My favorite term for a new kind of performance is "security theater." In this genre, we watch as ritualized inspections and patdowns create the illusion of security. --David Byrne

"We can skip over the questions about your sapience and your willingness to meet basic standards. I do have a copy of the specific legal codes for the Daekar-Aubesan Kingdoms pertaining to dungeons for you, since the prior investigator noted your interest in books and your acceptance of the Zaipruniel codes. I will note that most of the laws are the same, at least insofar as they pertain to you; what differences we have are mostly matters of priority for adventurers and not something you need to worry about."

He set down a substantial tome, bilingual in what I assumed were the local languages of the dwarves and humans comprising the twin polities. I absorbed it immediately, but parsing through the differences between kingdoms would require later study and the liberal use of my cross-reference skill.

Blueprint Acquired: "Dungeon Codes for the Daekar-Aubesan Adventurer"

"We did, of course, bring other gifts for you - most of which we hope will be more immediately useful for you than dry legal codes. But we'll get to those later if you don't mind."

I'd shrug, if I had shoulders, but instead simply waited for him to continue.

"In the meantime, have you made any progress in determining which deity placed you here or what your intended function is?"

**RED**

"I see. Well, I expect you will get a visit from the Church of the God of All Dungeons fairly soon. Hopefully, they'll be able to offer some assistance. If nothing else, they're likely to be able to converse with you directly."

"And have you had any visits by other intelligent beings between your two inspections?"

**GREEN**

"You have?! Sorry, that's a bit surprising given the challenge of visiting you in the first place. Adventurers?"

**RED**

"Not adventurers? Members of the Church of All Dungeons?"

**RED**

Hakdrilda interjected for the first time. "The Dragon? Ask about the dragon?"

**GREEN**

Norfoth shook his head ruefully. "Hoo boy. Well, it can't have gone that poorly, since you're still here. Did the two of you come to a successful arrangement?"

**GREEN**

"Hmm. If I were a dragon, I suppose my concerns would be to minimize the likelihood of you infringing on my home, to hopefully have you generate items of use to me, and to essentially establish dominance over you and any visitors you might get. Does that sound loosely correct?"

**GREEN**

"Did the dragon insist on limits to your growth?"

**YELLOW**

"Not limits exactly, but some other requirements?"

**GREEN**

"Hmm. Let me guess. You're allowed to go down, but not up the mountain?"

**GREEN**

"Any rules concerning visits by adventurers?

**GREEN** **YELLOW**

"Hmm, yes/maybe. So general guidelines but no specific rules?"

**GREEN**

"So no specific limits on numbers, classes, levels, races, etc.?"

**RED**

"Just discourage them from bothering the dragon, generally?"

**GREEN**

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem. We'll provide guidance to anyone who will listen that smaller groups and shorter, focused visits are likely to be acceptable. Only an idiot would willingly upset a dragon, in any event. That said, there are occasional idiots out there."

**GREEN**

"Ha! Some things are multiversal, I take it. While we are on the topic of the dragon, some basic information about it would be helpful. Now, I won't ask anything too sensitive, because I don't want to get you into any trouble, but a basic physical description should be acceptable. They grow at fairly steady rates – from head to tail tip, would you say the dragon is over 20 meters long?"

**GREEN**

"Over 40 meters long?"

**GREEN**

"Over 60 meters long?"

**GREEN** **YELLOW**

"Yes, probably. So about 60 meters?"

**GREEN**

"So big and adult, but not ancient and truly massive. Did you get a gender?"

**GREEN**

"Male?"

**RED**

"So an adult female dragon. What color?"

**GREEN**

"Oh whoops, my bad. Not a yes or no question. Wait, so is she mostly green?"

**GREEN**

"Well, that should help us narrow this down to a specific individual, hopefully. We knew there was a dragon here, from the days of my youth, but I couldn't find any specific name in the records. Did YOU happen to get her name?"

**GREEN**

"Right, well, I'll request that your next inspector have a list of possible names to run past you. I know there are various organizations that try to keep tabs on them. I'm afraid I don't have a list for you at the moment, though. Moving on, have you had any other visitors?"

**YELLOW**

"Not sure, huh. I assume you'd know if anyone entered, so you're not sure if they count as visitors?"

***GREEN**

"Animals?"

***RED***

"Monsters?"

**YELLOW**

"Not sure, huh? So possibly intelligent, possibly monsters? Maybe something like goblins or gnolls?

**GREEN***

"Yes, people do argue over the status of some creatures. I'd assume since you have doubts, they didn't seem particularly smart or technologically or magically advanced?"

**GREEN**

"Goblins of some sort are the most common creature in that category in much of the world. Did you encounter goblins?"

**GREEN**

"Not sure what kind you would get on a sky island, but it doesn't matter much. Did you get a blueprint of their species?"

**GREEN**

"Did you kill them all?"

**RED**

"So at least one died, and the rest escaped. They might come back but aren't likely to be a significant concern for you or for other visitors. Still, worth noting.

Moving on, the original report suggested that you were growing at a fairly rapid rate. That's not unusual for sapient dungeons – you tend to be more focused on growth in strategic ways than standard dungeons. Have you expanded the number of rooms you possess on the first floor?

**RED**

Have you made substantial changes to the first floor?

**YELLOW**

So some changes, but you're not sure if they'd be considered substantial?

**GREEN**

"We'll come back to that, then. Have you started a second floor?"

**GREEN**

"Oh, congratulations! It seems unlikely, but have you started a third floor?"

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

**RED**

"Well, let's see. We should try to determine how far along you are on your second floor. Do you have more than two rooms on the floor?"

**GREEN**

"More than five?"

**GREEN**

"More than ten?"

**GREEN** **YELLOW**

Unsure, huh? It's safe to assume you know exactly what you've built, so I'm guessing maybe you have questions about how we count them?

**GREEN**

"Okay, easy enough. By official guild policy, any space within a dungeon is counted as a room if it is separated from other spaces by a constricted door/entry/passage and includes more than 10 square meters of floor space with at least 1.5 meters vertical height and includes at least one dimension that is 3 meters wide. So, for instance, if you have a standard structure with a doorway in an open space, the open space counts as a room, and any rooms within the structure separated by doorways also count as rooms, as long as they're of the minimum size. That tends to rule out things like closets and most hallways. There's obviously a somewhat fancier set of descriptive terms we employ to identify kinds of rooms, but at its basic end any separate space with enough included volume counts as a room.

So, that said? More than 10 rooms?"

**GREEN**

"That's rapid progress, no doubt. More than 15?"

**RED**

"Still, very impressive. Are they fully finished?"

**RED**

"Some are, though?"

**GREEN**

"Well, as you've no doubt guessed, we'll be asking you for the full tour. Is that okay?"

**GREEN**

"Wonderful. Have you relocated your core to the second floor yet?"

**RED**

The inspection of the first floor went rapidly, as they checked each room, mostly simply inquiring as to whether anything had changed – taking particular note of the new traps in the waterfall room, the less lethal version of the slime chute, and similar tweaks. Norfoth expressed general approval and appreciation for the downgraded danger level of the traps, though I'm sure he was aware that they could be made more lethal fairly quickly, if circumstances called for it.

Descending to the second floor, which was entirely new to their experience, marked the beginning of a more detailed assessment. The initial landing room and the two adjoining rooms were still essentially bare; I got the impression that both Norfoth and Hakdrilda were a bit disappointed, but didn't say so out loud.

"I take it that these rooms are still a work in progress?", Norfoth inquired.

**GREEN**

"Do you have a theme for the floor, yet?", interjected his companion.

**GREEN**

"Well, we'll have to see if we can figure out what it is from what you have so far. Is it based on a single monster type?"

**RED**

"An environmental theme?"

**YELLOW**

"Hmm", Norfoth mused, "Not sure if it is considered an environment? Maybe a specific setting, but not a natural environment?"

**GREEN**

"Well, we'll have to take a look and see what we can figure out. Are we overlooking anything in these first three rooms?"

**GREEN**

"We are, huh? The obvious possibilities would be a trap or a secret room." Norfoth cocked his head, looking around. Well, you've got me baffled; I'm not seeing anything. Is it a trap?"

**RED**

"A secret room, then?"

**GREEN**

"Will you show us?"

**RED** **YELLOW**

"You'd rather not, but we might be able to persuade you?"

**GREEN**

"Well, let me ask. Do you expect it to be a regular part of the dungeon experience?"

**RED** **YELLOW**

"No, maybe? You aren't sure yet, but you lean no; or you're not ready to share yet, but may later? I'll rephrase. Do you expect this hidden space to be available to general adventurers before your next inspection?"

**RED**

"Then I will simply note you have a hidden space that is currently unavailable, and we won't try to force entrance. Let's proceed."

And with that, Norfoth headed west through the empty room and into the warehouse space. Hakdrilda trailed him slowly, still looking around for any obvious indicators of hidden spaces but finding nothing.

Proceeding slowly, Norfoth eyed the kobolds, sleeping peacefully on what appeared to be sacks of horse feed, laid out on the floor near some crude shelving. He spotted the shade owl on its high perch, and watched the lesser skeletons aimlessly shifting sacks, and even cautiously inspected the discouraging pit trap in the form of rotted floorboards just off the central aisle.

"Hmm, an interesting approach to discouraging the most persistent of looters, I see. Dangerous and unpleasant, but unlikely to be fatal by itself. A fair choice."

Pushing through the room, he stepped out to the landing for the sky pier, eyeing it with a shudder.

"If you'll forgive me, I'd just as soon not walk out on that. I'm not great with heights."

Hakdrilda chortled a bit. "You and most dwarves. I've got a flight spell, so I'm a bit more confident. Anything you want me to look for?"

Norfoth conceded the point with a strained smile. "Just the usual – traps, monsters, and resources, lass. Any traps she should be aware of?"

**RED**

Hakdrilda showed no obvious concern as she strolled out and looked down, whistling. "That's a long drop, and no doubt!"

She did start a bit when I prompted the wyverns to sail out from below the pier and circle around her. It's a bit unkind of me, but I was amused to see her scurry back to the firmer ground of the landing, as the wyverns dropped back into hiding.

She flushed a bit and spoke to Norfoth. "The precariousness of the pier makes those wyverns a bit more dangerous than usual. Still, I could see people starting their delve from this point to skip the first floor. Maybe not this early, but at some point."

They cut back through the southern arc of rooms, entering the chandlery and tannery next, still debating my likely theme.

Hakdrilda was arguing for a commercial theme, given the production and distribution theme of the rooms they'd seen so far, not having noticed any particular temporal or cultural theme. I assume that meant that production methods hadn't likely advanced much over the past few centuries.

Norfoth thought it was a bit too early to tell, but he noted a couple of the more distinctive elements of physical culture, plus the fact that the skeletons appeared to be human, and not the elf skeleton provided by the first inspector. I appreciated that level of expertise as the skeletal differences were subtle.

The dwarven pair looped through my remaining empty rooms, noting the rest area in particular, and checking to make sure there was no third floor as yet. That cycled them into the paddock area.

Stepping into the fenced field area and spotting the manor house in the distance, the two concluded that the floor's theme was a manorial estate, which was close enough that I indicated confirmation for them. They admired the greater warhorse skeletons for a moment, and spotted the feral boars, as well. They even inquired about the other pigs and the chickens, verifying that they weren't, in fact, monsters.

Norfoth sighed, "Three greater warhorse skeletons are likely to be a challenge for most early parties, at least ones without a good cleric; combine that with the boars and this room might be a bit too hard. You might consider removing one of the warhorses or actively preventing the boars from attacking until the skeletons are finished. You might also add some reward for clearing the room; I suppose some useful herbs might work, but some simple coinage never goes amiss."

**GREEN** I'd think about an appropriate prize, but he was right. This was arguably the toughest fight on the floor and some reward did seem warranted.

The pair headed up the center of the paddock towards the manor, but I triggered some flashing lights above the entry to the farrier and kitchen rooms, figuring they should clear the smaller spaces first. I'd have to give this some thought; the flow here was less straightforward than the first floor; not that clearing the whole floor was particularly critical, as far as I knew.

Norfoth spotted the lights first. "Ah. I think the dungeon is recommending we explore this side passage first."

**GREEN**

"Saving the best for last?"

**YELLOW**

"Just a preferred order, then?"

**GREEN**

"Well, I don't suppose it matters all that much. Shall we, Hakdrilda?"

The younger dwarf nodded her assent, briefly grasping her amulet. "Aye. Hammer or Anvil, we need to check them both."

The remaining two production areas were assessed quickly enough and prompted little significant input from the duo.

They doubled back to the manor house, and Norfoth squinted at it judiciously from outside, noting, in particular, the heraldry above the main door.

"That's... Well, that's familiar, but I'm not quite placing it, afraid to say. Feels like I've seen that before – a good while back, though."

Moving inside, the furnishings and ceramics seemed similarly familiar to Norfoth, but it wasn't until he inspected the household shrine that he finally placed it.

"Ah. These are the patron gods of the Aubesan empire. Still worshipped in some of the more rural parts of the former empire. Is this supposed to be a specifically Aubesan manorial estate?"

**GREEN** **GREEN**

"So we were close, but you're glad we got the whole concept, I take it?"

**GREEN**

"So will future floors follow the same theme?"

**RED**

"Any inspiration yet for the third floor?"

I flashed on the gnome city and indicated yes, though I have no idea how to make a gnome city appropriate for larger explorers to investigate. Maybe I could have a central space sized for larger beings with peripheral spaces only explorable by smaller ones; not sure if that would prompt diversity in dungeon parties or simply get those regions ignored. Something to ask Aven, I guess.

Norfoth shrugged. "I suppose there's no way to communicate what that floor will look like, so I guess I'll wait and see on my next visit – assuming you get that far. Pretty sure you'll have at least one more floor by then at the pace you're going. Quite impressive, really."

They completed the inspection of the main manor house, with Hakdrilda nearly giddy about the books, for some reason. She hadn't registered as a scholar for that quest line, as yet, but she seemed to have an academic bent to her. I still held out hope. Possibly the quest wouldn't trigger until we started to discuss her own research, or she at least spoke to me directly.

Her conversation with Norfoth confirmed it really. "It makes books! Norfoth, that's an incredibly promising sign for its ability to talk shop with me, as the delve deepens."

"Aye lass, I suppose so, but don't go picking mushrooms before the mycelium fruits; it could just be reproducing things it found somewhere. No telling when or if it'll be able to write whatever it wants."

I wasn't clear on what she wanted to talk with me about, but I assumed she'd let me know sooner, rather than later.

They did note, on the way back to my first-floor core room, the side shaft leading to my deep explorations, but my verifying there were no rooms in that direction and the overall snugness of the passage kept them from pursuing it. They did seem a bit baffled by it, and we struggled briefly to discuss it, with no real luck.

Once they made it back to my core, we proceeded to some more entertaining portions of the process – at least for me. They began by trying to help me brainstorm some ideas for my empty rooms on the floor – most obviously, they suggested considering which space to use as a new core room and how to repurpose the original core room. The consensus was that placing the core around the entry to the second floor wasn't optimal, either from a design standpoint or just in terms of my safety. They suggested moving it either closer to the second-floor rest area or placing it in a small chamber behind the manor house – figuring that would be the most likely spot to be overlooked. I, personally, was thinking putting it behind my secret library might be the most appropriate – both being fairly central and largely hidden. Alternatively, once I had more books, I could potentially hide myself within a fake book on a shelf. I had some time, though, so I'd give it more thought.

As for the other blank rooms, they tried to give me a sense of other outbuildings that might be appropriate – unaware that I'd been basing these on real structures not far away. A barn was a real possibility but would need a larger space. Possibly I could combine a few of the existing rooms into a larger one. I wasn't really interested in a privy or a chicken coop – for obvious reasons. A brewery would be a good choice or a stonecutter's shop; I got the sense they were leaning into dwarven stereotypes, but both actually made good sense here. A chapel would work, or even a tavern. More in keeping with the other buildings, I could consider a tailor's shop, a bowyer's shop, a cobbler, an armorer or the like. I could likely fake up any of those, but I didn't really want to move too far beyond the actual archaeological record. I'd probably need to explore the original site more. I heaved an incorporeal sigh at the thought; I REALLY wanted to get stuck into the gnome city instead. I suspected that one set of rooms would get converted into a barn, since I had an example of that, at least. Most likely, that would be the rooms right before the rest area at the entry to the third floor. It would require some realignment of those spaces, but they were already bigger than the other empty rooms.

They also noted the relative lack of traps and resources on this floor, compared to the first, and suggested that I consider adding a few more for the sake of consistency. Again, they suggested keeping the traps basically nonlethal and the resources scattered and modest. That all sounded reasonable, and I tried to make a mental note to do so when I had a free moment.

Norfoth ended this part of the discussion with some broad general advice. "I'd also note that dungeons traditionally get more dangerous and more rewarding as you get deeper. That progression isn't mandatory, but it's expected. If you make it too easy or too hard, or too miserly or too rich, that can lead to underuse or active abuse. You might want to skew towards the rewarding side, just to encourage visitors to make the trip. It's a balancing act over a deep drop for most dungeons, so feel free to tweak the balance as you deem necessary.

Now, the next part tends to be a favorite for everyone – the donation of new blueprints. I don't know if your first inspector informed you, but this stage of inspections tends to diminish a bit over time – as you get more established and have access to a range of blueprints of your own, it becomes harder for an inspector to provide anything new and useful. That said, gifts will likely continue to you for a while, and I'd guess you're likely to get at least a new book or two at every inspection since you indicated those are a favorite and they're not that hard to come by."

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