An unending pressure compressed my mind, pushing against my willpower with such an unyielding force that fragments began breaking off my mental defenses. Fragments that were whisked away from my grasp a moment later by the oppressive power.
The most horrifying part was I could still feel connected to the shards of willpower. It was almost like I was looking at some disease that had eaten away at my arm to the point it was decomposed and rotten, leaving me unable to move it even while it still remained a part of my body.
And that was probably the point. The building, gnawing terror of what I could slowly feel happening to me, only added to the mental assault I was under. I could feel stolen portions of my will and psy being herded through the blue energy, keeping me separated from it. At the same time, it also somehow maintained a muffled connection to my consciousness.
As my mind was smashed from all sides, I felt a violation so deep in my soul at the theft that I could not fight or suppress the emotions, so I lashed out. Within my shield, I gathered what little reserve mental energy I had available and reached past my defenses with a tendril. Tenuous as the connection to my shards was, it acted as a roadmap for my willpower and energy to shoot out along, allowing me to scoop up the fragments of my energy and willpower nearly instantly, making me surge with a boost of strength. Or maybe it was just that I was feeling whole.
Whatever the emotions were, it was a fleeting and hollow victory, and I immediately regretted my actions. As soon as the strand of willpower left the shield around my consciousness, it meant the blue invasive and corrosive energy was surrounding the small tendril. Acting in its nature, the power began eroding the outstretched section of mental energy before the tendril had extended past my skull, and the farther the tendril went, the worse it became.
I tried to pull back my casting, but the foreign wills guiding the invasive blue energy focused their counterattack on the base of the tendril near my shield. Unwilling to waste the mental energy or willpower to reinforce the tendril, all I could do was pull back what resources I could, ultimately leaving me worse off than if I had never attempted to retrieve the shards in the first place when the strand was severed.
The instant I lost the casting, I realized it was a more significant mistake than I first thought. The mental pain I felt from losing the casting was worse than any backlash I had ever felt before. It was like a piece of my mind had been sliced off. The sensation was almost like I had been struck in the head by a smith's hammer from how it left me reeling.
It was overwhelming and too much for my mind to process. My consciousness was being smashed and then grated like a file a prisoner had taken to the steel bars of his cage. I longed to pass out and fall into blissful darkness, but that escape was only a fleeting fantasy because I was trapped within a maliciously constructed hell.
As much pain as I was in, the invasive energy stimulated and refreshed my mind while it consumed me. Not so much as to actually heal and give me more strength, but enough to make sure I never passed out. There was no other choice but to fight to the bitter end. So, I retreated and pulled my mental energy with me into my core, the center of my being, where all my mental energy originated.
As I retreated and compressed my existence, I could feel that pieces of myself were either left behind or ripped off every step of the way, and then the corrosive energy reached just outside my reservoir. When I reached that point, I tried to harden my mental energy with my will into an unbreakable shield. My plan was simple. The smaller the area, the smaller the shield needed to be, and the greater the density of my energy and willpower there was.
As it turned out, my plan was akin to constructing a wooden palisade at the base of a mountain when an avalanche was coming down. Though maybe not to quite that extent. The foreign energy smashed into my shield as I attempted to remain an unbroken wall.
It worked for a while, but the attacking energy never decreased and only periodically increased in density and willpower. And with every spike, more of my mind was chipped away, making it harder to resist. By the second spike in density, time had lost all meaning for me as I endlessly suffered under the onslaught.
Every moment, my mind was being beaten into submission by the oppressive, unyielding force. More and more of the will-infused mental energy shrouding my mind was ripped away, taunting me with how close it remained but still being at an impassable distance that I could never overcome.
Despite that, I held onto what scraps I still had as I feudally resisted. And it was only prolonging my implacable destruction. Finally, the blue energy corroded my will and mind to allow it to scrape against my core.
As the edges of my reservoir began to disintegrate, I felt something more than the mental energy and willpower being ripped away from me, and a new type of pain filled my being. The jolting sensations racking my body were nothing. A prick of a pin compared to jumping into a bonfire.
Except it wasn't pain. Not really. I knew that now. Before, I thought my suffering was like it was soul deep. That my mind being slowly and steadily ripped apart was the most agonizing thing I would ever experience.
The truth was I just didn't know what true suffering really was.
Before, it was like my bones were being broken continually, and every strand of my muscles and organs was being pulled out of my body one section at a time. Now, it was like a fiery acid was eating at every portion of me, and a torment deeper than anything I had felt before wracked my existence as pieces were ripped away. However, this was different than mere flesh being damaged.
Something more profound was being destroyed — no, taken from me — causing me to feel fundamentally wrong, like I no longer was who I was born and lived a life as. With what little energy remained to me, I pushed back against the waves of the foreign power, forcing it back from my core and giving me some space.
Yet, even with my reservoir no longer being directly assaulted, the overwhelming agony remained. I had never felt anything like it in my entire life, and I was in no way prepared to resist the sensation. Left to endure the suffering of my body and mind, I would have retreated into myself and gradually succumbed to the waves and pressure from the foreign energy until it ground me into nothing.
Sure, the energy had been steadily eating away at my mental energy and will, but that wasn't the same. It is like hair or fingernails, a part of the body that you can be really attached to at times, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important as it will always come back.
What was just taken from me was… unequivocally sacred. It had always been and was always supposed to be a part of me, as we were one. And now I wasn't whole. I instinctively knew that I could never entirely return to what I was. From now until the day I died, I would no longer be the same, even if I lived through his day and learned to accept the torment I experienced.
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The pain I felt at my mind being destroyed no longer mattered. The reasons behind why I was fighting didn't matter. All that mattered was not losing any more of my soul and getting back everything I could in an attempt to make myself whole. It was an all-consuming drive that filled me, propelling me into madness.
My mindless resolve flooded the mental energy surrounding my core with willpower. Though a meager amount of mental energy remained under my command, the new wall I had created was able to throw back the waves of power pressing into me, but I could not do any more than that. My energy was limited, and it could only reach so far, as I still had to defend my soul from having more of it stolen.
Unable to reach my stolen fragments with energy, I reached out with pure willpower. It might have been muffled, like hearing the world through wool — and the invading energy suppressed my will's effectiveness — but I could still feel the stolen pieces of myself. More so now than before, as a fragment of my soul had been stored within the mass. Meaning it would heed my commands.
Holding onto what ground I had reclaimed, I willed what was stolen to return. Forcing it to come back to me. And it worked. It was slow and minute gained, but it made progress as I willed the energy to return.
More waves of corrosive power beat against my shell, trying to suppress me. But they were nothing against my absolute resolve. Then, the resisting energy attempted to impede the progress of my returning power by rapidly flowing in its path like a gale of wind, but I was still advancing.
And then the swirling energy around me swelled with more power, and I couldn't bring my soul any closer. The ones controlling the corrosive energy couldn't force my power further away again, but they didn't need to. They were doing more than enough by placing us into a stalemate. Because I was on the losing side.
I threw my willpower against the collective I felt fighting me, but I couldn't progress. As time passed, it became apparent I wouldn't win. Gradually, my maddened willpower began to falter as I was hollowed out, and I knew I couldn't keep the shell protecting my soul up much longer.
I raged against the impending destruction, but with my mind having steadily been sapped away as I fought, by this point, my willpower was a feeble thing. Every moment that passed, my shell of protection shrunk. I knew all hope was lost, but I could not stop fighting. And it was not a choice. I was incomplete, and my instincts drove me to become whole or beat myself to death against the wall that was preventing me from doing so.
As I could sense the end of my struggle quickly approaching, a portion of the collective energy I was fighting against stilled. The energy was still there, but the will behind it vanished.
Without the willpower reinforcing it, the energy blocking me was no more an impediment than a strong breeze. I could feel the others in the collective try to control the unguided section, but they could not assert their control before I pushed past it, gaining a bit more ground.
Welcoming as my small gains were, they were by no means enough to change my fate. So I gathered will for one last push, but before I could start, I felt the minds guiding the other portions of energy comprising my cage quickly begin vanishing one after another. With their minds gone, the hostile energy was quickly following suit.
I could feel it dissipating, seeping into the surroundings as the framework of willpower maintaining its shape and purpose was gone. As the invasive energy became no more than water blocking my path, it started releasing its grip on my mental energy and soul fragments.
Reaching out with my will, I pulled my mental energy and soul fragment closer while finding myself in an ironic position. I now had to exert my willpower to keep the surrounding foreign energy that was protecting my soul fragment from quickly dissipating and taking the fragment with it. I could not stop the mana from entirely dispersing, and the small portion of my mind capable of rational thought was surprised I could control it at all. Still, I found the energies similar enough that I could slow the process down.
Shifting what had to be mana around the lump of my soul, I slowly brought the fragment closer, but even that slight movement was a monumental struggle. As the distance shrunk, maintaining the intricate dance to pull the shard closer only became more challenging.
It finally became too much. This fight had already dragged on far too long, and the fact that I had achieved what I had spoke to my unbreakable stubbornness. All that was left was only a hand span's width of distance, but I couldn't close it, as my consciousness was fading.
But I didn't need to.
I might have been rapidly falling into unconscious exhaustion without the pressure of the hostile spell, but I still felt it. There was a resonance between the fragment of my soul and my body. They wanted to be together, so they were drawn together. With my body unmoving, the attraction of my soul to itself caused the fragment to cover the last bit of distance between us on its own.
Ever so slowly, my soul fragment drifted to the edge of my skin before most of it slipped into my body. As it entered, a portion of my stolen mental energy was carried along with it, relieving the hollow sensation I could hardly notice through the aftershocks of spiritual pain.
My soul settled into my body, though it didn't quite fit the same, and I felt… nearly complete. Maybe something was missing, but it wasn't enough to stop me from sliding into darkness. As I lingered on the edge of unconsciousness, I wondered if something had been added rather than taken away? I couldn't tell which was right, but I knew I felt… different.
**********
Kathren's eyes felt sore… And dry. All she wanted was to lie on the ground and fall asleep. Where didn't matter, so long as she was sleeping and left alone for a few hours, preferably days.
There was also her body aching from being trapped in the ground unmoving, awake for half a day where she was unable to sleep — cause being trapped in the ground with an arrow for breathing takes concentration to live through — and then running to the Triad before the sun came up so the beastkin wouldn't spot them the other half of the day.
The sweat and dust had combined into a grime that she knew ran in streaks down her body and under her clothing. She could feel it every time she moved as her armor rubbed against it, adding to her overall level of discomfort and the pounding headache of sleep deprivation.
Out of everything that was bothering her, her eyes were the most annoying. Every time she blinked, it felt like she was collecting a ball of dirt in the corner of her eyes, and when she wasn't blinking, they stung, pleading for her to blink uselessly again.
Sadly, it was too soon to lie down and fall asleep after becoming clean from the bath she wanted to soak and melt in. But at the very least, she would dream of taking one. A long hot bath that she could float in for hours. The only thought that kept her going was the hope that she would be allowed to rest soon. If I can stop telling my superiors the same exact report, that would also be great…
"So," said the Prefect, "Your patrol made contact with a beastkin who led your Instructor to a camp where thousands of beastkins were crossing the river across a bridge they constructed. But the real issue is that he also discovered they have the ability to create illusions that have nothing to do with the mind — only the eye — and have built large barges with structures able to reach the bridges of the Triad. Scout Green fears that they will use the bridges covered in illusion to approach during an assault, attacking us from the flank. And the only reason you three are here is that he used the rest of the trainees as a distraction while you were hidden, buried in the ground under a beastkin, where you remained all day… Before popping up at night to run back to the Triad. Am I correct?"
"Yes, Prefect," Kathren replied, arms straight at her side, eyes looking forward.
"Well, it's a damn shame he was an elf. He would have made a damn fine Centurion." The Prefect said, shaking her head in regret. "Tribune, make a note of his and the scout trainees' valor in the Legion Records. I must see the legatus. We have a battle plan to revise. Scout trainees Kathren, Jim, and Joxin go find a cot before you collapse." With that, the Prefect turned and walked out of the room.
Kathren left her body slumped as she looked at the ground, wondering if she would be allowed to sleep there.
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