Silence descended upon them and Su Wan was stunned to hear those words from Lin Yu's mouth. She didn't know how he knew about her past life, she looked at him shocked as ever until he cleared his throat and said somewhat embarrassingly " I h..heard it when you were telling it to my second brother, I didn't want to but I was worried and went to look for you and second brother and well, I ended up hearing everything because it was already too late for m..me to stop, so you can t..tell me e..everything"

Su Wan was a bit surprised at first but then she thought that she hasn't really tried to hide the fact that she transmigrated here so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that  Lin Yu heard her. She laughed out loud as she leaned against Lin Yu feeling both aggrieved and happy, it wasn't that she was trying to hide it from them but she didn't want to burden anyone with her pain " how much did you hear back then?"

Lin Yu pursed his lips and sullenly answered " I heard m..mostly everything that you had a good for nothing husband in that world and your f..father was a serial c…cheater who had an affair with y..your mom's best friend" Lin Yu didn't like what he heard back then not only because he was jealous of some other man having Su Wan as his wife but also because he couldn't string those two bastards by their intestine and hang them upside down on a tree. How dare they hurt Wan Wan? If he could go to that world he would have killed the two before they could even beg for mercy.

" Well yeah I did have a father and a good for nothing husband" hearing his sulky voice Su Wan laughed a little despite the dark swirls of emotions rising in her heart " other than those two, I also had a mother. She was nice, I mean as nice as she could act with her husband cheating left and right but then she sort of snapped I don't know when it happened though, maybe that makes me a bad daughter for not paying enough attention to her" she sighed as that familiar face flashed in front of her eyes and she closed them at once " she jumped off from the twenty-fourth floor of our building, right on my birthday- its sort of funny that she even prepared a birthday cake and feast before jumping off the window like I would have the appetite to eat chicken wings with her body broken like that. She didn't survive her fall, that was no surprise after all she jumped from such a height" she shook her head as the murmurs of the past once again hissed and whispered in her ears " what was surprising was that I didn't cry. I didn't shed a single tear throughout her funeral, maybe that's why she hasn't left me in peace after so many years"

She pulled back and looked at the wide-eyed expression of Lin Yu " I just had a nightmare about her, there is that.. now, I think you can leave right?"  She knew that after listening to her story he would try to comfort and calm her down, but that wasn't what she wanted from him, she wanted pain … any kind of pain that will make her feel alive. 

But that was not right, she couldn't hurt someone else because of her selfishness. Just because she wanted it doesn't mean Lin Yu wanted it too, right? The intimacy between husband and wife was all about ' them' not just ' me'. 

She turned around to leave before she said or did something that might hurt Lin Yu but just as she turned around he gripped her wrist " w..when I was a child, I was always bullied by Lin C..Che because I was d..different than him and the others. He was the big b..bully and I was just a w..weak kid that couldn't fight back. I would o..often complain to my brothers and they will help me beat Lin C..Che but then the kids from the village started calling me a cry baby. I wasn't a cry baby but-"  he paused leaning against her backs he whispered softly " But they called me one, things w..went out of control and one of the kids pushed me off the cliff. I lost my leg and almost my life but do you know what the villagers said when my mother went to complain to the parents of the kids who pushed me off?"

" What?" Su Wan didn't push him off when he wrapped his arms around her and simply let him lean on her, her temper was there, she was still seething with rage but she wasn't as volatile as before.

" They laughed" answered Lin Yu with a dark chuckle " They all laughed, s..saying that my mother was making a mountain out of m..molehill. I nearly l..lost my life and they said I was making the matter bigger than it was. My b..brothers tried to fight but in the end, they couldn't do anything because the villagers were big and strong and my brothers were all young and my mother was alone with so many kids to take care of, in the end, she gave u..up. Not b..because she wanted to but because she had no other choice. No one could  g..get me the j..justice that I de..deserved" his voice turned hoarse as he looked at Su Wan's nape and nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck " In the end, I t..took the matter in my own hand and one by one pushed the kids who were responsible for the i..incident from the same cliff, some died and some turned limp like me. Till d..date no one could find a thing that it was me who did it" 

Putting his arms on her shoulders, he whipped Su Wan around to look at him " do you despise me for this?"

Su Wan shook her head " No, I don't. How can I hate you for being you? And what you did might be wrong in the eyes of others but I think you did the right thing they deserved it."

Lin Yu grinned and tipped her chin up " You don't find me sick? Revolting? Freak?"

She shook her head again. 

" Then why don't you say what you want? Why are you getting away from me? Because I assure you that no matter what you have in your mind it can never be as sick a..as mine" 

Su Wan swallowed just as he took  her in his arms rocking her back and forth " say it, Wan Wan"

She leaned back and placed her mouth on his jawbone before biting hard. He stiffened but didn't let her go " Say it"

" I want you to f*ck all the bad memories that are circulating in my head.... I want you to make me forget my pain" she snapped as the truth burst out of her " there happy? Now let me go before you call me abnormal for wanting more pain when I should be asking for cuddles."

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