"What do you see when you close your eyes?" Doc asked, sitting down across from Lily in the infirmary with his arms crossed. My sister was laying on one of the medical beds, by Doc's insistence, and I sat on the edge of the next bed, watching over her. It was all the better for Mouse to have the time to do whatever it is he was doing to her chair.

Lily shook her head. "I can sort of feel like I'm seeing something, but it's muted unless I concentrate hard on it."

I nodded to her. "Yeah. That's cause of the conf...igura...configuration I did b-back in wild space. I b-basically shut down alm...ost everything in a hurry, s-so I could calm you down."

Doc hummed, "Right, she shunted your senses around the more complex functions of the neural interface and your ship by extension."

"You're op...erating on the sur-surface of an ocean." I added.

Lily snorted slightly. "An ocean?"

I suppose I hadn't really expressed the abstractions of the data stream my mind interpreted it as to her before. "I see the d-data as a wide flow...ing stream. L-Like water. Whether I'm stan...ding in a stream or looking down into a deep p-pool where it gets more ab...stract."

She shook her head. "To me, it was more like... vivid moving imagery, but all layered on top of each other until it didn't make sense anymore. Static, more or less. It physically hurt me to try to process it. Kinda like when you get a headache from staring into bright lights for too long. I just operated it by 'pushing' at it until it did something I could observe."

I thought about the pain she had experienced for a moment. "You know... when I was f-first grafted, it hurt my head for a li...little bit too. Like getting s-stabbed in the brain. Theseus felt like it was being b-burned into me. There were so many logs and r-reports and queries going all over the place that were all try...trying to push into c-conscious thought. I had to make up some of my own sy...stems to organize things into what were imp-important alerts I needed to be aware of imm...ediately, organizing what could b-be handled by subcon...scious systems or electr-tronic subsystems, and what could s-safely be ignored unless I needed th-the log later."

Doc gave a curious hum. "Compartmentalization and delegation?"

I couldn't help but chortle at that. Applying a corporate structure to it seemed ironic, given my entire life, but it fit. "I guess that's a w-way to put it."

Lily nodded along slowly. "So... I need to learn to control and limit the data?"

"Mm... No." I shook my head. "I-It is stuff that has to be proc...essed. You need to let it fl-flow. Like water. You n-need to let the things you need pop o...out of it, but you need to let the d-data do its own thing. Let th-th-the things that don't matter flow off y-you. If you nar...row your focus down to s-specific things, you can deter...mine what those are and l-let all that j-junk processing go elsewhere."

She scoffed. "Is this why you operate so much better surrounded by liquid core lubricant? A metaphor?"

I shrugged. "I-I've learned that if some...thing works, just roll w-with it."

She went quiet for a moment, fiddling nervously with her thumbs in her lap. "What.. exactly is going to happen to me when you remove this... shunt?"

I stammered out sheepishly, "I-I... don't actually kn-know." It was frustrating that I didn't. As helpful as my own metaphors and abstractions were for organizing the digital half of my mind, I wasn't sure if the same exact lines of thought would be useful to my sister. When I thought about it, it was remarkable just how different our neurology was, considering we were clones from the same stock.

Doc grumbled to himself before asking, "Are you certain this is something you want to do, Lily? The last time you experienced this was a psychological... disaster. There's no shame in taking things along a slower route if you really think you need to be able to-"

"No." She shook her head. "No, I need to... I want to do this. I'm not scared of facing this anymore. I-I get that I'm facing down trauma here, and I get why you're concerned, but I'm ready. I-I think I'm stronger now. I've been sitting around these last few months just feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing to get better-"

Doc interrupted her, "Ah, no. Your physical therapy has been coming along well," he reminded her, shutting down her self-deprecation before she got too deep into it.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, so I can stand up for a little bit. Collins is already starting to do that and she's been awake for less than a week."

"Collins was in a six month coma with a doctor diligently exercising her muscles regularly. You experienced severe psychosomatic spinal damage. She just needs to remind her brain and nervous system how to use those muscles. You have had to redevelop how your body works entirely. There's a difference. Her progress has been pretty standard. Six months ago, I wasn't sure you even could learn to walk again. You're performing miracles."

Lily looked away and grumbled, "Okay, fine, I'm pulling my body back together... And yeah, I've come a long way emotionally, too, but I haven't faced this..." she pointed at the implant on the side of her head, "At all."

Doc folded his arms and let out a sigh. "We didn't think you'd have to..."

She clenched her jaw and looked down, steeling herself to say, "Well I... do. I want to."

Doc stared at her for a few moments, something I'd seen him do to me many times. He was measuring her words and her body language, trying to determine something. Perhaps her sincerity. He let out a huff and muttered "I swear, Foundation found the most stubborn neurotype to clone you two from. I imagine if I tell you no, you two will just do it anyway without me, so fine. This is your wheelhouse Meryll, what's your procedure going to be here?"

I was surprised to hear his approval, apprehensive as it was. But he was completely right, we would have just continued this in private if he refused us this. It wasn't recklessness this time, it was a bandage that needed to be removed eventually, so why not now?

When I thought about it, I realized his motives may have been less selfless than I considered at the time. He didn't want to miss out on being a part of this new science only he had unfettered access to the study of, so of course he wouldn't let it slip through his fingers like that if it was going to happen without him otherwise.

"Well..." I took in a deep breath. "I had t-two schools of thought. Either I start disabling those 'sh-shunts' one at a time, slowly accli...acclimating her to one small aspect of my data stream at a time... or I ex...pose her to the en...tire thing w-with a kill switch ready. To s-see how she reacts now that she has a be...tter grasp of how the implant works and she's n-not in an extre...mely distressed emotional state."

Lily swallowed, a fearful look in her eyes, darting between me and her lap for a few moments. Doc cleared his throat, "Obviously, the more sane option is to approach this more carefully to start with."

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Lily shook her head slowly. "N-No..." she stammered nervously, and we both shot her alarmed looks as she told us, "I want to remember that feeling again first... see if it's as bad as I remember it."

I stood up and approached her side, taking her hand in my own, wrapping my fingers between hers. "Lily, are you s-sure?"

She nodded back at me wordlessly, looking right into my eyes. She meant it. I could see she was determined through her fear. I returned the motion and took in another deep breath. "I... D-Doc, can you... I don't know, hold her still or some...thing so she can't acciden...tally hurt hers...elf?"

Looking back at Doc, he had his jaw clenched, and he was looking at us like we were crazy, concern etched deep into his face. Yet, he walked to one of the cupboards and pulled down some straps of varying size, in a bundle. "I agree with Meryll. If you're going through with this, I insist you be restrained. Not that I don't trust you, but we don't know what kind of involuntary effect this may have on your body. You may spasm or seizure, and hurt yourself."

Lily swallowed again, the reality of what she was asking to do settling over her. "As... long as they're not too tight. I guess." She definitely had some hangups about freedom of movement being taken from her, after Foundation's treatment. Doc nodded, and began affixing the straps to the sides of the bed beneath her.

I continued holding her hand tight, then closed my eyes while Doc did his work, digging into her implant with ease. I hadn't thought too much about how vulnerable her hardware had probably been all this time with all those system-level functions shut down, but it wasn't like she was connecting to many devices. I messaged her on our proprietary connection, 'Lily. You're very brave for all this, but it's okay if you want to back out now.'

A second later, I received back, 'No, really. I want to do it this way. If it's too much, and I really think it will be, then we'll go the other route. But I want to try this at least once. I don't think I'll be satisfied if I don't.'

In the physical world, I felt tension grow in Lily's body as the sounds of straps tightening over her surrounded us. Doc spoke up with a reassuring tone, "It'll keep you safe, but there's enough slack, you can free yourself if you need to, that feel okay?" That made her relax a bit.

I let out a sigh and began working on copying the programs I'd used to isolate her from the data, preparing a way to inject them instantly when she needed to shut out the digital world again.

And then I got to work on the reverse. A way to suddenly sever the collection of safety nets I'd hastily installed months ago, tweaking and building on until they allowed Lily relative peace of mind at last. She would probably suddenly find manipulating the digital world much easier in a few moments, but at what cost? I still didn't understand the nature of what she'd suffered back then. This was going to hurt my sister, and I was going to do it to her, but I kept reminding myself that this was what she wanted. It didn't make me feel any better about it.

"Mmf!?" I opened my eyes to see Lily strapped down snugly to the table, while Doc was pushing a small block of what looked like folded leather into Lily's mouth, my sister looking just as surprised as I was.

"Relax. Close your mouth on it. It's so you don't bite your tongue," Doc explained, and Lily seemed to calm down a little, though shivered as she held the object in place with her teeth, discomfort obvious on her face. "Now, don't think I didn't notice you two closing your eyes. Are things ready on the... other side?"

I nodded nervously. "A-Almost. Just wanna l-look it over it a couple more t-times. Make sure ev...every...thing is going to w-work like I think it will."

I closed my eyes again, making sure to maintain my grip on Lily's hand. I felt her squirm a little, no doubt testing her bindings and finding that she was still allowed some small range of movement rather than being totally immobilized. A small token of mercy to separate us from her old 'owners'.

I finished looking over my 'code', as it was, and was satisfied that it would do what I intended for it. 'Listen. I know this is going to hurt you. I think you understand that, too. And you won't even have sensory deprivation this time, either.' I sent over our messenger.

'I do.' She messaged back immediately. 'But I need this. As a reference point, if nothing else. I need to remember it, with a clear head. If it's as harmful as I remember it, at least I'll be able to say something smaller isn't as bad.'

I nodded to myself, reaffirmed my grip on Lily's hand, and spoke out loud for Doc's benefit. "Okay. W-We're ready." I wasn't entirely sure if that was true, but I couldn't just keep delaying it forever. "I'm going to g-give Lily unfiltered admin...istrative access to my s-systems now. It sh-shouldn't do much until I re...move the blocks I installed, but I w-wanted to be sure." I pushed a hook into Lily's implant. An intimate invitation that would bring her awareness into my digital world.

She accepted it without hesitation, and a moment later, I felt her body shiver through her hand. 'Whoa.' She sent, then went silent for a moment before continuing, 'It's like I can feel something there. You know that feeling you get when someone's standing behind you? Kind of like that. I can tell there's something huge just past the edge of my senses.'

'That would be me, sis. I'm so much bigger in the digital world than I am in the physical. I'm Theseus. And I'm extended into half the colony at the moment, too.' I suddenly felt like my throat was dry. I licked my lips and swallowed to chase the feeling away, but it didn't work. I had to try to change her mind one more time. 'Seriously, last chance. You'll be able to see all of me clearly in a minute. Do you really want this?'

'Yeah. Show me.'

I nodded in surrender and took a few stabilizing breaths. "Removing dig...ital shunts in three. T-Two..." I felt Lily's grip tighten on her end as she braced herself. "One."

I activated the program to unlock Lily's digital senses wholesale, and immediately, I felt Lily's whole body jerk upward, like she was trying to throw her limbs around, the straps keeping her from flailing herself off the bed. Heavy panting and a keening whimper followed a moment later, which quickly began to rise into a muted scream through the bundled leather.

I opened my eyes and held tight to her. Her eyes were open too, and they were wild with panic. I wasn't sure if she could even see me, staring past me with terrified desperation. Her jaw was tight and her limbs kept pulling uselessly at the straps, movement too nonsensical to find purchase to accomplish anything. A restrained wild animal unable to control herself if she weren't tied down. Even her legs were tensing up somewhat, though much more weakly than her arms. She began to hyperventilate and arch her back, every muscle in her body seemingly trying to make some kind of movement that might relieve whatever she was suffering, but nothing was working.

Doc shouted over her screaming, "Meryll! Shut it down!"

He didn't need to tell me twice. I nodded, closed my eyes, and reactivated the shunts. Almost immediately, I felt her hand go limp in mine, the bed clattering as her limbs dropped against it. I opened my eyes again to see her taking in shuddering breaths, tears pooling at the edge of her dazed eyes and her neck lazily tilted to the side. The stacked leather slipped out of her mouth and her eye twitched. She looked distant, like she was only halfway conscious, and her body made tiny involuntary movements, seemingly at random.

"Sh-Shit, is she okay?" I stammered out, leaning in close to her and feeling at her forehead, entirely lost on how I might help her come back to us.

"Heart rate still high. She was apprehensive going into it, but it spiked hard when you did that. It's coming down, though. Normalizing. Brain activity, though... it was all over the place. Still sorting itself out."

"M'fine." Lily managed between pants. Her voice was mumbled like she wasn't in control of it. I leaned in and took her hand again, but it stayed limp.

"No. You're not. I don't even know if you can understand me right now, Lily, but you're certainly not fine. You are NOT doing that again, do you understand me? Fuck, if I knew it was going to be that severe, I would've said so earlier, and put you on watch to make sure you never did that in the first place!" He reached into a drawer and pulled out a syringe and a vial, quickly drawing from it and carefully pushing the needle into the inside of Lily's arm, maneuvering it until he was satisfied and then depressing the plunger.

It didn't take more than a couple seconds before Lily's fidgeting stopped, and her eyes relaxed and glazed over, making her seem even more like she was somewhere else. "Uhh... oh... that... that's nice," she mumbled.

I let out a sigh of relief. She was going to be okay. "Yeah... D-Doc's right. We're not doing that a...gain."

"Yeah." She tried to nod, but only managed to move enough to dislodge the tear from her eye, letting it drip down her cheek. "That was... no... I can't do that. I-I can't."

"We'll t-try it the other way, Li...ly. But not now. You r-rest now." I demanded.

"Were right... It was like my brain was on fire," she whispered, barely moving her lips. "Like... something was... swallowing me whole and tearing me apart. Not just my body, but everything. It's... so hard to describe... A monster..."

"Shh..." I leaned in close over her, hugging her across her shoulders. "J-Just go to sleep for n-now, okay?"

"Something beyond my senses. It wasn't really a sound... but it felt like... so much... too much... that noise."

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