How Can Somewhere Without Joy Be Better than the Imperial Household?

Bai Lian sounded sure and believed my deduction was reasonable. “Shifu did mention he had no other disciples, but he had a decently-skilled, sly, unscrupulous, and unreliable nephew,” she said before giving me a glance and carefully asking, “What… do you think?”

Don’t say it out loud if you’re worried about my feelings! What’s with that “I just happened to find the right answer and what to brag about it” look?! Is that what you think of me?! Don’t act innocent! You got more and more into it as you spoke about it!

“That’s too little information to tell, right?”

Bai Lian wagged her small hand and then calmly, surely, and smugly, replied, “He also said his nephew is ugly.”

“… Okay, that’s not my uncle.”

“Eh? He also mentioned he has a senior who’s incredibly handsome, heads and shoulders above anyone else in martial arts, unbelievably smart, incredibly popular with women, and rich. He also said his senior travels a lot, and is smooth and slick. Doesn’t that sound like your shifu?”

“Stop! Stop digging! That’s called irrefutable evidence, okay?! What did my appearance have anything to do with it?! How did my shifu not come to mind first when you know so many details! Why did ‘an ugly nephew’ come to mind first?! That wasn’t a deduction; I was the first person you thought of when you thought about ugly, wasn’t I?!”

“Why would I have thought of you first when there are thousands upon thousands of ugly people in the world? The two traits were ugly and knew martial arts. I wouldn’t have thought of you if I didn’t combine them.”

“You still shouldn’t have thought of me if you combined them! By your logic, I’m the ugliest freak in the martial world, aren’t I?!”

Don’t act like you just realised it! You might as well outright nod!

“Mm, mm, your description matches my shifu in every way, especially him aiding people even when he is indifferent to all affairs. He also mentioned he used to be a fiery character but calmed down as he aged, eventually becoming the man he is now.”

She’s acting like she forgot about all the insults directed at me. Is disparaging me as natural as breathing to her, and so confirmation is needless? Or would it be more accurate to say hitting me would be more natural to her?

“Why are you spacing out when you’re the one who asked me to think?” Bai Lian clocked me over the head.

I knew it. She wanted to hit me.

“If you’re truly my uncle’s disciple, doesn’t that make me…”

Bai Lian froze for a second, then curled her lips when she caught up to my thoughts. “You’re not my senior brother! I refuse!”

What’s this? Do I have myself a tsundere junior sister all of a sudden?

Mount Daluo had very few female disciples. Though we had branch female disciples, we weren’t exactly close. The closest we were was addressing each other by name. I always thought it was uncharacteristic of Shifu to not have any female disciples besides Xia’er, but I eventually understood it would’ve been too hard to commit crimes of indecency under my shiniangs’ watchful eyes. Of course, they could’ve forbade him from taking on female disciples, as well.

Xia’er was basically a younger sister to me. Young Shiyi was the only other girl I took care of, so I never had any female juniors call me “Senior Brother”. Moreover, Bai Lian’s voice was sweet, so I was really curious how it’d feel.

“I refuse!” Bai Lian pre-emptively struck before I could even say anything. “Are you some sort of pervert?! You want to hear me call you… I refuse! Lord Zi, we are leaving!”

I wanted to talk a while longer, but it was getting late.

Uncle Wushan was the most similar to Shifu in his generation – in the sense that he always surprised you with his decisions. It was unlikely he would hide his disciple from Shifu considering how much he respected Shifu. Moreover, what he taught Bai Lian couldn’t have been something he spontaneously created; it was clear that it was bespoke. I had a suspicion that not even Uncle Wushan himself fully grasped what he taught her.

I had a feeling that Bai Lian’s internal discipline’s mental cultivation was familiar, but I couldn’t form a skeleton of it. My only option was to ask Uncle Wushang myself when I saw him again. It was just that several weird things that cropped up recently all involved Mount Daluo, which made me feel uneasy. The moon and stars in the north were hard to see, making me feel even more uneasy.

“Shifu! I’m done training!” Lord Zi came over to bid me farewell.

Lord Zi was drenched in sweat. After all, he assiduously trained the entire time I conversed with Bai Lian. Bai Lian wanted to change his clothes for him, but the kid, with red cheeks, shook his head and proclaimed he was old enough to change by himself and forbade her from looking.

“Shifu, I have to go now. I will visit you again.”

Imitating the respectable teachers out there, I nodded. “Remember what you practiced today?”

“I do! I am just not very fluid yet. I will show you my progress next time!”

You don’t need to show me. I won’t even remember them by then.

“Lord Zi, it is cold at night. Drape this on.”

Since Bai Lian didn’t strip him, Zizi obeyed. “Shifu, when will I get to see you again?”

“If you want to see me, just come to Liu Shan Men.”

“Shifu!”

“Zizi!”

“This is preposterous. You think anyone can be a Prince’s teacher? If you’re not worried His Majesty will punish you, agree a few more times.”

“I didn’t thoughtlessly agree.” I took out the imperial decree I had in my shirt and waved it around in front of Bai Lian.

“His Majesty is instating you as a Prince’s teacher?!” Bai Lian lowered the decree. “What can you teach? Besides having somewhat decent internal energy, what else can you teach?” she asked, then pointed to Lord Zi.

Lord Zi didn’t like what he heard, but he didn’t want to argue with his favourite sister, so he pouted his lips, inwardly promising himself to practice diligently and show her how good his shifu was.

I couldn’t be bothered arguing, either, so I smiled it off. “His Majesty is willing to trust me, though. What can I do?”

“You better tread carefully. None of the Princes are people you want to be on the bad side of.”

Bai Lian’s knitted brows indicated she knew about the Princes’ ways. I should’ve expected as much from the general manager of the inner palace.

“I’m still alive. Relax.”

The assassin is still alive, too.

After I filled Bai Lian in on Blue Princes’ assassination attempt, she exclaimed, “Feng Qizhi?! He’s one of Feng Clan’s best swordsmen. Are you all right?”𝙗𝙚𝙙𝒏𝙤𝒗𝒆𝒍．𝒄𝙤𝙢

“If he’s one of their best, then may heaven have mercy on them. He’s just an overgrown idiot. He was easy work.”

By Bai Lian’s standards, we had through a crisis together. Therefore, she was familiar with my ways and level.

“Don’t go thinking that’ll be enough to deal with them. They don’t necessarily have to hire someone famous. What if they unknown faces?”

Uh, I think I killed a few of them?

“What if they hire a group to attack you in waves?”

Wawa turned one into her maid. Uncle Huang gave earfuls to a group of them.

“What if they poison your food or some other voodoo methods?”

Oh, I know to be wary about that! I’ve quit tangyuan!

“There’s also League of Assassins.”

Nah, I’m more professional than they are. One of them is stuck with fermented vegetables right now. He won’t be a threat.

“What if a highly-skilled adept comes for you?”

That’s why I recruited one to take care of administrative tasks for me. I think I can return to work soon.

“You’re walking a risky tightrope!”

I beg to differ.

“How about this.” Bai Lian pushed Zizi over to me. “Why don’t you take Lord Zi as your student. Once you have settled on a Prince, the other Princes won’t try to assassinate you anymore.”

I already considered that. Zizi would be a lot less trouble than the other Princes. He was smart and pure. In addition, he was the son of a friend. I just didn’t want to use the decree so soon when it was my life insurance, so I refused with a smile.

“Shifu! Why don’t you want me?!”

“Do I need a decree to teach you martial arts? Just report in.”

“You have to keep your promise! You have to teach me!”

“I will. I will. Just come and ask for me.”

Bai Lian, still worried to death for me, kept her brows together.

“It’s getting late. I’ll hang out with you two another d-”

“Wait!” Bai Lian paused to think, then declared, “I have an idea!”

I… have a bad feeling about this.

“We’ll… move in to Liu Shan Men with you!”

… I knew my intuition was right!

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