How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire

51: High Velocity Translation Errors


Varis looked up at the countermeasures display. It was a squiggly line that was getting less and less squiggly as missiles moved in closer.

At least they weren't trying to use fold munitions in atmosphere. That could do funky things to a ship this deep in a gravity well. Which didn't stop people from trying to do it from time to time, but it was very dangerous. With the danger increasing in linear relation to the mass being thrown through foldspace in a gravity well.

I looked to Varis.

"I can't help but notice you're surprisingly calm and collected for somebody who might have a missile targeting you."

"Just a little calm and collected," she said. "The alarm didn't go off, so it's entirely possible that missile is aimed at somebody else."

"I feel like it says an awful lot about livisk society that there's a missile flying through the air potentially aimed at us, and you think it could be a missile that's meant for somebody else."

"It's a distinct possibility," she said.

"Do you have people aiming missiles at air car traffic often?"

"Often enough that I'm only interested, not worried, so far," she said.

"Real estate prices here in Imperial Seat must be ridiculously low," I muttered.

"Higher than you might think," she said. "At least for people who aren't sworn to one particular noble family or another."

"Nice to know you're keeping me out of the poor house and away from all the lovely gentrified sections of the city where you don't have to worry about a missile hitting you."

"It's very nice of me, isn't it?" she said. "But realistically? There isn't a part of the city where you don't have to worry about a missile hitting you. You just have to pray whoever owns the building you stay in has kept up on their antimissile systems."

"Good tip to remember if this doesn't work and I ever go apartment hunting," I muttered.

"Oh you won't need to worry about apartment hunting if this doesn't work out," she said.

"I won't?"

"I imagine one or both of us will be dead if that ever happens," she said, hitting me with a grin that wasn't terribly comforting.

She was trying to play it cool, but there was a tense set to her jaw. I could see the way her hand was hovering right over the stick . Like she was waiting to see if she needed to take control.

I thought about what she'd said about not being the greatest pilot.

"I need to take control," I said.

"What?"

"You heard me. You said you weren't the greatest pilot."

"You're insulting my piloting skills right now."

"I'm not insulting your piloting skills," I said, trying to talk slowly. Even though my words were starting to come rapidfire.

There was something about a missile coming straight at you that suddenly threw the entire world in stark relief. That suddenly made me want to talk quickly to get everything out so she understood my point of view.

I didn't want to become a smear on the sky because she thought I was insulting her piloting skills.

"That sounds like exactly what you're saying," she said.

"I'm just saying that I think I'm a better pilot than you, and maybe it would be a good idea for you to go ahead and let me take control of the ship."

"I'm doing nothing of the sort," she said. "I don't think that missile is even coming for us. If it was, then..."

And to show that the galaxy wasn't just fucking with me exclusively lately, a loud tone sounded all through the cockpit.

I turned and hit her with a look. I wouldn't quite say it was an I told you so look. It wasn't exactly a smug look. After all, we were talking about a missile coming right for us.

But still, she seemed to get the gist of what I was sending her way. Or maybe she felt what was coming through the mental link.

"Okay, so now we're going to do something about this," she said.

I looked up at another display next to the tracking display. It had gone to a solid line, and there was that loud tone to let us know a missile had not only targeted us, but was moving in on us with a lock.

"Shit," I muttered. "Shit, shit, shit."

"I could do without the side seat driving," she said.

"Well excuse me, General" I said. "Maybe you could let me at least run countermeasures or something?"

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

"I'm doing nothing of the sort," she said. "I'm not letting a human have control over critical systems in a fully armed fighter over the capital city."

"Why? Afraid I'm going to ram some of those countermeasures into the imperial palace or something?"

"Yes, and the fact that's the first place your mind goes when I talk about giving you control tells me I'm absolutely correct in not giving you any control."

"Spoilsport," I muttered.

I was left in a singularly unpleasant situation, albeit a singularly unpleasant situation I was used to: sitting back in my chair and watching everything. Trusting that Varis knew what she was doing. Even as I had a sneaking suspicion she didn't have the piloting skills to pull our ass out of the frying pan.

"Deploy countermeasures, Arvie," she said.

"Already on it," he said.

The missile was getting uncomfortably close, and then more tones joined the original. I glanced out the window. It was dark out, but there was also a steady twilight from the lights all around the city. Like there was so much light being kicked up that it was almost like dawn or dusk. Not to mention the twinkling lines of air cars moving this way and that.

And we were right in the middle of one of those lines.

"Aren't you worried about the civilians in line around us?" I asked.

"Not particularly," she said.

"Like, not even a little?"

"I'd rather worry about our hides. Why? Would you like me to defend the people around us?"

"Well we are putting them in danger by hiding here in this air car line," I said.

She glared at me for a long moment, and then finally she let out a sigh and jammed her finger down on a control on the touch panel. There was a thumping noise all throughout the ship, and then the whole area lit up around us as flares flew away.

Then the flares started to rocket off towards the missiles. Okay. Smart countermeasures. Good to know we had those.

One of the screens on my side was flashing. I tapped it to pull it up and was greeted with a display that showed the missile moving in on us. Moving in dangerously quick. As I looked out over the city I could see a twinkle off in the distance.

Which was something I was used to seeing considering I did most of my fighting out in the darkness of space. But it was disconcerting seeing it so close that I could see the glow from its antigrav engines as it moved in on us.

Or maybe they were using old-fashioned chemical propellant. The glow seemed off. I wanted to be insulted that they were throwing obviously ancient munitions at us, but I'd take it if it upped our chances for survival.

I started tapping on my controls, trying to bring up a history of everything that had happened leading up to the missile coming at us. Then I saw it. A craft had broken off from one of the air car lines, fired a missile, and then immediately moved back in line. And I could see exactly where it was.

"Arvie, please tag this ship and keep track of distance and location."

"Acknowledged, William," he said.

"What are you doing?" Varis asked, her teeth clenched.

"Trying to figure out who did this to us," I said.

"Who did this to us?" she said.

"I've tracked who fired on us and I have them tagged."

I pulled up my display on the canopy in front of me. It was frightfully useful having a bunch of touch panels in front of me where I could manage the combat space. Which let me see that missile being taken out by the countermeasures we'd sent its way.

"Splash one vampire," I said.

"What does a bloodsucking monster have to do with anything?" Varis asked.

"That's a term for missiles incoming."

"Why are you saying, 'splash'? What does water have to do with anything?"

"Old language relic," I said. "I'm not sure it even applies here since we're in a fighter, not a ship, but whatever. Are we going after the bastard now?"

She looked all around and then back to me.

"What's with the hesitation?" I asked.

"I'm not hesitating," she said, suddenly sounding defensive.

"You're totally hesitating," I said.

"What would give you the idea I'm hesitating?"

"You're still stalling."

"Fine," she said, grabbing the stick and diving out of the line of air car traffic. I noted the air cars in front and behind us had both put more distance in between. Maybe the computer running the traffic pattern had sensed there was an incoming missile and tried to get the cars away, but it hadn't stopped the traffic.

It was a hell of a system that it was business as usual for a missile to fly at the air cars in that line of traffic. Or maybe that wasn't business as usual. Maybe that was a sign there was somebody meddling in the system and trying to take us out by keeping us in a straight line, and they didn't care about collateral damage.

Something to keep in mind about the livisk and how they did business.

"Punching it," Varis said, pushing the throttle forward.

Not even to halfway, but over the city it was plenty fast. The buildings down below turned to a blur. All the lines of vehicles moving all around us still remained somewhat stationary, but they also turned into blurred lines rather than individual air cars moving back and forth.

"Moving in hot," Varis said. "I want a firing solution on that ship."

"Oh, so I'm allowed to target things now?"

"I could let Arvie do it if you'd prefer?" she said, turning and hitting me with a tense smile.

"You aren't worried about hitting the people in that line?" I asked, bringing up several fire solutions.

"If you're this worried about damage to civilians then you came to the wrong planet," she said.

"I didn't exactly come here by choice," I growled.

I reminded myself that it was, after all, probably livisk floating around in those air cars. It's not like I had any love lost for them, even if there was a quiet voice in the back of my head whispering I shouldn't be rejoicing at the idea of people who'd done nothing wrong getting killed.

"You're certain that is the correct target?" she asked.

"I'm positive," I said. "But I think we should do something a little sneaky."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Can I please have the controls?" I asked.

"We've already covered this. I'm not giving you the controls."

"I just need the controls for a little bit," I said. "Just to try a thing."

"You're not going to do a thing."

"Why not?" I asked.

I was painfully aware that I sounded like a child throwing a tantrum because I wasn't getting my way. I also didn't care that I sounded like a child throwing a tantrum because I wasn't getting my way.

"You owe me," I said, looking at her. "And you're going to have to learn to trust me at some point. The same as I trusted you with that overseer I iced on your behalf."

She turned and looked at me. Her eyes narrowed. I was playing dirty and I knew it, but I didn't care.

Finally, she pulled her hand away from her control stick.

"Give me your word."

"I give you my word that I'm not going to do anything to attack the empress or the imperial palace," I said. "This time."

Her eyes narrowed even more at that qualification, but I felt her getting a whole sequel trilogy of a lot more comfortable with the idea of giving me flight controls when I added that qualifier. Like somehow she thought adding that I wasn't going after the empress this time meant I was being honest. Or maybe it was simply that the link told her I was being a good boy this time around.

Whatever it was, she looked up.

"Give full flight controls to Bill," she said. "I'll handle the weapons controls over on my side."

I let out a sigh of relief as my hand closed around the control stick in front of me, and I got a feel for how the ship handled.

Oh yeah, baby, this was going to be fun. Assuming we didn't turn into a smear across the sky over Imperial Seat.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.


Use arrow keys (or A / D) to PREV/NEXT chapter