"I'd like to think I have the sensitivity to know if I was engaging with a demon," Fergus said.

"You don't know it's a demon because she's in a disguise," Margo called from the back of the wagon. "All you know is that it doesn't feel human."

"Margo, you make an excellent point." Fergus turned around from the shotgun seat to emphasize how good he thought the point was. "I don't know why this is, but changing the threshold to 'not human' makes it sound like it should be even easier."

"Agreed," Margo added.

"Philosophical question: at what point is a Disguise spell so good that we should actually be calling it Polymorph?" Fergus asked.

"More important question," Vanilli cut in. He paused to pull his hair out of his eyes. He was still getting the hang of his new luscious locks. "Are you suggesting it would feel bad with a demon?"

"Oh no," Fergus said, "I'm not saying that at all."

"Different doesn't mean bad," Margo chimed in.

"Oh my God, guys," Wayne half-yelled, looking straight up into the sky from his seat on his giant insect mount. "Can we please talk about something else?"

"You of all people should be demon-positive, Wayne."

Wayne spun and let Outlawson continue forward on his own."Fergus, I swear to God, I'm going to disconnect you from the system."

Fergus frowned. "Too far. Much too far."

"Sounds like it would feel spicy," Hector said.

"Please, tell us more about what you mean," Fergus encouraged.

"I wish I knew what I mean."

"Hey Wayne! Is Hector on to something?"

"We're stopping the wagon. We're camping here."

"These are all fair questions," Fergus said. "Our adventure has gotten much more complicated. It's a lot to keep track of."

"No, it's not," Wayne said, shaking his head. "We are retracing the steps of the Chosen Heroes. Simple."

"And we are pursuing ratmen fleshmancers."

Armond raised a hand. "And breaking into the backend of dungeons."

"And discovering dwarven artifacts used in dungeon-building," Margo added.

Fergus' smile kept growing. "And getting abilities from an Earth catalog."

Sammy leaned forward. "And eating great food!"

"You forgot to list fucking demons," Hector said.

Fergus rubbed his eyes. "You're right. I did. See? There's too much on my mind, Wayne. It's good to focus on a piece at a time, you know?"

Wayne steered Outlawson off the road and into a rocky but relatively flat field. Their trek to the inland city of Iomallach was taking them through a mountainous region with sparse patches of tall pines, but the height and terrain was nowhere near as extreme as what they faced in the Breaker Mountains. Having fields to either side was far less stressful than cliffs.

When the wagon stopped, Sammy went right to work preparing dinner. As Vanilli climbed out, Armond invited the demon-in-disguise to help him set up camp. Vanilli would eventually be the party's quartermaster, but he had been on the surface of the world for all of eight days now. He was truly starting from the beginning but seemed eager to learn.

Eager might not be the right word. Vanilli was attentive and dedicated. He didn't complain. He didn't sit idle if there was something to be done.

He just didn't really express joy or enthusiasm the way humans did.

Wayne hit Random on his BGM Switch ability from Pat Riley Basketball. He read the following notification:

Song: Me Too

Artist: Harmonize, Abigail Chams

Album: [Single]

Genre: Bongo Flava

The song sounded surprisingly modern, featuring a soft but rhythm-heavy R&B-type beat with a little bit of autotune in the layered vocals. The early lyrics were in a language Wayne didn't recognize but the bulk of the song was in English.

Aside from a Boyz to Men album that fourteen year-old Wayne was certain the ladies would love, he wasn't much of an R&B aficionado back on Earth, but this song was easy to listen to and had the relaxed tone befitting a meal among friends.

As the party settled around the fire for that night's dinner–a bacon quiche–Margo remarked that their first stop in the next town should be the tailor's. Vanilli's loaner set of clothing was ill-fitting, Hector's proportions drowning him in tarps of cloth.

"I would like… this clothing." Vanilli passed the All or Nothing Milli Vanilli cassette case to Margo.

"A black jacket?" Margo asked, squinting at the album art.

Wayne leaned over. "That's a black leather biker jacket with a plain white t-shirt and stonewash jeans. We might find something like the jacket, but stonewash jeans don't exist in this world. It would be irresponsible to introduce them."

"I can take you shopping," Fergus said, shoveling quiche into his mouth.

"Don't let Fergus pick your clothes," Margo said. "You need something… younger."

Vanilli frowned. "I am older."

"Guys," Wayne paused a moment to swallow. "There has to be more interesting firsts we should be talking about."

Fergus raised a fork. "Sammy and I have a list of essential tastes to experience."

"What's the top three?" Wayne asked.

"We have a dispute over third place, but we agree on steak as number one and vanilla ice cream for two. I say third should be a starch, a classic baked potato for example. Sammy says fish."

"That's a good list," Armond said while Margo nodded.

"You should try whisky," Hector said to Vanilli. "Then try whisky in a hot bath."

"With lavender soap," Margo added.

Hector pointed a fork at the party's rogue. "You're damn right there should be lavender soap."

Fergus nodded enthusiastically. "We should add simple pleasures to the list. That would be fantastic."

"Peeing in an alley," Armond said without looking up, "after tying one on."

Fergus pointed to Sammy. The cook waved back. He was already adding "peeing in an alley" to the simple pleasures list.

"Aren't we due for an encounter about now?" Margo asked.

Hector, Armond, and Fergus winced.

"What?"

"You jinxed it."

Wayne activated Probe. He set his plate down and wiped his hands on his pants.

Hector groaned. "Thanks, Margo."

Summoning Skycat, Wayne sent his model fighterplane soaring toward the enemies approaching the party. With the Camera ability from LHX Attack Chopper, a window appeared in the lower left corner of his HUD showing Skycat's view. Using Skycat like a drone was intuitive enough, but Wayne had experimented with using Camera while in the midst of battle over their last few random encounters and wasn't thrilled with the results.

Though he considered himself to be a screen-watching professional in his previous life–having no trouble glancing to see where an opponent was on a race course so he could line up the perfect green shell–he found it much more difficult to do in real combat. For now, Camera was for scouting only.

When the enemies came into view for Skycat, the Camera ability estimated the time until contact with the party–three minutes and counting, in this case–and displayed a green bar representing that they were at full health. Each bar also included the relevant enemy's name.

Twelve "drowned ratmen" approached. Between this campsite and the Water Temple, the party had encountered the usual goblins, orcs, ratlings, and ratmen they had become accustomed to fighting. This was their first time seeing this variety of ratman, however, and Wayne found himself trying to lean into his Camera HUD window for a closer look.

Which didn't work, because it was a part of his HUD. It simply moved with him. He grumbled to himself and enlarged the display mentally instead.

No two drowned ratmen were exactly the same, but they were all some horrific combination of ratman and fish. He saw piranha, shark, and goldfish heads. Most retained their ratman arms and legs, but a few had fins instead of arms and several dragged a scaly tail as they lumbered toward the party.

"These are new," Wayne announced, his voice going serious. "Let's do our usual staggered formation. Nothing cute. Assume they are strong until we learn otherwise."

The party did as Wanye instructed. Hector and Armond formed a frontline and followed the Zero Hero as he Blitzed across the sky. Fergus and Margo trailed several yards behind. Margo had an arrow nocked and ready.

When the drowned ratmen were in view, Wayne closed Camera and set Skycat to do strafing passes with the Missile spell from Ultima III. Thanks to the new Roll ability from After Burner II, Skycat could reverse course with a half-loop and immediately right itself. That was far quicker than a large, banking turn, putting Skycat back into the fight so much earlier that Wayne had to be mindful of how much mana he pumped through the fighter plane.

He needed to save some for himself, after all.

Linebacker bot appeared on the ground under Wayne. The trashcan-sized robot from Cyberball charged forward to draw aggro. He said, "hut hut hut hut" the entire way.

Wayne spoke to his party telepathically with his Voice ability. "They're eating Missiles but not slowing. Their hitpoints are higher than ratman berserkers at first guess."

When each Missile connected, it poked small holes into the drowned ratmen, throwing hunks of flesh into the air with every dull thud, but the monsters didn't slow. An average ratman, on the other hand, would usually need two Missiles at most to defeat.

Three piranha rats leapt through the air, pouncing on Linebacker bot. The little football robot held its ground for the first two impacts, but the third sent it rolling backward. All three drowned rats chewed through its metal body with hundreds of small but swift chomps of their pointed teeth.

The night sky flashed as if daylight was turned on and off with the flick of a lightswitch. A laser beam came down from the sky and cooked one of the goldfish ratmen. That was Fergus' Tsu spell, a spell he learned from Phantasy Star II. He followed the laser blast with a sheet of ice delaying part of the swarm charging the party's barbarian. That was Freeze Please, a Tunnels & Trolls spell.

Three shark ratmen descended on Hector. His sword moved with blinding speed to intercept, enhanced by Armond's Ner ability, and Hector's own activation of Zap Armor tripled the protectiveness of his armor. Two of Margo's Laser Shots flew over the barbarian's shoulder and exploded two shark heads, that double attack made possible by her new Arrow Arrow skill.

Wayne hit Brake and landed next to what was left of Linebacker bot, handily skewering one of the piranhas with his sword. Defensive Screens appeared behind Wayne, hexagonal shapes of blue light, and blocked a barrage of water spells. Though the Lightspeed ability spared Wayne any damage, he still felt the splash of the impact. The spells from the ratmen used dark, stagnant water with an odor of death.

The two remaining piranhas in range circled Wayne, their teeth clattering like windup toys, looking for their opening to attack.

One of the piranhas suddenly lurched forward despite having never moved their legs. Its surprise compounded when that sudden pull impaled it on the point of Wayne's sword.

That was Wink-Wing, a spell from Tunnels & Trolls that was quickly becoming one of his favorite unlocks. When the ability activated, it moved a target forward by "two squares," which was roughly ten feet according to Wayne's experiments. All he had to do was point his sword and the monster more or less stabbed itself.

An Earth Elemental stomped forward and smashed the remaining ratman–another Fergus spell from Tunnels & Trolls. The targeting reticules at the edge of Wayne's vision flashed to one side. He triggered Easy Out to dash backward. A spray of putrid water rocketed through the space where Wayne was just standing.

Two goldfish were forming more orbs in their hands, preparing to cast again.

A quick glance at his HUD confirmed that his party was managing the other drowned ratmen just fine, so Wayne strolled toward the goldfish, holding their attention.

Wayne's shoulder opened like the mouth of a hungry hippo to reveal a cannon. Fire a Broadside activated, blasting a cannonball directly to Wayne's right.

A few days ago, Wayne had to manually aim Broadside–an awkward challenge given that the projectiles always flew sideways–but his new Gunnery ability added homing to his shots.

When the cannonball corrected course and looped back at the goldfish, it came at them from the side. The first goldfish flew into its partner, carried by the impact of the lead in its ribs, but the cannonball didn't punch all the way through.

That confirmed it. These were definitely tougher than the ratmen they had fought previously.

The remaining goldfish was pinned beneath its comrade when Wayne ended its life with a quick thrust. Looking up, he found that his party had finished off the others. Fergus knelt next to one of the piranha ratmen, gingerly poking at its corpse with morbid curiosity.

"Careful," Armond warned.

"Hmm?" Fergus looked up at the cleric.

When Armond reached the scholar, he put a stick in the piranha's mouth. It chomped down, splintering the wood in a swift snap.

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"It's not dead?" Fergus asked.

"Nah, it is. Reflexes stick around for some reason, though. Had a mate of mine nearly lose his pinky like that."

"Can I get a heal?" Margo asked, holding a bloody arm. "It looks worse than it is. One of the piranhas got a bite in on me."

Armond tended to Margo while the rest of the party joined Fergus in inspecting the strange ratmen.

"We had been wondering why we hadn't seen any fleshmancer creations in a while," Wayne said. "Guess this means the rumors about ratmen gathering near Iomallach have weight to them."

"But why fish parts?" Fergus asked. "We're pretty far inland at this point."

Wayne shrugged. "You did say the forest around the city used to be ocean, right?"

"Used to be. It's been dry land for all of our history, though."

While Fergus continued to poke and prod, Wayne opened his documents window in his HUD and took down notes for the encounter. The piranha ratmen behaved liked grunts. The goldfish were casters. And the sharks were more serious warriors. Where the piranhas swarmed, sharks were more careful and strategic. He hadn't gotten much direct experience fighting the sharks in that encounter, however.

He also didn't get to use Blocking a Dunk, an ability he unlocked from Pat Riley Basketball from the crustacean crusader fight back at the Water Temple. In every encounter since he had hoped to trigger it but had yet to succeed.

He read the description in his glitched system menu again:

Blocking a Dunk – You won't have the opportunity to stuff every slam, but if you have a man under the basket, he'll appear in a closeup shot with his own Block gauge.

What did the system mean by "man under the basket?" Wayne didn't know, and the rest of his party knew nothing about basketball whatsoever, so they couldn't contribute.

When the party returned to the wagon, they resumed their dinners. Wayne opened his system menu–graphic artifacts and all–to review his current stats and skills.

Hero: Wayne the Guy

Level: 16

HP: 247/247

STR: 34

AGI: 25

VIT: 18

LCK: 30

He hadn't leveled up since the Water Temple, but that wasn't surprising. He cheesed a pretty tough boss back then, and that jumped him ahead several levels. That same fight also came with some treasure he had yet to put to use. He had a bag of unidentified magic bracelets the system called "boons" as well as something called a "Water Sigil." Experiences with cursed items from his tabletop roleplaying days made him hesitant to blindly try on magic bracelets.

That same level-up also enabled him to add The Games People Play from Page of Power 27 and Stunts from page 28.

The catalog described the former with this blurb:

Revisit the classics. Backgammon offers superb player interaction. Checkers offers 2-D and 3-D graphics. Gin King and Cribbage King enable you to play against the most powerful card-playing algorithms in the world.

Unlocking the game gave him one Display setting:

Board Styles - Several unique board styles to suit your every mood.

It changed the color theme of his system menus. Wayne preferred the classic white text and borders against blue backgrounds, making this unlock especially disappointing.

As for Stunts, the page had this to say:

It's a car lover's dream come true! Take 3 racing cars (Porsche March Indy, 962 and Jaguar IMSA), along with 3 off-roads and 5 sport cars through jumps, slaloms, bridges, loops and spirals.

But it only gave him one new ability:

Replay Camera – You can record up to 10 minutes of driving video in the video replay.

Using Replay Camera allowed him to review combat footage via his HUD or show it to his party via a display floating above his head, similar to how the Pictionary drawing screen rendered itself when he used Let's Draw. Though clips couldn't be longer than ten minutes, he had yet to run into any storage limitations.

All of the footage was shot from Wayne's perspective, as if through his eyes. So far, Wayne had not had a good reason to put Replay Camera to use other than to relive a few particularly thrilling combat moments, but he could see it being useful if they were doing substantial recon on a potential encounter or had to prove a fight played out a specific way.

He reviewed the games he had unlocked with his Christmas List ability:

Crystalis - (6/6)

Ultima III: Exodus - (6/6)

Pirates! - (6/6)

Railroad Tycoon - (5/6)

Lightspeed - (6/6)

Spellcasting 101 - (4/6)

Cyberball - (3/6)

After Burner II - (2/6)

Super Monaco GP - (3/6)

ESWAT - (4/6)

Phantasy Star II - (4/6)

Pat Riley Basketball - (3/6)

It Came from the Desert (2/6)

Tunnels & Trolls (2/6)

Chessmaster 2100 (1/6)

Centurion (2/6)

Wolfpack (1/6)

The Games People Play (1/1)

Professional Write (1/1)

Quicken (1/1)

Four Score (1/1)

Pictionary (1/1)

Kaboom JVC Stereo (1/1)

Stunts (1/1)

And then he sifted through his individual unlocks for each title:

Onetime Bonuses

Power Ring from

Crystalis

Warrior Ring from

Crystalis

Medicine from

Pirates!

Ice Combat Suit from

ESWAT

Ezra's Mana Well Necklace (Wearable Item)

Ice Combat Suit from

ESWAT

Accelerator from

Lightspeed

Wing Type 1, Heaviest from

Super Monaco GP

Linkage from

Lightspeed

Super from

Eswat

Wheelchairs from

It Came from the Desert

Charisma from

Centurion

Deo's Pendant from

Crystalis

Life Up from

ESWAT

Laconia Cape from

Phantasy Star II

Spells

Repel from

Ultima II: Exodus

Missile from

Ultima III: Exodus

Light from

Ultima III: Exodus

Rise from

Ultima III: Exodus

Nee from

Spellcasting 101

Urg from

Spellcasting 101

Open from

Ultima III: Exodus

Defense from

Phantasy Star II

Fanbi from

Phantasy Star II

Hrglut from

Spellcasting 101

Dum Dum from

Tunnels & Trolls

Wufbam from

Spellcasting 101

Fire Extinguisher from

It Came from the Desert

Sak from

Phantasy Star II

Wink-Wing from

Tunnels and Trolls

Active Skills

Sword of Water from

Crystalis

Fire a Broadside from

Pirates!

Blitz from

Cyberball

Skycat F-14XX from

After Burner II

Brake from

Super Monaco GP

Easy Out from

Cyberball

Linebacker from

Cyberball

Castling from

Chessmaster 2100

Fire from

ESWAT

Defensive screens from

Lightspeed

Roll from

After Burner II

Passive Skills

Fencing from

Pirates!

Personal Foul from

Pat Riley Basketball

Morale from

Pirates!

Auto-Target from

Afterburner II

Mark of Fire from

Ultima III

Gunnery from

Pirates!

Super Soft Tires from

Super Monaco GP

Ferryboats from

Railroad Tycoon

Flame Bracelet from

Crystalis

Charisma from

Centurion

Blocking a Dunk from

Pat Riley Basketball

Utility Skills

Probe from

Lightspeed

Goods Storage from

Railroad Tycoon

Resource Values from

Lightspeed

Cold Goods Storage from

Railroad Tycoon

Insect Flute from

Crystalis

Investment Account from

Quicken

Voice from

Centurion

Periscope from

Wolfpack

Camera from

LHX Attack Chopper

Replay Camera from

Stunts

Display

Regional Display from

Railroad Tycoon

Crosshairs from

Lightspeed

Navigation from

Pirates!

Documents from Professional Write & Professional File

Party from

Four Score

Altimeter from

LHX Chopper

Let's Draw a Picture from

Pictionary

BGM Music from

Pat Riley Basketball

Random from

Kaboom JVC Stereo

History from

Railroad Tycoon

Board Styles from

The Games People Play

That was a lot to keep track of, and he was only level 16. Laszlo was level 50 by the time he finished the final temple with the other Chosen Heroes, giving Wayne a lot of room to grow yet. That was assuming, however, that he found more catalog pages. At present, he had only one more game to unlock from his current collection, a stockcar racing game called Days of Thunder.

He also had his party's progress to think about. He switched to the party menu enabled by his Four Score upgrade and reviewed the abilities for each of his companions, including the two new unlocks they earned just outside of the Water Temple.

Fergus' unlocks:

Class: Wizard

Light from

Ultima III

Flame from

Ultima III

Missile from

Ultima III

Repel from

Ultima III

Poison from

Ultima III

Rot from

Ultima III

Gra from

Phantasy Star II

Fanbi from

Phantasy Star II

Tsu from

Phantasy Star II

Gifoi from

Phantasy Star II

Freeze Please from

Tunnels & Trolls

Elemental Earth from

Tunnels & Trolls

Armond's unlocks:

Class: Cleric

Heal from

Ultima III

Undead from

Ultima III

Cure from

Ultima III

Deban from

Phantasy Star II

Ner from

Phantasy Star II

Nares from

Phantasy Star II

Shiza from

Phantasy Star II

Healing Feeling from

Phantasy Star II

Protective Pentagram from

Tunnels & Trolls

Hector's unlocks:

Class: Barbarian

Disarm from

Ultima III

Broad Axe from

Ultima III

Knife Boots from

Phantasy Star II

Nei Emel from

Phantasy Star II

Aegis Shield from

Phantasy Star II

Mirror Shield from

Phantasy Star II

Breaker Breaker from

Tunnels & Trolls

Zap Armor from

Tunnels & Trolls

Margo's unlocks:

Class: Rogue

Steal from

Ultima III

Disarm from

Ultima III

Bow from

Ultima III

Nei Emel from

Phantasy Star II

Doran from

Phantasy Star II

Prism from

Phantasy Star II

Laser Shot from

Phantasy Star II

Arrow Arrow from

Tunnels & Trolls

Hidey Hole from

Tunnels & Trolls

Wayne expressed silent gratitude that his party members were entirely self-sufficient. Managing the loadouts for every character in an RPG was more tedious than challenging in most cases, but he loathed the idea of having to micromanage real people to that degree.

A sharp whistle got Wayne's attention.

"Wayne," Fergus said as if repeating himself, "Hector asked how close we are to the next town."

"Sorry about that, Hector," Wayne replied. "If the terrain stays like this, we'll be in Vientuls in about half a day."

"Do we have business there?" Hector asked.

"Not really, but Laszlo the Paladin cleared a cockatrice nest and fell in love when he was there."

"Fell in love with a cockatrice?" Vanilli asked.

"No, to a woman."

"A difficult distinction to make, at times," Fergus said, smiling. Margo punched him in the shoulder.

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