could feel the heat rushing to her ears, which she was desperate to fight off. "It's fine." She huffed, trying not to show her embarrassment over her sudden outburst. She really didn't need to walk into the room and suddenly declare she wasn't in love with her sister. And now she was regretting it.

She consoled herself, thinking about how she had at least chosen her words correctly. If she had said she didn't love her sister, she probably would've had to go back in and explain herself. So that was something.

"Mind if I wait with you, then?" Avuri asked.

"If you want to," Stena responded, trying to calm herself with deep breaths. Hopefully it wouldn't be long until everyone finished their meals and returned to training. For better or worse, Stena found that she was hungry again. Her stomach had dropped when Vyne had said she needed to work on her mental state, but Avuri's mention of the potential misunderstanding had blown that feeling right out of her.

If Avuri was right and there wasn't soul-deep damage to her Cultivation, and Vyne had just misunderstood her mannerisms…well, she was embarrassed, but that would be alright. She wasn't looking forward to confronting the way she felt after burying it all so deep for so many years, but it was perhaps better than the alternative that had scared her so much.

She continued to take deep breaths, repeating to herself that she hadn't ruined her Cultivation by suppressing her emotions. She was still worried about having to deal with her darker thoughts, but for the moment, she'd be alright. And Avuri had told her that she needed to come to terms with the way she felt, understand it, process it, and accept it.

Notably, she didn't need to 'fix' it. Or 'get over' it.

She was pretty sure that she couldn't do that to begin with, let alone do it quickly.

It didn't take too long before everyone else started leaving the little lunch room. There were a couple breaks in the wall, so they didn't all leave through the door where Stena and Avuri were sitting.

Emery was the first one to leave through the door by Stena. She didn't say anything, and instead wordlessly just crouched to give Stena a reassuring hug and ruffled her hair a bit before moving off with Vale for more of her own training.

"Avuri? Are you prepared to continue?" Lyn asked as she walked out as well.

"Yes, let's continue." Avuri said, quickly standing up from her meditative position. She also laid a gentle hand on Stena's head before stepping away to follow Lyn.

"Vyne is still inside, Stena. And there's still some food on the table for you," Lyn said before walking off to their section of the training room.

Stena sat by the door for another two minutes before she gathered enough courage to go inside and talk to Vyne about how they were to proceed. And even when she did go in, she wasn't sure she had gathered enough courage as much as she was simply hungry and wanted to finish eating lunch.

Thankfully, she found Vyne to be of a similar temperament to her mothers. He remained quiet as Stena walked in and sat back down at the table, her food still on her plate waiting for her. Vyne simply waited quietly across from her. He wasn't even watching as she ate, as his eyes were closed and he looked relaxed. Almost like he was meditating.

Stena did her best to put him out of mind as she ate. And Vyne did nothing to disturb her while she simply finished her lunch. When she was finished, she gathered her dirty plates and got up to place them in the wash tub in the other section of the room where the cooking implements were.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me," was the first sentence out of her mouth as she triggered the water Array to wash the plates.

"There's no need to apologize, Stena." Vyne said, his voice smooth and comforting. "If anything, I suspect I should apologize for misunderstanding you. And I shouldn't have brought it up at lunch; that was unfair to you."

"I appreciate the sentiment," Stena said, "Truly, I do. But I suppose it's better that we both know what's going on than not." She mindlessly scrubbed at one spot on her plate that had a stubborn bit of food clung to it, but that bit of food had been scrubbed away already.

"You don't have to share if you don't want to." Vyne said. "I understand it's personal, and it's unlikely that I will be able to offer you any comfort that your mothers haven't already."

Stena's hands stopped scrubbing and she tilted her head back to look at the far-away cave ceiling. "Momri hinted at it briefly, but she said that I don't need to fix the problem so much as learn to process and accept it."

"She's right." Vyne confirmed. "We don't really know exactly what or how the Sky Realm trial is created, but we know enough that we can often discern the emotions and trauma that it will use against a person if we know them well enough. And it's something that most people preparing for the trial prepare for. Especially when they are plagued by singularly powerful traumas or emotions."

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Stena let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "So, if I was to naturally prepare for the Sky Realm, I would have to do this eventually anyway."

"You would. There would be less of a timing concern, given you can take as long or as little time as you'd like to prepare, but…yes."

"Vyne, what happens when someone fails the Sky Realm trial, anyway? I don't think I've ever seen anyone say." Stena asked curiously.

"That's because it varies from person to person, and the way they failed." Vyne considered for a moment. "For example. If someone fails in part of the trial that was directly testing their combat ability and it was a large part of their focus during Cultivation, they could fail, be stuck at the Earth Realm, and even damage their Cultivation permanently."

"On the other hand, someone who is on a medical Cultivation path could fail in a combat portion of their trial and they may only find themselves unable to use their Domain in an offensive way when they do eventually break through. There are too many outcomes to say with certainty what could happen."

"And what happens when someone fails to overcome deep-seated emotional trauma?" Stena asked, doing her best to sound and act detached from the question.

"It still varies. But I've seen Cultivators emerge from their breakthrough attempt mentally scarred and unable to continue Cultivating. It usually depends on how bad things are. I've also seen someone say they fell prey to a vice during their attempt, and they just ended up hounded by nightmares when they slept, but otherwise led a normal life."

Stena shivered. Neither option sounded appealing to her, let alone anything that could fall somewhere in between. And she had suspicions, given how she had felt when she had originally fallen into a deep depression, that something like that could happen again.

"Momri said you probably noticed my tendency to watch my sister while training."

"Yes," Vyne said, straightforward, "your eyes drift to her a lot. And your intensity and mannerisms often changed more in relation to how she was doing than in relation to feedback I was giving you."

Stena snorted, feeling particularly self-derisive in the moment. "I didn't even realize that." She muttered, before trying to find the words to explain. "As I said, I am not in love with my sister. I…struggle with feeling inadequate when compared to her."

"I see," Vyne said thoughtfully. "That does explain the way you changed depending on how she was performing."

Stena placed her fully scrubbed plate into the little rack for letting things dry. "I've known for a long time that it's a problem I have. And one that I've never been able to shake off. I still don't think I can. Even now, when I know there are things that I can beat her in."

Vyne nodded silently, thinking to himself. "As I said earlier, you and I are a strong match when it comes to our Cultivation. The Dragon-Kin bond should be easy enough for you to handle, given that. The difficult part for you will be the Sky Realm break through, and the associated trial. We knew that going into this, but now we know where the true hard part will be."

Stena considered his words and asked, "You think I'll be alright for the physical and spiritual part of it?"

"I do," Vyne affirmed. "You've been diligent in your study and devoted yourself wholly to Cultivating wood Qi. Being so well focused usually leaves your spirit well prepared for breaking into the Sky Realm, and your foundation is well made and strong. Physically, your body seems well prepared as well."

Stena nodded. "That's something at least."

"Once you feel confident that you will be able to face your darker emotions without being overwhelmed, I think you'll be ready."

"Then…how, exactly, do I ready myself for that?" Stena asked, genuinely unsure how she should proceed. Sitting and meditating on her negative emotions was what she had assumed, but she also wasn't sure that doing that would actually help her process anything.

"That's the real question, isn't it?" Vyne asked. "I don't have a lot of guidance for you there. People are all different, and the ways to process through emotions and trauma vary so wildly from person to person that I don't have a lot of advice for you."

"Exactly what I wanted to hear." Stena said flatly.

Vyne chuckled. "There are many common ways to handle emotional stress. Talking to someone - whether its someone you trust or a completely unrelated party - often helps people process things. Sometimes, for some people, just thinking on the topic can be enough. You're not necessarily stuck on a problem that you can just think through, though, so I'm not sure that option would be useful for you."

"Alright. I've also spent the last ten years, give or take, talking with my mothers about it, too." Stena said.

"Has it helped?" Vyne asked.

Stena was about to say 'no', but paused to think about it more than just briefly. "Sometimes, yes. Though usually, it just helps enough to get me to a more even-footed place. Or pull me out of the darker times." She said finally.

"Then perhaps talking to someone could be the way forward. I might even suggest, if there's anything that you've held back opening up about previously, letting those emotions out might be the most important part."

"That sounds like fun." Stena said, so sarcastically that she felt the need to apologize for her tone immediately afterward.

"Some people also find that facing their troubles head on can work." Vyne offered, not worried about Stena's snarkiness. "I don't know that I recommend it, but have you ever spoken to Cierra about the way you feel?"

Stena's mind immediately flashed back to conversations over the years when she had lashed out at older sister in frustration. There had been so many instances of her darker emotions running rampant and leading her to arguments or worse with Cierra.

There were also quieter conversations that they had had over the years, too, when Stena wasn't so angry. Especially in the last few years, when Stena had understood herself better. Cierra had been nothing but comforting and helpful, but it had never changed anything.

After all, Stena still couldn't best her sister in most things.

And even worse, she knew that Cierra choosing to deliberately make herself worse at something for Stena's benefit would just make her feel even worse. And perhaps even worse than that, she didn't want Cierra to pity her for the way she felt. So she was well and truly stuck when it came to her sister.

"I think…" Stena began, then stopped, trying to gather her words before starting again, "I think maybe talking to someone that is not family might help. As much as I love my mothers, I think that, deep down, I don't trust their judgement. They're going to tell me how great I am as long as I put in even minimal effort."

"Do you have someone else you can talk to?" Vyne asked. "Or would you like to talk to me about it?"

Stena considered the offer. Her family was absolutely sequestered in the Basin, and she didn't have many contacts beyond her family, let alone ones she was close to. And if she was to choose one of the Elders to talk to about things like emotions and trauma, Vyne seemed like a good choice. Lyn would have been, too, but she might have been too similar to a well-meaning aunt than an unbiased third party.

"Do you…mind?" She asked.

"Not at all," Vyne smiled. "I can't promise that I will be all that helpful, but I will listen. And, perhaps, offer advice if you ask for it."

Stena nodded absently as she thought about it. She reassured herself that while she may not be able to fully overcome her feelings of inferiority quickly, or maybe even ever, she didn't need to. She felt confident that she could at least come to terms with the fact that those feelings existed, and learn to acknowledge them.

She desperately wanted to no longer feel the way she did. "Thank you, Vyne." She said, hoping her sincerity was evident in her voice. "Let's just talk, then. Maybe an outsider's perspective will help."

Vyne nodded, and motioned for her to come back to the table and join him there. "I think you'll manage, Stena. It will be a process, but you'll get there. You just need some momentum to get started."

Stena pulled out the seat across from Vyne and sat down, leaning against the chair's back. "Sure. Momentum."

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